Exercising in Public Whilst Female

[NeverDropYourMooncup]

It's more a 'Ugh, why is this still happening to me?' whinge than anything else.

I'm old (48), I'm fat (not telling you how much) and I like going to the gym. I normally go with DP because the timings work out well, but I'm not working this week and wanted to check out a different gym because they have a pool. So I booked a trial session and went there whilst he was still snoring in bed. I'm a grown up, I don't need a man present to help me make decisions.

Since DP has been coming to the gym with me, I've stopped getting changed there as he's self conscious about getting undressed and dressed around others and it's quite nice collapsing into a hot bath afterwards rather than all the smells of hair products opportunities for Athletes' Foot and Covid and whatnots from a communal changing room. So it seemed normal to wear my kit to this new gym and back, as it's what we've been doing for months since they all reopened. Nothing special, just a pair of compression leggings in green and black, black t-shirt and some stupidly expensive running shoes so I don't break myself.

It's about 120m from the bus stop and our house. For the last 50m or so, the road is narrow, very busy and if there's an HGV or bin lorry going south, vehicles frequently bump up onto the pavement to get through, so there's no way on earth I'm keeping earphones in for that stretch, as I want to know if there's something coming up behind me before I get splatted.

THREE FUCKING CARS of men bibbing their horns and shouting shit at me in that 50m. Three. Perhaps I should appreciate that there wasn't any FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGG shit this time (fucking MAMILs are the worst for that until they have to stop in traffic and realise I'm running like a T-1000 Terminator towards them and have bloody massive bicep development ), but it's really pissed me off this morning.

Seriously, I'm sick of this shit. I'd thought (hoped) I'd become invisible at last this year, but no, the only reason I hadn't been shouted at was because I had a man with me.

I haven't had any trouble in gyms for years and that was only the once from a pair of meatheads who were promptly banned. The only shit I've got plodding round the rec was from a couple of much younger women having a fag at the children's playground who thought I shouldn't be seen in public/wearing proper kit when I'm fat and old. But dare to walk home alone wearing gym kit, oh, the entire fucking world feels the need to shout about it.

JUST FUCK OFF.

Has anyone ever experienced this sort of behavior outside of the UK?

@pleasedonttextmyman

when you see the reports about groups of teen GIRLS abusing and assaulting randoms in the street.. you are not doing anyone any favour by pretending it's a man problem

The OP isn't talking about other people, she's talking about what she herself has experienced.

I have been beeped & hollered at in my time, usually when running on the road. I now run a route that's on quieter roads & through a park and it's rarely an issue. Partly because there are so many doing the same.

It hadn't put me off, I just ignore it, didn't feel afraid but that doesn't excuse it. It's probably another indication of how pervasive it is that I don't pass heed to it.

I've seen more overweight people out running since lockdown, I think it's brilliant. I have also witnessed women (in my case, only women) being verbally abused & it's so so awful. Sometimes I've spoken to them but not sure it helps. The presumed right of men to comment on women's bodies is horrific.

@Anonymous48

Has anyone ever experienced this sort of behavior outside of the UK?

I'm in Ireland and I have but not too frequently, not anything like as terribly as described here (milkshakes etc).

I run now in an area where there are always loads of people out running. I think that's partly why.

This part of my post:

Nice tits!” shouted when I’m running without a shirt (they’re pecs, btw, but they probably look stupid when I’m running), “Oh, look at THIS cool guy” when I used to do my 13.5k work commute on rollerblades,

Was a quote and should have been in bold.

@Anonymous48

Has anyone ever experienced this sort of behavior outside of the UK?

Yes, absolutely. The US, France, Ireland, Italy.

@ChainJane

It's just normal isn't it? I've been out jogging once in my life and have been shouted at four times whilst I've been out jogging. It's not an age thing or even a gender thing, everyone gets shouted at whilst exercising in public, that's why they usually wear headphones, old or young, male or female, fat or thin, running or cycling or whatever.

My husband has run regularly for years, in cities and in the countryside. He does not get shouted at.

It's definitely a gender sex thing.

I did C25k a couple of years ago (late 40s, not skinny in the slightest) and no one said anything untoward to me. Small market town.
I am angry on your behalf. Throwing things and ‘de bagging’ is assault, pure and simple.

@FittedSheet

That's interesting. I have lived in the US close to 30 years and I've never experienced or witnessed anything like this.

i regularly run and cycle. I estimate one in three times I get some form of sexist comment, on some occassions these are quite aggressive and grossly offensive. There is now a significant body of research which shows that this kind of abuse is a major reason why women and particularly girls lose interest in sport and exercise. This has knock on health impacts. We need to get to a situation really quickly where this is unacceptable. I fully support the proposition that such behaviour should be criminalised. If I get a reg number, I would like some of these folks to get a visit. It would be really interesting to see how they explain their comments to their wives and daughters.

the 13 year old friend of my son came to my house sobbing last week because she’d been out running and had ran past the pub and a group of men outside started shouting disgusting sexual comments to her. she’s 13, and looks it. she now won’t go running without either my son or her dad with her. it’s horrifying the amount of women, on here and in real life, that downplay it as ‘banter,’ or insist that it doesn’t happen as regularly as people say just because they haven’t experienced it themselves. what is a minor irritation to some people could be hugely distressing for somebody else.

