To find it annoying when parents let their children watch tablets in coffee shops with the volume turned up?

[Zippyzoppy]

Sat in a coffee shop just wanting to have a quiet few minutes to myself. Opposite is a Dad with his circa 4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

@Jakie7700

I was literally about type something similar - thank you. It's so easy to sit in judgement, isn't it. What if that 30 mins of sitting in a cafe drinking a hot cup of coffee is that mums tiny bit of sanity for that day. What if she left the house in a rush due to feeling overwhelmed and stressed after dealing with the 20th tantrum that day, and forgot to grab the headphones. I've been there. I'm not going to judge. Being a mum is fucking hard enough without me sitting there from my supposed superior perch and looking down on you in a cafe; when there are a million other places I can go for a quieter experience if I so wish.

Yes, they shouldn't have the volume up or have headphones, unless there is a reason they can't use them. I don't think this is the case every time though, and I'm sure the young men on the train who think people would like to be entertained by the tinny tunes emanating from their devices could wear headphones.

But this is about letting tablets be noisy and disturb others. If you do that for whatever reason you need to consider the impact that will have on others who are there.

As I said earlier DS has autism and adhd (and a whole list of other diagnosis!) he can cope going to places we know are generally quiet/have corners for us to hide in at non busy times, but more than once we have had to leave because other other families thinking it’s fine to have peppa pig or whatever blaring out as that is one step too far in his ability to deal with the sensory input.

No matter what personal circumstances are we need to consider the impact that our behaviour will have on others in the vicinity and do what is needed to minimise the negative impact on others.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I wonder how many of the "bring crayons" brigade currently have 2-8yos. Its easy to say "no devices (with headphones) at the table" if they didnt exist when you were raising young kids / you dont have young kids.

Parent of a 7 year old here and have never taken an iPad / iPhone to a restaurant for him.

Being a mum is fucking hard enough without me sitting there from my supposed superior perch and looking down on you in a cafe; when there are a million other places I can

Oh please with the it's so hard having children so I will do whatever even if it annoys someone else. You chose to have them, manage them so they don't disturb other people.

@Spanielstail

Being a mum is fucking hard enough without me sitting there from my supposed superior perch and looking down on you in a cafe; when there are a million other places I can

Oh please with the it's so hard having children so I will do whatever even if it annoys someone else. You chose to have them, manage them so they don't disturb other people.

I do manage mine, thank you. But I'm empathic and am therefore fully aware that other parents struggle more than I do. So I don't sit in superior judgement of them.

And I never once said "you can do what you like" as a parent. So don't twist my words.

You chose to have them, manage them so they don't disturb other people.

Well I could do that pretty easily with a rope and some gaffer tape but still the 'I spy and crayons' brigade would find something to complain about .

@feelingmehtoday
I find it so sad that people still are so intolerant of people even children with hidden/invisible conditions that may mean they cannot conform to a expected standard especially in public. What is more disgraceful is that it is ADULTS that are judging them and or their parents for behaviour they cannot control.

It makes me so mad that people with children with these additional needs the parents feel so judged that they do not leave the house much or at all because of feeling judged.

To every person on this thread agreeing saying the OP is right may I ask you how would you know the child does not have additional needs it is not like they have a sign on their heads?

To all those saying it might be that the child has additional needs/ dad is at end of tether and forgot headphones etc etc, does this then exonerate him from using his phone on speaker so the entire cafe got to hear that too? Or does it not just build a picture of a lazy Dad?

Once had this on a train. Two hour journey, packed to the brim. I had a booked seat etc. Young child sitting behind me was watching kids stuff on a tablet, high volume. It was awful. Excruciating. In the end I turned around and asked the father sitting next to him to please use earphones - I had some if the kid wanted to borrow them. I said I couldn't manage the journey with this noise right behind me and that it was bothering me essentially. His response: "I think you can manage it". Not even sure what that meant but I think he seemed to think I had an easy in life or something!! A sort of "this is what it's like with kids, get over it" response. Not impressed by his dismissiveness I said I don't think so.... Of course the volume was then switched lower. It's true that people who are willing to inflict this on others are going to be rude when you point it out.

To every person on this thread agreeing saying the OP is right may I ask you how would you know the child does not have additional needs it is not like they have a sign on their heads?

