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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to find this frustrating?

143 replies

PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 13:55

My son is 9 and is now at the age where he never wants to go anywhere, obviously it’s the 6 weeks holiday and we are going to parks etc but he never wants to come and if I force him to come he plays up a lot, yesterday he was awful and behaving really badly so we all had to leave but he knows what he is doing and that is his plan. Before anyone says to discipline him I do but it doesn’t really change anything. Does anyone else’s child do this? I feel really restricted in the holidays as I have no one to leave him with and it’s affecting the other children as he never wants to go to any of the places they do.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 30/07/2021 15:01

@PumpkinKlNG

I’ve responded to you already in a previous post so maybe you should read
I have read all of your posts three times and can see no mention of the regularity of the trips. Perhaps you could clarity or requote the post if you have already said?
MattHancocksSexTape · 30/07/2021 15:02

@PumpkinKlNG

I’ve responded to you already in a previous post so maybe you should read
You really haven’t.
Bookworm20 · 30/07/2021 15:02

And there are more 'free' days out than the park. Depending on where you are in the country, but almost all the local museums near us are free, online you can buy (£6) some treasure hunt walks, which are actually pretty good.
www.treasuretrails.co.uk/
Are you near a beach? Those are free, if you take a picnic. not sure if you can travel, you haven't mentioned that.

Heres some links for some free/low cost ideas to do with kids or places free to visit. It is hard entertaining 4 dc on a budget, But you just have to look around at whats out there:

www.loveexploring.com/gallerylist/67943/the-best-free-things-to-do-with-kids-in-the-uk

www.telegraph.co.uk/family/life/best-family-days-out-uk-things-do-kids-july-2021-summer/

www.lovemoney.com/news/16360/cheap-free-things-to-do-summer-holidays-kids

pleasedonttextmyman · 30/07/2021 15:03

basically you said you are trying to take your 9 year old every day to a park he detests, refuses to consider meeting with his friends or someone there, refuse to say if he likes reading, if you explain how you all take turn so each child has a chance...

what exactly do you want from this thread? Feeling sorry for yourself?

Original poster
PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 15:04

Yes there are museum but it’s quite difficult travelling with 4 children under 10 alone on public transport so we would only do that once or twice during the holidays, I’m saying we go to parks in between those times because they are local easy to get to and free

OP posts:
Bookworm20 · 30/07/2021 15:09

Actually you know what, I give up.

Yes its difficult travelling with 4 DC. I've been there (with 5 actually ) but if you want to incorporate days for them all you either leave the younger ones with your OH and take the older ones if something not suitable for the little ones, or you do improvise or you balance it all out and acknowledge some days the 4yo will be a bit bored and some days the 9yo will be a bit bored. And you don't have to go somewhere every day. Are you going to the park everyday?

You're actually being quite rude to people trying to deduce the situation and offer advice.

EKGEMS · 30/07/2021 15:10

Well I suggested things he enjoys within reason and budget which was a qualified sentence. Four children of varying ages is tricky. I know you say he wants to go two places only so find other things he might like.

Calmdown14 · 30/07/2021 15:10

There are parks and parks.
If he's objecting to parks with decent play equipment aimed at older kids, it's an attitude problem.
If it's more sitting on the grass while the smaller kids play in sand, can he not take a small bag of Lego and build it on a picnic blanket?
For the beach, if he doesn't like sand, my 8 year old loves a little micro foil kite. No poles so folds up tiny to keep in bag but flies really well.
The little lightweight picnic blankets are also a good investment. Small enough to always have with you. If he sulks, plonk him in the corner and get on with the other three. Let him sulk for a bit. Suspect getting his own way and getting home is part of it and when he sees the alternative is worse may be keener to try and join in

Original poster
PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 15:11

I don’t take him every day 😑 we also don’t go to the same park every time, I said he finds a way to dislike every park we go to and they are all usually different, but he will say it’s old, rusty, dirty, sandy. I asked if anyone else had this issue that was all.

OP posts:
Holly60 · 30/07/2021 15:12

@PumpkinKlNG

I’m not going to bother responding anymore people asked why he doesn’t have friends, I said why, I don’t think him being autistic makes him dislike parks, he dislikes everywhere we go but I will just keep us all in then to keep one child happy. Gosh I should have known better to post on AIBU where everyone just looks for an excuse to jump on you.
I can’t imagine where he gets his attitude from Hmm. A number of people have said they can see why your child might be bored/playing up, and that you might need to mix it up in order to find something he DOES want to do. That is the advice you have been given, like it or not….
Original poster
PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 15:12

OH?! I don’t have a “OH” sorry but we don’t all have one I said in my op I have no one to leave him with before I’m accused of drip feeding

OP posts:
Original poster
PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 15:13

We do mix it up I said that, I said just not as often as the things he want to do cost a lot of money.

OP posts:
MattHancocksSexTape · 30/07/2021 15:14

So what have you done this week for activities? And of those activities are they anything the 9yr old wants to do? Or is it always activities for the younger DC?

Holly60 · 30/07/2021 15:15

Your child is very clearly communicating to you that he does not enjoy the parks you are taking him to. You aren’t listening to him.

Lots of posters on here are telling you the same thing. You aren’t listening to us either

loopyapp · 30/07/2021 15:21

Right.

