to ask what is so special about blond hair

[pocpocpoc]

My husband is white and English, I am not white and foreign. I have dark hair and my genetics pretty much guarantee that my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren are almost 100% likely to have dark hair too.

DH's brother is married to a white English woman and their daughter is the same age as DD. She is taller than DD and has blond hair. Both are nice young ladies, reasonably attractive, but in different ways.

Something that bothered me for a long time, but I could only put a finger on recently, is how MIL (and others in the family) talk about DD's cousin's blond hair and height, almost as a counter-point to anything DD does that is of mention. For instance: "Well done for getting 12 A* GCSEs (saving a child from fire, winning Olympics, getting a Nobel prize), so proud of you being so academic/brave/athletic/hard-working and also of your cousin, who is a tall blond". I find it strange that DD is typically praised for something she has done and worked hard for, while her cousin is praised only for her looks.

Where it is getting ridiculous is that I noticed DH's sister doing the same thing, this time with our boys. Not long ago she said to me "aren't you lucky that your son has such a good friend to play with, with his beautiful head of blond hair" - the sentence really didn't make sense to me. Thinking back I realised that the blond hair has been brought up every time we met in the last couple of years.

In my culture we don't attribute any special value to blond hair. It is very rare, usually means that the blond person is of another ethnicity. Some people get their hair bleached, but it does not confer any superiority or praise. So help me to understand: what is so special about blond hair? AIBU to be bothered? AIBU to detect a hint of racism?

[WasThisSexist]

I completely understand your frustration with this but agree with pp that your poor niece has it worse for only being recognised for her looks. I had similar as a redheaded child and young woman and it’s seriously tedious. Luckily my own family didn’t do it but the rest of the world seemed to and it was very annoying not to be seen as a person first, especially as a girl when it’s so hard to have a voice anyway (angry tonight, apols!).

[pocpocpoc]

@WasThisSexist

I completely understand your frustration with this but agree with pp that your poor niece has it worse for only being recognised for her looks. I had similar as a redheaded child and young woman and it’s seriously tedious. Luckily my own family didn’t do it but the rest of the world seemed to and it was very annoying not to be seen as a person first, especially as a girl when it’s so hard to have a voice anyway (angry tonight, apols!).

I understand your sentiment re DN but I don't think any of us is in a position to judge who has it worse.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

I wonder if it varies depending on location.i live in the south east and I would say easily 50% of white toddlers are blonde/very fair. No one really comments, it's very normal.

However a friend has girls with a very rich shade of red hair and it's all anyone comments on. Their hair is gorgeous tbf but I think the point is people comment because it's a bit scarce.

[honeylulu]

I heard somewhere that it's considered attractive because it denotes youthfulness. Even naturally blonde people are usually only light blonde while they are young, their hair naturally darkens with adulthood. Most (albeit not all) blonde adults have artificially lightened hair.

It's also understandable that in countries/ communities where no one ever really has blonde hair as children, it doesn't have those connotations.

I have very dark hair so I've always been curious. My husband was ginger (my daughter is ginger-ish) though he's gone darker with age too. Strangely there is no similar attitude to the youthful
desirability of red hair... in fact it's often considered ugly and flawed. I think it's beautiful and I'm baffled!

[pocpocpoc]

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

OMFG, I’d forgotten about being called ‘blondie’ by random men.

TF those days are over.

Being objectified by random and is horrible. Being objectified by your own family must be horrendous.

[felulageller]

I have blond and non blond children.

The difference in how they are treated is astounding! The blonds are forever getting compliments. One's teacher even admitted DC got away with stuff because of the hair!

[pocpocpoc]

*by random men

[WhateverHappenedToFayWray]

I'm half Cyptiot and half English. My dad had very olive/Mediterranean skin and almost black hair and my mum has fair skin and blonde hair. I take after my mum and my sister takes after my dad, she also has a very traditional name Greek name. My dad's side of the family treat her completely differently to me and she has always been "favoured" and adored by my grandmother, aunts and uncles. So it's not always people gushing over blonde hair.

[pocpocpoc]

@felulageller

I have blond and non blond children.

The difference in how they are treated is astounding! The blonds are forever getting compliments. One's teacher even admitted DC got away with stuff because of the hair!

Wow. Just wow.

I had no idea...

[FizzyPink]

This is odd. I am blonde and have been all my life and have never experienced this except when on holiday in Turkey or Morocco.

[lottieleo]

I find it so bizarre. I have had it on a few occasions with my daughter. She's mixed race with root to tip gorgeous ringlets yet she was sat next to a blonde child with about three flick curls and everybody sat gushing over her lovely blonde curls. I'm not bothered nobody commented on my daughter I just thought it was odd to gush of beautiful blonde curls next to a child with actually curly hair.
Maybe I'm being petty haha

[DrinkFeckArseBrick]

I think women are generally more judged for their looks and I actually think it's better to be recognised for achievements rather than something which you have no control over and havent worked towards. I think objectively, psychologists agree that being recognised for achievements is better than being judged for looks

[AledsiPad]

I'm a natural blonde and it's tiresome to be honest. We're perceived to be unintelligent, flighty, promiscuous and more. I've recently coloured mine because I'm bored to tears by it.

I have no idea why people are so obsessed with being blonde.

[kin432]

It's nothing special (I have blonde hair). I think most of the comments about kids' hair and eye colour are more of an idle interest in the genetic combination from their parents than one being "better". My husband's grandma was similarly obsessed with curly hair - she hated it when he cut off his "beautiful curls" aka looking like a pubehead by our friends.

I've noticed more comments on height along the lines you mention. In terms of their child's height being slipped into every conversation, no matter how random or irrelevant.

