Is this holiday going to be a bit shit or am I just being fussy?

[AngeloMysterioso]

DH, DS and I are due to go away for 4 nights at the beginning of September. It’ll be our first trip anywhere since having DS who will be 22 months old. DH, being master of coin in the family, went ahead and booked the accommodation without really seeking any input from me (I did at the time suggest an Airbnb would be the most practical thing, advice he apparently did not heed), and only told me after he’d booked it- he said it was a hotel over the road from the beach, the room is on the first floor and there’s no lift which will be a bit of a pain but not the end of the world (his words, not mine).

I’ve just looked it up this evening. DH booked the biggest room we could afford, thinking it would mean more space- what it actually means is more beds, a double, a single and a foldaway- DS sleeps in a travel cot which we’re going to have to fit in somewhere. I will be 27 weeks pregnant so sleeping in a double bed (particularly when we’re used to being in a king size) is going to be a bit cramped! He also neglected to consider the fact that DS goes to sleep in a dark room with his white noise playing at around 7:30 pm- this room has no living space or a sofa or anything, so every evening once DS is asleep is going to be spent sitting on a bed in the dark a few feet away, trying not to wake him up. Not exactly relaxing.

When I pointed all this out to DH he got all huffy and defensive, saying I should have pointed this out when he was booking it (I mean why the hell should I have to? He’s as much a parent and an adult as I am!). I had a look for alternative options but it’s only 5 weeks away now so everywhere is either booked up or way too expensive- I found an Airbnb which looked reasonable and appeared to only cost slightly more per night, but when I went to reserve it the cleaning and service fees came to more than £100, so in total it would be a 40% increase which is just too much.

DH is all pissed off now and saying I should just book the Airbnb anyway despite the extra cost because I’m only going to be moaning all the time otherwise, which I feel is a bit unfair- I’m only pointing out stuff he should have thought of in the first place. AIBU?

It's 4 nights, you will cope, as will your son. He will adapted to back ground noise or lights being on.
Yes it's not ideal but also not the end of the world. Just go and 3njoy yourself

One flight of stairs with a pram and no lift? How isn't that a problem? Unless you're a flat dweller and used to taking the pram up the stairs (in which case you'll probably have something light like a yo yo) it sounds bloody horrid for a "holiday".

It will be shit because of who you’re going away with - someone who goes ahead and books without discussing with you first.

Re the stairs: Keep the buggy in your car.

On holiday you really don’t need to be putting your child to bed at 7:30. Go out to a restaurant put them in a push chair with a blanket and they might even fall asleep. Go for a walk along the sea front and get a glass of wine and sit on the beach. Change how you do things for a few days it really will not harm anyone. This is good advice. And also accept that you live and learn. What would once have seemed like a top holiday spot - a hotel room with a sea view opposite the beach - now has its drawbacks. A self-catering holiday would be much more relaxing where you can put your child to bed and then relax in another room or in the garden or on the balcony and make them a bit of breakfast when they wake up instead of having to wait to go into a hotel dining room. You can still keep them up late, tuck them up in the buggy with a blanket and go out to eat, but you have the option of a night in if you so choose.

We haven't stayed in a hotel room since our kids were born for this exact reason. My oldest was completely unable to settle in a room with other people until she was about 3.

Her younger sister is the same age as your little one and we aren't even going to try until she is another year older, it's just not worth the hassle. Holiday apartments are absolutely the way to go!

However if you can't afford to change the booking id just give it a shot anyway. My plan would be to stick with the bedtime routine as closely as possible and leave toddler to settle while you and DP hang out in the en suite. Once they are asleep just watch a movie on your iPad or something in bed with headphones (you can get an adaptor to plug in 2 sets to one device) and then have an early night. You are pregnant so take the double bed and give your partner the single.

Also it might be worth asking the hotel if they have a travel cot, some do and it will save you taking one.

@NiceGerbil

Can he cancel it.

IMO if affordable a separate room for kids esp little ones in vital.

Learnt this when DD was one. Cot in room. Bedtime. Erm. How the fuck do we put her to bed?!

Agree. I’ve had several holidays of ‘being quiet after 8pm’. Not the best.

@Marmitemarinaded

It will be shit because of who you’re going away with - someone who goes ahead and books without discussing with you first.

An utterly shit partner who books his family a break by the sea?!

Supports the family whilst she studies and moans at him and wants to spend the holiday in a dark room with white noise from 7pm.

What a monster he is.

I have to admit, we usually did self-catering when our DC were small, as it gave us more flexibility.

Some hotels we found the following; 18m old cried EVERY night, ok during the day, but we realised after a couple of days he had an ear infection;
At another, young children were expected to have a children's tea, we a 'grown up' dinner later. All well and good, but what were we supposed to do with DC while we had our dinner? And yes, all in one room benefited neither of us.
In your case, unless you rebook, I would probably all go to bed at the same time, marginally later for your DS (hopefully tired after playing on the beach all day), and very early for you.
Note; even with self- catering, we made some mistakes, but gradually learned what to look out for.

Couldn’t you and DH take it in turns so that one of you gets a walk/coffee/drink/reading in the hotel lounge each evening? Then it won’t seem so onerous.

I agree with @ActonSquirrel, it is difficult to travel with a kid, but what makes it more difficult is try to force the home night routine over the holidays when neither you or the baby are following the usual day routines.

