Why does the sun shine out of son's arses and daughters take all the flack?

[asparagusspears]

Just had another of increasingly frequent arguments with my very needy elderly mother who I do everything for (and my dad, who's an arsehole to me, and her) and who is getting more and more demanding with age and circumstances (both of them have increasingly frail health).

Meanwhile my twat of a brother is sunning himself on holiday.

In the course of the argument which started about the cost of a Ring doorbell and that I had better run that by my brother because it's so expensive (we are both in our 40s, this is my parents house and their money and she doesn't trust my judgement on picking this for them, it needs the okay from twatface????) she then mentions how said twat was so wonderful when she was ill and she won't forget that.

What she never remembers is that the occasion she was referring to she was so ill she was out of it for a week at least and doesn't know it was me visiting her at home daily and eventually me taking the decision to drive her to A&E, me who sat with her for 24 hours until she was eventually properly admitted, and then I finally went home. It just so happens when she first opened her eyes in hospital it happened to be him she saw first on his first appearance in the whole saga and therefore she believes he saved her life!

Is it just my mother who thinks her wonderful twat of a son can do no wrong while her daughter who actually does everything is lower than the sole of her shoe?

I don’t think there has to be a daughter for them to act like this.
My neighbour has a son who treats her like shit, she acts like he is the second coming. She’s fallen out with all of her friends because she needs to be available at all times in case he wants her. He never does of course.

I’ve done a spectacular job at fucking up my life and things are very difficult here. Financially and emotionally. My mother knows this. I also live 3 hrs away from her.

My DB on the other hand lives 5 mins away and is successful financially (property). She has been at his beck and call his whole life and he is in a much stronger position to help her emotionally and practically.

Yet, she doesn’t want to put on him. He is Sooo busy.

I, however am the daughter and she says ‘if you can’t depend on your own daughter who can you depend on?’

Really interesting. Holiday with my family last week.
More women than men, very clear the workload was done by the women. One night my brother and another male went out and got absolutely smashed. They had a thing to do at a certain time the next day and my dad was constantly on at me to wake them up etc. I point blank refused. My nephew was horrified because I would "let" them miss it.
I stayed calm and repeated that them missing it has nothing to do with me... He just couldn't believe it.
When my mum was alive she very much treated my brother like the poor boy that needed looking after and us girls could manage. Turns out that's still the case, he did fuck all all week
Thankfully my husband isn't like this at all.

@PizzaPiePizzaPie
"My neighbour has a son.......she acts like he is the second coming..."

Sounds familiar.

Step back OP.

So your parents will struggle🤷‍♀️.

People who allow themselves to be treated badly, are inevitably treated badly.

Stop being available.
Stop answering the phone so much.
Stop calling so much.

Tell your mother to contact favourite son if she complains.

You have chosen to remain in contact with a twatty father, what do you expect.

If you don't have any self respect, and you allow your parents to treat you badly, you can't really be surprised when they do.🤷‍♀️

Years ago an old school friend of mine was run ragged running after her parents and happen to overhear her PITA mother, who was always complaining, giving out about her son in law, who was so patient and kind.

Lightbulb moment for her.

She pulled back absolutely massively, her mother had several tantrums but my friend would just stay away.

She told her she was finished with her after hearing how she had spoken about her husband.

Her older sister who lived near by, wouldn't step up.

It went on for weeks and weeks.
My friend thoroughly enjoyed the rest and realised that she had put up with too much, for too long.

She put manners on her mother for the first time in her life, and if her mother so much as looked at her sideways, she wouldn't see her for a fortnight.

She wished she had done it 20 years earlier.

I have a similar twat brother. The sun shines out of his arse but he does absolutely nothing for our parents. He left his dog there temporarily a number of years ago. He expects his kids to be looked after all the time with no notice. He is the most selfish person I know. He cannot be criticised though he is wonderful. It drives me to distraction. It's mug here doing all the dog walking, shopping, collecting prescriptions, driving to hospital and doctor appointments. It's like they wear blinkers and don't see what a waste of space he is.

@MrsN100

Because you are the mug one who keeps doing everything even though you are treated badly. Don't blame your brother. You are choosing to walk into this crap.

This. Stop allowing yourselves to be treated so poorly. Perhaps one of the reasons that the brothers/other siblings in these scenarios are treated well is because your parents know that they won't put up with being treated like crap.

Not like that in my house at all. My parents are kind to us all and think we’re all great. I don’t know anyone who’s family are like why you’ve described or what I read on Mn a lot. Makes me feel very lucky!

Not me and my siblings, but definitely my mum and hers! She has one sister and two brothers, and my uncles, whilst lovely are absolutely useless, they still in their 60s don't have the concept that they aren't the centre of the universe. My mum and aunt are the one who do all of the care, and running around, my grandma still makes sure my uncles are well cared for (she doesn't think much to their wives 🙄) she doesn't do it herself, she demands my mum and aunt do it now as she isn't as able!!! She treats all the men in the family favourably and its so frustrating, I don't like her seeing my children too much, particularly my daughter as I don't want them exposed to that. I know it bothers my mum but she still does it, credit to her though, she hasn't allowed that attitude to filter down to us... I think my brother maybe more domesticated than me 🤣

In your shoes, I'd facilitate the medical stuff but step back from the rest. Forward to DB with 'pls deal' at the top.

There are mothers who think the daughters can do no wrong, and the sons are all idiots. I’ve seen it.

NBU
my parents and grand parents berate my sisters and me for not helping decorate/ clean/ reorganise and decluttet the family home.
We have all moved out.
But bro lives at home and couldn't be asked as its nothing to do with him.............
I'm ashamed to say it took me best part of a decade before I realised I was a big fat hot chocolate-y mug

[quote asparagusspears]@frazzledasarock yes I tell her every time.

@30degreesandmeltinghere they have carers in twice a day for the quickest half hour really just to help my dad, mum isn't at that stage she is just emotionally needy. I literally do everything for her though. If I didn't then things wouldn't happen - example she has a hospital appt tomorrow for a cancer check up, if I don't take her there is no way for her to get there... so even though we now aren't speaking I'll need to take her.

Twat as already mentioned is on his holibags. Twat.[/quote]
Have you tried the hospital, they can probably arrange hospital transport. That's what I ended up doing for elderly relative.

OP, it's because everyone on this fucking Earth is in love with and in awe of 'the penis'.
Having a penis makes you a god, even if you never do anything of value in your whole life. Not having a penis makes you an underling, fit only to service the penis in whatever way it likes [ie, including looking after it's parents in old age].

True in our family too.
I lived 3 hours from my mother, my brother lived 6 mins away. When my mother became ill, he decreed I should sell my home, resign from work and go to be her carer. He was too busy looking after a penis to do anything.
I drove every weekend to help her. He would pop in every 6 months or so.

My mother thought he was truly an angel from heaven come to visit on these 6 monthly visits of 5 mins.