Aibu to think that parents who stare at their phone and completely blank their children are a bit shit really.

[gingganggooleywotsit]

Ok I am being judgey and I know I’m only seeing a snapshot of someone’s life but it’s really upsetting me. I’ve been sitting in a coffee shop for a couple of hours doing a bit of work and there is a couple there with a 5 year old boy and they are literally glued to their phones. He’s having to hit them round the head practically to get them to look at him. He has nothing to play with keeps nearly running in the traffic and they will not look up from their phones. Little boy looks really upset. Yeah they might be working too I’ve been there wiith my kids but give the boy something to do or at least make eye contact occasionally! It’s like he’s invisible. 😞

There's a thread running here atm about how working class families are far more likely to have run-ins with social services for behaviour which would be tolerated in middle class ones.

Agree with this, it plays out in the media frequently.

Take Madeline McCain for instance - her parents got hardly any stick purely because they were doctors.

Had it have been a working class factory worker and cleaner, they'd have never loved it down.

Disgusting how money/class can change peoples judgement of one another

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4311699-to-think-that-middle-class-parents-get-away-with-murder

This one.

I do think there's a big class element to the modern day neurosis about going on your phone. Similar to the way previous generations over-reacted to their kids watching TV and going way back hand-wringing about young women reading too many novels.

Of course its addictive and done too much is antisocial but intrinsically its no different from anything else that people do which takes their focus. But because its ubiquitous its seen as an unacceptable form of distraction.

Things were much better in the Seventies when nobody judged your parenting because they couldn't see your kids sitting in the back seat of the car in the pub car park with a can of pop and some crisps while you were drinking in the pub.

Oh, the good old days...

@EmmaOvary

Things were much better in the Seventies when nobody judged your parenting because they couldn't see your kids sitting in the back seat of the car in the pub car park with a can of pop and some crisps while you were drinking in the pub.

Oh, the good old days...

😂

For those posters who think that it’s okay to judge parents as shitty parents over a tiny snapshot of their day, have you considered that you might be hurting that child when you look at their parents with contempt or shake your head in disapproval or scowl at them or stare at them?

There have been times where my child has noticed people judging me harshly, judging other parents harshly, tut tutting and making their disapproval blatantly obvious to everyone around them. It upsets my dd. She loves me and I love her. She has told me that those people must be bad people.

This parent shaming, attacking parents, undermining them and writing them off as shitty is distressing and damaging to the children. And I really can’t abide by it.

There is a real cultural shift towards parent shaming that is really not about helping or protecting children at all because it achieves the complete opposite.

Look up the "still face" experiment and you can then see what not looking at your child when they want your attention does to them.

It's different you working at home and them being off playing but them sitting bored in a coffee shop whilst you are on your phone teaches poor social skills.

Also the number of people that are surprised their child "misbehaves" when ignored is unbelievable.

Finally I think it's really sad that people are not watching their child lay at the park and interacting with them. Yes you may be tired but you are showing your child you are not interested.

@Spanielstail my kids are 5 and 9, I take them to the park often and we often stay for 4/5 hours. Am I supposed to be staring and grinning at them for those 5 hours? Or getting involved in their playtime? They'd absolutely hate that! I mostly go on my phone and read my book and check regularly that they haven't broken their necks. I'm sure it's all very distressing for them 😂 OR they will see me relaxing enjoying myself and realise how important that is too

@Spanielstail

Look up the "still face" experiment and you can then see what not looking at your child when they want your attention does to them.

It's different you working at home and them being off playing but them sitting bored in a coffee shop whilst you are on your phone teaches poor social skills.

Also the number of people that are surprised their child "misbehaves" when ignored is unbelievable.

Finally I think it's really sad that people are not watching their child lay at the park and interacting with them. Yes you may be tired but you are showing your child you are not interested.

Err.... with regards to the last paragraph...No you're encouraging independent play. It's not absolutely essential that you interact with them in every single activity.

They shouldn't be playing because you're interested. They should be playing because they want to play. There's absolutely no need to be interacting with them every single moment of the day.

How often do you take your kids to the park? We used to go pretty much every day, sometimes twice....some days we spent all day "parking". We'd go to three or four different ones in a day.

[quote FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]@Spanielstail my kids are 5 and 9, I take them to the park often and we often stay for 4/5 hours. Am I supposed to be staring and grinning at them for those 5 hours? Or getting involved in their playtime? They'd absolutely hate that! I mostly go on my phone and read my book and check regularly that they haven't broken their necks. I'm sure it's all very distressing for them 😂 OR they will see me relaxing enjoying myself and realise how important that is too[/quote]
You, of COURSE should be going "wow where, what a big jump!" And "Ooh, look a ship, shall we pretend to be pirates?" And lead a pirate raid to the climbing frame

Otherwise...do you even love your kids?

