Aibu to find this frustrating?

[PumpkinKlNG]

My son is 9 and is now at the age where he never wants to go anywhere, obviously it’s the 6 weeks holiday and we are going to parks etc but he never wants to come and if I force him to come he plays up a lot, yesterday he was awful and behaving really badly so we all had to leave but he knows what he is doing and that is his plan. Before anyone says to discipline him I do but it doesn’t really change anything. Does anyone else’s child do this? I feel really restricted in the holidays as I have no one to leave him with and it’s affecting the other children as he never wants to go to any of the places they do.

Well lots of people have offered advice, sympathy and asked questions to try and establish your situation and the only poster you've actually thanked is one who sympathised with you but offered no advice.

So crack on OP, good luck.

Although I'm curious
I don’t even know the other parents I never see them
Who takes them to school then?

I dread to respond, will be told Im “drip feeding” about something the thread wasn’t about

op I wishing I could offer something.
Don't beat yourself up, kids are hard work.
Are you getting all the help available I wonder.
Also are there any free clubs or at least one that might help your son.
The only other thing I can suggest is telling him how wonderful he is and put him in charge of something ( like carrying a backpack with juice or a ball or rug or something. Let him play with something in the park .
Good wishes.

What about something like strawberry picking if there's one local? By us you only pay for the punnet so it's a good afternoon or morning out for all as the can hunt their own strawberries to add to the box.

Does he like running? Junior park runs have restarted as well so you could let him do that for 20 mins whilst your other play on the swings etc. It's free to do as well and they follow a route with other children so it might help build friendships outside of school.

Alternatively do you have a school WhatsApp or Facebook group? Maybe reach out to the friends he plays with to sort out a day to the park so it's something different.

Crikey OP you're hard work & it certainly sounds like your poor son needs support & interactions outside of school hours.

I don't think your situation is ever going to be an easy one and it's not unreasonable to want to spend lots of time at the park if that's what works for the other children. We do and I had no idea that it was considered odd.

I'd Google the hell out of your area in the hopes it turns up something that might suit the 9 year olds needs. I'm guessing you have some strategies to help him do other things he doesn't want to do, could any of them be adapted for going to the park?

I get that it's not enough but just take the tiny amount of family help you can get and make the most of it to do separate activities.

Have you tried / considered any of these?

Library
Swimming pool
Woods (make dens, climb trees, collect sticks, rocks, feathers)
Skate park
Climbing wall
Catching a bus / train to the next town
Bring along some toys to the park, e.g. Lego, Playmobil, dinosaurs
Make fairy gardens
Local fruit picking (strawberries, raspberries, apples)
Check out the local museums
Treasure trails / geocaching
Find a local stream for paddling, building a dam etc.
Ask him to plan a meal, shop for and then cook it

@PumpkinKlNG

I dread to respond, will be told Im “drip feeding” about something the thread wasn’t about

Does this mean he goes to Sen school & uses transport and escort? If so speak with a family support member of school staff, they will be able to help you looking at your councils local offer which usually includes activity groups, fun residentials and local asd support groups. They could also look at direct payments for you to see if you could apply for funding to pay a pa to take him on outings so you are free to take the siblings out. Or if thats not the case you could see if your area has a family cluster , we have them here and offer support to families with children i think of primary school age (or possibly 5 anyway the 4 year old would qualify you), they also offer summer clubs and activity days here (usually free). I think you might also benifit from a parent connect group, scope are running them online at the moment. It would probably be a good idea to shift your mindset from your 9 year old being a bumhole and trying to spoil everything for everyone and grasp that he has challenging additional needs and you as a family will have to make adjustments more than expecting him to put up and shut up. How old are the other 2 children , do they have any additional needs? I would look at ideas for cheap fun times at home aswell to keep the other children entertained, salt dough, papermache tie dyeing, then its happy children all round. Unfortunately it is a relentless slog but someimes it has to be you that makes the adjustments.

OP I literally told you where to find info on local support groups in my response.

Do you honestly not hesr in yourself all the things you're complaining about your son.

Have you other traits in common with him? Its hard to know how to offer support to someone who seems genuinely more interested in beong angry at their situation than actually seek ways to improve it. However if you had HAF too this thread would make far more sense.

