AIBU or is this baby?

[ShielaSaz]

There's this baby I know who has recently decided that every moment he is awake, it is appropriate to SHOUT. It doesn't matter where we are either (he seems to follow me everywhere), at home, in the shops, during my routine eye test the other day (the only time he actually stopped was to take a giant dump much to the amusement of the optician who was trying to remain professional).

When it first started, I thought something may be up so being a good mum person, checked on him. But no, there is no crying, no frustration, this kid thinks it's hilarious.

I've politely asked him to stop but it's made no difference and I'm sure I saw a little middle finger go up at one point although I may have hallucinated that part.

My husband is at work during the day so is only subjected to this for a few hours in the evening. He thinks it's funny and actually encourages it, shouting back! LTB?

Anyway, what should I do about this my shouting baby? I should at least log it with 101 right? Will my MP be interested?

[LordOfTheOnionRings]

Uno reverse card him

[SherbrookeFosterer]

Pepper spray

[WildFlowerBees]

Chocolate, lots of chocolate then leave shouter with the in laws for a week. That'll learn him.

[Azealofzebras]

Hmmm…I haven’t read the full thread but has anyone suggested trying sex lube and a fish slice?

Other than WD40 or duck tape, they’re my go-to for fixing everything and anything!!

Alternatively you could try the WD40 and duck tape….

[ceilingfaninmyspoon]

Have you thought about taking in ironing?

[Notaordinarygirl]

Call super nanny. She'll have it sorted

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

The hospital where my 2 DC were born has closed down/been knocked down/been built on.

So unless I dump them on some poor randomers doorstep , I have no way of retiurning mine

[OneMorePieceofCheese]

Honestly I don't know how they keep getting away with this. I have never yet come across a baby that isn't faulty in some way - feeding, sleeping (lack of) or crying.

I know it's too late for you OP, but I would post on TrustPilot and leave your honest opinion and maybe stop any other poor bastard ending up in your situation.

Also may be worth contacting Watchdog?

[ScheherazadesTales]

@Bluesheep8

Still no clue what you're on about

It’s a lighthearted thread about the OP’s shouty baby

[ShielaSaz]

For the last time I'VE ALREADY CANCELLED THE CHEQUE. At least read all the OPs my posts, they are right there in green and you can even filter them now, it's not hard.

Oh and if anyone argues on my thread I will send shouty baby round to sort you out

[ShielaSaz]

He said he's ready to fuck up someone's Friday night (usually mine) so be warned.

Sleep is for the weak anyway.

[Couldhavebeenme2]

Switch to Spanish mode like Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story, you may fall in love with him all over again (worked for Barbie/Bo Peep/Jessie)

[ElvisPresleyHadABaby]

Keep a log of noise levels after 11pm and contact the council. Is he a tenant? Get in touch with his landlord and push for an eviction. And log with 101 too, he could have priors if this behaviour is acceptable to him.

Failing that, move.

[ElvisPresleyHadABaby]

Your boundaries seem very weak OP, are you usually such a pushover? You sound like a dastardly, pussyfooting people-pleaser. I just say "NO" to anyone who dare ask me anything, without offering any explanation, as I am a perfect socialite with iron-cast boundaries.

[mytrueaccount]

Tell him to stop being so childish. I mean, honestly...

[mytrueaccount]

And if that doesn't work, put him on the Naughty Step.
Then move to China

[Tam20779]

@dancinfeet

Have you thoroughly checked it to see if has a reset button? Obviously must be some sort of a malfunction. If not, ebay?

Be careful with those reset buttons though. Hold it down too long and said baby will start speaking in French or Spanish

[Tam20779]

@Couldhavebeenme2

Switch to Spanish mode like Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story, you may fall in love with him all over again (worked for Barbie/Bo Peep/Jessie)

That’s assuming you get the Spanish mode first time. Who knows how many languages those things are programmed wuth

[ElleMac44]

Brilliant thread, has made me belly laugh, which is normally a good thing, but a bit sore as had gallbladder out a few hours ago, please refrain from funny comments

[Poptasmagorical]

I sell some amazing essential oil wax burner diet drinks, hun. You'll be so relaxed you'll be able to cope with anything, bbz. Then when you fall in love with the products you'll want to join my team and before you know it you'll have enough money to send him to boarding school! PM me for more details babe xxxx

[RachaelN]

Have you still got the receipt?

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

I blame the midwives.

They KNOW there's a mute button, embedded in the placenta, but the first rule of midwife club is....
the 3rd rule is no mute buttons🤬
6th rule: no shirts, no shoes (that's why babies are born naked!