[kin432]

People also often assume I'm Scandinavian for some reason. After two minutes of speaking to me in unintelligible gobbledygook, a man in a restaurant in London took a look at my vacant expression and said "wait, are you not Swedish.?". Um no. Someone else asked if I was a German freefall parachutist (sounds a lot more fun than a suburban housewife but sadly not). It is possible to have blond hair and be British...

[WhatATimeToBeAlive]

Blond/blonde hair is associated with youth and fertility, which is why men particularly are attracted to it. Blonde hair is rarer which might explain the fascination. I'm a redhead (also tall!) and had many comments about my "lovely red hair" - still do actually! People with mouse/brown hair very rarely get those sorts of comments.

[hurrayfortherain]

I'm a natural blonde, medium blonde. I coloured my hair dark for many years and got way more attention as a brunette.

Right now my hair is dark blonde as I'm growing it out.

My children are mixed race white and Middle Eastern.

My dd has the most gorgeous tan skin and luscious golden brown locks and caramel eyes.

My MiL was disappointed that she didn't have my blue eyes and blonde hair.

My son has blue eyes and blonde hair but also the very pale skin lmao.
Guess who gets gushed about? My blonde boy, and it furiates me

My dd is only 4 but asks "why does brother look like you and I don't, grandma thinks brother has gorgeous eyes, can I get his eyes when I'm older"

I've told DH to seriously have a word because I won't have my daughter wanting to bleach her hair/contact lenses because of people's weird obsessions.

[OrlandointheWilderness]

God knows. I'm a redhead and we get comments about having bad tempers and being 'fiesty' (hate that word). Who knows where this crap comes from.

[MildredPuppy]

I think there might be something in the youth theory. Lots of white children are blonde as young children and it changes to much darker colours as time goes on.

I can see how only being praised for looks must be annoying for niece but also your child must long to hear her gran say she has lovely hair to.

[JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil]

It is super weird. I too am mixed raced and there was never any blond worship growing up so find it really odd.

I recall two occasions where it was mega odd. The first was when an acquaintance was carrying on as if going to some forgiven country (can’t recall which one it was) was going to be a nightmare because everyone will think her blond kids are so amazing that people will want to kidnap them. I was like, nobody prizes your kids over their own you narc. If they are gushing it’s probably because they know people like you love to be flattered and they’ll get a bigger tip fool.

Second was someone from work who kept telling everyone she was a natural blond and sitting back waiting for praise. Apparently her dad used to call her ‘princess’. Woman looked like Samantha Brick’s less attractive sister!

[MuslinsRLife]

Ascetically I find blonde hair/blue eyes most attractive. I don’t know why, I have brown hair/green eyes. When my eldest son was a toddler he had blonde curly hair & blue eyes & was adored as he was also a social little thing. Everyone thought he was a girl too.
My middle child had darker hair/green eyes & was shyer so wasn’t as noticed, whether it was because of his personality or his looks I don’t know. I definitely noticed a difference in how they were treated as toddlers though.

My eldest still has the most striking blue eyes & maybe I do love them because it’s rare? All my immediate family have green or brown eyes so it’s something ‘different’. His hair is brown now & much darker then middle child’s hair funnily enough!

[AledsiPad]

Everyone will think her blond kids are so amazing that people will want to kidnap them. I was like, nobody prizes your kids over their own you narc

This is an odd attitude. Certainly in some middle eastern countries I felt extremely uncomfortable and actually scared by older men when I was a teenager. My dad was once offered money for me by a disgusting middle-aged bloke. In front of me.

All because I had (have) very light blonde hair. I am distinctly average looking. Your friend isn't necessarily a narc, she's probably justifiably concerned?

[GhostCurry]

@FangsForTheMemory

It's relatively unusual and in some parts of the world, nobody is naturally blond. I remember being on holiday in Tunisia in a large tour group and there was a girl with natural white-blonde hair and blue eyes and the Tunisians were clearly intrigued by this.

*in the vast majority of the world

[QueenOfDuisburg]

Yes, my children are all almost white-blond and people comment on them all the time. I'm very dark haired and you can guarantee every few weeks someone will ask where they get their blond hair from... Well, they do have a dad too y'know 🙄

I have also found they get a lot of attention abroad - particularly when we've visited Turkey.

My oldest is 8 and already gets a lot of comments about how attractive she'll be when she's older because of her blond hair and petit size 🙄

[AngryWhompingWillow]

I am blonde-ish

Golden blonde as a child, right up to 13-14, then I went mousy/light brown. Weirdly though, I suit light-ish blonde MUCH better than my natural hair colour. And that is why I have my hair highlighted to a coupIe of shades lighter, so it's actually 'blonde.'

Most women who have that mousy/light brown/dark blonde colour, dye it because they prefer the more blonde shade. The mousy/light brown colour (like my hair and many other women too,) is quite dull, and IMO it looks better 'blonde.'

I have no idea what the hoo-har IS about blondes though, but I have had (in the past) men saying to my DH that he is lucky to have a blonde wife, and they wish their missus/other half was blonde. Bizarre comment, because it's just hair colour!

There are some gorgeous blonde women, and some women do look better blonde (than the mousy/light to mid brown.) But there are some really striking brunettes, redheads, and women with black hair. Many women who are mixed race, South Asian, south east Asian, South American, Central American, African etc... (Or who have roots from those places) have dark hair, and are stunning.

As someone said, maybe the reason that blondes are so 'revered' quite often, is because there are so few actual natural blondes on the planet, and they're quite rare.

I really don't think racism comes into it though @pocpocpoc