Exercising in Public Whilst Female

[NeverDropYourMooncup]

It's more a 'Ugh, why is this still happening to me?' whinge than anything else.

I'm old (48), I'm fat (not telling you how much) and I like going to the gym. I normally go with DP because the timings work out well, but I'm not working this week and wanted to check out a different gym because they have a pool. So I booked a trial session and went there whilst he was still snoring in bed. I'm a grown up, I don't need a man present to help me make decisions.

Since DP has been coming to the gym with me, I've stopped getting changed there as he's self conscious about getting undressed and dressed around others and it's quite nice collapsing into a hot bath afterwards rather than all the smells of hair products opportunities for Athletes' Foot and Covid and whatnots from a communal changing room. So it seemed normal to wear my kit to this new gym and back, as it's what we've been doing for months since they all reopened. Nothing special, just a pair of compression leggings in green and black, black t-shirt and some stupidly expensive running shoes so I don't break myself.

It's about 120m from the bus stop and our house. For the last 50m or so, the road is narrow, very busy and if there's an HGV or bin lorry going south, vehicles frequently bump up onto the pavement to get through, so there's no way on earth I'm keeping earphones in for that stretch, as I want to know if there's something coming up behind me before I get splatted.

THREE FUCKING CARS of men bibbing their horns and shouting shit at me in that 50m. Three. Perhaps I should appreciate that there wasn't any FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGG shit this time (fucking MAMILs are the worst for that until they have to stop in traffic and realise I'm running like a T-1000 Terminator towards them and have bloody massive bicep development ), but it's really pissed me off this morning.

Seriously, I'm sick of this shit. I'd thought (hoped) I'd become invisible at last this year, but no, the only reason I hadn't been shouted at was because I had a man with me.

I haven't had any trouble in gyms for years and that was only the once from a pair of meatheads who were promptly banned. The only shit I've got plodding round the rec was from a couple of much younger women having a fag at the children's playground who thought I shouldn't be seen in public/wearing proper kit when I'm fat and old. But dare to walk home alone wearing gym kit, oh, the entire fucking world feels the need to shout about it.

JUST FUCK OFF.

I've been getting heckled lots recently. I am very overweight (lost 4 stone so far but still got a long way to go) and I'm always getting cars driving past whilst I'm out walking shouting OiOi Fatty, Fatso, Run fatty run etc.
It's evident I am trying to do something about it wearing gym gear, sweating profusely, carrying a massive water bottle and wearing wrist weights, so I don't know why they do it. I've cried numerous times because there's only so much you can mentally take.
When I do my walks it's usually between 7-10 miles so I am really trying.
The other week, I had 3 drunk men walking behind me discussing if they would "bang a fat bird" and one said "nah never" and the other said "yeah.....for a joke".
I increased my pace to get away but they followed for a while till they got bored.
I am a bit phobic of going outdoors in public as it is, but these constant comments really get me down.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

To all those well-meant campaigns about ‘This girl can’, encouraging girls to do sport and getting women active etc, I want to say ‘Well, you’re going to have to deal with hostile/entitled male attitudes to all shapes, ages and sizes of female body getting sweaty in public’, if you really want women to do this

Oh, I think that it would definitely make an interesting training montage to create a video If Rocky Had Been Female.

I've already given the commonest one - FAAAAAAAAAAAT SLAAAAAAAAG, complete with Doppler effect as their vehicle moves further away.

Then there's 'You need to do some exercise, you're really fat' from a MAMIL as I was walking across a zebra crossing.

'WAHAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY'

'FAT ARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEE'

'I just wanted to say that you have a really fat pussy. Do you like anal?'

'It's too late, you're fat already'

'Cake shop's closing soon, best RUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNN'

'I'd like those thighs wrapped round my head'

Female Rocky - Frocky - wouldn't have been followed by a bunch of happy children, she'd have been pursued by men all desperate to tell her that she was/wasn't fuckable. The bloke on the bike or in a car following wouldn't have been helping with training, it would have been to intimidate her. And when she caught the chicken, it wouldn't have been a triumph of speed, reaction times and agility, it would have been to the sounds of 'And how do YOU like YOUR eggs in the morning, hurr-hurr-hurr?'

I would crowdfund an ad campaign that did this, and ended with the slogan, ‘WHEN YOU SEE A FEMALE RUNNER, KEEP QUIET. Actually, SHUT THE HELL UP.’

Men hate women but they especially hate fat women.

gosh there's always one
I sincerely hope you haven't got a son.

@pleasedonttextmyman

Men hate women but they especially hate fat women.

gosh there's always one
I sincerely hope you haven't got a son.

Do I really have to do the “not all men are like that” thing. In general, as a class etc. I’ve been verbally and physically abused many times in my life and it’s never been a woman that’s been the perpetrator 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm really sorry to hear this, OP. Of course it's not normal but it does seem to be fairly typical of a certain type of knuckle-dragging man. I'm not a runner, I drive to the gym and that seems to be fairly insulated from these morons.

I did have one comment when I was walking to the office in a hurry in London, it was 'Oi, oi saveloy...'. I pondered for a microsecond what the fuck it meant and then put it from my mind. It does jar though... anything shouted is intrusive.

I wonder if they just feel very threatened seeing a woman doing something for herself without paying any attention to them?

You sound resolute but you're also very funny and I too would contribute to your campaign. It's really, really needed.

