To have just thrown a tantrum

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

I am 32 weeks pregnant, bored of it and uncomfortable, and I’m not normally known for being easygoing as it is, but Christ the red mist that just descended. I don’t even know why really.

We had our passports out to send to mortgage guy. DH commented I had 9 months left on mine and would probably need a new one before I traveled abroad again. I said I wouldn’t and I could travel abroad anytime I want in the next nine months. He reminded me about the baby and about covid. I said ‘what so I can’t even go to fucking Paris on the Eurostar just because I have a baby?!’

He’s such a reasonable person that it just made it worse, I screamed that I hated everything, actually stamped my foot , he made a hasty retreat and said he was going out for a fry up, and I kicked his trainers around the room because he can’t ever fucking put them away and blasted System of a Down.

It’s a proper full on teenage rage tantrum.

(This is lighthearted and DH is not trapped in an abusive marriage and will enjoy fry up until I’m calm enough for him to return)

Make me feel better. Have you ever had a proper tantrum as an adult? (Is ‘throwing a wobbly’ an offensive term these days?!)

People" saying pregnancy is not an illness doesn't mean its not a huge strain on the mind and body.

It’s a perfectly normal process. You sound like Jane Austen character.

Even a “perfectly normal process” can put huge strain on the body and mind, @Blossomtoes.

For example - childbirth has been known to sting a bit, and bad experiences in labour can and do cause long term psychological issues.

Pregnancy, whilst a normal process can and does involve physical and mental stress for women, even when it is free from complications.

Minimising things, in the way you have done, does women no favours - we need to be honest about the physical and mental issues that can come up during pregnancy, labour and in the post-natal period, so that women and their obstetricians and midwives can be on the look out for them, and treat them appropriately. We don’t get this by denying that these problems even exist.

Please don’t patronise me @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius. Your generation didn’t invent pregnancy. Women have been having babies for millennia - and making considerably less fuss about it.

Oooh. We have an "oven" fight instead of "bun" fight today 😁

Jk

Pregnancy is not an illness and shouldn't be used as an excuse to behave so badly.
You are right to apologise.
Stamping your foot?

My generation, @Blossomtoes? How young do you think I am?

I gave birth in the last century, and am heading towards my 60s - though maybe I should be flattered that you think I’m a youngster!

And even if I was one of the despised younger generation, that doesn’t change the fact that something being a “natural process” doesn’t guarantee it being painless and stress-free!

Even a “perfectly normal process” can put huge strain on the body and mind

Of course it can. That's why we have perinatal mental health teams (for the mind aspect).

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

I couldn't agree more with your posts.

Perhaps that’s the issue - of course it’s not painfree and anyone who thinks it’s going to be is deluded.

Men are handed this lovely baby like a Sunday roast they haven't even had to peel the potatoes for

Hahahaha

Jesus

For example - childbirth has been known to sting a bit, and bad experiences in labour can and do cause long term psychological issues.

Awfully funny to hear a not mum say that childbirth can sting a bit
And wow we ought (not ) listen to her

She either was under influence or she is dishonest

She was being tongue in cheek when she said it, @Tiana4.

Clearly that did not translate from the written word.

And can you suggest how I should break it to my children that they don’t exist?

@Tiana4

Hahahaha

Jesus

For example - childbirth has been known to sting a bit, and bad experiences in labour can and do cause long term psychological issues.

Awfully funny to hear a not mum say that childbirth can sting a bit
And wow we ought (not ) listen to her

She either was under influence or she is dishonest

Wow, you are really obtuse.

OP just forget it. It's not really an issue (as long as your OH doesn't think so). However, the PP who punched a wall and tried to spit - I would genuinely leave my OH over this. I couldn't imagine ever doing anything as disrespectful as spitting at my partner and there is absolutely no excuse for it. Disgusting behaviour.

@Plump82

I cant believe you admitted to this behaviour tbh.

Yes, me too.

