To not be inspired by the 'you can have it all' mums

[user6767]

Sorry my title sounds very negative this is not to have a go at other mums. It's come from me hearing a lot about Helen Glover who has done great at the Olympics recently and has 3 children under 3 and also worked as a junior doctor. I have seen quit afew comments about it shows mums you can do anything you want/the you can have it all comments etc.

I am not having a go at Helen Glover she has done amazing! But it's almost like that is the 'ideal'. That mums should all inspire to. I just don't agree. In order for her to do that she has spent a lot of time away from her children. I quite simply do not want to be away from my children so much. I work part time as it's a good balance for my situation. But I have often had comments about how I have stalled my career. I quite simply don't care I want that time with my children.

I am not having a go at others mothers nor do I think there is nothing wrong with working full time as a mum. I just wish my situation wasn't seen as a negative and that I'm not achieving my full potential.

I'm not articulating myself very well and will probably get flamed for this . AIBU?

I'm not inspired either. Other people can do what they want but I want to spend that time with my DC.

@twinklestar2

I'm not inspired either. Other people can do what they want but I want to spend that time with my DC.

But absolutely no one is stopping you from spending 24/7 with your children. It’s weird and dispiriting how people on the thread seem to get some kind of perverse satisfaction from saying they couldn’t leave their children like Helen Glover, especially when she’s said in interviews she was breastfeeding her twins until April and was only training at home (like every athlete during COVID) until February, so I imagine she saw as much of her children as most working parents with preschoolers this weird year, where everyone’s been largely working from home. Her partner in the boat was training at home and working as a doctor.

The reality is that you cannot have it all because there's only so many hours in a day and you can't do 2 things at once. Plenty of women have fulfilling careers after having dc but that means either their partner staying home/working around school hours when older or using childcare, this is fine it's a personal choice but it means you have less time with dc. What Helen glover did was return to the sport she was a champion in pre kids with her husband looking after the dc, along with family support and I suspect paid help though Steve backshall didn't mention whether they had a nanny - impressive from a fitness point of view but she made lots of sacrifices, she didn't have it all!

It’s weird and dispiriting how people on the thread seem to get some kind of perverse satisfaction from saying they couldn’t leave their children like Helen Glover

Quite. Some of us don't have any choice in the matter.

Globally, its a real privilege to say you couldn't leave your children. Around the world, millions of women have to leave their children in order to work to support their families.

Of course not everyone has to be an Olympian to feel like a success. But I really wish people who are privileged enough to have the choice to not leave their children would have enough nous to realise that some of us don't have that choice.

Good for Helen Glover. She's achieved remarkable things. I doubt she cares a jot whether the OP finds her inspiring! Do what works for your own family and don't worry about anyone else's.

But who knows if she has got it all ?

Away from the cameras when she has a gruelling early start is she even thinking " Yes, lucky old me, l have it all ? "
Maybe she is, but to be honest her life sounds like a complete nightmare to me, l prefer the simple, peaceful life, but each to their own.

I'm not the sort who enjoys exercising for fun but wish I was. Helen Glover is. I am content hanging out at home and taking the kids to the park.

DH however, always finds a reason to get stressed on his days off. He goes stir crazy at home, sometimes I send him to work for a few hours to he comes back happier. Some people have energy to burn but my energy is more like kindling.

Horses for courses and all that.

@Mistressofnone

I'm not the sort who enjoys exercising for fun but wish I was. Helen Glover is. I am content hanging out at home and taking the kids to the park.

DH however, always finds a reason to get stressed on his days off. He goes stir crazy at home, sometimes I send him to work for a few hours to he comes back happier. Some people have energy to burn but my energy is more like kindling.

Horses for courses and all that.

Well, she’s mot, though, is she? Rowing is her job, so it’s not like she’s coming home from working and heading out to train for a triathlon for fun, on top of her day job!

Good point.

It's a bit like personal trainers saying it's so easy to fit exercise into your life. Well it is for them, it's their job!

I do quite a bit of exercise BTW. But it's only possible because I work locally to home and can walk, DH works from home and cooks every night, the DCs are old enough to entertain themselves for an hour on weekend mornings or evenings and I have pretty low standards with housework. No show home here.

It's a bit like personal trainers saying it's so easy to fit exercise into your life. Well it is for them, it's their job!

not really, their job is not to exercise themselves, it's to make others exercise. Really not the same at all, and in most cases they can barely do anything.

OK I meant fitness instructors really. Mine work really hard doing the full workout at maximum intensity. Never had a PT so I shouldn't have referenced them!

@AnotherMarvellousThing I know no one is saying that I can't. I'm just saying what I want 😂😂

Praising someone for their achievements is not a criticism of anyone else.
Are you happy with your life? That's all that matters.
Praising Helen Glover and recognising her achievements does not take away from you and your choices/life happiness

I think it's more you can have it all for those who want it. You can have dcs and a career and achieve other goals if you want to. For many years that wasn't an option.

! But it's almost like that is the 'ideal'. That mums should all inspire to. I just don't agree

Why are you trying to pretend anyone has said this? Is it just so you can argue against it?
It's inane.

I think you're reading too much into it. God- everything offends someone these days.