Is this holiday going to be a bit shit or am I just being fussy?

[AngeloMysterioso]

DH, DS and I are due to go away for 4 nights at the beginning of September. It’ll be our first trip anywhere since having DS who will be 22 months old. DH, being master of coin in the family, went ahead and booked the accommodation without really seeking any input from me (I did at the time suggest an Airbnb would be the most practical thing, advice he apparently did not heed), and only told me after he’d booked it- he said it was a hotel over the road from the beach, the room is on the first floor and there’s no lift which will be a bit of a pain but not the end of the world (his words, not mine).

I’ve just looked it up this evening. DH booked the biggest room we could afford, thinking it would mean more space- what it actually means is more beds, a double, a single and a foldaway- DS sleeps in a travel cot which we’re going to have to fit in somewhere. I will be 27 weeks pregnant so sleeping in a double bed (particularly when we’re used to being in a king size) is going to be a bit cramped! He also neglected to consider the fact that DS goes to sleep in a dark room with his white noise playing at around 7:30 pm- this room has no living space or a sofa or anything, so every evening once DS is asleep is going to be spent sitting on a bed in the dark a few feet away, trying not to wake him up. Not exactly relaxing.

When I pointed all this out to DH he got all huffy and defensive, saying I should have pointed this out when he was booking it (I mean why the hell should I have to? He’s as much a parent and an adult as I am!). I had a look for alternative options but it’s only 5 weeks away now so everywhere is either booked up or way too expensive- I found an Airbnb which looked reasonable and appeared to only cost slightly more per night, but when I went to reserve it the cleaning and service fees came to more than £100, so in total it would be a 40% increase which is just too much.

DH is all pissed off now and saying I should just book the Airbnb anyway despite the extra cost because I’m only going to be moaning all the time otherwise, which I feel is a bit unfair- I’m only pointing out stuff he should have thought of in the first place. AIBU?

I couldn’t agree more.

Sounds utterly miserable.

He was extremely disrespectful to book without speaking to you.

Thats what shit husbands do.

He is in a huff because he messed up and is blaming you?

Shit husband.

Financially controlling of the money?

Shit husband.

Mind yourself, because he actually isn't that great a husband, he sounds like a lot of husbands on MN.

Be wary of having lots of children with a man like that.

If you can get something more suitable and get a refund on hotel I would do...if not just relax and let your DS be a bit more flexible on sleep times. Both of ours used to come out with us for dinner and sleep in the buggy when we went to hotels abroad.

@ActonSquirrel

Though if a partner who was not working by choice every dared refer to me as master of coin that would be the last thing I paid for and I'd tell them to get a bloody job.

I couldn’t agree more

YABU to refer to DH as master of coin all money is family money.

Yes you should have chosen and booked it, within a budget you both agreed on. You clearly are more aware of the practicalities than DH. He's being a twat by booking something unsuitable and then sulking over it!! But YABU for letting it get to this point

On holiday you really don’t need to be putting your child to bed at 7:30. Go out to a restaurant put them in a push chair with a blanket and they might even fall asleep. Go for a walk along the sea front and get a glass of wine and sit on the beach. Change how you do things for a few days it really will not harm anyone.

@HungryHippo11

YAbu unreasonable to have not trained your son to be flexible about how when and where he goes to sleep Really? Is this something you can "train" a child to do? Pretty much all babies i know sleep best with a bedtime routine of some sort and many require sleep aids such as white noise. Also bearing in mind the pandemic, which probably means the OP hasn't had much opportunity to get her son to sleep in different places.

OP I would definitely cancel and find something else. Hotels aren't suitable for Babies

Is a 22mth old a baby? I have thought of my child as a toddler since at least a year and a half if not longer. Not being goady just wondering if I've got it all wrong!

My child has spent most of her life in pandemic however we have a trip booked soon in a hotel in one room and have no concerns. I don't at all agree that hotels aren't suitable for babies. I know plenty of friends and family who have taken them to hotels. I went away with husband and my child when she was just over 3 months and stayed in a hotel.

However it very much depends on the child and I dont agree with a pp that the op shouldve trained hers. Children are individuals. You can be the best parent in the world but you cannot mould a child entirely into exactly how you want them to be, nor really should you. They are their own people. My child has a routine but I've never been able to get her to sleep before 8pm unless she is really really tired which is unusual and often she falls asleep closer to 9. I have friends whose children of a similar age go to bed around 6 or 7. There isn't much I can do about this - I am not much of a sleeper either and was exactly the same as her as a child. On the other hand she slept in our room until over 1yr and was co sleeping for the last couple of months yet when we put her in her own room she slept through straight away - is this because I'm an awesome parent? No. It's luck as a pp said.

