to ask what is so special about blond hair

[pocpocpoc]

My husband is white and English, I am not white and foreign. I have dark hair and my genetics pretty much guarantee that my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren are almost 100% likely to have dark hair too.

DH's brother is married to a white English woman and their daughter is the same age as DD. She is taller than DD and has blond hair. Both are nice young ladies, reasonably attractive, but in different ways.

Something that bothered me for a long time, but I could only put a finger on recently, is how MIL (and others in the family) talk about DD's cousin's blond hair and height, almost as a counter-point to anything DD does that is of mention. For instance: "Well done for getting 12 A* GCSEs (saving a child from fire, winning Olympics, getting a Nobel prize), so proud of you being so academic/brave/athletic/hard-working and also of your cousin, who is a tall blond". I find it strange that DD is typically praised for something she has done and worked hard for, while her cousin is praised only for her looks.

Where it is getting ridiculous is that I noticed DH's sister doing the same thing, this time with our boys. Not long ago she said to me "aren't you lucky that your son has such a good friend to play with, with his beautiful head of blond hair" - the sentence really didn't make sense to me. Thinking back I realised that the blond hair has been brought up every time we met in the last couple of years.

In my culture we don't attribute any special value to blond hair. It is very rare, usually means that the blond person is of another ethnicity. Some people get their hair bleached, but it does not confer any superiority or praise. So help me to understand: what is so special about blond hair? AIBU to be bothered? AIBU to detect a hint of racism?

[Gwenhwyfar]

"when as Middle Easteners they would have been dark."

Apparently, there are fair-skinned people in that part of the world so we don't know. (not sure I'm totally convinced of this, but is what I've been told).

[pocpocpoc]

@whatthejiggeries
Not sure where you saw jealousy. I specifically said both girls are equally attractive, in different ways. I don’t think anyone, not even MIL suggested that one is more attractive than the other, that’s why I was trying to figure out what the fuss was about.
Blondes can be considered attractive in my country, but not based on hair colour alone. No one would make any extra fuss just on account of blonde hair alone, and it is much more rare than here.
I genuinely appreciate this thread as it explained a lot to me. As a foreigner I had no idea blonde (or any colour) hair carried so much significance. To my foreign eye, Kate Middleton was the idea of classic English beauty and I didn’t know that blondness was so prized.

[Gwenhwyfar]

@Comedycook

Sorry but it really irritates me when people just dismiss this as simply a preference. It really isn't that simple. It's hugely tied up with sub conscious racism, religious imagery, colourism, western beauty standards that we are exposed to all our lives

If a preference for blond is racist, is a preference for brown (tanned) skin also racist?

[AlexaShutUp]

@Peachee

I agree children with blonde curly hair are usually showered with compliments also..I don’t understand it either.

But children with curly hair of any colour get showered with compliments, don't they? My dd had dark ringlets as a toddler, and people commented on them all the time. Maybe people just find curls cute?

[Kokeshi123]

Jesus and Mary are nearly always portrayed in art as fair and blue eyed when as Middle Easteners they would have been dark.

www.google.co.jp/search?sxsrf=ALeKk01U2SrQTPzJ3kfBRgC3bLYzpfvKTQ:1627729863933&source=univ&tbm=isch&q=mary+and+jesus+paintings&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwijsNGilo3yAhU9L6YKHVhQC_kQ7Al6BAgIEEM&biw=1116&bih=648

Google images suggest brownish coloring is commoner even in historic depictions. In modern renditions, they are invariably shown as Middle Eastern in appearance IME.

[Kalvinette]

I've never seen blonde Marys, Josephs or Jesuses before. They've always been brunette but rosy cheeked which does exist in the ME...

[Comedycook]

@Gwenhwyfar

You seem to be struggling with what I'm saying. I'm not saying a preference for blonde hair is racist necessarily...I'm saying that the praise and adoration towards it is full of unconscious bias brought about by religious imagery, colourism, the caste systems, slavery, western beauty ideals etc

[whatthejiggeries]

People generally find people of their own race more attractive. That is not limited to the West. We live in the West and most people in the West are white - therefore that is the beauty ideal. It will be different in China. It's normal

[AlexaShutUp]

People generally find people of their own race more attractive.

Is there actually any evidence to back that up? I'm white, but don't necessarily find white men more attractive - it depends on the individual tbh. As a general rule, I find blond hair very unattractive on men tbh.

I think lots of people are attracted to people of other races at least as much as their own.

[SmokeyDevil]

People actually say those things? They sound weird as hell.

[sleepygnome]

Because it's rare and exotic.

