Is this holiday going to be a bit shit or am I just being fussy?

[AngeloMysterioso]

DH, DS and I are due to go away for 4 nights at the beginning of September. It’ll be our first trip anywhere since having DS who will be 22 months old. DH, being master of coin in the family, went ahead and booked the accommodation without really seeking any input from me (I did at the time suggest an Airbnb would be the most practical thing, advice he apparently did not heed), and only told me after he’d booked it- he said it was a hotel over the road from the beach, the room is on the first floor and there’s no lift which will be a bit of a pain but not the end of the world (his words, not mine).

I’ve just looked it up this evening. DH booked the biggest room we could afford, thinking it would mean more space- what it actually means is more beds, a double, a single and a foldaway- DS sleeps in a travel cot which we’re going to have to fit in somewhere. I will be 27 weeks pregnant so sleeping in a double bed (particularly when we’re used to being in a king size) is going to be a bit cramped! He also neglected to consider the fact that DS goes to sleep in a dark room with his white noise playing at around 7:30 pm- this room has no living space or a sofa or anything, so every evening once DS is asleep is going to be spent sitting on a bed in the dark a few feet away, trying not to wake him up. Not exactly relaxing.

When I pointed all this out to DH he got all huffy and defensive, saying I should have pointed this out when he was booking it (I mean why the hell should I have to? He’s as much a parent and an adult as I am!). I had a look for alternative options but it’s only 5 weeks away now so everywhere is either booked up or way too expensive- I found an Airbnb which looked reasonable and appeared to only cost slightly more per night, but when I went to reserve it the cleaning and service fees came to more than £100, so in total it would be a 40% increase which is just too much.

DH is all pissed off now and saying I should just book the Airbnb anyway despite the extra cost because I’m only going to be moaning all the time otherwise, which I feel is a bit unfair- I’m only pointing out stuff he should have thought of in the first place. AIBU?

Rebook, what is the point otherwise as you won’t look forward to the break at all, it’s will just lead to more stress. DH clearly hasn’t thought it through. Thank goodness, I book all our holidays. Good luck OP, wishing you a lovely holiday.

If £100 is way over your budget id stick with what you've got.

You get the double if you need it and he gets the single. There's a foldaway so toddlers travel cot can go in that space.

Worst case if the toddler is a pain with sleep he can jump in with you for the night.

It's not the end of the world.

See bread winner or not surely you talk about it and book it together? As it’s a family holiday?!

I feel you're being unduly harsh and looking for negatives.

• 1st floor really won't be a problem. Lots of people have stairs at home and it isn't the end of the world

• you both have a bed to sleep in

• I'm sure they can remove a bed if you ask them

• there is a sea view and you are right next to the beach.

Unfortunately if your child only sleeps in a quiet dark room there isn't much you can do about that.

Yes he should have consulted you first but you almost seem to be willing it to be a shit holiday. Just cancel if you don't want to go, stay at home. With a negative attitude you'll have a crap time whatever happens.

Give DC dinner at their usual time go for a walk then back to the room. Normal bedtime routine. Get your oh to put to bed while you get ready slowly in the bathroom. Once asleep transfer to push chair with blanket or pashmina draped over it and out you go somewhere quiet for dinner for 2.
It's a tried and tested method ☺️.

Yes, definitely cancel and rebook.

First lesson, you do the booking form now on.

Don’t do this! Don’t absolve him from all future responsibility for booking holidays. Before long you’ll find that you are dealing with literally everything your child(ren) want or need. Swimming lessons, birthday parties, school applications, new shoes, dentist appts ….

Get in the habit of making big decisions jointly, to empower him to do it himself. Mothers are often the first point of contact, and pathfinders for these type of things due to maternity leave, but fathers can/should do it too. They just are not always exposed to the opportunity as often and intensely as mothers. So while mums are majoring in MA Having a Family, after a couple of years of intense study, the dads/second parent, are floundering with their GCSE coursework of the same.😊

It you are not going to starve, book the Air BnB.

I'm currently in a room with my 2 kids on holiday. All we could find and it's hell! Luckily we have a balcony so we can sit on there but we've all been up since 4 and my husband has had to take baby out in the car to nap as can't with us all here. Silly silly us! Don't do it

YAbu unreasonable to have not trained your son to be flexible about how when and where he goes to sleep. Just because he normally sleeps that way at home - if you put him in a push chair with his jammies and blanket and the shade a baby net on surely he will sleep
Ignore this sort of thing from people blessed with easy sleepers, OP. Children aren’t robots who can be made to sleep to suit you. I did everything right with DD and she still likes what she likes: dark room, flat cot, quiet; not being yoinked out into a buggy while we’re out to dinner. (Would any adult like this?! Why do we expect all children to stay asleep under any condition??)