“ Do you actually run without a top on? And rollerblade 13.5km to work?

I absolutely hate men running without a top, and rollerblading 13.5 to work - so not just socially exercising - sounds wanky to me, sorry. ”

I have. Note that I’m not in the UK, and public nudity is legal here, although rarely happens. Different standards.

Rollerblading was a practical way to get there as parking cost a mint and transit still left a fair bit of a walk. Blading got me there in no time and I was able to wear appropriate work attire (khakis) while doing it. Sorry if it seems wanky to you.

That’s sad that it happens to you OP. I wonder if there are parts of the country where this kind of thing is more prevalent?

I run regularly and don’t think I’ve ever been shouted at. I’m not sure I would know how to react if I was. I am quite conscious to exercise in ‘safe’ places (which I guess says something as DH runs wherever he likes) and usually run in an area where the majority of other people you see are other runners. The hills are quite steep and usually we all interact with a nod of acknowledgment as we pass one another.

I was once pedalling my bike up an incredibly steep hill nearby and as I reached the top, there was a white van man getting out his van. I shot him a pained expression as I struggled to turn the pedals the last few metres to the brow of the hill. He smiled pleasantly and said something to the effect of ‘that’s a beast of a hill!’.

@ChainJane

It's just normal isn't it? I've been out jogging once in my life and have been shouted at four times whilst I've been out jogging. It's not an age thing or even a gender thing, everyone gets shouted at whilst exercising in public, that's why they usually wear headphones, old or young, male or female, fat or thin, running or cycling or whatever.

WTF @ChainJane? I've been exercising for years and years and have never been shouted at in public. But it is never normal to be shouted at by a stranger in public. Please don't contribute to normalising this kind of shit. You are part of the problem.

And being shouted at in the street by strangers most certainly is a gender thing as it undeniably happens more often to women.

OP, it's not normal by a long shot and YANBU at all to be totally pissed off about this.

@Pretzelcoatl

“ Do you actually run without a top on? And rollerblade 13.5km to work?

I absolutely hate men running without a top, and rollerblading 13.5 to work - so not just socially exercising - sounds wanky to me, sorry. ”

I have. Note that I’m not in the UK, and public nudity is legal here, although rarely happens. Different standards.

Rollerblading was a practical way to get there as parking cost a mint and transit still left a fair bit of a walk. Blading got me there in no time and I was able to wear appropriate work attire (khakis) while doing it. Sorry if it seems wanky to you.

That's fair enough and my 'wanky' comment was probably, er, wanky. Sorry.

(I really really hate seeing men out exercising without tops tho. I just think Putin. It's not that much of a thing here in Ireland tho)

I am South East of London. I am not saying it doesn't happen, but I can say that it hasn't happen to me!

It's not normal, and it's not "common" for all of us.

Surely the problem is that it happens at all, not that it doesn't happen to some of us?

this reminds.me.of the thread about unwelcome pointless comments from men, it's like they have something so bloody fascinating to say that we have to hear.it. No we fucking don't!

I.was running recently & a man stepped aside to let me pass on a narrow path, half smile & said thanks. Apparently he had to tell me to cheer up, clearly running & being out of breath doesn't preclude me from thanking him profusely

We can't win, if .you don't react they get away with it, tell them to fuck off or give them the finger we're a miserable cow who cant take a joke. FML

I really really hate seeing men out exercising without tops tho. I just think Putin. It's not that much of a thing here in Ireland tho

If I didn't have boobs and wasn't in need of a bra, I would exercise topless too!
Depends on the context...

@FlumpyLump

I've been getting heckled lots recently. I am very overweight (lost 4 stone so far but still got a long way to go) and I'm always getting cars driving past whilst I'm out walking shouting OiOi Fatty, Fatso, Run fatty run etc. It's evident I am trying to do something about it wearing gym gear, sweating profusely, carrying a massive water bottle and wearing wrist weights, so I don't know why they do it. I've cried numerous times because there's only so much you can mentally take. When I do my walks it's usually between 7-10 miles so I am really trying. The other week, I had 3 drunk men walking behind me discussing if they would "bang a fat bird" and one said "nah never" and the other said "yeah.....for a joke". I increased my pace to get away but they followed for a while till they got bored. I am a bit phobic of going outdoors in public as it is, but these constant comments really get me down.

I feel like shooting the fuckers on your behalf

It's pretty standard around here (South London).

In fact I gave up.

Being called an ugly cunt, fat cunt, monster, whale flaps. Being sneered at, spat at, ridiculed. Swerving in to puddles, throwing KFC beans.

Always been men. Just a fact.

I mean it still happens occasionally in normal clothes, but exercise is a massive trigger.

I do like the runners' acknowledgement though, runner to runner, a smile/nod/wave/morning regardless.of age/sex/ability

I am 50, have been running outside alone for years and years and have never had a negative comment. I acknowledge runners and cyclists I pass.

I don't know what sets me apart from others.

@SquashMinusIsShit

I do like the runners' acknowledgement though, runner to runner, a smile/nod/wave/morning regardless.of age/sex/ability

Me too

Oh I am a woman