To find it annoying when parents let their children watch tablets in coffee shops with the volume turned up?

[Zippyzoppy]

Sat in a coffee shop just wanting to have a quiet few minutes to myself. Opposite is a Dad with his circa 4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

@Clymene not if your child also has SPD and can’t wear headphones 👍🏼

@SoupDragon

If you don't like noises made bye here of the public, don't go to you know, a public place!! Ffs.

If you can't go out without playing TV programmes to your child, don't go to a public place or use readily available headphones so you don't piss people off.

It's not about normal noise. The same goes for people shouting loudly at each other across the table or shouting into their phones.

The people for whom a tablet at volume is going to be the only option are very very limited in numbers.

I don't play anything to my children in public because one is almost an adult and the other is a small baby. So it's irrelevant to me personally. But the judgement on here is just shocking at times.

@Spanielstail I didn’t realise Charlotte & Louis were disabled...

@UrAWizHarry

Exactly! Totally agree with you. I don't use electronics in public as I said because my children are late teen and baby - so it's irrelevant to me personally. But I don't sit seething in judgement at others who do ffs. I just get on with my coffee and my day and try not to be a judgemental arsehole. It serves me well.

Ds uses his iPad when out just without the noise.

He enjoys eating out (for a child who hardly eats anything and hates people I don’t know why but he does) so we plan where we go and what time we go as well as possible so it should be quiet. Sadly we have had to leave more than one place because of the noise of others on tablets or other children running around as he simply can’t cope. He did shout at one family “this isn’t a playground you know” the other week - joys of being autistic and having no filter

Everyone has a right to enjoy spaces and that means having some consideration for the impact your behaviour will have on others.

@Dyrne

I love how this thread has turned into “if you don’t want to listen to Peppa pig being blasted in a public place you’re a cunt who hates disabled people”.

There’s a lot of middle ground between “sitting still in complete silence” and “blaring game sound effects at 100 decibels” - people are not unreasonable to expect a bit of moderation in a non-child-focused public place.

Exactly.

@UrAWizHarry

So people are entitled to behave how they see future and it’s up to the person being disturbed/inconvenienced to confront them and ask them to modify their behaviour?

No. That’s not really how civilised society works.

*see fit

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Haha, the entitled selfish parents on this thread are definitely obvious.

I don’t care if your kid watches an iPad in a cafe- with headphones on. Anything else and you are just being a dick.

So are the judgmental twats.

I don't understand the need to give a kid a tablet etc while out and about....and yes, it's anti-social to have the volume on never mind turned up.

I don't play anything to my children in public because one is almost an adult and the other is a small baby. So it's irrelevant to me personally.

Will you be playing cartoons out loud to your baby in a year's time or so?

Mine are all teen/adults so it's not an issue for me now but I did bring them up not to piss people off in public spaces by making unnecessary noise.

*had this conversation with my children on holiday actually. I said we had created a whole generation of people who couldn't just wait or sit and occupy themselves without "stuff". It started with the introduction of kids activity books or taking colouring books (like I did when mine were small) and has ended up with a whole table of iPads.

When I was small, we occupied ourselves and I'm still able to just sit and watch the world go by now. My children couldn't do that at all and this is because they've always been kept entertained. 2 are adults now and obviously age has helped but "just sitting" is still not an option.*

Children need to learn to be boredom being bored is fine. It's how you learn to regulate, develop imaginative and pretend play.

Meal times are where you learn about social interaction, turn taking, reading facial expressions.

You shouldn't need an iPad in a cafe or restaurant if your children are taught to eat at the dinner table with family at home. Sadly lots of kids aren't.

So many kids now have poor conversation skills, limited imagination and poor attention as they haven't had the opportunity to develop those skills.

I have Asperger's and can't tolerate repetitive sound. A nearby iPad game or TV show would ruin my evening and I would leave.

I don't naturally like social interaction and public spaces but my parents taught me how to behave in them when I was a child by taking me out and teaching me how to be in a restaurant.

@TheSlayer

And oh the irony of op saying they're having a few quiet minutes to themselves.

Hope you don't have a kid with a disability op. A quiet few minutes to yourself doesn't exist in the Sen world.

