To have just thrown a tantrum

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

I am 32 weeks pregnant, bored of it and uncomfortable, and I’m not normally known for being easygoing as it is, but Christ the red mist that just descended. I don’t even know why really.

We had our passports out to send to mortgage guy. DH commented I had 9 months left on mine and would probably need a new one before I traveled abroad again. I said I wouldn’t and I could travel abroad anytime I want in the next nine months. He reminded me about the baby and about covid. I said ‘what so I can’t even go to fucking Paris on the Eurostar just because I have a baby?!’

He’s such a reasonable person that it just made it worse, I screamed that I hated everything, actually stamped my foot , he made a hasty retreat and said he was going out for a fry up, and I kicked his trainers around the room because he can’t ever fucking put them away and blasted System of a Down.

It’s a proper full on teenage rage tantrum.

(This is lighthearted and DH is not trapped in an abusive marriage and will enjoy fry up until I’m calm enough for him to return)

Make me feel better. Have you ever had a proper tantrum as an adult? (Is ‘throwing a wobbly’ an offensive term these days?!)

[FortVictoria]

No apologies necessary, OP. You are pregnant and hormonal and it’s quite normal to get completely outraged at things that wouldn’t normally bother you.

Two pieces of advice given to us when I was pregnant:
1/ To me, from a very well mannered, posh mother of one of my friends, “It’s the only time in your life when you can behave outrageously without feeling guilty.”
2/ To DH, from a family friend, “Mate. I’ve been through this three times, with two different partners, and it’s always the same. Keep your head down, and try to agree with everything she says.”

Both excellent pieces of advice! It is completely normal to throw tantrums whilst pregnant. Love the poster who said you were doing him a favour as you are preparing him for the toddler years. Too true! And whilst I admire the posters who always behaved correctly, it’s clear from many other posts that pregnancy isn’t like that for everyone. You have unfamiliar hormones raging through you, and your sub conscious is dealing with the fact that your life is about to change immensely - hence the anger at not being able to fly somewhere fab at the drop of a hat. Be kind to yourself - this behaviour is completely normal!!

[FortVictoria]

@Tiana4

I have 3 DCs and lost 4 more t pregnancy, including two very late miscarriages (not quite grown enough to be considered still births, but it felt the same.)

After I lost my third (at 21 weeks), I got home from hospital and within 4 hours, I decided to be useful and tidy the bookshelves (of children books) into a semblance of colour size and age order.

I got very frustrated and accidentally pulled about 10 books down onto myself whilst trying to reach up. I sat on the floor shouted in rage (a tantrum) that the world was fking unfair and sobbed the noisiest animal pain. I threw a couple of (paperback books) against the wall (less than half a meter and nowhere near anyone else) in disgust. It was entirely hormonally & grief / emotional triggered as I am usually extremely calm.

I've been known to occasionally flounce out of the room saying "leave me alone" when I'm heavily pregnant, in pain , scared and overtired, accompanied by a growl if I'm followed that "no one should speak to me as I'm in a BAD mood!!" It lasts about 30 mins of me walking around the garden giving myself a "talking to"

I hate it when people leave their shoes trainers or stuff in the middle of the floor as I trip over them, being unable to see beyond my preg bump.

I totally get the mini tantrum thing. My DCs have had a few tantrums over the years - although they are amazing kind DCs who do well at school. I understand and love them but also try to help them find a way to physically or verbally express themselves and their natural anger or frustration at unfairness at things in life.

Everyone lets off steam at times. And everyone needs to be free to express anger and life's frustration . Those that say you should bottle it up are unrealistic. It's far healthier to express it safely

This is one of the times I wish MN had a “like” button. Beautifully said.

[ThreeWitches]

@Rudeppl

And I genuinely feel for your husband. He seems like a decent bloke and deserves better.

Oh, shut up 😂😭

[Kittykat93]

@casualnamechange

It’s absolutely insane that a PP has suggested that your husband should “get you some treats” in response to your behaviour.

Fine, hormones are terrible and it’s not a huge deal but the idea that he should reward you for this is laughable.

This.

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

@Rudeppl

You sound mental.

Wow.