@00100001 🤣🤣🤣

If I did try and doing Perfect Mummy Interaction withmy 9yo in the park, she would likely do the whole "mum, could you PLEASE stop embarrassing me" chat which seems to becoming more and more common these days

When do these Perfect Parents stop the 100% focussed interacting? When their kids are 13? 18? 30?

@Spanielstail Finally I think it's really sad that people are not watching their child lay at the park and interacting with them. Yes you may be tired but you are showing your child you are not interested.

Really? Maybe you should read a bit about how helicopter parenting is interfering with children’s development and learning.

Children not being able to play at the playground with their peers without an adult taking over or directing their play is sad. Are children only allowed to have that freedom in the school playground on their lunch break?

I’m so glad that I grew up in an era where parents weren’t pressured to hover over their kids and engage in performance parenting.

We got to have real and genuine relationships with our parents without judgmental busybodies trying to dictate how we should interact. So sad for kids today growing up in a society of bullies.

@00100001

No absolutely not interfering but just watching them from a distance so they know you are interested. It's much more subconscious that you all took it.

It's MN bingo as usual on this thread,

either you are a helicopter parent suffocating your kids with performance parenting,

or you are a neglectful selfish lazy parent,

Thankfully in the real world, most parents manage to find a healthy middle ground. Telling the judgemental interfering busy bodies to fuck off is allowed.

@Spanielstail

No absolutely not interfering but just watching them from a distance so they know you are interested. It's much more subconscious that you all took it.

But why do you have to be interested? Why do they need your validation when playing on a slide?

Finally I think it's really sad that people are not watching their child lay at the park and interacting with them. Yes you may be tired but you are showing your child you are not interest

Or you tell them ‘Mummy’s tired so she’s going to sit on this bench and read her book/sort out the admin/do some work while you play’.

Why should parents have to pretend to find it interesting watching their kids in a playground? Does that mean if they go with a friend and the adults sit and chat (instead of watching and cooing over the kids on the slide/rope ladder/swing) the parents come across as not interested in the playing?

Children want to play, they don’t need adults to show constant interest in their games to enjoy playing.

@Spanielstail

No absolutely not interfering but just watching them from a distance so they know you are interested. It's much more subconscious that you all took it.

So parents can't tear their eyes away for one second? What if a mum needs the look or needs to feed her baby? Should she just piss herself lest her children feel neglected?

What children actually value most is park/soft play situations is security. Where's mummy? She's over there - I'm safe and free to play. It makes little difference to a child what she is doing as long as she is present and there in case they hurt themselves or get picked on etc

I love my dc but I also love to read, crochet, play a musical instrument, engage in adult conversations, and do stuff on my phone like reading and posting on mumsnet, reading the news, interesting articles or facts, reading books or short story competitions or playing puzzles etc. My dc enjoys activities where she’s not looking at me or giving me undivided attention too. We both feel loved.

Sometimes at the playground I chat with other parents, sometimes l’m on my phone, sometimes I read a book, sometimes I play with dd. Each of these are snapshots of the same parent.

Kids will ask for attention if they want it. 'Look at me go down this slide' etc. Jesus, the rest of the time, they're fine doing independent play. It's an important skill to learn. They need to learn how to interact with toys and other kids without a parent wittering away and instructing. And it's OK FOR PARENTS TO HAVE A BREAK

"Finally I think it's really sad that people are not watching their child lay at the park and interacting with them. Yes you may be tired but you are showing your child you are not interest"

I would love to have been able to take non NT ds to a park without following him round and watching his every move.

Some of you perfect parents are really creating a rod for your own back.

The worst thing you can do is mollycoddle and spoil your DC. So what if they are not interacted with for every second of the day. Maybe they will learn some life skills.

No wonder many modern mums are bloody knackered and fed up. Expected to climb the greasy career pole, be perfect wife, have perfect Instagram lifestyle, and now we can’t even chill and look at our phones for 5 minutes while our kids are at the park.
Ffs

@SummerLovingHadMeABlast

Some of you perfect parents are really creating a rod for your own back.

The worst thing you can do is mollycoddle and spoil your DC. So what if they are not interacted with for every second of the day. Maybe they will learn some life skills.

I agree with this.

They'll be the same posters moaning come the teenage years that their kids don't see them as people

@LaraDecouvrie

No wonder many modern mums are bloody knackered and fed up. Expected to climb the greasy career pole, be perfect wife, have perfect Instagram lifestyle, and now we can’t even chill and look at our phones for 5 minutes while our kids are at the park. Ffs

Exactly