Exercising in Public Whilst Female

[NeverDropYourMooncup]

It's more a 'Ugh, why is this still happening to me?' whinge than anything else.

I'm old (48), I'm fat (not telling you how much) and I like going to the gym. I normally go with DP because the timings work out well, but I'm not working this week and wanted to check out a different gym because they have a pool. So I booked a trial session and went there whilst he was still snoring in bed. I'm a grown up, I don't need a man present to help me make decisions.

Since DP has been coming to the gym with me, I've stopped getting changed there as he's self conscious about getting undressed and dressed around others and it's quite nice collapsing into a hot bath afterwards rather than all the smells of hair products opportunities for Athletes' Foot and Covid and whatnots from a communal changing room. So it seemed normal to wear my kit to this new gym and back, as it's what we've been doing for months since they all reopened. Nothing special, just a pair of compression leggings in green and black, black t-shirt and some stupidly expensive running shoes so I don't break myself.

It's about 120m from the bus stop and our house. For the last 50m or so, the road is narrow, very busy and if there's an HGV or bin lorry going south, vehicles frequently bump up onto the pavement to get through, so there's no way on earth I'm keeping earphones in for that stretch, as I want to know if there's something coming up behind me before I get splatted.

THREE FUCKING CARS of men bibbing their horns and shouting shit at me in that 50m. Three. Perhaps I should appreciate that there wasn't any FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGG shit this time (fucking MAMILs are the worst for that until they have to stop in traffic and realise I'm running like a T-1000 Terminator towards them and have bloody massive bicep development ), but it's really pissed me off this morning.

Seriously, I'm sick of this shit. I'd thought (hoped) I'd become invisible at last this year, but no, the only reason I hadn't been shouted at was because I had a man with me.

I haven't had any trouble in gyms for years and that was only the once from a pair of meatheads who were promptly banned. The only shit I've got plodding round the rec was from a couple of much younger women having a fag at the children's playground who thought I shouldn't be seen in public/wearing proper kit when I'm fat and old. But dare to walk home alone wearing gym kit, oh, the entire fucking world feels the need to shout about it.

JUST FUCK OFF.

Is this some kind of stealth boast thread?

I stopped getting comments or shouts from randos when I was in my mid20s.

#TooBoringOldAndFatAndUgly I guess.

@ChainJane

It's just normal isn't it? I've been out jogging once in my life and have been shouted at four times whilst I've been out jogging. It's not an age thing or even a gender thing, everyone gets shouted at whilst exercising in public, that's why they usually wear headphones, old or young, male or female, fat or thin, running or cycling or whatever.

Oh aye, sure, that makes it fine!

Not.

@fuckoffImcounting

I am 68, out walking with two walking poles. A bloke in his 70s on a bike shouts - have you got enough sticks there? I called him a cunt - made his bike wobble.

That’s exactly the kind of thing my mum would do!

@lljkk

Is this some kind of stealth boast thread?

I stopped getting comments or shouts from randos when I was in my mid20s.

#TooBoringOldAndFatAndUgly I guess.

Definitely not. The nature of the comments, plus having things thrown at me from a car — make it very clear that my physical appeal is not, and has never been the issue, whether I was 25 or 45.

I do agree with a pp that the nature of the comments has changed depending on my weight and/or whether I looked more or less at ease running.

The best thing the government, NHS etc can do get combat obesity by getting overweight people moving is to stop men viewing overweight women exercising in public as moving targets for abuse. There’s nothing a certain type of male knuckle-dragger likes more than a loud chat with his mates about how much they’d have to be paid to fuck that fat lass up the ass behind that tree. And how she’d probably be grateful, too.

Actual quote.

@lljkk

Is this some kind of stealth boast thread?

I stopped getting comments or shouts from randos when I was in my mid20s.

#TooBoringOldAndFatAndUgly I guess.

On which planet someone being shouted at and called " a fat slag" and getting rubbish thrown at them can be considered a stealth boast?!

Out of interest are those of you who never get any negative comments in the ‘acceptable’ or ‘invisible’ to men on the street category?

Without sounding big headed (and well, you did ask!) I presume I'm in the acceptable category - tall, slim, have nice gym clothes and run/train a lot. The only comments I get are smiles and nods from other runners when I'm out running in the morning or evening.

I started running last year, size 18 but reasonably fit from dance aerobics classes. Never noticed a single negative comment and I was expecting them. Not sure if it’s because my music is too loud to hear anyone. Maybe as a fat 47 year old I am genuinely invisible . I only do up to about 7k but run at a reasonable pace and don’t look wrecked, head held high and confident. The only attention I get is positive from other runners, I’m probably kidding myself and not seeing and hearing any insults.

All I ever think is ‘good for you!’ if I see anyone running who is overweight . A lot of men sadly just see women as lumps of meat for their enjoyment.

