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Original poster

Why does the sun shine out of son's arses and daughters take all the flack?

166 replies

asparagusspears · 28/07/2021 14:29

Just had another of increasingly frequent arguments with my very needy elderly mother who I do everything for (and my dad, who's an arsehole to me, and her) and who is getting more and more demanding with age and circumstances (both of them have increasingly frail health).

Meanwhile my twat of a brother is sunning himself on holiday.

In the course of the argument which started about the cost of a Ring doorbell and that I had better run that by my brother because it's so expensive (we are both in our 40s, this is my parents house and their money and she doesn't trust my judgement on picking this for them, it needs the okay from twatface????) she then mentions how said twat was so wonderful when she was ill and she won't forget that.

What she never remembers is that the occasion she was referring to she was so ill she was out of it for a week at least and doesn't know it was me visiting her at home daily and eventually me taking the decision to drive her to A&E, me who sat with her for 24 hours until she was eventually properly admitted, and then I finally went home. It just so happens when she first opened her eyes in hospital it happened to be him she saw first on his first appearance in the whole saga and therefore she believes he saved her life!

Is it just my mother who thinks her wonderful twat of a son can do no wrong while her daughter who actually does everything is lower than the sole of her shoe?

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 30/07/2021 19:37

That must be hard OP. I have a brother and my mum treats us both equally though

barbrahunter · 30/07/2021 19:39

I recognise what you're saying OP, as I have a pretty similar story to tell. And yes, it is true that sometimes it is the other way round with bad parenting, and the daughter/s is the golden child.

I believe that in many cases this favouritism is damaging to the golden one, as well as the less favoured. My own brother has spent his life lazing around and expecting everyone to treat him like a little god. He doesn't quite know what to do when the world doesn't treat him as golden. He is a selfish and lazy little shit who does nothing for my elderly parents..but of course they think he is wonderful.

SoundBar · 30/07/2021 19:45

Blaming the girlfriend for DB's drinking and inability to hold down a job, it's a thing.

Weirdly I was blamed directly for not holding down a job Shock no boyfriend required!

Hardbackwriter · 30/07/2021 19:54

I think it's often that parents idealise the child who can be less bothered with them, and those children are disproportionately sons because men aren't socialised to believe they should be carers or even particularly thoughtful. I think it must be painful to admit to yourself that your adult child just isn't very fussed about you so people construct this clearly false narrative about how wonderful the child is so they don't have to. You sometimes see the same in reverse; I've known a few adults who absolutely idealised shitty, barely present fathers at the expense of mothers who actually raised them because it's just too hard to acknowledge the obvious truth that their dad doesn't actually care about them.

foreverandalways · 30/07/2021 19:57

My so called father treats me exactly the same. I have cut all contact now. X

BackforGood · 30/07/2021 20:06

Well obviously that's a massive generalisation, based on your anecdotal evidence of your family

This ^

I can't believe that 88% of people who have voted think that is a reasonable thing to say

toconclude · 30/07/2021 20:19

@PrettyLittleFlies
What a nasty bitchy comment from both of you . I suppose we mothers of sons just have to accept we have given birth to future selfish shits unlike you lucky ones and must be lying if we have alternative experience to you?

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 30/07/2021 20:24

My DM was the same with my DB, DF still is to a certain extent.

It infuriates DSis’s and I no end.

Jellykat · 30/07/2021 20:28

Agree with you OP, in my family dynamics anyway!

quizqueen · 30/07/2021 20:33

Tell your parents that, from now on, you are on call for them Sunday to Wednesday afternoon and their son is, likewise, from Wednesday afternoon till Saturday or whatever similar arrangement you decide. If anyone is away on holiday, then they pick up that time on their return so you are on a holiday ( from them). Do not answer calls on your non 'on call' days. Let's see how long it takes them to realise your brother is a twat.

demhalluk · 30/07/2021 20:34

Another in agreement here. Both my brothers are like gods to my mother, but my sister and I are just the unpaid help (and, given my sister had almost gone NC with her, that really just leaves me to pander after her and my dad).

My older brother has stolen from them, disappears from their lives for years at a time and is only on the make if he does show up. Yet it's always the fault of those around him, namely the many women-with-no-taste-or-self-esteem he attaches himself to until he buggers off yet again, leaving them with a babe-in-arms in a few cases. The 'man' is an absolute waste of space, but will she ever hear anything against him?!

Luckily, my dad is under no illusions as to the type of person his feckless son is.

HerRoyalNotness · 30/07/2021 20:38

I flew across the world for my mother’s wedding. She was an hour late getting us from the airport (typical) and looked past me, then sighed and said, oh, I thought your brother may have made it over. WTAF? That was the welcome home. Never again.

Lemon27 · 30/07/2021 20:41

@WildfirePonie

You're not alone OP. My brother is Golden Boy. I am NC with them all. I don't miss them. Life is better since I dropped the rope.
This. I have 2 sisters so 3 daughters in the family versus 1 son. Son does not give a flying fck about them and does duty visits. Also pawns off sht he doesn't want in his own house as 'gifts' to them and they think he's amazing. Compared to the 3 of us who did so much for them on a weekly basis like family dinners, arranging days out,trips etc etc etc.