I’m a tightwad so I’d probably try to make the best of it, with reading in the bath/going to bed early (ideal at 27 weeks tbh, I was knackered)/taking it in turns to be the one to get to go out (solid opportunity for a book and a nice dinner without DP showing me things on his phone ), laugh about it all later – pass it into family lore as “remember the holiday when…?” – and, crucially, never do it again.

I think yabu and making a bigger deal out of things then you need to. As long as your ds doesn't jump in with you in the middle of the night you will be able to manage in a double bed when whilst pregnant (I'm 35 weeks and have a king sized bed but I could manage in a double for a few nights). The room also has a single bed so your oh could sleep in that and give you the double to yourself. As for how your son sleeps, well you have made a rod for your own back. Do you really never go out psst his bedtime? Are even naps taken in the dark? Rigidity and routine might work well whilst at home but on holiday you have to adapt somewhat.

I've stayed in plenty of hotel rooms with a baby and toddler and managed to get them both off to sleep and then relaxed and watched TV with dh but ours will sleep through noise as I used to hoover when they slept etc.

You aren't going to be happy with what he has booked, so get a refund and put up the difference yourself so you can have the air bnb.

We had the worst holiday ever with our 15 month old in a hotel in France. Went home early as he wouldn't sleep in same room as us so had no downtime and were spending a fortune on food out as no self catering and weather was rubbish. Started going to chalets on campsites after that.

I mean you make of a holiday what you will. Personally I think it’s only four nights. Put DS in the pushchair or trying sitting in the dark for half hour, once their asleep you can have your time. We’ve done 4 nights in a hotel this year with a LO around the same age and we’ve managed. Yeah it’s a waiting game but honestly it’s not that bad and it’s not been the worse thing ever. Also double vs king not that much different and if it is send your DH to one of the spare beds you have.

He should cancel and rebook suitable accommodation.

This sounds like something my DP would book, he gets carried away with the view and being in a nice place but doesn't think of the practicalities until I point them out.

He'll get very excited and show me this 'amazing' thing he's found and when I look I immediately see a million things wrong with it.

Thankfully, I don't think he'd book a hotel without consulting me about it first. But if he did I would be annoyed, and probably rebook because otherwise I would find myself constantly seething about all the impracticalities.

OP, I don't blame your DH for being defensive if you complained to him in the same tone you used for your post here. He probably feels belittled and scolded, which isn't a good start to your holiday or future holidays. If he's going to re-book he does need to learn how to choose something more appropriate, but you need to be more patient and diplomatic in how you coach him. Or do it yourself.

I'd rather have no holiday at all than that. Do day trips out instead.

Its very simple - ask the hotel to remove the foldaway and put in the cot. You have the double and he can have the single. Sometimes hotel websites say double but its actually bigger than that.
If you have a balcony we would put kids to bed and have a drink on the balcony until they are asleep. Once they are a sleep they won't wake if you then put the telivision on. Kids are so tired they go into a deep sleep first off.
Sounds like you might not be holidaying in the UK - when on holiday its OK for kids to go to sleep later.

Oh, and don't let your toddler hear you arguing over whether its a shit holiday or not, or that will come back to bite you big time when they're older. They will use the language you teach them whether you realise you're teaching them or not.

Though if a partner who was not working by choice every dared refer to me as master of coin that would be the last thing I paid for and I'd tell them to get a bloody job.

As if it is easy to be the sole earner for a soon to be family of 4. Master of coin is how you see it. Earn your own coins.

@sanityisamyth he sounds awful! You're well rid
Op your holiday does sound a bit shit. Your options are: cancel it, and accept there's no holiday this year

or accept it won't be exactly what you'd like, and go with the attitude of making the best of it.
Either way, the lack of communication from your husband needs to stop and knock this master of coin shit on the head!

Yabu, stop looking for problems! First floor will be fine, double bed will be fine, even keeping your toddler up for a bit later if you want to stay up will be fine. Speak to hotel beforehand and arrange the foldaway bed ti be put away then use the spare single to put all your stuff on, which will be really handy. Just opposite the beach sounds lovely and you can maybe treat yourselves to some room service. Airbnb is all well and good, but at least at a hotel you do less of the work - cleaning, washing towels, making beds etc.

When the DC were small we always stayed in self catering for exactly this reason. DH has fucked up here, but as someone else said - that's what first time parents do. He'll know better next time.

Either book the Airbnb or don't if you can't afford it. But either way - it's time to stop moaning and make the best of it. He didn't mean to and he's learnt his lesson for next time.

Maybe it was then also all what was available for your budget. You can make it work. Send your OH on the single bed and enjoy the big one for yourself for a start!

I think he's huffy with you because in his eyes he's out in the effort to book what he thought was the right accommodation. You've reasonably pointed out why it's not the right accommodation and he's taken it as criticism of his good intentions. Perhaps you should go with the flow and stay where he's booked and try to make it work. If it doesn't work, then he'll know why, if it does work then DH made a reasonable choice