[EarringsandLipstick]

It is completely normal to throw tantrums whilst pregnant

It really really isn't. And those pieces of advice FortVictoria passed on made me 🤮

It's really disappointing that MH issues that unfortunately some women will experience - prenatal / postnatal - have been conflated with poor behaviour.

Sure hormones affect us & the stories of posters crying about something that wouldn't normally bother them reflects that. Equally feeling irritated or annoyed when they don't usually.

That's not the same as losing the plot & having an unwarranted tantrum. I don't really mean OP who recognises that this wasn't great & has sorted it with her DH. But some of the other nearly boastful stories are dreadful. Pregnancy is not an excuse for bad behaviour.

It is also unfair to those who are suffering from PND (both pre / post) to conflate these issues.

[AnnaBellaCruella]

OP I hope you’ve recovered, there are some truly awful people who post on these forums. Please ignore. Hope you can relax for the rest of your pregnancy and good luck with the birth.

[AnnaBellaCruella]

I throw tantrums sometimes and I’m not pregnant

[SofiaMichelle]

@AnnaBellaCruella

I throw tantrums sometimes and I’m not pregnant

How delightful.

[AnnaBellaCruella]

🤣🤣

[Blossomtoes]

@AnnaBellaCruella

I throw tantrums sometimes and I’m not pregnant

Lovely.

[DifferentHair]

@AnnaBellaCruella

Are you three?

[Groovee]

At 7 months pregnant with DS, I wanted macaroni cheese. It was lumpy so I decided to sieve it, down the blooming waste disposal. I cried and threw a tantrum at my stupidity. Poor dh and Dd weren't quite sure what was going on.

[AnnaBellaCruella]

I’m here - good morning

[feelingmehtoday]

It's really disappointing that MH issues that unfortunately some women will experience - prenatal / postnatal - have been conflated with poor behaviour.


I'm not sure they have. A pp made a comment that pregnancy and birth are "totally natural" and therefore aren't associated with emotional difficulties. In response to that, it was pointed out that despite these being natural processes, they are in fact often associated with difficulties in emotional and behavioural functioning, hence the existence of perinatal MH teams.

[feelingmehtoday]

@EarringsandLipstick

It is completely normal to throw tantrums whilst pregnant

It really really isn't. And those pieces of advice FortVictoria passed on made me 🤮

It's really disappointing that MH issues that unfortunately some women will experience - prenatal / postnatal - have been conflated with poor behaviour.

Sure hormones affect us & the stories of posters crying about something that wouldn't normally bother them reflects that. Equally feeling irritated or annoyed when they don't usually.

That's not the same as losing the plot & having an unwarranted tantrum. I don't really mean OP who recognises that this wasn't great & has sorted it with her DH. But some of the other nearly boastful stories are dreadful. Pregnancy is not an excuse for bad behaviour.

It is also unfair to those who are suffering from PND (both pre / post) to conflate these issues.

I'm not sure I agree. I can see the point you're trying to make, but MH difficulties are essentially difficulties with emotion, cognition, and behaviour. Therefore when a person's emotional functioning is compromised is can and does often impact on behaviour - often this can be impulsive and out of character, for example. It's not to excuse such behaviour of course. But they are not mutually exclusive. Thought , emotion, and behaviour are all linked and mutually influential; and in turn hormones affect all threes

[feelingmehtoday]

*all three

[Blossomtoes]

A pp made a comment that pregnancy and birth are "totally natural" and therefore aren't associated with emotional difficulties

The first part of that sentence is correct, the bit following “therefore” isn’t. What that pp (me) said was that pregnancy and birth are totally natural processes and don’t give a free pass for poor behaviour.

[feelingmehtoday]

@Blossomtoes

A pp made a comment that pregnancy and birth are "totally natural" and therefore aren't associated with emotional difficulties

The first part of that sentence is correct, the bit following “therefore” isn’t. What that pp (me) said was that pregnancy and birth are totally natural processes and don’t give a free pass for poor behaviour.

My point remains. There are many natural life circumstances that affect people's emotional and behavioural functioning. The fact that it's natural doesn't mean it won't negatively affect some people. Again, it's not a "free pass" for poor behaviour, on that we agree. But the behaviour is understandable in the context of what can be a challenging life experience IMO.