Then the 3 girls fell out with golden son because he is a twat and everyone's fed up of his BS. Parents got enraged on his behalf despite it having nothing to do with them, caused a massive row and have alienated themselves from all 3 of us. Haven't seen any of them properly since January 2020. Their loss as they have isolated themselves even before Covid, and golden boy did nothing for them during that whole time. They probably still think the sun shines out of his a*se and they've destroyed their whole family because of it.

Lancrelady80 · 30/07/2021 21:07

My mother has sons as golden children even if they live opposite ends of the country, ring every couple of months and maybe once a year do a flying overnight visit on the way to somewhere else.

Sons in law are the absolute best thing since sliced bread. Sun shines out of their backsides. She honestly thinks more of dh than she does of me or ds.

Daughters...meh.

Daughters in law though...good God, lowest of the low.

I despair Sad

WhiskyIrnBru · 30/07/2021 21:28

Yup. Mine believed golden boy can do no wrong. Too messy to go in to but I feel you OP.

My mother retorts that 'I've always been jealous of him' whenever I have brought up the disparity
...

WhiskyIrnBru · 30/07/2021 21:29

@DobbyTheHouseElk

Same here.

DB lives abroad. So the poor poppet can’t come back to “help”.

Meanwhile I shop and look after them and at beck and call. I don’t mind this, I’m happy to be there.

But whenever golden boy does appear, I’m shuffled of into the background. Meals out without me, basically ignored.

Lots of other nonsense goes on.

Could have written this!

NC with both now, but prior to that when he returned it was like I fell off the face of the earth.

Bottleup · 30/07/2021 21:56

Another sister of a golden boy here who is an utter waste of space and treats women like dirt. Never sees his child. My parents worship him and always blame the women.

Hugoslavia · 30/07/2021 23:53

I think that daughters are still expected to look after their elderly relatives rather than sons. Son's are generally shit communicators and not natural carers, hence why they get a disproportionate amount of praise when they actually do manage to briefly pull their finger out.

Hugoslavia · 30/07/2021 23:57

In fairness, I have come to expect very little from my son when it comes to looking after me in my old age. I expect that my daughter will rise to the challenge as she is so kind, sweet and a natural carer. But, unless I start to go Dolally, she will be receiving all the accolades for wiping my bum.

SoNotRainbowRhythms · 31/07/2021 00:16

This is why I'm NC. When the time comes twatface can do it all

TrevorWithTheWeather · 31/07/2021 00:20

My parents are the same with my brother. Ironically my grandmother is like that with my uncle, and my mum does nothing but moan about it!

Pericombobulations · 31/07/2021 00:26

I have two elder golden ball brothers. One lives nearby and the other in Europe, but all mums needs have been dealt with by me, but she goes on about how great they are.

They both got a certain A Level which makes them clever, and completely forgetting I also got that A Level. This is a favourite discussion of hers. How intelligent her sons are. Its like I dont exist despite being in the same room when she says this. I always remind her but she just says "did you?"

When she is ill or needs someone urgently, its me she calls because I am not as busy as the local brother. We both work, but he has 3 kids, they are adults and finished university but mine is still at school. I also have MS and struggle to do as much as I once did. I did tell my brothers they would both need to step up more, but niether has. If I cant help, she asks if my husband can help rather than trouble my brother.

I cant go nc, but have drastically stepped back now as I can no longer do as much as I once did. No idea if its been noticed or commented on.

I know her will states things will be split equally between the three of us, but remember my brothers both liked to claim my stuff for their own just to annoy me and have made sure that there is nothing of mine left in her house for them to refuse to let me have. Everything left is hers and I am coming to terms with the fact I may not get anything sentimental.

Thing is, she wasnt like this when my dad was alive. Its like she has regressed after he went and time stopped in the mid 80's when they were both fit and well. But her parents were very vocal in praise of males, and why did they allow me to go to uni as girls just get married and have kids and never use their education.

Manycupsoftea · 31/07/2021 00:28

I had to tell my DD to stop picking up after DS, reminding him his PE days...
I love him but you'd be blind not to recognise he is the more selfish, careless and lazy of the two, not to mention really low hygiene standards...
I want to send him to a military camp for some proper discipline. The stereotypes are true.

PizzaPiePizzaPie · 31/07/2021 00:39

Every time there is an issue (bills etc).

‘I just can’t get my head around it, better ask DB as he is sure to understand’.

I had incapable brothers. I couldn’t even get a lift to the train station back to uni whilst they had to be driven door to door (further away).

timeisnotaline · 31/07/2021 00:44

@quizqueen

Tell your parents that, from now on, you are on call for them Sunday to Wednesday afternoon and their son is, likewise, from Wednesday afternoon till Saturday or whatever similar arrangement you decide. If anyone is away on holiday, then they pick up that time on their return so you are on a holiday ( from them). Do not answer calls on your non 'on call' days. Let's see how long it takes them to realise your brother is a twat.
I like this!