To find it annoying when parents let their children watch tablets in coffee shops with the volume turned up?

[Zippyzoppy]

Sat in a coffee shop just wanting to have a quiet few minutes to myself. Opposite is a Dad with his circa 4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

The thing is, I don’t expect quiet when I’m in a cafe. It’s nice when it happens. But I fully expect the sound of cutlery, crockery, chatter, babies crying, cafe music, all normal public noise.

That’s completely different to the tinny awful sound of Pepper Fecking Pig blasting out of someone’s device. That’s something others really shouldn’t have to endure.

Most people really don't care if you use an iPad or if you engage with your child. However, most people do care if you have the volume on for a video or a game. Equally, they care if your child is shouting or screaming. Both behaviours are unsociable. Nobody expects silence but most people expect some level of consideration for others in a public place.

I think this just about sums it up. Parent how you like but don't disturb others.

I can't stand the 'lazy parenting' brigade though. Sometimes, I'm not at my parenting best and some of those times include when we're eating out. So I use a parenting 'opt out' in the form of a screen (with headphones). Like most parents, I try to limit screen-time but I view it as being up to me when I exercise my opt-outs from parenting. And I quite frequently exercise them when we're having a late dinner out on holiday and I just want to eat my food in peace and not wrangle a tired toddler into submission.

If someone came up to us in a restaurant and said we were disturbing them due to the noise we were making (which wouldn't happen because we don't make any noise beyond quiet conversation), I'd be sympathetic.

If someone came up to us and our (silent) child and criticised us for not interacting with them and using a screen, while reminiscing about how perfectly mannered their own children were and how it was all down to their perfect parenting, I'd tell them where to go. And ask them to stop behaving anti-socially by disturbing our dinner with their smug self-satisfaction.

@SoupDragon

I don't play anything to my children in public because one is almost an adult and the other is a small baby. So it's irrelevant to me personally.

Will you be playing cartoons out loud to your baby in a year's time or so?

Mine are all teen/adults so it's not an issue for me now but I did bring them up not to piss people off in public spaces by making unnecessary noise.

Again, no, I won't.

But I don't sit in judgement of those who do. Parenting is fucking hard, people are just doing their best. I get that, so I refrain from judgement. If I want perfect solitary peace and quiet I go for a walk in nature by myself, not to a busy cafe. It's just common sense.

@Spanielstail

Children don't need iPads in cafes. Children need to be able to sit quietly and calmly and if they sit at a table to eat at home they can manage it in a coffee shop. It's lazy parenting to shove a child on a tablet to keep them quiet rather than interacting with the child.

It's so incredibly poor social etiquette to disturb someone else with the noise of the game.

Some children have ADHD and not having an iPad in a café means tipping the whole highchair over out of stress. DS2 now has earbuds for his Switch.

I don’t expect children to behave impeccably, but I do expect the parents to do their best to make sure their children behave well enough.

A screen (with headphones) is incredibly effective in achieving this for most children. Complete stillness and silence.

Antisocial

You can see I put as much effort into typing that as I can muster. These threads are always the same.

I have a 6 yr old with ASD, so going to a cafe is a very very rare event. There's no way I would consider it without an iPad. These posts make me sad to see the ignorance and selfishness of others.

@SoupDragon

I use one for out and about to keep them occupied, on low volume. Unless anyone would prefer them getting bored and getting up to wander about?

How on earth did parents cope before tablets and phones?

We had no tablets or phones when mine were young. Sticker books, colouring, drawing, little animals/figures and books. I always had a bag of stuff with me. Tablets and phones are definitely more portable.

Happened to me in an expensive restaurant, discretely mentioned to staff and got moved to another table.

I find it annoying and unnecessary.

If it is a long meal out, fine - bring distractions for the child. We did - colouring, mini toys, books, etc. There weren't tablets then. I can see why they would be useful though, and are often easier to deal with them lots of little toys, etc. I'd personally rather an interactive game, even if on a tablet, than passively watching something but each to their own.

Regardless, if a tablet is needed (or anything else noisy) - use one if you want, but either on mute or using headphones - there are many child size headphones available. If your child wont wear them, then the tablet goes away.

Must remember I shouldn’t be able to afford “expensive” restaurants if my child has an iPad 😂😂😂

Parent your child however you like, low tech or otherwise. But headphones are obligatory, otherwise the sound should be off. It is monstrously entitled to think that other people should have to listen to Peppa Pig because your child won't sit nicely in a cafe. And let's face it, sitting in a cafe isn't a human right, so if you can't do it with good manners, get your coffee to go and take the buggy for a walk around the park.

@Sirzy

Ds uses his iPad when out just without the noise.

He enjoys eating out (for a child who hardly eats anything and hates people I don’t know why but he does) so we plan where we go and what time we go as well as possible so it should be quiet. Sadly we have had to leave more than one place because of the noise of others on tablets or other children running around as he simply can’t cope. He did shout at one family “this isn’t a playground you know” the other week - joys of being autistic and having no filter

Everyone has a right to enjoy spaces and that means having some consideration for the impact your behaviour will have on others.