[ObviousNameChage]

It's not just the hormones either .

Throughout my pregnancy I couldn't sleep(for months), I barely ate ,developed awful heartburn (that never really went away) and threw up constantly . Mostly bile and sometimes blood because of the not eating much. Completely fucked up a few teeth. I didn't gain any weight and was 15 kgs lighter after birth. I was too dumb to realise that wasn't normal and just "got on with it". But I was weak,knackered and miserable. There was no glow, or bonding and no one fucking listened.

Add in hormones and the usual life shit and yeah I lost it a few times. Tbh , I don't even know if hormones had any part in it. Being that ill, for so long would've been enough.

[feelingmehtoday]

@ObviousNameChage

It's not just the hormones either .

Throughout my pregnancy I couldn't sleep(for months), I barely ate ,developed awful heartburn (that never really went away) and threw up constantly . Mostly bile and sometimes blood because of the not eating much. Completely fucked up a few teeth. I didn't gain any weight and was 15 kgs lighter after birth. I was too dumb to realise that wasn't normal and just "got on with it". But I was weak,knackered and miserable. There was no glow, or bonding and no one fucking listened.

Add in hormones and the usual life shit and yeah I lost it a few times. Tbh , I don't even know if hormones had any part in it. Being that ill, for so long would've been enough.

I'm sorry you went through that

[Blossomtoes]

I am too. It sounds absolutely horrendous. 💐

[feelingmehtoday]

@ObviousNameChage

I had hyperemesis and it was the single most grim time of my life. Vomiting water for months on end grinds you seriously down. Honestly I really believe that the physical and psychological impact of pregnancy and birth are vastly underestimated and dismissed, generally speaking. I can't speak highly enough of perinatal teams - they're worth their weight in gold.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I am sure there are people who sail through pregnancy without so much as a niggle, and/or have quick, problem-free labours, and/or have an easy time post-natally - there may be some who do all three - but I think most people have some physical, hormonal or emotional discomforts and problems during pregnancy, find labour bloody painful and/or suffer trauma or birth injuries, and/or struggle with PND, breastfeeding etc.

Morning sickness is a ‘normal’ part of pregnancy - that doesn’t make it any easier to cope with, even when it is simply morning sickness and not the horror of HG.

I really struggled with breastfeeding with all three of mine - for various reasons. With ds1, he was very jaundiced and while he was having the phototherapy, I was told to feed him three-hourly, and top him up with formula, because he needed more fluid and calories. I was scared for him so I did what the doctors said - but it ruined the establishment of breastfeeding. I did try to re-establish it when we got home, but failed.

With ds2 I was so committed to succeeding - he fed all the time, and still didn’t regain his birth weight. When he ended up in hospital with a chest infection at 6 weeks old, they saw he hadn’t regained the 10oz he’d lost from his birth weight and started to mutter about ‘failure to thrive’, and told me I had to start supplementing him, and he had to start gaining weight, before he’d be allowed home. Faced with that, of course I supplemented - and again, that killed breastfeeding.

With ds3, I mixed fed almost from the get-go, and as long as he had two formula feeds a day, he gained weight, but if I cut one or both of them out, he stopped gaining. I did manage to mixed feed for 12 weeks - the closest I came to ‘succeeding’ at breastfeeding.

I had three healthy boys, but I felt like a total failure, because I couldn’t do something completely natural, that all my other mum friends were breezing through. No-one else judged me for it, just me - but I am sure it contributed to PND each time. I did have a history of clinical depression, that was undiagnosed at that time, but I got PND on top, and the failure to breastfeed contributed to that.

All of which is a long winded way of saying that things can go awry with even the most natural of processes, and women need and deserve swift diagnosis and treatment, for the sake of them and their babies.

[Mostlylurkingiam]

Nah be a grown up and responsible for your behaviour - shouting, kicking things etc are never acceptable, you would ask a child to not do that and improve so expect it of yourself. There are many ways you can learn to be calmer, react better etc, use them.
As for the poster who said they tried to SPIT that is beyond disgusting and wouldn't expect that from a toddler.
Anger management is a grown up skill.