I like the idea also of a 'bingo' card where you can mentally knock off the insults as you hear them. Just think that every time you hear one, you've affected and disquieted yet another ignorant, stupid man. Good on you. :)

@OverByYer

I’m a regular runner. Get beeped at least once or a comment. Usual response is a one finger salute. Which is all well and good until it’s one of my mates giving a friendly toot. They understand why though

actually...thinking about it, I have been "heckled" by friends, and my own DH

For an outsider, and when they don't even have the club stickers on their cars, I guess it looks like a completely different picture than what it really is!

Not in UK
Walk from car to gym every day in gym gear..its a bit..never get shouted at. Haven't been shouted at since l was 21!
My 2 ds get shouted at regularly..one for wearing bright clothes..call him faggot... all sorts. One for wearing a blazer from a " posh" school. Very abusive shouting. All by males .

48 is not old.

Fittedsheet
Women, particularly older or overweight women, get it all the time. I once had a van of men throw a McDonald's milkshake over me as I was running in London, and that wasn’t even the worst by a long shot. A (thin, 40 year old female) runner friend had two men she was passing in a park pull down her running tights.

That is absolutely disgusting. What arseholes some people are.

ComDummings

I am not even going into the NAMALT nonsense, but "men hate women" is such a ridiculous comment.

@ComDummings I am fat and never got any comments working out in my spares of rugby kit (and my brother’s old County kit) - seems dickhead men don’t want to antagonise a prop forward of either sex in case it lands them on their arse.
I no longer play due to a buggered knee but I’ve kept the shirts so maybe contact sports is the answer?

@pleasedonttextmyman

ComDummings

I am not even going into the NAMALT nonsense, but "men hate women" is such a ridiculous comment.

OK 👍🏻

[quote BeastOfBODMAS]@ComDummings I am fat and never got any comments working out in my spares of rugby kit (and my brother’s old County kit) - seems dickhead men don’t want to antagonise a prop forward of either sex in case it lands them on their arse.
I no longer play due to a buggered knee but I’ve kept the shirts so maybe contact sports is the answer?[/quote]
The type of man to make a nasty comment is always a total coward so that makes sense! Maybe we should all go running in rugby kits scare them off

It’s absolutely disgusting that anyone has to deal with this, and I think any woman who does and still manages to get out there is incredible.

I’m starting to think my experience must be quite unusual as I’ve never been harassed while running. Maybe because I mostly run on paths away from roads quite early in the morning, or maybe because I’m in an expensive area where runners are ten a penny. Even though I’ve never experienced it though, I still take precautions- I never run in the dark, never have music playing because I feel the need to hear everything around me, always take my phone so I can call for help. Most of us live with the constraints imposed by men’s violence all the time, without even thinking about it, and it’s shit.

Photo or take numbers, report. Via 101 number. Won't stop them all but if it stops one, worth it.

I knew someone who used to run down country lanes and ran with half a brick in their hand. Never had any issues but sad they felt it necessary.

@inthesark

Outside the house is MANWORLD. Women are meant to be inside the house. That's it. It's the only explanation I have for this.

Yup.

I also think there is a lot of fatphobia as well. God forbid a fat person wants to exist.

I run alone, sometimes in a crop top and shorts mainly on country roads in the national park I live in, never get a peep.

I went for my first run in several years from my parents house in the suburbs of our local city last week and encountered some young guys (maybe 19/20) in the local park I finished my 10 miler in.

I was batting my way through some midges but conversation went as follows:
Them: oh wow, the midges are awful
Me: yeah they are, not pleasant
Them: you’ve got huge tits too

Wtf?! How is that socially acceptable?! Guaranteed they wouldn’t have said anything if I’d been with my Dad who had turned off home earlier than me!

I just assume it's someone I know and give them a cheery wave. It doesn't solve anything, but it makes my day better.

Have to say though that I've been running almost daily for nearly 20 years and I have barely experienced a fraction of what you report. The worst I get are words of "encouragement".

[quote BeastOfBODMAS]@ComDummings I am fat and never got any comments working out in my spares of rugby kit (and my brother’s old County kit) - seems dickhead men don’t want to antagonise a prop forward of either sex in case it lands them on their arse.
I no longer play due to a buggered knee but I’ve kept the shirts so maybe contact sports is the answer?[/quote]
Hmmm. Maybe I should dig out my old Shinty or Hockey stick - used to play full contact back in the Dark Ages before anybody realised there were actually different rules or games for boys and girls.

Seems a little bit of overkill for travelling from the bus stop, but then again, perhaps not.

Is this a UK thing? I live in the US and have never experienced or witnessed this.

@Oddbutnotodd

I’ve never had anyone shout at me and I’m older than you. I’m rural though.

Yep same here, and I run most days

I’m a guy, and every person that’s ever hurt me, or deliberately succeed (or tried to) screw up my life, has been a woman.

Do you suppose it would be reasonable for me to say “Women hate men.” as a blanket statement or have it as my default setting?

You’re not any of those women who have made my life measurably worse, so why would I tar you with that brush in advance? You are initially neutral and subsequent categorized by your actions.

Try it sometime. Everybody has been hurt.

#HowLongBeforeI’mToldThisIsMansplaining

Oh, look, there's a man here to shame us for being pissed off about feeling under attack every time we leave the fucking house in a pair of leggings and trainers.

Quick, we must console him.

I've also been shouted at by the stereotypical white van/ scaffolder types and I'm male, these people have shit for brains, what else can I say

@europeanson

I've also been shouted at by the stereotypical white van/ scaffolder types and I'm male, these people have shit for brains, what else can I say

But did they ask you if you liked anal?

Did they make you feel as though they would quite happily drag you into an alleyway and rape you because you were clearly inviting their sexuality into your day?

Were they physically large enough for that to be a realistic prospect if they felt like it?