This sounds really tough OP. My son has autism and never wants to do anything and it feels like im trapped in. The thing is I know for my son its mainly a sensory or anxiety thing for him so it makes me more sympathetic and i feel sorry for him too.
Have you tried all the autism techniqies like a time table so he knows its happening and setting a timer 10 minutes before you leave and offering ear defenders? Im sure you have but holidays are hard and this can go out the window.
I have found my other sons friends parents quite helpful so they will take him out if i am trapped in. It doesnt help me but at least he gets out

Can he verbalise why he doesn’t like the park? That would make it easier to think of strategies to cope and altertnatives.

Often it’s about being super prepared, as earlier posters have said hats/sunglasses/ear defenders can make a massive difference.

Is the park he prefers quieter? If so can you consider time off the day for trips out?

Can you link it to something he will enjoy? So now we will spend half an hour at the park and then we will go train spotting for half an hour (just as an example)

There are plenty of posters here who are really trying to help and if you can give us some basic information it will help us help you.

My 9 year old would be the same (the DC haven’t been to playgrounds for quite a few years now). Much better if you can do playdates, so perhaps he can go to a school friend’s house while you do the park with the younger ones.

OP you asked if YABU for finding it frustrating. Yes, you are. There, question answered seeing as you don't want any creative ideas on other free things you could do.

Think how frustrating it is for your DS to mainly only go places his younger siblings want to go - places he dislikes.

I also fail to see how you don't know how to find local autism support groups after 9 years with a SN child

i also fail to see how you don't know how to find local autism support groups after 9 years with a SN child confused

Sadly, certainly in my local area, you have to really really search for these things. I class myself as pretty clued up on the local stuff and still when DS was struggling the other week and I asked the peads for help they referred us to a SEN youth club just up the road which I had no idea about nor did any other local friends. Sometimes it seems you need a letter from god to get information on these things, then of course they shut them because they aren’t being used

@Sirzy I'm not saying they're not hard to find, I'm commenting that OP said she didn't know HOW to find them.

It’s not been 9 years so wind your neck in! Or do you think I knew when he was a newborn was he 😕 any excuse to stick the boot in though!!

[quote KurtWilde]@Sirzy I'm not saying they're not hard to find, I'm commenting that OP said she didn't know HOW to find them. [/quote]
Like I said I am generally pretty clued up but even after knowing the name of the local youth club ds was referred to I wasn’t able to find any mention of it online. Often these things are more about who you know not what you know

@PumpkinKlNG

It’s not been 9 years so wind your neck in! Or do you think I knew when he was a newborn was he 😕 any excuse to stick the boot in though!!

Christ your attitude is awful. You asked if YABU. You are. Especially when the child you're referring to is autistic.

And you told me I’ve been dealing with it for 9 years? No I haven’t. His school first suggested it, it wasn’t said in the hospital when I gave birth 😒

And yes there is nothing online, I’ve looked.

@PumpkinKlNG

And yes there is nothing online, I’ve looked.

I would suggest contacting his community peadiatrian and school and ask them.

Also look for your local parent carers forum, pretty much every local authority will have one so they may be able to sign post you to support

You’re not unreasonable to find it frustrating, it must be very difficult to manage to entertain 4 kids everyday of summer as a lone parents especially when one is autistic and if money can be tight.

That said, it sounds like it is frustrating for your son too having to join with activities he doesn’t like for the sake of his siblings. I think unfortunately all you can do is try to find balance in terms of the activities you do so that there is a mix of staying home, things he enjoys and things he doesn’t enjoy but his siblings do and accept that on the days you’re doing something he dislikes you will probably get moaning but you will have to just suck it up just as he is having to suck up going to the park again.

Don’t you know you need to take it lying down and without opening your gob. Don’t you know you have an attitude and are aggressive when you defend yourself against all the attacks. Why can’t you shut up and take it
Of course someone will come along very soon with very fake shock horror that no one has been
nasty to you. They all have been superb helpful to you. Hang tight, someone will soon come to say this

Ok, my two are different ages but no asd. I plan the day and share this with them beforehand so they know what is coming up.

On rainy days we:
Puzzles, colouring, make collages, paint, play dough, Lego, role playing, picnics indoors, TV, pretend we're in a cinema and watch a film, read, make a book, card for somebody, play with cars, dinosaurs,wash toys.

Ok weather: parks, walks, beach but it's a drive, picnics, gardening, sports day, nature trail, treasure hunts, paddling pool, chalking, kite flying, swimming pool

I tell the kids quite clearly who is leading with a particular activity and there's an alternative if they're not keen but we take it in turns to choose. I wrote it on a simple calendar so they can see who is getting my time and when they are doing their chosen activity. Keeps me sane too.
How did you cope in lockdown?