Exercising in Public Whilst Female

[NeverDropYourMooncup]

It's more a 'Ugh, why is this still happening to me?' whinge than anything else.

I'm old (48), I'm fat (not telling you how much) and I like going to the gym. I normally go with DP because the timings work out well, but I'm not working this week and wanted to check out a different gym because they have a pool. So I booked a trial session and went there whilst he was still snoring in bed. I'm a grown up, I don't need a man present to help me make decisions.

Since DP has been coming to the gym with me, I've stopped getting changed there as he's self conscious about getting undressed and dressed around others and it's quite nice collapsing into a hot bath afterwards rather than all the smells of hair products opportunities for Athletes' Foot and Covid and whatnots from a communal changing room. So it seemed normal to wear my kit to this new gym and back, as it's what we've been doing for months since they all reopened. Nothing special, just a pair of compression leggings in green and black, black t-shirt and some stupidly expensive running shoes so I don't break myself.

It's about 120m from the bus stop and our house. For the last 50m or so, the road is narrow, very busy and if there's an HGV or bin lorry going south, vehicles frequently bump up onto the pavement to get through, so there's no way on earth I'm keeping earphones in for that stretch, as I want to know if there's something coming up behind me before I get splatted.

THREE FUCKING CARS of men bibbing their horns and shouting shit at me in that 50m. Three. Perhaps I should appreciate that there wasn't any FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGG shit this time (fucking MAMILs are the worst for that until they have to stop in traffic and realise I'm running like a T-1000 Terminator towards them and have bloody massive bicep development ), but it's really pissed me off this morning.

Seriously, I'm sick of this shit. I'd thought (hoped) I'd become invisible at last this year, but no, the only reason I hadn't been shouted at was because I had a man with me.

I haven't had any trouble in gyms for years and that was only the once from a pair of meatheads who were promptly banned. The only shit I've got plodding round the rec was from a couple of much younger women having a fag at the children's playground who thought I shouldn't be seen in public/wearing proper kit when I'm fat and old. But dare to walk home alone wearing gym kit, oh, the entire fucking world feels the need to shout about it.

JUST FUCK OFF.

My DH runs, occasionally cycles. He's never been catcalled by another man (or woman) He also climbs where he's more likely to get admiring comments (male and female).
I had the misfortune of listening to Jeremy Vine earlier and he interviewed 2 women, cyclists who work for Cycle UK and Sustrans. They both commented on how frequently women are verbally and sometimes physically accosted by men when out cycling (but also running or walking) and how responding to it is extremely difficult as it will often escalate. I can't remember which one said this, but reflected that men will shout abuse at women out exercising in ways they wouldn't if they met them elsewhere - like at work, or in shops. They didn't have any solutions to offer.

men will shout abuse at women out exercising in ways they wouldn't if they met them elsewhere - like at work, or in shops.

No funnily enough I've never been wolf whistled in the office, it's almost as if they feel more powerful from a car than stood in front of you

its terrible it really is , and it seems to be mainly men who feel the need to shout at or insult women that are alone , im not fat ,im slim,but i am a 34 f and iv never forgotten the time i was walking up to collect my dd from her then junior school in a loose fitting fleece top and passed the 3 resident drunks collpased on the bench along the way , i heard the loud mumble look at the tits on that very clearly and the worst thing is i felt helpless , a bit angry , but mainly mortified and humilited , i hate the size of my baps as it is , and this sadly just made me hate them more and become even more concious of them .

it should make me angry ,but it just makes me miserable instead , i hate these foul mouthed tossers , theres only one place for them and thats on a farm having their mouths washed out with pig shit

Can we please ignore Putin On Wheels now?

I am 68, out walking with two walking poles. A bloke in his 70s on a bike shouts - have you got enough sticks there? I called him a cunt - made his bike wobble.

It's never happened to me, I feel awful for those of you who've experienced this. I've run in the city and the country and just never experienced anything like it.

However a man in my office told me I just needed a good seeing to, that would calm me down. It was 2001, I didn't know what to say so just laughed along.

Hope that never happens to my daughter.

I run a few times a week and have not had any negative comments. It’s absolutely not normal and no one should have to put up with it.

The only comments I have had were when I had just started running with a friend and it must have been very obvious we were amateurs because we had a couple of supportive “well done” and “you’re doing really well” comments.

Recently had several middle aged women in cars cheering us on or leaning out of windows and saying well done as my small all women cycling group struggles up hills. Not had abuse from men for a while probably tempted fate no! We cycle in a group and rurally.

Have had loads of abuse in the past though so depressing.

You can’t win either if you are deemed attractive you get pervy gross sexual comments if deemed fat or old just plain abuse.

I've never had any problems out running (which I rarely do tbh) but when I used to go cycling, that was another story! Something about seeing a woman on a bicycle really brought out the misogyny of random strangers. I was called a c**t, had a bottle of piss thrown at me, the usual tooting "oi oi!" nonsense... eventually I gave up and just went back to taking the bus to work, it simply wasn't worth the abuse.

I hear you. Earlier this year I walked past a parked van completely minding my own business and as I got in front they wound the window down and shouted ‘fat fucking lesbian’ at me.
So fucking rude, sexist, humiliating and shouted with such venom. There truly are some arseholes about.

I was cycling back from an exhausting charity sports event in my twenties. This youngish man in an open top car shouted “you fucking cunt” at me with such hatred never forgotten it. His girlfriend was sitting next to him looking embarrassed. It’s so odd. I have never felt the need to aggressively abuse a stranger. Misogyny pure and simple.

