Is this holiday going to be a bit shit or am I just being fussy?

[AngeloMysterioso]

DH, DS and I are due to go away for 4 nights at the beginning of September. It’ll be our first trip anywhere since having DS who will be 22 months old. DH, being master of coin in the family, went ahead and booked the accommodation without really seeking any input from me (I did at the time suggest an Airbnb would be the most practical thing, advice he apparently did not heed), and only told me after he’d booked it- he said it was a hotel over the road from the beach, the room is on the first floor and there’s no lift which will be a bit of a pain but not the end of the world (his words, not mine).

I’ve just looked it up this evening. DH booked the biggest room we could afford, thinking it would mean more space- what it actually means is more beds, a double, a single and a foldaway- DS sleeps in a travel cot which we’re going to have to fit in somewhere. I will be 27 weeks pregnant so sleeping in a double bed (particularly when we’re used to being in a king size) is going to be a bit cramped! He also neglected to consider the fact that DS goes to sleep in a dark room with his white noise playing at around 7:30 pm- this room has no living space or a sofa or anything, so every evening once DS is asleep is going to be spent sitting on a bed in the dark a few feet away, trying not to wake him up. Not exactly relaxing.

When I pointed all this out to DH he got all huffy and defensive, saying I should have pointed this out when he was booking it (I mean why the hell should I have to? He’s as much a parent and an adult as I am!). I had a look for alternative options but it’s only 5 weeks away now so everywhere is either booked up or way too expensive- I found an Airbnb which looked reasonable and appeared to only cost slightly more per night, but when I went to reserve it the cleaning and service fees came to more than £100, so in total it would be a 40% increase which is just too much.

DH is all pissed off now and saying I should just book the Airbnb anyway despite the extra cost because I’m only going to be moaning all the time otherwise, which I feel is a bit unfair- I’m only pointing out stuff he should have thought of in the first place. AIBU?

If you can afford it, cancel the hotel and stay in the Airbnb with space. And forgive him for making the mistake, these things happen. I’m a trigger happy booker myself so I understand. An extra £100 to be able to enjoy the evenings with the lights on on your holiday will probably be worth it in the grand scheme of things.

You could also reduce the trip away to three nights if your budget is really tight. 3 days away in a spacious apartment is probably more relaxing than 4 evenings sitting in a dark hotel room.

@IDontLikeMondays88

I think the people commenting on how the OP shouldn’t have conditioned her baby to need a quiet environment are people who have older children and not lockdown babies. My baby is a lockdown baby and hasn’t had the experience of sleeping anywhere other than in his own house. We’ve had one night in a hotel when he was little and two nights at my parents more recently. There not really been the opportunity trail round with him in his buggy on holiday!

I also don't really know what people mean by telling OP that she should be getting him used to it - do they mean just try it and see if he's happy enough to be either kept up late or put to bed in a buggy? What's she meant to do, in practice, to make him be more flexible if he's not on board with it?

I mean, what's done is done now right?
You can either fall out with him and spoil the whole trip because you'll both be sour about it.
Or
Just get on with it. It's not ideal sleeping arrangements. But try not to let that consume your whole holiday. Your DC will sleep if you dim the lights and sit at the other side of the room while he falls asleep. Make DH sleep in the single bed if you need space.
Enjoy the trip as it may be the last just the 3 of you

What is a holiday other than a break away from the routine.

I don't get the obsession with pitch dark and white noise an holiday. He isn't school age and if he was school is out.

Gosh let him for a few days have later nights with mum and dad. Miss his nap, never mind. He'll sleep in later.

No one is telling OP that his routine will work away from home but they don't have to follow it.

What a joyless life if you can't let you dc stay up a bit late and enjoy time with parents on holiday

Is this in the U.K. or abroad?

Your child will be almost two by the time you go. Don’t forget that they change all the time in terms of nap habits. If you plan to be having days out during the day then I’d maybe try no daytime sleep, put him in the buggy to come with you for dinner out somewhere and he’ll probably fall asleep in it. All back to the room by 9, quiet watching tablet with headphones/ reading until you fall asleep.
Since the room has no self catering facilities I guess you’ll also have to go to a café or something at your son’s tea time to feed him.

I hope this place is worth visiting!

It’s non ideal but - when our current DS5 was a baby he travelled everywhere around the world for my conferences - my spouse looked after him by day whilst I networked or gave talks- and evenings they joined us with pram for meals and drinks - and we slept when we could. He just adjusted.

Now of course - DD 18 months - has never seen another country - thanks to covid - and has never been on a plane and my conferences are now all bloody virtual. How she will cope when things return to travelling again I can’t say - but when we go away - for instance going away today to Norfolk - she just keeps up and stays up if need be. We do however book large cottages but it could be done with a hotel by all staying up late

More broadly - with our first son we very quickly decided we need him to be flexible. Sure white noise at home - but he did have Ramen at 9 months in Japan at 9 pm once and when we visited my family halfway across the world he coped bravely with trans continental flights napping on daddy on the airport floor between connecting flights. They do cope far better than we anticipate and plan and you’ll be happy if they go with flow more and more. I’d try to cancel and book air BnB but if not embrace it and take the chance to see if the little one will be game for going with the flow on holiday. Treat it as a test run!

I think the big divide here must be between parents of toddlers who just happily carry on when tired and then catch up on their sleep later (which sounds nice, though not like any child I've encountered in real life) and parents of toddlers who become whiny, then screamy irrational messes once over-tired. I'm sure the former exist but I've only ever had and known the latter and the thought of having lovely relaxed family time two hours past their bedtime is actually quite funny.

