Is this holiday going to be a bit shit or am I just being fussy?

[AngeloMysterioso]

DH, DS and I are due to go away for 4 nights at the beginning of September. It’ll be our first trip anywhere since having DS who will be 22 months old. DH, being master of coin in the family, went ahead and booked the accommodation without really seeking any input from me (I did at the time suggest an Airbnb would be the most practical thing, advice he apparently did not heed), and only told me after he’d booked it- he said it was a hotel over the road from the beach, the room is on the first floor and there’s no lift which will be a bit of a pain but not the end of the world (his words, not mine).

I’ve just looked it up this evening. DH booked the biggest room we could afford, thinking it would mean more space- what it actually means is more beds, a double, a single and a foldaway- DS sleeps in a travel cot which we’re going to have to fit in somewhere. I will be 27 weeks pregnant so sleeping in a double bed (particularly when we’re used to being in a king size) is going to be a bit cramped! He also neglected to consider the fact that DS goes to sleep in a dark room with his white noise playing at around 7:30 pm- this room has no living space or a sofa or anything, so every evening once DS is asleep is going to be spent sitting on a bed in the dark a few feet away, trying not to wake him up. Not exactly relaxing.

When I pointed all this out to DH he got all huffy and defensive, saying I should have pointed this out when he was booking it (I mean why the hell should I have to? He’s as much a parent and an adult as I am!). I had a look for alternative options but it’s only 5 weeks away now so everywhere is either booked up or way too expensive- I found an Airbnb which looked reasonable and appeared to only cost slightly more per night, but when I went to reserve it the cleaning and service fees came to more than £100, so in total it would be a 40% increase which is just too much.

DH is all pissed off now and saying I should just book the Airbnb anyway despite the extra cost because I’m only going to be moaning all the time otherwise, which I feel is a bit unfair- I’m only pointing out stuff he should have thought of in the first place. AIBU?

Laptop, blue tooth headphones (to watch a movie) and bottle of wine. That what I used to do with dh while little ones were sleeping

It wasn't often - but few times we have family hotel room for weekend visit - and toddler weren't sure would sleep as they could be difficult - they were fine in the end.

We ate in the room - as we found that less stressful that eating out - then had TV light or and read and they would sleep in buggy during day.

i think there were just exhausted by all the new experiences and they got pleanty of exercise and we were lucky their behavior didn't usually seem to suffer because if that.

I personally wouldn't have ever considered leaving them alone in a strange unbaby proofed room but you could take it in turns staying and leaving.

For longer holdiay seperate rooms was a must - 4 nights rather than 2 or three might be pushing it as if toddler get really tried behavior might decline but fingers crossed it will be fine in the end.

Though next time may be try and book together a bit more.

Book the Airbnb. You won't be spending 40% more ... you can eat in more cheaply than you can eat out. At the hotel, you'll be having to spend more on eating out. In a still-pandemic where bookings are hard to come by and prices have gone up.

Had some great holidays with a two year old. Sandwiches, carrot sticks, fruit and snacks for lunch, bath or shower and pjs before going out in the buggy for dinner. Walk home, always asleep with pudding everywhere by bedtime. Stay out or in for the evening still in buggy, back to bed

Travel cot in bathroom then you borrh us the general hotel toilets not ideal but we ve done this in the past. Carry cot out once you are ready for bed

@LawnFever

Yanbu, if you can afford it and can get a full refund book the Airb&b

^ this

If it's a family room he's booked, the hotel can set it up to suit your needs? Are you sure there's not much room for travel cot?
Phone them up and talk to them? They may have a couple of family rooms to choose from?

Room service when little one is asleep?

You’ll save more than £100 being able to cook your own meals at the AirBnB rather than having to eat out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It’ll be a saving overall.

Expect your holiday to be shit with very young children and expect it to be very restricted. If you can throw more money at it to make it even a little more bearable then bloody well do it. Going in with extremely low expectations will make it overall a little more bearable.

@AngeloMysterioso
I have just launched a holiday rental which I'm going to list on Air Bnb, but in the meantime I put it on fb. It's on the Gower Peninsula in South Wales. Lots to do here. It's got a large double bedroom and a small bunkbed room. Either will fit a travel cot. There's a huge living room with a kitchenette, a tv and Sky box. I am booked 14-17th and 22-25th inclusive. If you are interested pm me. I've attached a screenshot of the fb post.

Those booked dates are August. Sept is free atm.

Nah! It's not so much a problem at that age

Given the age of the kid, go out for dinner, get baby ready for bed, stick baby in pram. Go for walk. Baby falls asleep in pram: enjoy nice quiet evening out, when it's time for bed, transfer from pram to cot.

There’s no accounting for pregnancy needs and hormones and nor is there any for the complete lack of understanding of all things basic where childcare meets the Y chromosome. I’ve been here and I reckon your best solution is to acknowledge that DH tried to make it work which you appreciate but you’re upset that it doesn’t. He won’t try in future when you need him to with second baby if you shoot him down now. I’m sure he did try, but men frankly cannot relate to pregnancy and what women need. That’s not because he doesn’t care - he’s just a bloke. And they’re rubbish. If you can resolve to your satisfaction by throwing cash at the problem - do it - it won’t happen again. Or, as another poster says - you sleep in double, DH in single. I know that doesn’t tick every box but it’s all a learning curve and by getting it wrong a couple of times, you might both find the perfect holiday next time. I’m going against the MN grain - but life does not have to be perfect all the time. I’ve ‘survived’ a couple of trips I would never have chosen and came out with something positive. There’s too much pressure for perfection- maybe try to roll with it….it won’t be so bad I think. I hope you can turn this around xx

It would seem that the bar for "reasonable" husbands is pretty darned low - why are y'all marrying these losers??