OP I have sympathy for you. If your child won't sleep in these circumstances, and your husband shouldve known this, of course you wouldn't think to tell him and it makes absolute sense to change to an air bnb. Its more but its what is needed for your family.

I often stay in hotels as a family.

I put child to bed later in the evening, maybe 8-9 (even later if sleep in pram) and then once asleep - put on a side light and read / watch tv.

I’m amazed you even mentioned, one flight of stairs to climb as being a problem - no wonder he is a bit miffed.I think you are just finding further reasons to be negative - rather than looking at positives - close to beach (not a long walk) and being able to avoid cooking, you come across as critical.

@hellcatspangle

If you can get something more suitable and get a refund on hotel I would do...if not just relax and let your DS be a bit more flexible on sleep times. Both of ours used to come out with us for dinner and sleep in the buggy when we went to hotels abroad.

Agree with this also. You don't need to stick to routines on holiday. It should not impact things too much when holiday is over. But you know your own child best in that regard x

@Blackhawkdown2020

YAbu unreasonable to have not trained your son to be flexible about how when and where he goes to sleep. Just because he normally sleeps that way at home - if you put him in a push chair with his jammies and blanket and the shade a baby net on surely he will sleep and you can be out? Maybe I was extra lucky but all our children -5 - would and could fall asleep anywhere

I agree. And on holidays we just went with the flow. Couldn't afford hotels, but had tents then a caravan. The children stayed up later or fell asleep despite the TV or other noise. It's only four nights and he can't tell the time. Put him in his cot with his toys while you watch TV, and don't worry about whether he falls asleep, just be relaxed about it. He'll fall asleep eventually...even if it's your bedtime, and even if you have to listen to white noise. And a little tip. If you ever have another child, make sure that you get them used to sleeping in a noisy, light environment!

YABU for moaning because (1) the hotel is across the road from the beach, (2) room is on 1st floor and (3) no of beds

I agree it would be better to have separate area for a sleeping child, but I expect your DH was doing his best, and lots of people complain that self catering is same shit, different kitchen

If you shot down the booking and criticised what he'd chosen, then I'm not surprised he's annoyed

I think both of you could have handled this better

Also Op I have a double bed and have managed to make two children. Not all of us are blessed with big bedrooms. You will survive.

If my partner called me the master of the coin I would down tools and tell them to get a job, you sound very flaky and privileged. It’s a few nights away in a pandemic. You have more than most people.

If you think you could adjust your child’s day to allow them to stay up later it would work as you could all go to bed early, say 10/10.30 and just get up later? If you think that won’t work tho I’d ditch it and get the air bnb.

Well it's booked now so try to be a bit more flexible?

Keep toddler up later, don't have the white noise. It's good for kids to experience coping with a change in routine when they go on holiday. Just make the best of it.

If you had specific requirements then you probably should have booked it jointly with DH. I wouldn't leave my partner to book somewhere for us (and he wouldn't leave me to it either), we're always both involved so we're on the same page about what we want.

We stayed in a hotel for a week with DS1 when he was a similar age. It was alright, but yes to later bedtimes and being a bit flexible with routine! I do remember reading my book sitting in the floor in the corridor one night when he wouldn’t stay settled.

Multiple rooms/self catering so much better.

We've done the odd night in a hotel and I'll be honest - it's no fun. Last time we (me, DH and DS3) all ended up going to bed at 10pm, apart from the baby who went at 9pm 😬. DS still woke up at 6am. I'd definitely book the Airbnb if you can - just having the extra space in both the evening and the morning (so you can get a sleep in) makes all the difference.

Your routine will slip a bit anyway when you're on holiday but at that age DS still wanted a similar time bedtime and mealtimes.

To be honest we always just kept our daughter up on hols with us, if she fell asleep in her chair fine, she often didn’t and was hyper, she then went to bed at th same time as us, and obviously woke later than she normally would. We then just went back to normal routine at home. I get every kid is different though, but it really wouldn’t have occured to us to go and sit in a dark room with white noise playing on hols, we just cracked on. Is it worth a try?