[whatthejiggeries]

@AlexaShutUp maybe? Just my point of view from seeing couples etc and people I know. I'm not saying anyone is attracted exclusively to one race there are beautiful people in all races, it's more a general comment

[Comedycook]

[quote whatthejiggeries]@AlexaShutUp maybe? Just my point of view from seeing couples etc and people I know. I'm not saying anyone is attracted exclusively to one race there are beautiful people in all races, it's more a general comment [/quote]
People choose their partners from the available pool...if you're living in a predominantly white area, then of course you're more likely to have a white partner. I don't think it's necessarily true that people are more attracted to their own race though

[AlexaShutUp]

[quote whatthejiggeries]@AlexaShutUp maybe? Just my point of view from seeing couples etc and people I know. I'm not saying anyone is attracted exclusively to one race there are beautiful people in all races, it's more a general comment [/quote]
Just my point of view from seeing couples etc and people I know.

But maybe that just reflects your social circle rather than any scientific reality? I know tons of people in mixed race relationships, but that might be partly because I'm in one myself.

[whatthejiggeries]

You could both be right - but that would also smash through any idea that there is such a thing as western beauty ideals.

[howrudeforme]

I think I the blonde hair thing is that it’s rare. Growing up in 80’s it was a thing and thought I’d look nicer if I only had blond hair and a smaller nose and thin lips.

In reality I have big frizzy almost black hair and a robust nose and a full mouth.Happy enough with it now. I still notice that blond women get attention. Think it’s because it’s ‘youthful’ looking?


But then again in the 80s the look was blond with thin lips. Now everyone seems to be running off for lip fillers 😳.

Heck, there are fashions in beauty.

[TableFlowerss]

@Gwenhwyfar

"Yet skin that’s too pale isn’t seen as desirable either to some, hence the zillion different fake tabs available and places offering sun-bed sessions. That’s so dangerous and can cause cancer. All because they want to be brown."

Yep and now lip fillers to make our lips look more like African than European lips.
Beauty standards are not as clear cut as white being favoured.

Completely agree. It’s not as cut and dry as some are trying to make out.

Absolutely great point about the lip filler trend right now.

Could even mention the reason women wear mascara. They want their eye lashes to look black. Fair women often have fair eye lashes/brows and get the tinted to make them darker.

Never hear about a woman with dark eyelashes asking to have them lighter….

[AlexaShutUp]

I don't understand why people keep saying that blonde hair is rare? It's pretty common as far as I can see?

[AuntMasha]

Most women are blonde in my part of the U.K.

Don’t think blonde is any more attractive than non-blonde.

If I could choose, I would love to have dark hair and dark eyes. I was that little curly haired blonde girl and I hated it.

[Eledamorena]

I haven't read the full thread so not sure if this has been mentioned already, but I find a similar thing with blue eyes.

My husband and I both have brown eyes but two of our three children have very bright blue eyes. People have looked me in the face and told me this is genetically impossible Obviously, it isn't. We both have one blue-eyed parent so while it might be unusual for us to have had blue-eyed children, it's not impossible!

We live in SE Asia and the blue eyes get LOTS more attention than my brown-eyed child. But I can understand that in this part of the world, as blue eyes are only really found in foreigners here.

In the OP's case, it's just weird! And it would annoy me too, on behalf of both the daughter and the niece.

[FreshPrincessOfLondon]

DS had a mop of golden curls when he was little. He is now mid brown.

I think it must be the rarity of it to persist past childhood?

Makes me sad though when DD (beautiful brown curls) compares herself to her little blonde straight haired friends. Seems ingrained due to barbies etc all being blond.

[LimitIsUp]

@AlexaShutUp

I don't understand why people keep saying that blonde hair is rare? It's pretty common as far as I can see?

I posted down thread that 29% of UK nationals are blonde - doesn't seem to have registered

[AlexaShutUp]

I posted down thread that 29% of UK nationals are blonde - doesn't seem to have registered

Clearly it hasn't registered, @LimitIsUp. I don't get it, there are tons of blonde haired people where I live, and I don't think anyone really sees it as anything special. It's just hair!!

[Elephantsparade]

Thats still 2/3 not blonde and perhaps there is some regional variation too.

[AlexaShutUp]

@Elephantsparade

Thats still 2/3 not blonde and perhaps there is some regional variation too.

Yes, 2/3 not blonde but it isn't exactly as if everyone who isn't blonde has the same colour, is it? Some people have black hair, some dark brown, some mousy, some red hair etc. Blonde hair really isn't anything special anywhere in the UK - it's just a standard hair colour, surely. I get why it might be a novelty in countries where it isn't common, but not here.