He is a man, unfortunately they don't see the things we do.
You haven't been away before, so he will not of though about sleeping next to a toddler, in the same room.
He should have checked with you, before he booked, then you could of pointed out all these screw ups before he booked. I would go with the air b and b. If you can get a refund on the first booking.
Then tell him, next time he books check with you first as next time you will have a baby too.

@Blackhawkdown2020

YAbu unreasonable to have not trained your son to be flexible about how when and where he goes to sleep. Just because he normally sleeps that way at home - if you put him in a push chair with his jammies and blanket and the shade a baby net on surely he will sleep and you can be out? Maybe I was extra lucky but all our children -5 - would and could fall asleep anywhere

My first thought was this is why the Gina Ford style 'Put Baby To Bed in a Dark Room With White Noise' is actually incredibly limiting. My children were breastfed to sleep well into their toddler years, and would literally sleep anywhere, meaning I could go out for a meal in Tenerife etc in the evening, and they'd boob off to sleep when tired, and I could either leave them on my lap in a sling or put them in a pushchair whilst finishing my evening, and not be confined to quarters because of a rigid bedtime routine.

I appreciate this doesn't solve this issue for you OP, but it may give you food for thought with baby 2.

In the meantime, cancel and rebook if you can.

My ex husband did the same only get this - he went out with a mate, left me to get a cab to the motel he chose (told me it was B&B) with child, where I had to stay in the dark 2ft away from sleeping toddler in silence and couldn't even lock the door and go to bed because he didn't have a key! (i actually did lock it then realised the sob would just hammer on the door waking us both up). Turned up hammered at 4am banging on the unlocked door... Then got in a mood because I was pissed off and child was crying.... Also there were no catering facilities and it was in the middle of nowhere so couldn't even get a f#cking coffee in the morning or any food while the b#stard slept off his hangover.

So book the airb&b - it will save a major fall out!

It will be fine.. You can use the single bed as your sofa in the day time, you can put the mattress on the floor if you are afraid your 22 month will fall out or borrow a bed guard rail.

Or have the toddler in bed with you and get your partner to use the single. I have stayed a week in a family room in travelodge and it was fine. My son used to fall asleep with the side lamp on and we had to be quite after 9pm but I didn’t bother with 7pm bedtime on holiday so he slept in longer in the morning. If you are sight seeing and using a beach you will just be wanting a take away and drinks in the room in the evening. Bring your iPad for entertainment.

I'm also in the flexible sleep camp - both of mine could fall asleep anywhere and always did, blankie and boob was all they needed and they were gone for the night even in a busy restaurant. A friend jammie trained hers - as long as they changed into jammies they conked straight out. And on my nightmare trip child did fall asleep perfectly well, event ended no worries. It was being left alone in the dark with nothing to do that got me. There was nothing in the room, no TV, radio, no
kettle... And the lights were like flipping air sea rescue search lights that could raise the dead so even the kid that could sleep anywhere with lights on could see the inside of his own eyelids.

To all those with ‘flexible sleepers’… don’t forget we’re in a pandemic and it’s highly likely a lot of toddlers haven’t been anywhere overnight for the past 18 months, so both reasons and opportunities to be flexible have been pretty slim.

I still honestly don't understand how you're supposed to 'train' them to be flexible. For instance, DS1 would sleep well and happily in the pram, which obviously was very convenient when out and about, but DS2 just won't fall asleep in it - he sits in it happily but then starts crying when he's tired and rocking and pushing the pram, giving him his dummy, etc does nothing. I've tried putting him in it when already asleep and he wakes instantly. This is indeed highly annoying because it means he has to go in the sling if he needs a sleep out, and then he wakes up if I stop moving, but I don't know how I'm supposed to 'train' him to be more flexible? Just leave him to scream in the pram until he eventually drops off with exhaustion?

Well said.

@lifehappened

I'm currently in a room with my 2 kids on holiday. All we could find and it's hell! Luckily we have a balcony so we can sit on there but we've all been up since 4 and my husband has had to take baby out in the car to nap as can't with us all here. Silly silly us! Don't do it

A couple sharing a hotel room with a baby/ toddler for more than a night or two us shite and not in anyway a holiday . I know as we did it a few times while visiting family . I ended up really exhausted and very unhappy!

Talk to him. Good advice on here about the savings you will make with Airbnb as you won’t have to pay for hotel meals. Division of labour is reasonable in a marriage. He was probably thinking that this is something he could do without bothering you. Sure, he didn’t think it through. But I’ve made similar errors as a mother. Parenthood is full of errors. He’s doing his best in a not ideal situation. It’s been a tough 18 months for everyone. You’re also pregnant, tired and hormonal, and are understandably annoyed. But it seems to be a genuine error on his part. I hope you have a great trip

I'd go with what he's booked just to show what a stupid idea it was

Make him carry everything up the stairs, push the double bed against the wall and share it with DS, and go to sleep when he does at 7.30!

Your DH can have the single bed and will have to do most of the hard work as you're so exhausted from pregnancy/stairs. He'll have a much worse holiday than you and will learn his lesson