Wanting a wage for playing with his granddaughter

[Bigdisappointment]

This is what my dad ‘Joked’ well, he wasn’t laughing about today.
Parents come to stay with us, he was playing with toddler Dd, she always wants to play with him. He played for a bit, then stood up and said he was going to the bank to get his wage. Confused, I asked ‘Wage for what?’ He said ‘For this’ meaning playing/looking after Dd,
Aibu to feel hurt that he obviously begrudges spending time with her, I'd rather he didn’t if he didn’t want to.
How involved are your parents with your kids? Feel disappointed in mine a lot.

OP I mean this in the gentlest way, but you seem REALLY sensitive, as in over-sensitive. Your parents, especially your dad, seem very hands-off and uninterested in children; maybe just your child, I don't know and I have no explanation for that; people - especially family members - often act in inexplicable and hurtful ways. The only way to avoid being hurt is to lower your expectations and possibly go no- or low-contact. You could obviously confront them, there are some great suggestions above, but I doubt they will ever change. They are who they are, you need to rise above it and (I would suggest) go lower-contact (for example as PP say, don't have them to stay in your house ever again, they can stay at a hotel/airbnb). The moment I realised all this and went low-contact with all DC grandparents, was a happy happy day! Good luck OP.

@LalalalalalaLand123 Do you really think so? Would nobody else be upset about these things? Perhaps it is me 🤷🏻‍♀️
I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to say to my own parents that they can’t stay in my home, I mean, how do you actually do that, it seems so horrible

@LalalalalalaLand123 Did you have these issues with your parents too?

From this and your last thread they really seem like they aren't interested in her at all. They're here for their holiday, which you're required to facilitate. And now their holiday isn't as good because you're having to think about your daughter and not just them.
If you don't want to confront them then just disconnect and stop running round after them and ignore their shitty comments or jokily bite back. "Just going to the bank to get my wages for looking after your kid." "Oh brill, you can use that to pay for your hotel for these past three week."

@Cuddlyrottweiler Yes, perhaps, although they’d be upset if they thought I thought that. I often wonder if everyone would come and stay for the same length and time if we lived in Liverpool or Manchester or somewhere.

Is he normally a grumpy Grandad/Grampy?

My MIL says funny comments about money to my twin girls who are both uni students, comments like “Nanny knows you will look after me when I have no money left” or “Nanny knows you will be earning good money in a few years and can buy me lovely presents” I know she is not joking as she is a miser about money and loved lockdown as she saved so much money, my in-laws really are very comfortable and own a lovely bungalow/SUV/caravan.

Sometimes you seem young and others you don't. Maybe your parents make you regress. Do you find yourself trying to please them all the time? Not getting anything back.

@Gilly12345 He can just be a grumpy person and likes his own way and own space.
He’s walking around as if nothing’s wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️and my mum and I aren’t really speaking to each other, it’s messed up! As awful as it sounds, I just want my own space now, to sit quietly on my own or watch what I want. I’m even starting to feel self conscious of my parenting as Dd is a typical hard work toddler at the moment and they’re just sat there observing it all. It’s hard to have people in your house for so long for 24/7, it really is! I’m a person who likes my own space as it is, I like to be alone from Dp at times, think over two weeks is just too long now!

@wigjuice Yes def, but I feel myself giving up now. I just made the dinner but said to everyone that I’d cooked it but left it out as didn’t know what everyone wanted. Think they were a bit surprised as they generally sit there and I bring it to them, tired of it

Btw, how you feel is how you feel, you don't need anyone telling you that you are over sensitive, nor do you need anyone justifying how your parents act. If you are unhappy you have every right to feel that way.

@wigjuice You’re right, there’s definitely an element of regression going on, I often look at myself and think ‘What?! I’m a mum with a mortgage and a career and live abroad independently etc, what’s going on?!’

The only person who is making you do anything is you. Start putting yourself first.

Took me ages to stop feeling resentful and angry with my mum, always tried to impress etc, never worked, always ended up feeling like a throwaway kid. Early 40s to mid 40s it took me to go very low contact, felt horrendous guilt and worry at first, but my head got better. Not saying that's what you need to do, but now seems to be the time to sort it out.

@wigjuice Yes. for sure. I was meeting with friends for a play date on Sunday and felt almost guilty about it, to be leaving them (mum especially, I could sense it from
her) it’s complex and I realise not healthy or normal.
I’m finding it hard to relax in my home now after so long with a naughty toddler to discipline in front of my parents watching, it’s a lot

OP, if you don't want to tell them they can't stay, can you have 'friends staying' already agreed for some of the Summer weeks to get them to give you more choice over timing and (restricted) duration of their stays.

@wigjuice So sorry you went through that, did you ever speak to your mum and address things?

OP sorry I knew that would come across wrong - NO you're not wrong to feel how you do, I would as well: but you need to find some way to rise above it, to find some way to not let it affect you so much. You need to find a way to make yourself more robust and resilient. Other people, like your dad, can be very rude/insensitive/grumpy/etc - you can't let them affect you so negatively.
There must be good suggestions above about how to tell your parents that they need to stay elsewhere in future......you definitely need to stand up for yourself more, and not feel bad about setting boundaries - especially ones that sound like they'll benefit everyone involved.
Yes I have similar problems with my family and in-laws, sadly.....no/low-contact has been a godsend

You should go on playdates with your parents, short sporadic dates, not let them have time to get tired of anything, get them to appreciate time with you. Certainly not let them stay and take you for granted.

@Zilla1 This next one is only in 3 weeks time so there’s no changing it now. Following that I will tell them for next time for sure. The main thing is not booking dates first without the go ahead and no more than two weeks stay (I have actually said this before as they once stayed for just over 3 weeks) and also only once over the summer.

I'm very low contact, we exchange cards and say thank you on messenger, but not much else. I told her I love her. Therapy made me realise my childhood was bad and that I wasn't being dramatic over how I felt. I told her about something real bad that happened to me once not long before I went low contact and she just waved her arms and said that was one she hadn't heard before, that was it for me I'm afraid.

Sorry for derailing onto me. You take care, wish you all the best x

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. I know my parents found it much harder as they got older with the DGC,s. Your DP after three weeks is probably finding it a bit much. Why don't you ask him? If they need space (which many would) they should find accommodation elsewhere and the. They can come and go

I'm so sorry they're still being a bit mean about your daughter, at least this 3 weeks are nearly up. It's really not okay for them to keep getting basically free holiday accommodation from you while moaning about your DD who lives there. They really should be getting a hotel, I'd be worried about DD picking up on the things they keep saying.

What ages are they op. My mam is mean and nasty comments/no filter. I learnt through counselling I have to let it go. But your right not nice the comments. My sisters kids are the golden kids I feel my own pick up on that. Its not nice. She 70+ no changing her think she likes to control

Why do they visit so often? Seriously you need to toughen up and just say 'happy to host for five days but then you need to find a hotel' ... just stop being so accommodating - my DPs lived in a lovely holiday destination but I wouldn't dream of staying for three weeks! It's such an imposition.