I gave up running for this reason OP. I have H cup boobs and long blonde hair and I don't remember attaching a sign to my back asking men to comment on me but I must have done because it was totally relentless. The worst was when my pedometer fell off and I had to bend over to pick it up and I'm sure you can imagine the comment I got. So I tried running in the dark at 5am but that didn't feel very safe either. So, as I can't afford gym membership at the moment, it's just home workouts for me.

The best thing the government, NHS etc can do get combat obesity by getting overweight people moving is to stop men viewing overweight women exercising in public as moving targets for abuse

I completely agree with this. Hence one of the reasons parkrun is so important as it provides a safe space to exercise. You can't win if you are overweight - if you don't exercise you're a fat lardy wotsit and if you do you're a fat lardy wotsit (or worse).

Various examples throughout the thread are why I'm pretty much near reclusive these days. If I was self conscious at the gym or exercising in public when younger and slimmer (I certainly was) what am I going to be like now? Fat, neurodivergent, cynophobe, etc. "Glowing" buckets and gasping for breath when really pushing myself - ripe for comments and mockery.

Too much marking me out as "different" and fair game. So lockdown has had me feeling safe to an extent. I don't run the risks of misogynist arseholes, groups of feral teenagers, "Tyson's only being friendly!" and other such niceties.

Yes, I have lots of issues I'm trying to work through. But my personal space and safety matter too much to me. Thankfully I'm becoming more and more invisible with age, which I'm not exactly unhappy about.

When I psych myself up to exercise again it'll be at home.

Ugh, I'm so sorry. Makes me so

On a lighter note, I'm also jolly fat and in my 40s, and I can tell you what worked for me. When I'm pushing around my toddler and baby in the double running buggy, it doesn't seem to matter how red-faced and sweaty I get, men just aren't mean, like they are when I'm on my own.

So do tell me if you'd like to borrow two small children in a double buggy for a run

@igelkott2021

The best thing the government, NHS etc can do get combat obesity by getting overweight people moving is to stop men viewing overweight women exercising in public as moving targets for abuse

I completely agree with this. Hence one of the reasons parkrun is so important as it provides a safe space to exercise. You can't win if you are overweight - if you don't exercise you're a fat lardy wotsit and if you do you're a fat lardy wotsit (or worse).

This post has made me think. I happened to be watching Ricky Gervais's 'oh so funny' skit on obesity yesterday and he was talking about fat people and why don't they do something about it. In fairness to the misogynistic twat, he did mention fat men but most of the hilarity was at the expense of fat women. Why don't they just run more?

I thought of this thread and wanted to punch his silly face through the screen. It's not easy or safe as a woman, never mind a fat woman, to exercise or run in a public area. He seemed completely oblivious to this fact.

I know he's a comedian but surely, these people have others in their life who are, at the same time, the butt of his public 'joking'?

Lee Evans and Peter Kay... love those two, never spiteful, always funny.

Ricky Gervais... like an overgrown toddler wanting lots of attention

Fucking men. I wonder if they’d dare do this to their mother if she put on weight? Or to another woman in front of their mother? I’d be absolutely ashamed if I had a kid that grew up to humiliate as degrade another person. Thank f (as I always say) I will never be having children. I will not be bringing someone into this world who will a.) hurt another human being or b.) be hurt by another human being.
Sorry that you’ve put up with this shit, OP and to all the other pps who have had similar. It’s atrocious.
As an aside, when I was a thin teen (anorexic for a while), I remember my friends/family commenting that Sharon on birds of a feather and Dawn French in the vicar of Dibley were bigger actresses (and they were known to be larger actresses) but I have NEVER heard nasty things said about them in my circle, or about any other larger people. And no, I’m not from a privileged Chelsea crew; the people I know would just never berate or bully someone for their size. They are above average intelligence and are preoccupied with other things (apart from my mother who is a fatist). I honestly don’t know why it’s become acceptable to insult larger people (in some circles), but since getting big, I notice it more out and about.

@fuckoffImcounting, you’re a bloody legend- just nearly choked on a baguette reading your post!!

Hear, hear @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe. I don’t know the sketch, but I do think all those health campaigns and people complaining about the extent to which teenage girls drop out of sports etc are completely overlooking the fact that women not exercising more is in a large part due to the reception they too often get when they do — largely, though not exclusively, from men.

It’s all very well to say ‘Oh, just turn your music up and ignore them.’ A lot of the time I don’t feel safe running with music — whether because I’m running on a road with only intermittent footpaths or a shared footpath and cycle path etc — so I’m back to ‘just ignore’. And it’s depressing to have to steel yourself before doing something so simple. And I say that as a confident relatively ‘fuck it’ type of person.

I've experienced my fair share of snide looks / giggles / judgement whilst out running. I wouldn't say I'm fat but I do go bright red and very sweaty in the face when running and this is apparently hilarious.

But the worst was when some twat shouted 'I'd do her up the arse' at me. Whilst I was running with my boyfriend. Its so depressing we still have to put up with this shit in this day and age.