We had some strict routines at home and DS was in a very restricted
diet due to health reasons. Holidays become much easier when we capitulated and went with the flow: I let DS sleep when he wanted during the day, I stop bothering with being back at the hotel in bed with the curtains drawn at 7, I just let him stay awake and he was happy to fall asleep in his pushchair when he was tired. The locals were having their kids around at night, so a baby sleep in a push chair was not upsetting anyone. I also realised that a week having grilled meats and chips wasn’t going to kill him especially with such a good diet at home.

Go with the flow, but don’t let your husband decide on holidays without your input, he might be his father but if you are doing most of the child care (I pretty much suspect that you do), it is you who has the bigger say on family holidays because you know the child’s needs better.

Just go down to the hotel bar/restaurant for the evening?! Take a baby monitor and do regular checks. At least then you can relax a bit!

Not the first or last to have this especially if you have a low budget.

Generally I can tell by gut feeling ( actually, plenty of experience) if things will be shit it not. Even so I cocked up on a AirBNB on the last holiday abroad and DH cocked up on the last U.K. one.
I don’t think it’s some character flaw to get it wrong sometimes.

Ask the hotel personally if they have anything else suitable.

Look on other sites like Tripadvisor under rentals or Booking.com to see if the apartment on Airbnb is listed without the fees.

A few thoughts:

We have spent over a year in a pandemic, with multiple lockdowns. I’m not sure when, in amongst all that, the OP is supposed to have gotten her child used to sleeping out and about and in busy, noisy, light environments.

Also, all children are different. One of my children was a bit like a gremlin, in that if you broke ‘the sleep rules’, he turned into a monster. Keeping him up past his bed time would not have led to a nice relaxing time sipping wine at a pavement cafe whilst he dozed in his buggy, I can promise you. He would have been trying to climb into my head in an over-tiredness induced mania. He would have then woken multiple times in the night and been up for the day at 5. My other child was much more flexible, but is a more laid back character in general. Those that congratulate themselves on ‘training’ their children to be flexible and laid back are kidding themselves.

Parents who use white noise to get their children to sleep don’t do it for shits and giggles. They typically do it because otherwise their child doesn’t go/stay asleep otherwise, and they’ve resorted to white noise, probably after trying lots of other different things.

Yes, children who get used to going to sleep with white noise at set times should probably be weaned off of it / become more flexible at some point. No, your mini break holiday is not when you wanted to do this.

Change the accommodation, or tell your husband you’ll be going for a walk on the beach every bedtime and he can sit in the dark in the hotel room with your child.

@JackOfGentleman

Just go down to the hotel bar/restaurant for the evening?! Take a baby monitor and do regular checks. At least then you can relax a bit!

What an awesome idea! Worrying your child will be the next Madeleine McCann sounds so relaxing!

I feel a bit sorry for your DH tbh - no wonder he is being defensive. It sounds like he booked the hotel because of proximity to the beach which is a good thing to have, but just hadn't thought through the ramifications of sharing a room.

Have you checked other sites including vrbo and booking.com ? Sometimes you can find the same place cheaper if you look around, or a different option. If the hotel is cancellable until the last minute then you have plenty of time to look for something else - some people may have UK options booked and then decide to go abroad so late availability may pop up.

@Blackhawkdown2020

YAbu unreasonable to have not trained your son to be flexible about how when and where he goes to sleep. Just because he normally sleeps that way at home - if you put him in a push chair with his jammies and blanket and the shade a baby net on surely he will sleep and you can be out? Maybe I was extra lucky but all our children -5 - would and could fall asleep anywhere

You were extra lucky. If I'd stopped at two children I would've said the same though to be fair. Number three child really taught me the impact a bad sleeper has on your life. He wasn't treated any differently to the other two, was just a different child. I could have done what you described with my first two. If I'd tried it with my third it would have been a recipe for no one getting any sleep at all and absolutely holiday misery.

Ps. I was like ActonSquirrel sister on my first holiday with DS blush

But honestly, accepting the home routine will not be appropriate for holidays will save you from years of miserable holidays.

OP are you the poster (I recognise the name) who ended up living with her inlaws because of flat issues and then had a horrible start? Apologies if not but I think this is an extension of making decisions without consulting you and making you feel like you dont have a voice

YAbothBU - there should have been a discussion around how your ds would be handled and what type of accommodation was needed and both agreed on it before it was booked.

You are nit picking, which will wind anyone up, saying the double bed is too small when there is a double and a single available, also there will be plenty of room for the cot if the fold away is em....folded away.

The one room isn't ideal which is why you both needed to talk about how you would handle bedtime, and what you would do after it, before anything was booked. Chalk it up to experience, accept you both got it wrong, and work out how to move forward.

Also get rid of the unhealthy "master of coin" dynamic in your relationship (that is a whole other thread!)

@JackOfGentleman

Just go down to the hotel bar/restaurant for the evening?! Take a baby monitor and do regular checks. At least then you can relax a bit!

Do people actually do this?!

the sleeping would annoy me but also at that age I wouldnt want to eat out for every meal (is breakfast included??). I'd want a kitchen to make sandwiches for lunch or tea.and maybe eat out at a pub or somewhere family friendly once.a day.

Fucking men…. It’s why I refuse to have one around for more than a night or two. My exdh would have be just as inconsiderate and you mark my words, the outcome of this will he you sat alone in the dark on your own. Guarantee it!

We made the same error with our one year
and spent the evening hanging out in the bathroom reading 😂

All these people suggesting that you just put the toddler in a buggy and go out for a meal and they'll probably fall asleep... What a lovely meal that's going to be for not just OP but the whole restaurant if it turns out not to work!