I dont get me started on "I'm xx weeks pregnant" just say you're pregnant (not that it matters TBH)

@Tiana4

Hahahaha

Jesus

For example - childbirth has been known to sting a bit, and bad experiences in labour can and do cause long term psychological issues.

Awfully funny to hear a not mum say that childbirth can sting a bit
And wow we ought (not ) listen to her

She either was under influence or she is dishonest

Sarcasm

Whoooosh

Oh dear some things need to be done next

1. Apologise to your husband
2. Renew your passport if you want to travel

Hormonal rage is a thing, I get it. I was just a emotional crying type of pregnant women. I remember crying at like 20ish weeks for far too long because my cat caught a bitterly and killed it 🤦🏻‍♀️

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

Mental health issues can be an issue pre-and post-natally. Women who have these problems should be able to access appropriate support. Unfortunately, that’s not always as easy as we’d like.

But that’s not really what is the issue here, based on what OP said, is it? OP unreasonably lost her temper over something really quite minor (and something which she was incorrect about). This led to her being pretty rude to her partner as a result, so much so that he thought it best to go out for breakfast to give her time to cool off. She’s then tried to blame it all on “being pregnant” as though that makes her behaviour mildly amusing (I am just so hormonal, I can’t help myself!) or being pregnant is carte Blanche to behave badly. It isn’t, or shouldn’t be. Even if she was anxious or depressed or stressed, it’s still not ok- might be a reason, but not an excuse.

We can’t argue any actions which result in a pregnant woman being treated differently is discrimination; that pregnant women are perfectly capable and not ruled by hormones etc, then argue in the next breath that pregnancy is a “get out of jail free card” for every incidence of unreasonable/ unacceptable/ slightly daft behaviour.

Of course allowances for mental health problems are needed whether pregnant or not, and yes some pregnant women will have pre-existing mental health problems or develop them during pregnancy, meaning they will need extra support. But, we do need to stop using “I’m hormonal” or “I’m pregnant” as an excuse for this sort of behaviour. Especially as we’d be outraged if a someone (especially a man) implied that a woman being angry/annoyed or upset by something must be because it’s “ that time of the month” or similar. It’s no different.

If a woman posted on MN that her partner had behaved like OP did, he’d be roundly criticised.

OP declaring her situation to be 'lighthearted' does not make it so.

I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship where the other person frequently declared their outrageous behaviour to be 'lighthearted' 'funny' excusable because of the situation and then point to some good thing I'd had in my life like a 'fry up' as proof that I was fine and my life was lovely and I had no cause to feel mistreated.

I'm not saying OP is abusive.

But I take issue with OP saying it's a mockery of actual abuse to criticise her.

OP, abuse is a complex spectrum of behaviour. And I promise you that shouting, damaging the other persons property, negating their feelings, flying off the handle at small unpredictable things is abusive behaviour, especially if it becomes a pattern.

I hope your partner finds it funny and sees it as a genuinely once off occurrence and the product of physical exhaustion.

@jacks11 - my comments about mental health issues during and after pregnancy were addressed to a poster who said that pregnancy was a perfectly normal condition - I was trying to demonstrate that even a perfectly natural condition can come with stressful physical and mental issues.

So what I said was not directly relevant to the OP, but was meant to be part of the ongoing conversation.

I listened to a lot of System of a down on my daily commute when pregnant- it really helped release some hormonal rage!

Apart from the time i mixed it up and listened to ‘my girl’ and just sobbed the whole drive (even after I turned the song off!)

And I genuinely feel for your husband. He seems like a decent bloke and deserves better.

Poor op, those hormones are a riot aren't they? I went to my gp when I was 8 months pregnant and I had what I thought was a bad cough and only phoned up to ask if I could take x, y and z (already on meds so they told me to check everything with them). I felt grotty, snivelling nose, blocked sinus etc and the lovely GP asked me "What's ailing you then Clever?" ... and I burst into tears for 15 minutes he was bloody lovely about it and even discovered I had a chest infection.