I've had a man pretend to 'honk' my boobs, one cycle along side me who got the hump as he was "only trying to encourage me" when I told him to fuck off. Had a van load of blokes shout at me using a loud hailer and had a group of teenage boys shout bouncy bouncy bouncy at me as I ran past. At the very least it's fucking tedious.

My daughter is currently training for her army fitness test - she needs to run 1.5km in about 9 minutes or thereabouts , so in working out a route , I drove ahead to the 1.5km point so she could see where she needed to reach . She's 16 and built like I was at her age , naturally slim and willowy . The road is a quiet country lane , long and straight and has very little traffic. I'm waiting for her to reach me , and as she comes into view , I realise there's a bloody van full of guys basically tailgating her , shouting "nice arse " etc etc and trying to grab her arm as she's running . She's doing her best to ignore it , but they're still going . I've never leapt into my car so fast . I flew down the lane , got her beyond me and then stopped nose to nose with them , before getting out and demanding what the fuck they were doing , menacing a teenage girl . I've never been so angry . And then I realise that one of them is her friends dad , who is now trying to hide in the van . So I let him have it . He has daughters too . How fucking dare he .

And the saddest thing was that my daughter said it happens almost every time she runs . And when she goes to the gym , there'll be some guy trying to look at her stats and trying to beat them . Ffs.

One of the first times leaving the house alone with my newborn baby a man cycled up behind me to shout at me about my bum... I shouted back how disgusting he was but he found it amusing. The whole thing was over in a matter of seconds but that gross feeling stuck to me all day 🤮

@ChainJane

It's just normal isn't it? I've been out jogging once in my life and have been shouted at four times whilst I've been out jogging. It's not an age thing or even a gender thing, everyone gets shouted at whilst exercising in public, that's why they usually wear headphones, old or young, male or female, fat or thin, running or cycling or whatever.

I am not big on exercise, but in my experience as a man I have got shit for being a cyclist on the road, but I have never got any other shit when exercising. If I decided to start running regularly I would be astonished to get any comments at all, whether I was super good looking and flying down the road in flattering clothes, or whether I was dragging 20 stone of fat along at a snails pace.

@plominoagain

My daughter is currently training for her army fitness test - she needs to run 1.5km in about 9 minutes or thereabouts , so in working out a route , I drove ahead to the 1.5km point so she could see where she needed to reach . She's 16 and built like I was at her age , naturally slim and willowy . The road is a quiet country lane , long and straight and has very little traffic. I'm waiting for her to reach me , and as she comes into view , I realise there's a bloody van full of guys basically tailgating her , shouting "nice arse " etc etc and trying to grab her arm as she's running . She's doing her best to ignore it , but they're still going . I've never leapt into my car so fast . I flew down the lane , got her beyond me and then stopped nose to nose with them , before getting out and demanding what the fuck they were doing , menacing a teenage girl . I've never been so angry . And then I realise that one of them is her friends dad , who is now trying to hide in the van . So I let him have it . He has daughters too . How fucking dare he .

And the saddest thing was that my daughter said it happens almost every time she runs . And when she goes to the gym , there'll be some guy trying to look at her stats and trying to beat them . Ffs.

How disgusting and how distressing for your daughter. I'm sadder still at her resignation that this sort of thing isn't unusual. FFS indeed.

It's always men. Not all men, obviously, but it is always men with the sex pestering. It ought to be an offence and the dirty bastards locked up. Ugh.

Your poor daughter, and you. :(

@plominoagain

My daughter is currently training for her army fitness test - she needs to run 1.5km in about 9 minutes or thereabouts , so in working out a route , I drove ahead to the 1.5km point so she could see where she needed to reach . She's 16 and built like I was at her age , naturally slim and willowy . The road is a quiet country lane , long and straight and has very little traffic. I'm waiting for her to reach me , and as she comes into view , I realise there's a bloody van full of guys basically tailgating her , shouting "nice arse " etc etc and trying to grab her arm as she's running . She's doing her best to ignore it , but they're still going . I've never leapt into my car so fast . I flew down the lane , got her beyond me and then stopped nose to nose with them , before getting out and demanding what the fuck they were doing , menacing a teenage girl . I've never been so angry . And then I realise that one of them is her friends dad , who is now trying to hide in the van . So I let him have it . He has daughters too . How fucking dare he .

And the saddest thing was that my daughter said it happens almost every time she runs . And when she goes to the gym , there'll be some guy trying to look at her stats and trying to beat them . Ffs.

That dad must've been so horrified to be called out. Good. I bet he didn't tell his family about the incident

@pleasedonttextmyman

ComDummings

I am not even going into the NAMALT nonsense, but "men hate women" is such a ridiculous comment.

No it isn't. It's the voice of experience. You don't want to believe it, your choice; you might want to wait and observe though. The older I get, the truer it seems.

Lying, good for you. Trying to grab her arm? What the fuck?!?
I do hope her friend's dad has had a good hard fucking think about himself. Have you told his wife/partner (sorry, making a bit of an assumption that he has one, but I'm intrigued as to what she might have said on hearing about his behaviour).