To have just thrown a tantrum

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

I am 32 weeks pregnant, bored of it and uncomfortable, and I’m not normally known for being easygoing as it is, but Christ the red mist that just descended. I don’t even know why really.

We had our passports out to send to mortgage guy. DH commented I had 9 months left on mine and would probably need a new one before I traveled abroad again. I said I wouldn’t and I could travel abroad anytime I want in the next nine months. He reminded me about the baby and about covid. I said ‘what so I can’t even go to fucking Paris on the Eurostar just because I have a baby?!’

He’s such a reasonable person that it just made it worse, I screamed that I hated everything, actually stamped my foot , he made a hasty retreat and said he was going out for a fry up, and I kicked his trainers around the room because he can’t ever fucking put them away and blasted System of a Down.

It’s a proper full on teenage rage tantrum.

(This is lighthearted and DH is not trapped in an abusive marriage and will enjoy fry up until I’m calm enough for him to return)

Make me feel better. Have you ever had a proper tantrum as an adult? (Is ‘throwing a wobbly’ an offensive term these days?!)

@pocpocpoc

You are 32 weeks pregnant. You are entitled to a tantrum. You don’t need a good reason. You are making a human. That’s enough of an excuse.

Hugs

What nonsense 🙄

I'm not directing this at OP but honestly - no, having a baby is not an excuse to have a tantrum. Women, even pregnant women, are adults.

I have 3 DCs and lost 4 more t pregnancy, including two very late miscarriages (not quite grown enough to be considered still births, but it felt the same.)

After I lost my third (at 21 weeks), I got home from hospital and within 4 hours, I decided to be useful and tidy the bookshelves (of children books) into a semblance of colour size and age order.

I got very frustrated and accidentally pulled about 10 books down onto myself whilst trying to reach up. I sat on the floor shouted in rage (a tantrum) that the world was fking unfair and sobbed the noisiest animal pain. I threw a couple of (paperback books) against the wall (less than half a meter and nowhere near anyone else) in disgust. It was entirely hormonally & grief / emotional triggered as I am usually extremely calm.

I've been known to occasionally flounce out of the room saying "leave me alone" when I'm heavily pregnant, in pain , scared and overtired, accompanied by a growl if I'm followed that "no one should speak to me as I'm in a BAD mood!!" It lasts about 30 mins of me walking around the garden giving myself a "talking to"

I hate it when people leave their shoes trainers or stuff in the middle of the floor as I trip over them, being unable to see beyond my preg bump.

I totally get the mini tantrum thing. My DCs have had a few tantrums over the years - although they are amazing kind DCs who do well at school. I understand and love them but also try to help them find a way to physically or verbally express themselves and their natural anger or frustration at unfairness at things in life.

Everyone lets off steam at times. And everyone needs to be free to express anger and life's frustration . Those that say you should bottle it up are unrealistic. It's far healthier to express it safely

I doubt your husband finds it all light hearted.

@Tiana4

That's a very different situation. The world was unfair at that point, and sobbing your heart out perfectly understandable.

But just because the OP has declared that this should be a light hearted thread doesn't mean that all posters have to take it that way. Some posters (most of whom have been pregnant themselves) don't see it that way, and I'm one of them.

Thank you so much Bythemillpond. My daughter has been diagnosed with dyspraxia but it’s also said on the report to look at ADHD/ ASD so I was curious to hear your experiences. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond with such a detailed response, really interesting.

[quote Feedingthebirds1]@Tiana4

That's a very different situation. The world was unfair at that point, and sobbing your heart out perfectly understandable.

But just because the OP has declared that this should be a light hearted thread doesn't mean that all posters have to take it that way. Some posters (most of whom have been pregnant themselves) don't see it that way, and I'm one of them.[/quote]
I just think that a select group of PPs are unkind and dogmatic

It's my right to call them out in it

OP was not in the slowest abusive and I work in that field as a professional. It's so upsetting to see PP misuse that and exaggerate someone into what is a whole level of different behaviour.

OPs post was light hearted, insightful and humorous about her cray hormones. That is what a lot of us relate to. It wasn't abusive. Holier than thou unpleasant posters are putting their exaggerated slant where it's not needed.

I don't believe anyone that says they haven't had a moment or two, of wanting to scream and shout and recognise it is silly, a rush of frustration in midst of pg hormones and regretted. We are all human and anyone that criticises someone who said this was slightly bad behaviour (which actually wasn't that bad!) is clearly a decent balanced person usually.

*slightest nor slowest

OP didn't have a 'moment or two of wanting to scream and shout' before recognising it was silly though. She actually did scream and shout, about a relatively minor comment her husband made about her renewing her passport. Lots of people think this isn't lighthearted and humorous - I personally don't.

Personally if I said to my husband 'oh make sure you renew this passport if you want to go abroad' and he reacted by saying 'oh so I can't fucking go abroad' then screaming and kicking my trainers about, I'd be thinking what the hell kind of reaction is that.

