to ask what is so special about blond hair

[pocpocpoc]

My husband is white and English, I am not white and foreign. I have dark hair and my genetics pretty much guarantee that my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren are almost 100% likely to have dark hair too.

DH's brother is married to a white English woman and their daughter is the same age as DD. She is taller than DD and has blond hair. Both are nice young ladies, reasonably attractive, but in different ways.

Something that bothered me for a long time, but I could only put a finger on recently, is how MIL (and others in the family) talk about DD's cousin's blond hair and height, almost as a counter-point to anything DD does that is of mention. For instance: "Well done for getting 12 A* GCSEs (saving a child from fire, winning Olympics, getting a Nobel prize), so proud of you being so academic/brave/athletic/hard-working and also of your cousin, who is a tall blond". I find it strange that DD is typically praised for something she has done and worked hard for, while her cousin is praised only for her looks.

Where it is getting ridiculous is that I noticed DH's sister doing the same thing, this time with our boys. Not long ago she said to me "aren't you lucky that your son has such a good friend to play with, with his beautiful head of blond hair" - the sentence really didn't make sense to me. Thinking back I realised that the blond hair has been brought up every time we met in the last couple of years.

In my culture we don't attribute any special value to blond hair. It is very rare, usually means that the blond person is of another ethnicity. Some people get their hair bleached, but it does not confer any superiority or praise. So help me to understand: what is so special about blond hair? AIBU to be bothered? AIBU to detect a hint of racism?

[quote Comedycook]@mustlovegin. Actually throughout much of the world, Western beauty standards are pervasive. Hence why there is eyelid surgery in Korea and skin bleaching in African countries. It is so damaging[/quote]
Yet skin that’s too pale isn’t seen as desirable either to some, hence the zillion different fake tabs available and places offering sun-bed sessions. That’s so dangerous and can cause cancer. All because they want to be brown.

Then there’s the male ideal of ‘tall dark and handsome’, for a male, so that goes against the grain that blonde hair etc is more desirable….

Also the negative association with being ‘thick’ if yours blonde.

You are right it’s deeply weird the way people go on about it. I was really really blonde when I was a child. My hair would be commented on all the time (more so abroad than in the U.K. but even at home it happened a lot). I’ve read a few threads where people comment about others going and touching BAME kids hair and how it’s perceived as racist, which I find really a strange concept as that also happened to me all the time well into my 20’s. It’s not just about a beauty standard because I’ve always been at least somewhat overweight & have never ever fitted that mould so I can only assume it’s because really properly blonde hair is a bit unusual and like many things that are a bit unusual it’s commented on

I feel bad that someone cant just be blond without BEING BLOND AT YOU.

@Lollipity
White women are viewed as manly and unattractive?! Manly? How does white skin make a person look manly? 🤭

The reason it is special on children, is because it is very rare for an adult to be naturally blond.

If I saw a blond child, I'd probably comment on their "lovely blond hair", since its unusual - it's highly likely by the time they grow up, they won't be blond.

I say this as someone blue eyed and fair haired, who much prefers dark eyes and dark hair (since it's unusual to me, because I'm Irish, and that coloring is rarer in Ireland).

[quote Kalvinette]@Lollipity
White women are viewed as manly and unattractive?! Manly? How does white skin make a person look manly? 🤭[/quote]
I don't think one should be looking for logic in ingrained cultural beliefs.

Similarly, I do not see a lot of logic in the blonde worshipping, but now I understand it exists and a lot of people do it without necessarily thinking about it.

One country I have spent time in regards white woman as ungainly and unfeminine because they taller, heavier and have larger feet than local woman.

Interestingly similar to what @Lollipity said being fair skinned used to be highly prized in the UK because it meant you didn't have to spend time outside labouring.

Then work patterns changed and the poor spent time inside working. Having an all over tan indicated leisure time and became more desirable.

Yet skin that’s too pale isn’t seen as desirable either to some, hence the zillion different fake tabs available and places offering sun-bed sessions. That’s so dangerous and can cause cancer. All because they want to be brown.

The comparison of tanning and skin bleaching is so tired, lazy and quite honestly, just nonsense.

Yet skin that’s too pale isn’t seen as desirable either to some, hence the zillion different fake tabs available and places offering sun-bed sessions. That’s so dangerous and can cause cancer. All because they want to be brown.

That’s because sun-tan is evidence that someone is privileged enough to travel abroad for their holidays and lie in the sun.

Historically, it was fair skin that was prized, because it was a sign that a person was wealthy and didn’t have to spend hours working outdoors.

Very pale skin is much harder work to make look good than a darker skin tone in the sense that when your skin is ultra white, every single broken vein, spot, scar, and discolouration is massively highlighted. You need flawless pale white skin for it to look as nice as more tanned skin that isnt perfect and I think that's the reason why people are still doing fake tan now.