Any chance you could hire out your ds to the rest of us to bring to cafes? He sounds amazing

"It's lazy parenting to shove a child on a tablet to keep them quiet rather than interacting with the child."

It's being a lazy adult not to consider the reasons why a child may be using one. If it is not disturbing anyone it is no one else's business.

I wonder how many of the "bring crayons" brigade currently have 2-8yos. Its easy to say "no devices (with headphones) at the table" if they didnt exist when you were raising young kids / you dont have young kids.

Crayons are a complete nightmare anyway. They roll under the table or get snapped into small pieces. Those water colouring in books (with one pen) are much better.

@3womeninaboat

Unfortunately the kind of people who do this usually won’t turn it down if you ask politely.

I do this and I absolutely would turn it down if asked!

& as for those who call it lazy parenting must feel very proud that they continuously interact with their child!! Sometimes I need 5 minutes out, sometimes I have important work calls, sometimes I need to order her something like shoes, clothes etc and if I can put her tablet on and give her a snack whilst doing so instead of her constantly moaning or badgering me beyond belief then I will! Bout congratulations on figuring out how to be perfect parents maybe you could teach me a thing or two

@LittleGwyneth

Parent your child however you like, low tech or otherwise. But headphones are obligatory, otherwise the sound should be off. It is monstrously entitled to think that other people should have to listen to Peppa Pig because your child won't sit nicely in a cafe. And let's face it, sitting in a cafe isn't a human right, so if you can't do it with good manners, get your coffee to go and take the buggy for a walk around the park.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 shut up.

There’s a lot of middle ground between “sitting still in complete silence” and “blaring game sound effects at 100 decibels” - people are not unreasonable to expect a bit of moderation in a non-child-focused public place.

This.

There's a reasonable balance: it's called getting along sociably, in public, and being respectful of others, as you expect them to be respectful of you.

For most of us, it's not that difficult.

And most reasonable, civilised people are aware of the extra difficulties involved with having children with disabilities or extra needs - most people can see this, and are tolerant.

Where most people are not tolerant is when a parent - who is perfectly able to do so - makes no effort to model good civilised public behaviour to his DC, and allows them to disrupt others' enjoyment of the shared public space. That is selfish-arse parenting - well, it's not really parenting, is it?

Apologies now but reading on limited battery and only read p1, but a lot of these responses are assuming a neurotypical child. My friend has 2 children, both autistic. If out in a public place she would let both of them view a tablet as it is something that is safe & secure. However, she wouldn't have the volume cranked right up.

& as for those who call it lazy parenting must feel very proud that they continuously interact with their child!! Sometimes I need 5 minutes out, sometimes I have important work calls, sometimes I need to order her something like shoes, clothes etc and if I can put her tablet on and give her a snack whilst doing so instead of her constantly moaning or badgering me beyond belief then I will!

Then use headphones.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I wonder how many of the "bring crayons" brigade currently have 2-8yos. Its easy to say "no devices (with headphones) at the table" if they didnt exist when you were raising young kids / you dont have young kids.

Me. I find it makes life easier in the long run for many reasons.

@LittleGwyneth

Parent your child however you like, low tech or otherwise. But headphones are obligatory, otherwise the sound should be off. It is monstrously entitled to think that other people should have to listen to Peppa Pig because your child won't sit nicely in a cafe. And let's face it, sitting in a cafe isn't a human right, so if you can't do it with good manners, get your coffee to go and take the buggy for a walk around the park.

No, you're absolutely right. Sitting in a cafe isn't a human right. So next time you want complete silence why don't you take yourself off for a little walk around a park...

Same old judgemental shit every time on these threads. No wonder why parents of children with asd/adhd find it so hard with people judging them as a bad/lazy parent because they use screens to help their child avoid meltdowns.

What might look like a neurotypical child with a lazy parent using a screen may actually be a parent needing a much needed break for five minutes with their child who may not be able to use headphones. So before you assholes judge people maybe you should realise that parents who you are judging just might be one of those parents who is struggling to get through the day.

@Jakie7700

Same old judgemental shit every time on these threads. No wonder why parents of children with asd/adhd find it so hard with people judging them as a bad/lazy parent because they use screens to help their child avoid meltdowns.

What might look like a neurotypical child with a lazy parent using a screen may actually be a parent needing a much needed break for five minutes with their child who may not be able to use headphones. So before you assholes judge people maybe you should realise that parents who you are judging just might be one of those parents who is struggling to get through the day.

This!!!

@Spanielstail

Children don't need iPads in cafes. Children need to be able to sit quietly and calmly and if they sit at a table to eat at home they can manage it in a coffee shop. It's lazy parenting to shove a child on a tablet to keep them quiet rather than interacting with the child.

It's so incredibly poor social etiquette to disturb someone else with the noise of the game.

I have no problem with my son's watching an iPad in a cafe because they watch science videos. Not with sound bothering people, though. I wouldn't judge others for using iPads or tablets, either.