Exercising in Public Whilst Female

[NeverDropYourMooncup]

It's more a 'Ugh, why is this still happening to me?' whinge than anything else.

I'm old (48), I'm fat (not telling you how much) and I like going to the gym. I normally go with DP because the timings work out well, but I'm not working this week and wanted to check out a different gym because they have a pool. So I booked a trial session and went there whilst he was still snoring in bed. I'm a grown up, I don't need a man present to help me make decisions.

Since DP has been coming to the gym with me, I've stopped getting changed there as he's self conscious about getting undressed and dressed around others and it's quite nice collapsing into a hot bath afterwards rather than all the smells of hair products opportunities for Athletes' Foot and Covid and whatnots from a communal changing room. So it seemed normal to wear my kit to this new gym and back, as it's what we've been doing for months since they all reopened. Nothing special, just a pair of compression leggings in green and black, black t-shirt and some stupidly expensive running shoes so I don't break myself.

It's about 120m from the bus stop and our house. For the last 50m or so, the road is narrow, very busy and if there's an HGV or bin lorry going south, vehicles frequently bump up onto the pavement to get through, so there's no way on earth I'm keeping earphones in for that stretch, as I want to know if there's something coming up behind me before I get splatted.

THREE FUCKING CARS of men bibbing their horns and shouting shit at me in that 50m. Three. Perhaps I should appreciate that there wasn't any FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGG shit this time (fucking MAMILs are the worst for that until they have to stop in traffic and realise I'm running like a T-1000 Terminator towards them and have bloody massive bicep development ), but it's really pissed me off this morning.

Seriously, I'm sick of this shit. I'd thought (hoped) I'd become invisible at last this year, but no, the only reason I hadn't been shouted at was because I had a man with me.

I haven't had any trouble in gyms for years and that was only the once from a pair of meatheads who were promptly banned. The only shit I've got plodding round the rec was from a couple of much younger women having a fag at the children's playground who thought I shouldn't be seen in public/wearing proper kit when I'm fat and old. But dare to walk home alone wearing gym kit, oh, the entire fucking world feels the need to shout about it.

JUST FUCK OFF.

I look smoking hot in my gym kit and never get a whistle, a look or a comment, so yabu!!

when you see the reports about groups of teen GIRLS abusing and assaulting randoms in the street.. you are not doing anyone any favour by pretending it's a man problem

It's like me quoting a couple of posters on MN and stating

Women HATE men.

(because apparently we do!)

@NeverDropYourMooncup

Oh, look, there's a man here to shame us for being pissed off about feeling under attack every time we leave the fucking house in a pair of leggings and trainers.

Quick, we must console him.

Hardly.

My post was a reply to “men hate women” except I screwed it up and it just came out as a non-directed general post.

People who behave badly should be called out. Blanket judgements should be too.

Interestingly enough I was thinking about this today while out running at lunchtime. I can count on one hand the number of times I've had silly comments or cat calls when out running. I've had a couple of elderly men say things like " are you winning" or even "well done" but even white van man comments have been few and far between - maybe they're all too busy?

I might think it's because of my age, but you can't tell my age from the back.

@pleasedonttextmyman

when you see the reports about groups of teen GIRLS abusing and assaulting randoms in the street.. you are not doing anyone any favour by pretending it's a man problem

Yes, it's sad that girls have got to the stage where they feel most safe when aping male behaviour.

If they were out by themselves, though, it would be an entirely different story, - which goes a long way to explain why they feel powerful enough to be offensive in a pack; they wouldn't stand a chance with a group of boys or men.

It's just normal isn't it?…It's not an age thing or even a gender thing, everyone gets shouted at whilst exercising in public, that's why they usually wear headphones, old or young, male or female, fat or thin, running or cycling or whatever.
No, it's not 'normal' and my male DP doesn't get shouted at while exercising outdoors.
Men think they can shout and honk horns at women.

When i was 19, out on a bike for the first time & kid shouted “look at the fat girl on the bike’

I rode round the corner, got off the bike, pushed it home & sold it the next day. I was mortified. It has stuck with me ever since and I am 50 next week.

I did lose the weight in the end, no thanks to that jerk. I didn’t turn round so didn’t see, but could tell from his voice he was only young. Bet he doesn’t remember.

I go running three times a week now, I’m not particularly fat (size 12), although do have a fair amount of wobbly bits. I wear Lycra pants, sometimes cycling shorts and a vest top at the moment now it’s a bit warmer. ‘Touch wood’ I haven’t had any comments shouted at me at all.

I’m surprised in some ways, as I can feel my arse wobbling and do struggle up hills etc. I almost expect someone to make a rude comment, but nothing.

After reading these comments, I feel lucky to have not been shouted abuse at, and that is not right!

I can't run these days but I do love a speed walk. I wear sports leggings trainers and a baggy T-shirt, because I have 34 GG breasts. I'm knocking 50 but nearly every time I'm out I'll get a tits comment. I've become quite immune to it, keep my head down and ear phones in. People who are shocked that you get this kind of abuse actually shock me tbh. I'd love to know where they live. Maybe it's where I live that's awful lol I don't know but it's horrible. Had a vile piece of shit block my path and tell me I'd walk faster with his cock in my arse!. Delightful. I also had a glass bottle thrown at me by a passing car intentionally.

I'm still hoping I become invisible really soon. Don't let these idiots who think it's ok to be so nasty while you're out stop you from staying fit x

I’m a guy, and every person that’s ever hurt me, or deliberately succeed (or tried to) screw up my life, has been a woman.

B.O.O. H.O.O.