@MoveHouse

Maybe I was extra lucky but all our children -5 - would and could fall asleep anywhere

Same. But I think parents naturally worry about changing sleep routines between 1 and 2 years because they’ve spent the best part of the baby’s life trying to get them to sleep!

OP on holiday you make allowances. Small afternoon naps, lots of outdoor activities and snacks means you could do a dinner out, buggy in pj’s etc. Or as poster above says, get them in bed and take a bath / watch a movie with headphones on a tablet.

If you’d messed-up, how you want DH to handle? It’s a good place to start as your post is full of blame and frustration (which I get) but he’ll be feeling remorse, embarrassment and guilt for cocking up.

Work together on the solution don’t focus on the problem he’s caused.

Also it depends on the child. DS nearly 10 has ADHD and struggles to fall asleep. No way he could have slept in the same room as anyone else, except in our bed!

It might be fine, it might be a disaster, it won't be improved by fighting and resentment. Any holiday with a 22 month old and 27 weeks pregnant is going to be challenging.

As others have said try to relax and go with the flow or book the air bnb. Some hoyels have babysitting services (I worked for one) so that might be an option ??

Hotels obviously

It’s just 4 nights, don’t panic! Your OH tried his best and tbh it’s your first family holiday and these things are a learning curve when you are a new parent.

4 days will not disrupt your babies routine long term. When mine were little and we went on trips and holidays we just reclined the pushchair, settled them in with a blanket/shawl over the buggy and took them out with us. You can still go out in the evening! Worst case scenario your little one stays awake for a little longer whilst out with you - it’s not a problem! Hopefully be tired out anyway by all the new daytime activities.

You are being unreasonable about the bed situation however. Just get the hotel to take out the foldaway… and not having a king sized bed for 4 nights is silly. You have two beds to sleep in!

You’ll know better for the next holiday - but finding dark, quiet rooms like you have at home is never easy on holiday.

All these smug people saying they should have ‘trained’ their kids to sleep everywhere and anywhere .
Firstly… a lot of toddlers have been unable to go to many places for the best part of 18 months. Limited opportunities to train your kid to sleep in all different environments when holidays have been unable to happen, bars and restaurants shut and it’s been illegal to visit family and friends in their houses. My 2.5 year old has only slept away from our house once since he was a year old.
Secondly… my kids didn’t fucking sleep. Ever. My efforts went into us all getting enough sleep to function, not to train them so that we could have nice relaxed meals out. That was furthest from our minds when we were sobbing into our cornflakes with exhaustion.
But carry on being smug!

Put the travel cot in the bathroom. Shove the single and double beds together.

I don't love hotel stays with young kids, much prefer apartment style, but it's doable. DD used to sleep in a Sleepyhead on the shower floor until age 2 at least, with some soft bedding underneath.

@Bluntness100

To be honest we always just kept our daughter up on hols with us, if she fell asleep in her chair fine, she often didn’t and was hyper, she then went to bed at th same time as us, and obviously woke later than she normally would. We then just went back to normal routine at home. I get every kid is different though, but it really wouldn’t have occured to us to go and sit in a dark room with white noise playing on hols, we just cracked on. Is it worth a try?

I agree with that.my sister was impossible with routine when her dc were young.

I once went on a joint break with her. Never again. 18 month old. Dead silence, dark room, etc even for naps.

Wouldn't relent on holiday. She threw the most incredible tantrums (my sister not the child) as the kid wasn't sleeping in the buggy during the day. The kid wasn't grumpy or bothered though. I just suggested she see what happens and put her to bed early if she doesn't sleep. She had none of it.

In the car we had to sit in silence eveb the other older children whilst my sister held a coat over the baby's head to replicate pitch black and she eventually got her to sleep. Only to have to get out of the car 25 mins later and then the poor child was crying from being woken from sleep and disoriented. It was already 4pm. I said ffs put her to bed an hour early as she has missed her nap... oh no.

Why on earth people can't be flexible on holiday is beyond me.

Both times he planned the route and booked the hotels etc but refused to tell me where we were going "as it was a surprise". Trouble is, he didn't drive.

Jesus! You should congratulate yourself for leaving the selfish bastard. So many wives put up with cheeky fuckers like this for life because playing with the kids for an hour on a Saturday morning makes them excellent parents, and someway disregards completely the lack of consideration of the guy towards the whole family.