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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to find this frustrating?

143 replies

PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 13:55

My son is 9 and is now at the age where he never wants to go anywhere, obviously it’s the 6 weeks holiday and we are going to parks etc but he never wants to come and if I force him to come he plays up a lot, yesterday he was awful and behaving really badly so we all had to leave but he knows what he is doing and that is his plan. Before anyone says to discipline him I do but it doesn’t really change anything. Does anyone else’s child do this? I feel really restricted in the holidays as I have no one to leave him with and it’s affecting the other children as he never wants to go to any of the places they do.

OP posts:

Bookworm20 · 30/07/2021 14:13

Is he wanting to stay at home for a particular reason? For example, to stay on the playstation or something?
Are you going places he ought to find fun? Or are they quite boring places for a 9 year old? What about offering to take a friend with him?

Original poster

PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 14:19

They are just parks but he doesn’t like the parks, so for example we went to a park with sand yesterday but he hates sand, however my youngest loves sand and keeps asking for a sand pit (which I’m not getting!) so wanted to take her to show her the sand at the park but he finds a reason to dislike every park, it’s rusty, it’s old etc if we had it his way we would only ever go to one particular park but I have 3 others who are bored of it.

OP posts:

chunderwunder · 30/07/2021 14:20

How old are your other children? What sort of things are you doing? My 9 year old wouldn't enjoy a park tbh.

pleasedonttextmyman · 30/07/2021 14:21

how old are the other children?

When there's a big age difference, you explain they take turn for things that will interest them more.

What does HE want to do?

Bad behaviour like that? I would just ban all screens, give a list of chores and start working on holiday homework. He's old enough to be respectful and it's unfair on the others.

Sirzy · 30/07/2021 14:22

Have you asked him what he wants to do?

If you know he really dislikes parks then it seems a bit off to regularly be going to them.

chunderwunder · 30/07/2021 14:23

You say he never wants to go anywhere but do far you've only mentioned parks. Do you go anywhere else? Parks are pretty dull tbf.

thinkfast · 30/07/2021 14:23

Can you take a bike or a scooter or something else he enjoys to the park? Frisbee perhaps? One of his friends?

Original poster

PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 14:23

Off to take my other kids to the park 😕 I have a 4 year old? Should I stop taking her then?? I have 4 children and parks are free, it would be a very expensive 6 weeks if we only did what he wanted to do which is go to the Lego store, go to smyths etc

OP posts:

Original poster

PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 14:24

Yes we go to other places but mainly parks what with them being free and funds being limited.

OP posts:

LittleOwl153 · 30/07/2021 14:25

I think 9 is a bit young to be attempting to rule the roost. You need to find a way of squashing that and fast!

My 11yr old has tried it but quickly got told to bring a book and that if she spoilt it for the younger ones we would just have to come again so that the could enjoy it and that this would keep happening until she allowed them to do what they wanted too.

Why does he want to stay home? Is it tech linked? If it is then ban it if he prevents the younger kids from doing their thing. 4 under 10 for 6 weeks holiday is always going to be a slog though OP - good luck!

pleasedonttextmyman · 30/07/2021 14:25

Can't you ask around if other parents can meet you there? He might have a better time if he meet friends.

LittleOwl153 · 30/07/2021 14:27

Oh and I wouldn't be leaving him at home alone at 9 - unless there is an adult working at home I guess but even then I'm not sure given his behaviour.

Sirzy · 30/07/2021 14:28

I think anyone would get bored of regularly having to go to parks to be honest.

I would plan activities in the house for them rather than regularly go to somewhere you know he really dislikes - maybe keep park trips to once a week and vary the park?

pleasedonttextmyman · 30/07/2021 14:28

I bet there are other parents a bit stuck, they might welcome the idea of taking their own child to meet yours in the park.

Rollmopsrule · 30/07/2021 14:28

Can you offer to take one of his mates too so he can have a kick about etc? I can imagine it's tricky trying to please different ages but the park all the time would be a bit boring.

pleasedonttextmyman · 30/07/2021 14:29

I think anyone would get bored of regularly having to go to parks to be honest.

depends. Take a group of friends and give them a football, some might be delighted to spend every afternoon kicking about.

Sirzy · 30/07/2021 14:30

@pleasedonttextmyman

I think anyone would get bored of regularly having to go to parks to be honest.

depends. Take a group of friends and give them a football, some might be delighted to spend every afternoon kicking about.

True but this doesn’t seem to be the case here, it seems to be “your siblings want to go so you will come and you will have fun” which is a different kettle of fish completely

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 30/07/2021 14:31

My nearly 9 year old loves the park but does moan about doing stuff he doesn't enjoy and tries to ruin it for everyone but I've reached the stage now where I add on 5 minutes for every kick off so he had to endure it for longer 😂

Original poster

PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 14:35

I can’t take any of his friends he doesn’t have friends outside of school and I don’t have any with a child the same age, we go to different parks each time.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 30/07/2021 14:35

How often are we talking with these park visits?

Original poster

PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 14:36

True but this doesn’t seem to be the case here, it seems to be “your siblings want to go so you will come and you will have fun” which is a different kettle of fish completely

He can’t take any friends he doesn’t have any outside of school and it’s everything we want to do he will find a way to say he doesn’t like it/enjoy it/ doesn’t want to go

OP posts:

Bookworm20 · 30/07/2021 14:37

Some 9 years olds love the park, some don't. Perhaps he feels the days out revolve around the little ones, as you mention you go mainly to parks and he hates the park.
Suggest bringing a friend? I know parks are free, but perhaps he just finds them too boring with the younger ones.

Can you travel? Not sure if they still do it, but I had an english heritage membership once as we were short of money and it gave free entry then into all english heritage sites, which, ok alot involves parks of some sort I guess, but also castles, some museums etc. It was about £35 for the year (prob more now). Would that be an option?

Once youve paid the £35 membership, entry is free for an adult and upto 4 children, so pretty cost effective. Might be a little more interesting than just a playpark and also suitable for the younger ones.

Bookworm20 · 30/07/2021 14:38

Cross posted with your update about the no friends thing

GreenWillow · 30/07/2021 14:40

@PumpkinKlNG

I can’t take any of his friends he doesn’t have friends outside of school and I don’t have any with a child the same age, we go to different parks each time.

You need to make some friends urgently, poor boy having to go to the park with his mum and younger siblings, I’m not surprised he’s bored.

Why does he/you have no friends?

Original poster

PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 14:41

He’s autistic I can’t force anyone to be his friend.

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