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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go on Holiday without DH?

276 replies

kravestix · 31/07/2021 12:50

DH isn't interested in hot places, long flights, beaches, etc. He also isn't prepared to holiday without his kids. That's fair enough. We can't afford to take them. So if he doesn't want to go without them then I get that completely but I still want to go! We also have a DS who is 3. When he's older, I'd be quite happy to take DS on Holiday just the two of us but at the moment I think he's a bit young and it wouldn't be enjoyable for me as the only adult looking after him without a break.

So, I was thinking, until DS is a bit older, I could just go on holiday on my own without DH. Then when DS is older he can come with me too.

Would you do that? AIBU to do it? Would it be safe? I want to go to places like Croatia, Mauritius, Norway, Thailand, etc. It would certainly be cheaper just going on my own!

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 31/07/2021 13:39

If it was personal money it would be different but if family money then i would think personally it was very selfish for one person or one child only to benefit using it for a holiday when no one else was getting one. If you can afford to go abroad then you can afford to take the children even if it means waiting a little longer.

Jerseygirl12 · 31/07/2021 13:40

Slipperfairy do you do that in addition to a family holiday or as your only holiday of the year?

Gardenwalldilema · 31/07/2021 13:42

Seems a bit one sided that you'd fuck off to Thailand for a few weeks on your own, unless you DP had the money and opportunity to take his dc away for equal time / cost.
Most people accept that when they have young dc holidays are not actually holidays for the adult. If you and DP always had such mismatched ideas what did you do before?

BluebellsGreenbells · 31/07/2021 13:42

Dh is free to do the same, if he can be arsed

This exactly!!

Life’s too short. I’ve had some fab holidays with the kids and they’ve enjoyed the sun and swimming pools. We live near a beach so aren’t that fussed.

But being free to run about and have some quality time is worth the effort.

I alway pack lightly so easy to carry - give them a backpack with their own essentials and just rinse their swimsuit and hang the towels out to dry. They only need a few T-shirts’ and shorts.

Book night time babysitter as well, some sites let you do this so you can go and eat and read a book whilst they’re in bed. Others offer room service.

Last one had entertainment you could watch/hear from the balconies and lots of families sat out to enjoy!

Original poster
kravestix · 31/07/2021 13:50

@Gardenwalldilema

Seems a bit one sided that you'd fuck off to Thailand for a few weeks on your own, unless you DP had the money and opportunity to take his dc away for equal time / cost. Most people accept that when they have young dc holidays are not actually holidays for the adult. If you and DP always had such mismatched ideas what did you do before?
We couldn't afford to go before. We've only been on one holiday together, DH and I. And it involved some very heavy compromising on my part.
OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 31/07/2021 13:51

Op hasn't said her DH doesn't want to go away, just that they like different things and he wants to take his DC as well. Therefore if she is using family money she should only use half of what is available and the other half should be for DH to do as he wishes.

OhGiveUp · 31/07/2021 13:53

Go for it.
I used to go on holiday with my friends, or go home to see my family while my husband looked after the kids.
I still do, though the kids are adults now.
You're a parent, not a prisoner.

Original poster
kravestix · 31/07/2021 13:53

@freelions

Mmmmm, so as a family you can't afford to go on a holiday which includes your DH's kids but you can afford to go to Mauritius, Thailand or Norway alone?

I can understand why you would love a holiday OP but none of us know the ins and outs of you and your DH's finances so it is not really for us to say whether you are being reasonable or not

I'm not actually sure I can afford to go to those places yet! I need to have a look. It'll probably end up being somewhere like Croatia or Greece though. There's 7 of us including all DHs kids. That's a lot more than just 1 of me!
OP posts:
newnortherner111 · 31/07/2021 13:57

I would not go this year, because of the possibility that the place you choose will impose quarantine restrictions at short notice, or the UK government do likewise (or what has been done for those returning from France because they all failed Geography at school).

I think you should wait until DS is older.

Original poster
kravestix · 31/07/2021 13:58

@newnortherner111

I would not go this year, because of the possibility that the place you choose will impose quarantine restrictions at short notice, or the UK government do likewise (or what has been done for those returning from France because they all failed Geography at school).

I think you should wait until DS is older.

No, I was thinking of June or July next year.
OP posts:
1forAll74 · 31/07/2021 13:59

I wouldn't leave anyone behind regarding a holiday when you have a child, it's a family holiday, and I wouldn't be thinking about the so called Me time thing.