We should all wear bodycams, it seems a lot of people don't believe the level of abuse that women get thrown at them, it is depressing.

@Pretzelcoatl I'm sorry you had this happen to you but this thread is about male abuse. The difference with what you describe and what women on this thread are saying is this - you don't have to deal with this shit every time you leave the house, but a lot of women do.

Yes, had this happen to me several times. Never has happened to my DH. Generally guys in vans or groups. I’ve had men block the path deliberately as well. I sadly don’t think it’s that unusual as I often see if covered in women’s running articles. Interestingly if I’m wearing headphones and sunglasses it doesn’t ever happen so that’s what I do in the summer .

The ‘random common men’ thread covers the same sort of stuff really. I know my DH has never ever had someone tell him to ‘smile’…

I took up running during the first lockdown and I only ever get comments from men. Other women always smile or say good morning or whatever. Yet I’ve only had rude comments from men about my weight. As PP said, men hate women but they especially hate fat women, or women who dare to fall outside what they deem acceptably attractive.
I appreciate not everyone is in a position to do that but I answer back. Usually a simple, assertive “sorry, what was that?” is enough to have them scuttling off but I’ve said ruder things. I’m so sick of public space being dominated by men and their fucking opinions.

@NotquitewhatImeant

The ‘random common men’ thread covers the same sort of stuff really. I know my DH has never ever had someone tell him to ‘smile’…

No, because men don’t require other men to be ‘decorative’ or to appear to be aware of some rule that deems that a woman, even a total stranger passing a man on the street, should ‘make an effort’ because of his male presence.

She should clearly be apologetic that she’s not running winsomely in false eyelashes and a full face of makeup, flashing him a conscious smile that indicates she’s toning up just for him. So someone visibly not noticing him, exercising without a thought for whether she looks sexually appealing, who is not bothered by being sweaty, scarlet and out of breath, is a challenge. And must be brought back into line by either him sexualising her by graciously telling her she has nice tits, or that he wouldn’t fuck her if she were the last woman on earth, the fat sow.

Despite the fact that she hasn’t offered, and he himself looks like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in an Everton shirt.

I’ve been increasing my running over the last year and have lost 3 stone during this time (and toned up a lot). When I was less fit and heavier I got heckled / approached all the time. Now I just get positive comments 99% of the time if I get anything… comments are much rarer.

It’s part of a wider experience of men in public being nicer to me as I lost the weight 🤢

Out of interest are those of you who never get any negative comments in the ‘acceptable’ or ‘invisible’ to men on the street category?

It’s my changing experience in such a short time that I find unsettling and unsavoury… and can only be fitness / weight related. I find it abhorrent that men heckle women out exercising and that this appears to be based on their perceptions of a woman’s worth.

I've never been heckled in this manner, but I have been followed, and had random men expecting to have a conversation with me, since I'm in the same street or park as them. I often have to change the area i run in, or find new routes, just so I can feel safe

No wonder that you feel angry. Just fuck off is absolutely it. Bawbags.

I wonder if this is related to where in the UK people are? I only ever get nods and the occasional comment on the weather (apart from the security men at work who "encourage" me to run faster next time but I actually know them so that's a bit different). I have a colleague who ran while on holiday in another UK city and she was shouted at every day and I've thought about it a few times since.
Do we just live somewhere (different towns on the outskirts of same city) where this isn't common? I wouldn't say I always feel safe when running - like PP I never wear headphones and pay attention to my route and anyone I'm approaching etc, but I never get harassed.

It’s part of a wider experience of men in public being nicer to me as I lost the weight 🤢

Out of interest are those of you who never get any negative comments in the ‘acceptable’ or ‘invisible’ to men on the street category?

I hesitated to make this comment earlier in case it came across poorly.

I observe this too. More women who are overweight are targeted in my experience. But also women who fit a particular model of attractiveness or don't necessarily look like they exercise all the time.

I run & exercise a lot. I'm quite athletic looking and I guess look like I know what I'm doing.

I rarely get comments.

I think the choice about who to target says something about men's inner calculation about who is (as gauged by them) more 'vulnerable' or more 'deserving' of their comments.

Of course the women that they target might not be in any way vulnerable. But again, it's some kind of dominant male 'ownership' approach at play.

Yes constantly, when I try to jog. Comments, imitation, mocking, etc.

I think a lot of it fits in with the fat-shaming mentality in Britain now too; it seems to be acceptable to comment on fat people; both men and women do it. Anyone who complains about bullying of an overweight child at school, for example, gets asked 'well are they fat?' as if that excuses it. Or all the comments about how selling clothes in larger sizes is encouraging obesity, or how fat models is just normalising it, etc etc. People feel free to comment on what someone is eating in public if they are fat, too, or what they look like, whether exercising or merely existing. The mental health issues caused by the public making comments, online comments etc are a huge problem too, for those that think that they are only 'helping the NHS' by shaming fat people. They really, really aren't helping. Even encouraging comments towards someone who is exercising can often be patronising, depending on tone and situation. Really, people could just keep quiet about it all and say nothing more than 'good morning' or 'lovely day', or a nod hello. Fat people know they're fat, and they know what you think of them, and there really doesn't need to be any more said about it - because the end result is that other people then feel entitled to jeer/mock/bully, even if the people initially commenting feel that they are just helping make sure people don't normalise being fat

This young teenage girl decided to do an exaggerated run alongside me, holding out her arms to look like a fat person, wobbling and huffing while her mother laughed and egged her on. I burst into tears in front of them

I’m so angry and sorry this happened to you. I hope she grows into a much larger woman who struggles with her weight in the future and I hope she shits cactuses and hedgehogs.