@Kanaloa

OP didn't have a 'moment or two of wanting to scream and shout' before recognising it was silly though. She actually did scream and shout, about a relatively minor comment her husband made about her renewing her passport. Lots of people think this isn't lighthearted and humorous - I personally don't.

Personally if I said to my husband 'oh make sure you renew this passport if you want to go abroad' and he reacted by saying 'oh so I can't fucking go abroad' then screaming and kicking my trainers about, I'd be thinking what the hell kind of reaction is that.

You have exaggerated

And it worries me that this is how you approach life

I know abisive behaviour, it's my field, this doesn't even trigger an actual DA abuse enquiry

I wish you would get some perspective and realise Op was calling herself out

This thread has deteriorated into AIBU typical nitpicking and unhelpful ness

I wouldn't be surprised if OP left the thread as rather than a supportive sharing of "when you went too far hormone led emotional outbursts" there are a minority of PPs who are detailing the thread into "you must be abusive" (erm she's not!) (wouldn't meet statutory criteria!) Who know little and believe themselves experts and want to be unkind to a heavily pregnant mum who has posted what it feels like sometimes in an insightful way.

I am so saddened by the minority (None of whom are professionals clearly)

Because intolerance and lack of empathy and perspective at work is a supervisory or disciplinary issue.

I am still here but probably only because of @Tiana4- thank you for being so supportive!

AIBU can be a complete bear-pit at times. The leaps some posters make are ludicrous.

‘Abuse’ is a ridiculous term to throw around in this context. DH is not abused- saying that Kicking someone’s trainer out of the way in a rage makes a bloody mockery of actual abusive behaviour to be honest.

Yes, I lost it due to a big old culmination of pregnancy hormones, lack of sleep and sheer frustration of several stressful factors (working a long week with a commute and the fact we are on our second attempt at buying somewhere to live after the last one fell through at a late stage, meaning we will be in a cramped and unsuitable rented flat when the baby comes)

No, perhaps for most reasonable human beings this isn’t an excuse to go nuclear, and I obviously took it out on DH when I shouldn’t have done. For the record, he’s fine, had a nice fry up, and settled in to watch the F1 qualifier after I apologised and we had a cuddle.

Pregnancy hormones and stress don’t make some of us reasonable all the time. If you floated through pregnancy able to deal with all the shit that it throws at you with serenity then I applaud you. We are all different. Not everyone’s pregnancy is the same- perhaps some of the posters saying this had easier experiences.

I am sure I will cope with a crying baby just fine and not tantrum at him. (I work with children actually so any implication that I won’t manage with my own because of my temper is way off the mark here)

I apologise that some don’t deem 32 weeks to be ‘very heavily pregnant’- well, good for you, I am aching and tired and have horrendous heartburn and I am not going to be a martyr about it- it feels heavily pregnant to me.

Anyway this obviously will change nothing for certain posters as the enjoyment of kicking someone down on an anonymous Internet forum and throwing out smug little insults must be too great, I’m sorry for you that you get off on it so much but perhaps you’re not in a good place yourselves.

Don’t let the bastards grind you down, @SmidgenofaPigeon!

When I had my cold roast goose tantrum, I was not any sort of pregnant (and as far as I remember, 32 weeks can feel pretty damn heavy) - in fact my youngest was 19, so I had no excuse.

I also remember dissolving into snotty tears when Dh told the midwife I was asleep, when she came to do a post natal visit. I didn’t need to see her for anything, I had no worries or problems, but I was a hormonal mess.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I liked the leftover goose story!!

No one messes with my leftovers either

I haven’t exaggerated one single bit, I’ve literally repeated what the op says happened. I also didn’t say it was abuse, but the world isn’t split into what I consider acceptable behaviour and serious abuse. OP asked whether anyone else had done similar, and I just replied that no, I haven’t.

And I find it a bit bizarre that it worries you that I don’t scream at people for no apparent reason. I actually think it’s a pretty normal way to approach life.

@Marmitemarinaded

That’s the minimum for entry in to any country.

Some have higher

I’ve just looked up 4 random countries on the FCO website (Barbados, Canada, Japan and the US) and all say “must be valid for the proposed duration of your stay. No further validity needed”. So it’s not true of all countries.

@SmidgenofaPigeon

I am still here but probably only because of *@Tiana4*- thank you for being so supportive!

AIBU can be a complete bear-pit at times. The leaps some posters make are ludicrous.

‘Abuse’ is a ridiculous term to throw around in this context. DH is not abused- saying that Kicking someone’s trainer out of the way in a rage makes a bloody mockery of actual abusive behaviour to be honest.

Yes, I lost it due to a big old culmination of pregnancy hormones, lack of sleep and sheer frustration of several stressful factors (working a long week with a commute and the fact we are on our second attempt at buying somewhere to live after the last one fell through at a late stage, meaning we will be in a cramped and unsuitable rented flat when the baby comes)

No, perhaps for most reasonable human beings this isn’t an excuse to go nuclear, and I obviously took it out on DH when I shouldn’t have done. For the record, he’s fine, had a nice fry up, and settled in to watch the F1 qualifier after I apologised and we had a cuddle.