And how do you know other children and adults in the vicinity don’t have additional needs and will be left suffering because of that added noise?

None of us live on an island we need to consider all around us and do what we can to make things tolerable for all. One persons need for noise on full blast doesn’t override other people’s need to not suffer because of it.

@GoldBar

You chose to have them, manage them so they don't disturb other people.

Well I could do that pretty easily with a rope and some gaffer tape but still the 'I spy and crayons' brigade would find something to complain about .

😂

I could not care less if people let their kids use tablets. Literally nothing to do with me whatsoever. I can’t see why anybody would care?!

What I do care about a LOT is having to listen to it. Whatever the age, they need to be on silent or with headphones. Same for music from phones,
games on tablets etc. Few things as annoying as being on a train and having to listen to somebody else’s entertainment. I was sitting in a hospital waiting to be allowed to go in for my DP and the dickhead next to me spent the entire time listening to youtube videos on full with no headphones in. I simply cannot imagine the thought process that people go through to justify that being acceptable behaviour.

I realise there are some kids who really cannot wear headphones and understand the issue there, but there is no way that explains the majority of it.

@Jakie7700 adults often have hidden sensitivities too, that they cannot help. Misophonia for example. It's selfish to expect that your kids wants trump another persons day to day life whilst in public.

I've just sat in a very nice restaurant with a full grown adult watching you tube videos really loudly

@Zippyzoppy
No that doesn't, but your first post was regarding the child using a screen and you finding it annoying.

@Jakie7700
However, within a couple of posts and before almost anyone had commented, this additional significant fact was revealed.

Of course people should be considerate to others around them. I never said they shouls not. What I am saying is the OP who did not state she was annoyed by the noise because she or anyone she was with was disturbed by the noise due to any additional needs.

@Jakie7700

Same old judgemental shit every time on these threads. No wonder why parents of children with asd/adhd find it so hard with people judging them as a bad/lazy parent because they use screens to help their child avoid meltdowns.

What might look like a neurotypical child with a lazy parent using a screen may actually be a parent needing a much needed break for five minutes with their child who may not be able to use headphones. So before you assholes judge people maybe you should realise that parents who you are judging just might be one of those parents who is struggling to get through the day.

There's loads of reasons why someone might not be able to tolerate the noise of an iPad too though. What might seem like barely audible to some can be a huge issue for others.

Use an ipad? Oh no, children should be engaging with their parents.

Don't use an ipad? Oh no, children can't be shouting or screaming. They need something to keep them occupied.

Do you think the world was populated by permanently screaming toddlers before the invention of screens?

Active engagement with a child and provision of quiet activities is a possibility. As are headphones.
Being an antisocial arsehole isn't obligatory

And yes if there's a choice I'd rather listen to a child make noise than electronic beeping

Bout congratulations on figuring out how to be perfect parents maybe you could teach me a thing or two

I can teach you that it's incredibly rude to play videos/games/whatever in a public place with the sound on. Nobody should have to ask you to turn it down; it should be on mute or with headphones.

@Jakie7700

Same old judgemental shit every time on these threads. No wonder why parents of children with asd/adhd find it so hard with people judging them as a bad/lazy parent because they use screens to help their child avoid meltdowns.

What might look like a neurotypical child with a lazy parent using a screen may actually be a parent needing a much needed break for five minutes with their child who may not be able to use headphones. So before you assholes judge people maybe you should realise that parents who you are judging just might be one of those parents who is struggling to get through the day.

If the child can't use headphones, the volume can be turned down to a low level so that it's not disturbing everyone else. There is really no need for it to be blaring at full blast.

If a child is old enough for screens then they are old enough for headphones. If you want to be a shit parent (and I include myself in this) then at least have the decency to ensure your shit parenting doesn’t impact on anyone else. A screen making noise is not easier to bear that children’s chatter and if a child is screaming then you need to take them out. Adults who use their phone on does let phone should be shot.

@Zippyzoppy But you OP was regarding being annoyed about the noise. So you felt so strongly about this you felt the need to post it. You see it all the time on mumsnet a poster judging a parent without even thinking or considering a possibility the child has asd/adhd and oh how awful their parent is. Only the other day there was one about how awful parents are for letting their child sit in the main part of a shopping trolley. No thought that the child may have a meltdown and actually be calmer and safer sat in the trolley.

*on speaker phone.