Aibu to find this frustrating?

[PumpkinKlNG]

My son is 9 and is now at the age where he never wants to go anywhere, obviously it’s the 6 weeks holiday and we are going to parks etc but he never wants to come and if I force him to come he plays up a lot, yesterday he was awful and behaving really badly so we all had to leave but he knows what he is doing and that is his plan. Before anyone says to discipline him I do but it doesn’t really change anything. Does anyone else’s child do this? I feel really restricted in the holidays as I have no one to leave him with and it’s affecting the other children as he never wants to go to any of the places they do.

@PumpkinKlNG

He’s autistic I can’t force anyone to be his friend.

That’s a massive drip feed and makes you taking him somewhere you know he hates and then complaining when he plays up even more unreasonable!

@PumpkinKlNG

I can’t take any of his friends he doesn’t have friends outside of school and I don’t have any with a child the same age, we go to different parks each time.

I am not sure I understand. Can't you ask parents from his friends from school, or are you living completely out of catchment?

On our class group, more often than not there's a message "taking x to wherever place, anyone free to meet"? Works well.

I know a lot of MN hates them, but class FB or whatsapp groups are so useful for things like that.

That’s quite the drip feed!

How about autism support groups?

If there isn’t one in your area, why not set one up?

You can’t expect him to make the already difficult transition to teenager-hood with no friends at all.

@PumpkinKlNG

He’s autistic I can’t force anyone to be his friend.

You could include rather essential details in your OP when you ask people for advice

Ok we will all stay in for 6 weeks then

9 seems very young to be like this, but I guess all kids are different. My 12-year old DS can be like this sometimes, so I have a couple of strategies for it.

I will let him take one of his friends as his brothers are/act a lot younger (10 with ASD & 7, both same mental age). Or I let him do more of what he wants at home eg taking younger brothers out of the way so he can watch YouTube for a while. Or I just tell him that it is non-negotiable, in which case he comes & usually enjoys it. I also try to make sure we have/buy a decent snack out & if possible we are meeting up with similar aged DC.

Or, post on the SN board and give all pertinent info in your OP?

This is the difficulty with having a 5 year age gap between kids I’m afraid OP, ofc they don’t want to do the same things.

The 9/10 stage is tough, old enough to know what they want but not old enough to be left home alone.

Whilst it’s acceptable to force kids to do stuff they need to, like school, teeth brushing…etc it’s shitty to force stuff just because you want to do it with your younger kids
I’m in my late 20’s and can’t say I’d be chuffed if I was forced to do stuff I didn’t want to do repeatedly.

I’m not going to bother responding anymore people asked why he doesn’t have friends, I said why, I don’t think him being autistic makes him dislike parks, he dislikes everywhere we go but I will just keep us all in then to keep one child happy. Gosh I should have known better to post on AIBU where everyone just looks for an excuse to jump on you.

@PumpkinKlNG

Ok we will all stay in for 6 weeks then

People have given ideas but it seems the desire of the others to go to the park overrides it all.

How often are you actually going to the park?

So what should I do when my 4 year old is crying to go to the park? Say no? We don’t all have funds for fancy days out

Being autistic makes it trickier, but certainly my 10-year old with ASD understands he has to do what he is told & will respond to snacks.

Might also be worth seeing if there are any SEN holiday clubs he could attend?

@PumpkinKlNG

I’m not going to bother responding anymore people asked why he doesn’t have friends, I said why, I don’t think him being autistic makes him dislike parks, he dislikes everywhere we go but I will just keep us all in then to keep one child happy. Gosh I should have known better to post on AIBU where everyone just looks for an excuse to jump on you.

Being autistic is almost certainly the reason he dislikes parks.

What support do you have for his SN?

@PumpkinKlNG

So what should I do when my 4 year old is crying to go to the park? Say no? We don’t all have funds for fancy days out

Read this again. Why does the 4 year olds wants override everything?

You accused your son of purposely acting up to get out of what he doesn’t want to do but surely the waterworks can work both ways?

@PumpkinKlNG

Ok we will all stay in for 6 weeks then

why the need to be so unpleasant? People were trying to answer YOUR question and help.

If you don't have a better attitude with other parents, no wonder your poor kid is struggling to make friends.

Can he bring a book, tablet, stickers, drawing pad, puzzle book, anything he can get into while the younger ones play basically

He’s 9 not 19!

Can you "bribe" him say "Come with us and behave and then you can play x amount on your video games or stay up late or whatever things he enjoys within family budget and reason? What works with motivating him? It has to be very challenging a SN child with three other siblings. I have the opposite-a very sociable 20 year old SN son bored to death through lockdown-thankfully his school resumes soon.

@PumpkinKlNG

So what should I do when my 4 year old is crying to go to the park? Say no? We don’t all have funds for fancy days out

Where is the DC’s father?

…and again, what support do you have? You badly need a support network. With 4 DC it’s essential, until you find/create one, this will always be an issue.

When you go to the park how do you engage him? Do you bring a football or some other item he might enjoy playing - a frizbee as suggested above? My 9yr old has no interest in swings and slides and wouldn't be bothered going to the park unless he was bringing a football or basketball to play with while there.

@PumpkinKlNG

So what should I do when my 4 year old is crying to go to the park? Say no? We don’t all have funds for fancy days out

Errr, Yes, you tell them No?

If my 4 year old 'cried' to go to the park, we wouldn't be going to the bloody park thats for sure. Terrible behaviour.

You balance it all out.
As in, today we can't go to the park because we're doing such and such (something 9yo enjoys) and tomorrow we'll go to the park (something 4yo enjoys.

If 4 yo kicks a tantrum, you tell them you won't go to the park the next day either.

Its called balance OP. You seem to be favouring the 4yo somewhat.

Let me guess, your 9yr old is addicted to screens?

We do other things? Are people not reading that? We just don’t do it as often because I don’t have the money to do what he wants to do? Like as I already explained Lego store smyths etc, no he isn’t “addicted to screens” he would come out if it’s something HE wants to do but the other children want to do things as well, why are people so nasty on here? Just looking for a chance to attack someone

The only person being nasty is you.

I will ask again and maybe on third time you will read - how often are you expecting him to go to the park?

I’ve responded to you already in a previous post so maybe you should read