Firstly you must know as SEN parent that big periods of change to life and routine need handling with care and planning.

A lot of councils are offering summer clubs that are free for kids on free school dinners. I would imagine you might struggle to get a place this latw on in the holidays but it might be worth a try. Go into your county council website and search for summer club. Don't ask him if he wants to. If they have a space on a day book it and send him. YOU are the adult. Give him the information, written if needed and allow him a 10 min opportunity to ask.you questions about it and then draw a line under it and refuse to engage.

Parks don't have to be boring. Morrisons have an amazing range of outdoor games reduced to really good prices. They are all easily packed and transported and couls really improve the park experience. Travel to parks in other towns, something new is always more engaging.

Look up the weather for the week ahead. Ear mark each day with activities that interest everyone and on the days he isn't happy with the plan tough. Have a look on your local council websites for cheap and free activities - you will be surprised just how much is out there. Make a timetable, pop it in plain sight and just disengage with any whinging. He can only ruin the days out if you allow him to - so what if hes complaining and acting the fool. "Im sorry son but these are our plans today. You can either choose to take part or complain and be sure but I can assure you all that will happen is you'll embarrass yourself and be miserable" and carry on.

My 10 year old has ADHD and other associated learning disabilities. He can struggle with certain things such as shopping in a supermarket. Tough we need to eat. Im a single parent of four. Shopping is a part of the summer holidays. He gets plenty of warning. If he acts the fool that's on him, if hes polite and co-operates he gets a brew in the cafe at the end

I'm really sorry but allowing a sulky 9 year old boy dictate your lives is a decision you make.

TheQueenofMoo · 30/07/2021 15:21

I don't know why the OP is getting so much stick here. She has said in her posts that she's done different things and her DS moans about them too.

I'm quite sympathetic, because my 8YO is like this and my 6YO is starting to get like this too (I blame his brother being a bad influence!). I do think that since covid has happened, they have some kind of agoraphobia because they moan about doing anything that involves leaving the house, even when it is something they have asked to do and enjoy!

I still take them out even if it does end up in tears and tantrums. But it is exhausting just getting them out and sometimes I do think why do I even bother!

loopyapp · 30/07/2021 15:27

Also have a look for locally based support groups for families with special needs kids. Go regularly. Make friends and meet with them. That is pretty much a sure fire way of helping your son make friends outside of school.

Lastly.

Have a good read through this whole thread. Look how you've spoken to people literally trying to help you. Nothing has been what you wanted to hear. There's and issue with everything. You've been combative and difficult. Almost like.. Things are too old, too rusty, too sandy.. Have a think where your son may be getting his defeatist attitude from and really consider how much pf your situation is of your own making.

Original poster
PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 15:32

Thank you TheQueenofMoo I had to double check what I’ve wrote to justify such nasty responses, we do what he wants to do but what he wants to do cost a lot of money, the only places he has said he wants to go is Lego smyths and two shopping centres, I can’t afford that right now so if it’s a nice day how can I keep all my kids in cos he doesn’t want to go somewhere? I’ve put pools up in the garden for him and stayed in but the others won’t go in if he’s in as he can be too rough

OP posts:
SpacePotato · 30/07/2021 15:32

Can I ask why you are so against a sand pit for the 4yo? If it would keep her occupied at home for a while.

pleasedonttextmyman · 30/07/2021 15:32

She has said in her posts that she's done different things and her DS moans about them too.

what she said is that they are going to different parks, which frankly, is doing exactly the same thing...

People are trying to bring suggestions

Original poster
PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 15:33

We had a sand pit last year but they kept forgetting to shut the lid and the cat kept going in and using it as a litter tray, she would literally stand there next to it you couldn’t even leave it to go in and get a drink etc as she would be straight in it

OP posts:
ilovemyguineapigs · 30/07/2021 15:35

Hi Op,
Do you mind me asking how old you are? You sound very young and it seems like you have a lot on your plate with not a lot of help.
Do you have family nearby?

Globaluser · 30/07/2021 15:45

Why the fuck is everyone being such a knobhead to OP?

pleasedonttextmyman · 30/07/2021 15:50

@Globaluser

Why the fuck is everyone being such a knobhead to OP?
why don't you read the thread? Confused

Sounds like the OP is frustrated by the lack of money and is lashing out at everybody else.

Money or not, I wouldn't take my own kids to the lego shop or smyths more than once this month, it's not a solution - but focusing on not being able to afford to go to a store is not helping.

Bookworm20 · 30/07/2021 16:02

@PumpkinKlNG

OH?! I don’t have a “OH” sorry but we don’t all have one I said in my op I have no one to leave him with before I’m accused of drip feeding
So I wrote a post containing 4 links on of cheap and free things to do with kids, which might give you some ideas, and I have made some suggestions, as have others and was sympathetic to your situation having to entertain 4 DC

And the only thing you can seemingly focus on is that I suggested occasionally leaving the little ones with your OH!.

And where on your posts have you mentioned not having anyone to leave them with? Where have you mentioned you are a lone parent?

Why aren't you taking anyones suggestions on board? Or adapting them to your situation?

Honestly, your attitude sucks. I think I'm starting to get an idea where your dc might have got it from now.