Pregnancy hormones and stress don’t make some of us reasonable all the time. If you floated through pregnancy able to deal with all the shit that it throws at you with serenity then I applaud you. We are all different. Not everyone’s pregnancy is the same- perhaps some of the posters saying this had easier experiences.

I am sure I will cope with a crying baby just fine and not tantrum at him. (I work with children actually so any implication that I won’t manage with my own because of my temper is way off the mark here)

I apologise that some don’t deem 32 weeks to be ‘very heavily pregnant’- well, good for you, I am aching and tired and have horrendous heartburn and I am not going to be a martyr about it- it feels heavily pregnant to me.

Anyway this obviously will change nothing for certain posters as the enjoyment of kicking someone down on an anonymous Internet forum and throwing out smug little insults must be too great, I’m sorry for you that you get off on it so much but perhaps you’re not in a good place yourselves.

^^ Good

Some awful weird POs on here, glad you are ignoring g them.
It sounds like you and DP had a chuckle and sorted yourselves out. It's very normal to have hormonal emotional reactions , I had a chuckle.
Incase I wasn't clear, I'm a professional in DA field, so if irks me when silliness occurs from unpleasant posters who really have no idea and try to
I hope you feel better and that make something of nothing.

Anyway maybe DP saved you a bit of bacon after your pg moment. All very normal!!!

When I was about 6 months pregnant I went to a cafe with my DH and got a jacket potato, they didn’t put any butter on it and when we got to the table I started crying and blamed my husband he actually apologised when it wasn’t even slightly his fault and offered me his burger hahaha (which yes I took haha)

Well, he is right regarding the passport- most countries do require 6 months left on the passport. He pointed out something that needed to be done- things like updating a passport can easily be forgotten until you need it- seems reasonable really to say something. I think you owe him an apology.

Whilst I do appreciate you are pregnant and working long hours.... those factors might be part of the reason, but it doesn’t really make what you did fair.

How would you feel if your DH behaved like that? You’d probably be cross or upset. I would be expecting an apology if my DH did this. I’d be highly unimpressed if it happened frequently

If a woman came on to MN and said her DH had done this, most posts would be saying how awful he is, how he needs to apologise and should be ashamed of himself.

I work very long hours and have done so pregnant too and am also not the most easy going of people (have been known to lose temper on occasion etc)- so I’m not without any understanding that it’s not easy. But it doesn’t make it “fine” or “ok because I’m pregnant”. It’s not reasonable behaviour pregnant or not. I don’t think you should try an use pregnancy as as an excuse, TBH.

Not specifically aimed at you OP, but we keep being told pregnant women shouldn’t be treated differently just because they’re e pregnant..... until they do something unreasonable/wrong/a bit daft.... and then the “but it’s because I’m pregnant”is trotted out. I don’t think it helps the cause. We can’t say in one breath that pregnant women are still just women, still in control of all their mental faculties, capable of doing our jobs/making sane and sensible decisions etc, and then say a hissy fit is fine “cause I’m pregnant”.

OP, it's good that you realise you were having a bad moment and lashed out and that you have now got yourself together. And I'm sorry you are getting a kicking from the Nothing Better To Do mob on here.

BUT

Being yelled at by your partner when they have simply got the wrong end of the stick feels the same as being bollocked at work for a mistake you didn't make. I'm sure that's happened to you as to most people. The thought that crosses your mind, unbidden, is "how much longer do I have to put up with this?".

I hope for your and your DH's sake the answer is "another eight weeks or so" because if this happens once or twice, it genuinely is a lighthearted anecdote and not a problem. Don't assume that you can carry on in the same manner.

I think it's a pity that we can't make mistakes and for that to be, up to a point, ok. People are messy. Relationships are messy. It is really only the OP's DH to judge if this was something that was beyond the pale for him or just a human humaning badly because they are growing another human and it's quite difficult and bleak at times.

I cant believe you admitted to this behaviour tbh.

Not specifically aimed at you OP, but we keep being told pregnant women shouldn’t be treated differently just because they’re e pregnant..... until they do something unreasonable/wrong/a bit daft.... and then the “but it’s because I’m pregnant”is trotted out. I don’t think it helps the cause. We can’t say in one breath that pregnant women are still just women, still in control of all their mental faculties, capable of doing our jobs/making sane and sensible decisions etc, and then say a hissy fit is fine “cause I’m pregnant”.

My hormones completely ruled me when I was pregnant and it was indeed an illness of the mind on top of the actual physical illness and pain. So maybe we can just stop pretending that every woman is the same, pregnant or not, and agree some will behave differently and some will need help and some will sail through.
"People" saying pregnancy is not an illness doesn't mean its not a huge strain on the mind and body.

Sorry meant to quote @jacks11 there

the infantilization of women strikes again