Ponoka7 · 31/07/2021 13:59

I say go. I went on holidays alone, I still do. My DD does, I have her children. My only regret Is not doing more holidays when I had better energy levels and could drink. I was Widowed in my 30's, sometimes there isn't always time to do what you want.

pinkcircustop · 31/07/2021 14:00

I think YABU. You’re being selfish and all me me me. You’re not a single woman, you have a family.

GingerBrod · 31/07/2021 14:03

I've gone on solo trips without DP and so has he. He has a list of places he wants to visit that I have absolutely no interest in, so he'll be doing those alone. I think it's fine! You're supposed to enjoy yourself in holiday, there's no point in dragging along people who don't want to be there.

Skyechasemarshalontheway · 31/07/2021 14:05

Go have fun, kids won't care mummy/daddy has went away for a few days or a week if someone is there to take care of them. I left my kids and husband home for 6 days a few months back and when i came home none of them acted like it was a big deal i had went. My husband is doing the same in September for 5 days we all deserve to do something we want to and a nice break can do everyone the world of good.

About child clubs check the ages sometimes there's a minimum age a child can be left if you did take him.

ZenNudist · 31/07/2021 14:06

Seems like a mumsnet double standard. If a guy wanted to use family money and bugger off on holiday alone leaving wife at home looking after the dc they'd get flamed.

Also not unreasonable that a dad wants to holiday with all his children. It's one of those quirks of step families where splitting up families for holidays is seen as possible if not very nice.

In a family where its just mum dad and 3 dc then the plan would be to save towards a holiday for all that suits all.

I feel your pain as dh and I have different ideas of what makes a good holiday but we don't go off alone and do our own thing.we either compromise or find something we both like.

Viviennemary · 31/07/2021 14:07

No. It eould bd thd beginning of the end. You might as well split up now.

Forstarters · 31/07/2021 14:10

What does your husband like to do? Sounds a dullard and like you have different outlooks on life perhaps?

Of course you should go though. On your deathbed you’re not going to be glad you didn’t explore the world because of an unadventurous partner.

vivainsomnia · 31/07/2021 14:10

It's nothing to do with us. If your OH is happy that the money, whether your disposable or joint money is spent on a solo fun holiday, whilst he looks after all the kids, whatever extra work that entails, then it's not an issue.

If however if he isn't happy, he has good reasons to feel so. You ignoring it because some MNs who don't know anything about your situation say it's absolutely fine to do so, is just being selfish.

MargosKaftan · 31/07/2021 14:13

Oh go.

Mark Warner, Neilson and TUI do kids clubs where you drop them off and pick up at set times so get time to yourself.

When you have blended families, there will be different experiences, the DSC will get to do things with their mum and her family, why should you and your DS miss out because DH doesn't want to do the fun stuff ?

Make the most of next year being able to go outside of school holidays.

Is there someone like your mum you could go with?

Wriggleon · 31/07/2021 14:13

I go away with friends and leave dc with dp and he's not even their father! We do trips together too and dp has just come back from a trip himself. I would compromise by doing a family trip, camping or something, go on a trip by yourself and offer the same to your partner, if he doesn't take the offer up that's his outlook

FunTimes2020 · 31/07/2021 14:14

@happytoday73

Why do you think your DC won't notice because he is 3?
Exactly. It's a bizarre comment.
Cheeseandlobster · 31/07/2021 14:14

@pinkcircustop

I think YABU. You’re being selfish and all me me me. You’re not a single woman, you have a family.
Hello 1950's. Why should the op miss out on some wonderful experiences because her husband isn't interested? As long as he gets to have similar money or time to do something he wants and that her ds gets to come when he is older then that's fine. I think holidays with kids are nicer when they are over 5 and they seem to get more from them too
LakeShoreD · 31/07/2021 14:19

I’m normally all for solo trips away but I think it would be selfish if this is family money and there’s not enough money to take the entire family away. I’d save up so you can go away all 7 of you in a couple of years time, not blow the money on something just for you. I would definitely take the time for you though whether that’s staying with a friend for a weekend or something, just that going to Mauritius isn’t on. If this is just your money though and not from the family pot then crack on and have a good time!

BluebellsGreenbells · 31/07/2021 14:22

I wouldn't leave anyone behind regarding a holiday when you have a child, it's a family holiday, and I wouldn't be thinking about the so called Me time thing

Families are all different. People are different.

Just because you are married doesn’t mean you have to do everything together and it’s even healthy to do different things.

For example, you can still go on all girls holidays! Yes it’s a thing! You can go to work parties. You aren’t joined at the hip!!

It’s allowed.