It could still be great. Being opposite the beach and not having to worry about parking, time you get there etc is a massive plus.
Keep the buggy in the car.
Can you pick up a second hand baby carrier, the kind that goes front or back. I found it much more useful with a second as the first wants to go to more inaccessible places with buggy or for nursery drop offs.
The folding beds usually fit under the main bed. Phone in advance and the hotel will sort this.
Stay out a little later than you might normally.
Put the travel cot in the we quietest corner, switch off the lights while he goes to sleep (take a nice relaxing bath while oh deals with it). Then drink wine, eat nibbles, watch a bit of telly with low lights.
Or go for an evening beach walk with the pram and get your husband to carry him up sleeping. With the extra excitement of holiday you may be surprised how well he sleeps

@ActonSquirrel

What is a holiday other than a break away from the routine.

I don't get the obsession with pitch dark and white noise an holiday. He isn't school age and if he was school is out.

Gosh let him for a few days have later nights with mum and dad. Miss his nap, never mind. He'll sleep in later.

No one is telling OP that his routine will work away from home but they don't have to follow it.

What a joyless life if you can't let you dc stay up a bit late and enjoy time with parents on holiday

At that age, mine wouldn’t have enjoyed time with their parents when they were tired and ready for their bed. They’d have been tired and grumpy, and would have been enjoying time with their parents all day. Now they’re a bit older they can cope with late nights but at 22 months? No way. I guess the OP knows whether her child will enjoy late nights or not.

Or failing that have you considered a static caravan? We have been amazed how good they are with small kids
We go for the smaller sized sites but most have a pool and decent play park.
You can upend the single beds (there's nothing to them) to fit in a travel cot.

We had a youth hostel room when DS was this sort of age. Ended up lying in bed reading under the covers by torchlight. DH went downstairs to the lounge for a bit.

I’d give it a try. At least you have enough beds. You double, DH single. We always stayed in hotels and just kept DD up with us never did the putting to bed at 7 and sitting in dark. Toddler may sleep later in morning or you can all have an after nap. Go with glow you’re on holiday.

If they really dont sleep well I would probably go out for dinner somewhere local at 6.30 with baby in PJs. Then walk back with them in a buggy shaded with a blanket/pashmina and hope they drift off. Back at hotel by 8ish so only a little later than normal. Put the travel cot and white noise machine the bathroom ready and put them to sleep in the dark in there. Treat it like a bedroom. You and DH settle down on the bed with wine and chocolate for dessert and maybe a film. Take it in turns to sneak into bathrooms for teeth clean and a wee (in the dark if you really have to) before you go to bed.

Just go down to the hotel bar/restaurant for the evening?! Take a baby monitor and do regular checks. At least then you can relax a bit!

Please if you do this, make sure the en-suite bathroom door is closed tight and handle unreachable.
We could hear noises through the monitor, returned to the room to find that our two year old had ran himself a bath and was merrily bathing when we went in...😱

Horrified!

We stay in hotel rooms with our 3 kids all the time (several times a year) and have for over a decade - never had a problem.

You can't tiptoe round kids, they need to learn to function (and sleep) with other things going on around them otherwise your doing them a disservice and effecting your own ability to function too.

@MelroseRD

Just go down to the hotel bar/restaurant for the evening?! Take a baby monitor and do regular checks. At least then you can relax a bit!

Please if you do this, make sure the en-suite bathroom door is closed tight and handle unreachable.
We could hear noises through the monitor, returned to the room to find that our two year old had ran himself a bath and was merrily bathing when we went in...😱

Horrified!

Do people actually do this?

Did no one learn from the McCanns?

Definitely book the air bnb!

He'll sleep in later

Lol! Even at 9 our DD will only sleep later if she is up later consistently for a few days & jet lagged (ie when we go to Florida for 2 weeks) she wouldn't immediately for a 4 night holiday

@mam0918 there was a thread recently with the exH of the OP who was planning to do it, a scary number of comments were from people who did it & it was 'fine'

"Just go down to the hotel bar/restaurant for the evening?! Take a baby monitor and do regular checks. At least then you can relax a bit!

Please if you do this, make sure the en-suite bathroom door is closed tight and handle unreachable.
We could hear noises through the monitor, returned to the room to find that our two year old had ran himself a bath and was merrily bathing when we went in...😱

Horrified!"

Wow.

Having to ‘downgrade’ to a double bed instead of your kingsize bed at home is a first world problem.

No pregnant woman is so huge she can’t fit in a double with her partner. That’s definitely YABU.

Youngster needing a dark room to sleep in on holiday like nearly everything other tiny routine you’re used to at home, will have to change when you’re on holiday. As parents, we put up with the little inconveniences and remember how lucky we are to even afford a holiday in a big seafront hotel when others can’t.

Your youngster will probably sleep well anyway, all that fresh air walking around all day instead of being indoors.

I think your partner has done pretty well to find a huge room in a seafront hotel within budget, you can’t have everything perfect.

But ultimately chalk it up to experience and ensure you share the selection process next time.

I totally understand where you're coming from and people who don't, don't understand how little fun a holiday can be after four nights of 4 or 5 hours sleep on the trot. My DD has always found it hard to fall asleep and almost impossible on the first night in a new place. Nothing to do with light or noise or us being PFB -- she was diagnosed with ADHD aged 7 and thanks to medication can finally fall asleep in under an hour. Instead of 2-4. And she woke up at 5.45am on the dot until quite recently (whether she'd gone to sleep at 8pm or 12pm). The best was a trip to Canada where she woke up for the day at 5.45am UK time. Thank God for big cities and 24 hour coffee bars is all I can say.

As a result, we never holiday anywhere without two bedrooms/sleeping areas so that at least one adult can get sleep.

I would definitely price up a second room in the same hotel (even if just for the last couple of nights) - it may be cheaper than an alternative.

Wish it was as easy as just telling your child to be flexible that would be awesome.