OP you are not wrong but you are very very funny. Please continue with your fitness activity safe in the knowledge that you are massively triggering the fragile bastards who feel the need to shout at you as you do so.

You get more abuse running near main roads. I've had people shouting SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG, throwing empty drink bottles and the usual toot-WAHEY.

I had some weirdo on a bike hassle me, saying that if I exercised a bit more I'd have a nice figure.

The vast majority of my hassle has come from men of all ages.

That's shitty. At least you're making an effort to exercise while they're sat on their fat ugly arses in their vehicles. Twats. Ignore.

Snorted at running like T1000. yanbu

@Livandme

I look smoking hot in my gym kit and never get a whistle, a look or a comment, so yabu!!

This is part of the problem. Lots of women seem to think that catcalling/wolf whistling/being perved on is something that is designed to make themselves feel better about themselves.

Which couldn't be further from the true reason men do it.

Agree you get less nonsense in parks, usually. But then you have to deal with all the feral fucking dogs running around off lead.

Sexual threats or a dog ripping your face off. Mmmm, choices choices.

@Pretzelcoatl

I’m a guy, and every person that’s ever hurt me, or deliberately succeed (or tried to) screw up my life, has been a woman.

Do you suppose it would be reasonable for me to say “Women hate men.” as a blanket statement or have it as my default setting?

You’re not any of those women who have made my life measurably worse, so why would I tar you with that brush in advance? You are initially neutral and subsequent categorized by your actions.

Try it sometime. Everybody has been hurt.

#HowLongBeforeI’mToldThisIsMansplaining

Eh? Have you seriously just equated having bad relationships that have hurt you (of all sorts, family, romantic, friends etc. And by "bad" I'm not blaming you just describing how you're describing them), to random strangers making you feel uncomfortable and often physically and sexually threatened when out minding your own business in public, purely because of your sex, or loudly discussing how fuclable or not you are in a threatening manner? Are you on the right thread?

@Pretzelcoatl not all men harass women but 99% of people who harass women are men.

You have no valuable input to make. You do not have to construct your entire interaction with the outdoors based on keeping yourself safe from women, the way that women have to protect themselves from men. You have male privilege.

It's so annoying. The UK has a huge, huge issue with misogyny and it's hardly surprising that some blokes have come out to whine that a woman has said she has been harassed. It's bullshit. I never exercise outdoors, I long ago had enough of being shouted at from cars, having drinks thrown and just generally feeling unsafe. If you're here to bang on about not all men, you can just fuck right off, you're part of the problem.

@ChainJane

It's just normal isn't it? I've been out jogging once in my life and have been shouted at four times whilst I've been out jogging. It's not an age thing or even a gender thing, everyone gets shouted at whilst exercising in public, that's why they usually wear headphones, old or young, male or female, fat or thin, running or cycling or whatever.

It’s not normal. People saying it is normal, normalises it and makes these bastards think they can say what they want, and abuse away until their little hearts are content.

Just realised maybe I need to make my point to @Pretzelcoatl clearer- womansplain if you will. You are comparing personal individual relationhsip experiences with a systemic issue that women face on a daily basis affecting what should be a very simple right to exercise outside without fear of harassment. They experience this at a much disproportionately higher percentage than men do, and overwhelmingly from men. Society clearly has a problem with women and has conditioned certain behaviour.
This is very different from 'everyone has been hurt before'

“ Eh? Have you seriously just equated having bad relationships that have hurt you (of all sorts, family, romantic, friends etc. And by "bad" I'm not blaming you just describing how you're describing them), to random strangers making you feel uncomfortable and often physically and sexually threatened when out minding your own business in public, purely because of your sex, or loudly discussing how fuclable or not you are in a threatening manner?”

No, I was responding to “Men hate women.” which a PP gave as the reason that people in this thread have experienced what they do.

The people who I’ve noticed having a go at me while I’m exercising in public - “noticed”, because earphones block out lots of it - are admittedly not because of my sex, because my sex has never been mentioned. Garbage thrown from a passing vehicle, “Nice tits!” shouted when I’m running without a shirt (they’re pecs, btw, but they probably look stupid when I’m running), “Oh, look at THIS cool guy” when I used to do my 13.5k work commute on rollerblades, being bumped off of the sidewalk... none of it purely based on my sex as far as I could determine.

I’m on my phone and quoting and @ doesn’t seem to be working for me. If that had worked in the post you are quoting, I would have made more sense.

I get whistled at and beeped at all the time when I run. I'm so used to it now I just accept it as part of my life. Doesn't particularly upset me, more just a minor irritation and eye roll moment.

I'm dead lazy nowadays but for 2-3 years, I was running 4-5 times a week. South London, sometimes central London, occasionally on holiday in dif parts of UK.

Never had this happened once to me.

I once had someone comment that I was using my arms wrong when running (he was right but I was tired and 13m into a 17m run). But thats it.

For reference, I was was early 40s and slim.

Nice tits!” shouted when I’m running without a shirt (they’re pecs, btw, but they probably look stupid when I’m running), “Oh, look at THIS cool guy” when I used to do my 13.5k work commute on rollerblades,

Do you actually run without a top on? And rollerblade 13.5km to work?

I absolutely hate men running without a top, and rollerblading 13.5 to work - so not just socially exercising - sounds wanky to me, sorry.

Nonetheless - no, abuse from anyone to anyone is not acceptable.

Your experience however is not equivalent to the everyday attacks and assaults that many women face when exercising, which literally put them in a place of genuine fear.

Go & find @Battleneck on another similar thread, you guys sound compatible.

I have had a milkshake thrown at me. A group of men pulled up in a car and one of them shouted that I should sit on his face. It is vile what men do to women in public.