That’s unfortunate but it doesn’t mean everyone else should be disturbed by other people’s iPads and phones.

These threads always go this way. People who bring their children up to be civilised in public and not behave selfishly towards others occupying the same space are labled judgemental twats who hate children on the spectrum. In almost all of these cases, almost, there is NO reason why headphones can’t be used.

"Children need to learn to be boredom being bored is fine. It's how you learn to regulate, develop imaginative and pretend play.

Meal times are where you learn about social interaction, turn taking, reading facial expressions.

You shouldn't need an iPad in a cafe or restaurant if your children are taught to eat at the dinner table with family at home. Sadly lots of kids aren't."

Totally agree with all of this.

I hate seeing a baby in a pushchair glued already to a smartphone.

There was a time when we didn't really have coffee shops and you'd just drink your coffee at home. So, it goes without saying, that if you go to one, there will be other people there and you have to suck it up. Kids make noise, it's what they do, whether it's their devices or them.

”How on earth did parents cope before tablets and phones?”

I can only speak for us, but even when the boys were little, we didn’t let them wander around restaurants or cafes - we talked to them, and distracted them if they were fidgeting. Maybe we were lucky, but they were active little boys, always on the go, but we still managed to have decent behaviour in restaurants.

They weren’t perfect - who is - but I honestly think they didn’t impact on other people’s enjoyment of wherever we were.

I don’t expect children to behave impeccably, but I do expect the parents to do their best to make sure their children behave well enough.

@igelkott2021

It's lazy parenting to shove a child on a tablet to keep them quiet rather than interacting with the child

Am I a lazy parent if I let my child colour in or read a book at the table? If so, why is it different?

Seriously? Yes. Because neither of those things infringe on others' environment or enjoyment.

[quote SmidgenofaPigeon]@UrAWizHarry

So people are entitled to behave how they see future and it’s up to the person being disturbed/inconvenienced to confront them and ask them to modify their behaviour?

No. That’s not really how civilised society works.[/quote]
Well, yes, within reason and depending upon context. Obviously.

Clearly some people aren't at all fussed by a bit of noise in what is usually a fairly busy environment. If it's not tablet noise it's people talking, maybe background music or whatever. You can't reasonably expect places like that to be an oasis of calm according to YOUR specific requirements. So your choice is either seethe in silence or just politely ask the person who is annoying to stop.

In a cinema, sure, turning a screen on/talking etc are well established dick moves but making a bit of noice in a cafe? Nah.

If you want to quiet moment to yourself, why go to a pubic meeting place?

@UrAWizHarry

This thread is literally showing why parents can't win.

Use an ipad? Oh no, children should be engaging with their parents.

Don't use an ipad? Oh no, children can't be shouting or screaming. They need something to keep them occupied.

If you are out in a public place you have to expect that other people are going to be there and potentially making noise. If it's not a phone it's going to be something else.

Obviously there are certain situations where things are expected e.g. headphones on public transport, not using phones etc in cinemas but in general you can't expect strict adherence to some nonsense moral code that you've invented.

Or - secret option number three - perhaps children who wail and scream and ruin other people's time could be taken outside to calm down. It's not a binary noisy iPads/wailing and yelling choice.

@Spanielstail

Children don't need iPads in cafes. Children need to be able to sit quietly and calmly and if they sit at a table to eat at home they can manage it in a coffee shop. It's lazy parenting to shove a child on a tablet to keep them quiet rather than interacting with the child.

It's so incredibly poor social etiquette to disturb someone else with the noise of the game.

This is so rude. Lazy parenting

The parents I know who do this, work harder, provide more and want to sit down and have a coffee for 5 minutes in peace.

HOWEVER parents who let their children have the volume on should eat outside by the bins.

The difference between a colouring book and a tablet (even when on silent/headphones used) is that a colouring book is a nice wholesome activity whereas a tablet is obviously new-fangled technology that the judgymcjudgysons can look down on as being something that they didn't need when they were model parents.

@lurkingattheback

If you want to quiet moment to yourself, why go to a pubic meeting place?

Pubic places definitely need company

@breakfasty

See also buses.

Yes! There used to be a woman on my bus to work who would produce a tablet every morning, and loudly share both it and all her performance parenting comments to the child with a very very unwilling audience.