AIBU or is this baby?

[ShielaSaz]

There's this baby I know who has recently decided that every moment he is awake, it is appropriate to SHOUT. It doesn't matter where we are either (he seems to follow me everywhere), at home, in the shops, during my routine eye test the other day (the only time he actually stopped was to take a giant dump much to the amusement of the optician who was trying to remain professional).

When it first started, I thought something may be up so being a good mum person, checked on him. But no, there is no crying, no frustration, this kid thinks it's hilarious.

I've politely asked him to stop but it's made no difference and I'm sure I saw a little middle finger go up at one point although I may have hallucinated that part.

My husband is at work during the day so is only subjected to this for a few hours in the evening. He thinks it's funny and actually encourages it, shouting back! LTB?

Anyway, what should I do about this my shouting baby? I should at least log it with 101 right? Will my MP be interested?

[fruitbrewhaha]

Do you have legal cover with your house insurance?

[Flyingantday]

Have you snapped and farted yet?

[pinkgin85]

I think his accomplice lives with me

[TheGumption]

You need to put a glass over it and then slide a piece of paper under keep it in. Then just pop it outside.

[Schrutesbeets]

Excellent thread. One for the classics!

[IntoTheMystics]

@MisterMeaner

Voice-activated lawn sprinklers.

🤣🤣🤣 love it!

[cervixuser]

you need a spa day

[mangowithasqueezeoflime]

Just when you think it's done, you'll brave the world and another baby is screeching and they pick up the habit again.

Mine's back at daycare today and I'm enjoying my last two days of holiday at home but dreading whatever new "skill" he's coming home with! 😣

[mangowithasqueezeoflime]

Also enjoying the thread instead of all the life admin I had meant to do today on this day of freedom!

[thefamous5]

Get your ducks in a row
Call 101
Ltb

[Miniestelle]

@Blurp

This sounds a bit sneaky, but worth a try... next time you're out at the shops, if you see another baby that looks unbroken, just swap them.

I wouldn't try to swap the baby. Grass grows better when it's watered.

[ShielaSaz]

@cervixuser

you need a spa day

Or perhaps the baby needs a spa day, a bit of relaxation may calm him down? I'll suggest it.

Although the CF will expect me to pay and drive him there I imagine. You couldn't make it up honestly.

[DanielTigersMummy21]

Tilt your head and ask the baby: did you mean to be so rude?

[olderthanilookapparently]

I just googled it here you go
Pinch their nose. Because your tear ducts stem from the side of your nose to an opening in the eyelid, pinching the bridge of your nose and the sides while clamping your eyes closed can block the tear ducts.

Simple!

[Gremlinsateit]

Haven’t RTFT but I think you should return the baby and cancel the cheque.

[Bluesheep8]

Sorry but what are you all on about?

[ancientgran]

I have long thought that babies should come with a volume control, you would point it at them and reduce the noise just like you do with your TV remote.

I've been trying to get a campaign going since the birth of my youngest 30 years ago. People don't seem to be taking it seriously.

[MrsMaizel]

Can you draw a diagram ?

[MrsMaizel]

@ElvisPresleyHadABaby

Go NC. Don't let people like this take up time in your life, sounds like a gaslighting narcissist to me.

😂😂😂😂😂

[Maggiesfarm]

Fit him with silencers.

[Lucywithout]

I raised 3 kids in the 1960s. We had a method which involved placing in pram and strapping in. Leave at the far end of the garden to "come on" like the runner beans. They survived!

[RozHuntleysLeftHand]

I had one of these.

There was a hard reset about 6, but it updated to constantly talking at me about Minecraft/Sharks/DanTDM/FNAF/Doctor Who and I have not found an off switch for the past 3 fucking years, unless you count the brief period of standby every night.
Sadly I believe the next reset/upgrade does not come for a while, then according to my friends with later models they simply stop making noise entirely unless it is to shout on the xbox with other similarly upgraded models.

[MrsRockAndRoll]

Complain to Amazon. This is a known issue affecting any paired devices from the most recent Alexa update.

[ILoveShula]

Have you tried selling it on ebay?

[TiredMummyZZZ]

Ok firstly, you need to get your ducks in a row. You need to immediately go NC while you figure out how to ltb. Keep a log of absolutely everything and send it to your solicitor (check if you qualify for legal aid)