Spanish people are mad about blonde hair ime

I actually feel sorry for your neice though, as she risks growing up thinking her looks are the only thing she has got to offer . It doesnt sound very balanced. Thats the last bloody message girls need

I am blonde. People just generally gush over it. Used to drive me insane when I was a kid as I hated it. It's weird. I think it's a throwback to the blonde movie idols. Marilyn Monroe etc

I don't Think she's being racist or prefers the other girl , it's just what people do. Over blonde

@maddy68

I am blonde. People just generally gush over it. Used to drive me insane when I was a kid as I hated it. It's weird. I think it's a throwback to the blonde movie idols. Marilyn Monroe etc

I don't Think she's being racist or prefers the other girl , it's just what people do. Over blonde

Have you never heard of sub conscious bias? Honestly, I'm white but I'm so fed up of people thinking if someone hasn't literally verbally abused a person or been violent to them, then they couldn't possibly be racist.

I'm asian and so is dh. Our dd was blonde when she was born and even the doctors at the hospital commented on it. Dd's hair is darker now but a lovely shade of auburn and we still get comments as my hair is dark as are my eyes. Her dad has hazel eyes and my son was born with grey eyes which are now light brown. People just like the rarity I think.

I think (hope) its a nostalgia thing. My family and I (siblings and cousins from both sides) all had varying shades of naturally blonde hair when we were young. There were 7 girls, all similar in ages and looks. I have beautiful dark haired, dark eyed children (DH's DNA) and they are an absolute novelty in our family, they look nothing like any of the other grandchildren. My parents fuss my sister's children because they are the little blondies they are used having in the family, and fuss my children because they look nothing like anyone except their dad! My grandfather always joked that he was disappointed that none of us gave him a redhead baby, as he remembered his little sisters having red hair.
I would add that when I was young the attention I recieved for blonde hair was often less than positive. Holidays in Spain when I was a young teen in the 80s were full of unpleasant catcalls from middle aged men. A holiday in Tunisia was particularly terrifying, where I assume they thought blonde = tart.

@Comedycook

Yet skin that’s too pale isn’t seen as desirable either to some, hence the zillion different fake tabs available and places offering sun-bed sessions. That’s so dangerous and can cause cancer. All because they want to be brown.

The comparison of tanning and skin bleaching is so tired, lazy and quite honestly, just nonsense.

It’s because it doesn’t suit your narrative that’s why, because pure white skin that doesn’t tan isn’t as desirable but that wouldn’t suit the argument you’re trying to put forward.

As a pp pointed out, some cultures want their skin to appear lighter, not because they want to look Caucasian, but because it can indicate where they are in terms of ‘class’ within their society/culture.

ie- they don’t work outdoors all day, therefore the assumption could be that they are somewhat educated. Ridiculous but still…

@TableFlowerss. If you honestly think skin bleaching is the equivalent of getting a tan, despite the backdrop of centuries of racism and oppression, then I really can't help you here

a pp pointed out, some cultures want their skin to appear lighter, not because they want to look Caucasian, but because it can indicate where they are in terms of ‘class’ within their society/culture

Yes and where do you think the idea that lighter skin equals a higher rank/class/status comes from?

@LizzieW1969

*Yet skin that’s too pale isn’t seen as desirable either to some, hence the zillion different fake tabs available and places offering sun-bed sessions. That’s so dangerous and can cause cancer. All because they want to be brown.*

That’s because sun-tan is evidence that someone is privileged enough to travel abroad for their holidays and lie in the sun.

Historically, it was fair skin that was prized, because it was a sign that a person was wealthy and didn’t have to spend hours working outdoors.

I’m not disagreeing with what you’re saying, but these days, having a tan is seen as more desirable.

People feel they look better with a tan and more ‘healthy’.

[quote Comedycook]@TableFlowerss. If you honestly think skin bleaching is the equivalent of getting a tan, despite the backdrop of centuries of racism and oppression, then I really can't help you here[/quote]
And if you’re honestly saying that using sun beds isn’t a problem and that skin cancer is just mehhh, then you need to re-think what points you’re trying to make!

You’re the one that’s constantly championing peoples preference for specific looks as being racist. It really isn’t in general terms.

Everyone will have preferences

Education.

if you’re honestly saying that using sun beds isn’t a problem and that skin cancer is just mehhh

Yeah because that's exactly what I said.

You seem to be one of those tiresome people who believe if someone isn't verbally abusing someone because of their race or being violent towards them, then racism cannot possibly exist.

My gran was blond with blue eyes and she was always gushing over my brother who has brown eyes and chestnut hair! She married a dark haired man, so she obviously had a penchant for it. My daughter is blonde with lots of curls and she does get a lot of attention for it, and praise from strangers even. So yes, people in general are a bit hung up on this. My grandfather was also blonde with curls as a kid and he used to get, with the fair son of the pharmacist, the roles of angels in nativity plays and such and generally made a fuss of. It goes back generations.