To find it annoying when parents let their children watch tablets in coffee shops with the volume turned up?

[Zippyzoppy]

Sat in a coffee shop just wanting to have a quiet few minutes to myself. Opposite is a Dad with his circa 4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

@GoldBar

How on earth did parents cope before tablets and phones?

Well, it's swings and roudabouts, isn't it? Yes, pre-devices parents couldn't zombify their little darlings with Bing and Peppa but neither did they have to deal with the problems of constant social media or cyber-bullying for teens and pre-teens. If you're going to have to deal with the downsides, you may as well reap the benefits .

The ages of my older two meant there wasn't the tech when they were younger but they were teens in time for it to be an issue

Having said that my younger DC have never had tablets out and about either. For mine, DC3 in particular they just mean swapping one kind of difficult behaviour for a different type.

why do people seem to think the only option is a - being on a phone or i-pad or b - running round screaming. How do you think us ancient parents managed to keep the offspring entertained before mobile phones and i-pads existed?

If its not full volume even I think its fine.

Because you don't have a child with a disability. You have children with additional needs. It's not the same. So you don't get to decide that the medical term for my child is horrible. The NHS. SCOPE use that term. If you don't like it keep it to yourself. Parents whose children actually have the disability don't get the luxury of what it's called. All my NHS communication say that word. If yours don't it's because your child does not meet that medical criteria.

How many times do I have to say I don't like the word but you use the language you want to? Want to quote all those posts I made saying that? I guess not.....

But why make a comment like that in the first place? The thread wasn’t about language use so you could have said “my child has additional needs” and left it at that adding comments beyond that was nothing more than goading.

And as the form I have just sent of us to renew Disability Living Allowance not Additional Needs living allowance I will stick with happily using the word disabled!

By using colouring or anything else possible, and still ended up being moaned at by another table, who were desperately sad their food was inedible due to hearing children nearby.
At least I imagine that's what it was like! Because again, no matter what someone will always whine.
I never got moaned at but there was a lot of fast eating, breadsticks and standing outside restaurants as the staff hastily filled take away bags.

why do people seem to think the only option is a - being on a phone or i-pad or b - running round screaming. How do you think us ancient parents managed to keep the offspring entertained before mobile phones and i-pads existed?

Other solutions involve parental effort. Maybe the parents don't want to make an effort. Maybe they've had enough of interacting with their DC during the day and just want to eat their dinner in peace. That's fine in my book so long as the tablet or other device is on silent and the family in question aren't disturbing anyone else.

@brewstoo

By using colouring or anything else possible, and still ended up being moaned at by another table, who were desperately sad their food was inedible due to hearing children nearby. At least I imagine that's what it was like! Because again, no matter what someone will always whine. I never got moaned at but there was a lot of fast eating, breadsticks and standing outside restaurants as the staff hastily filled take away bags.

I still haven't re-learned how to eat at a leisurely pace! 😂

@TheSlayer

You are wrong. I absolutely have the right to decide how to refer to my own children.

My children have life long conditions.

They both get higher rate dla/pip.

My child can/will be called disabled by others. I won't be using that term.

I have said multiple times I don't like the word but you use the language you want.

As I said your anger means you are ignoring what I've said multiple times.

@Sirzy

How many times do I have to say I don't like the word but you use the language you want to? Want to quote all those posts I made saying that? I guess not.....

But why make a comment like that in the first place? The thread wasn’t about language use so you could have said “my child has additional needs” and left it at that adding comments beyond that was nothing more than goading.

And as the form I have just sent of us to renew Disability Living Allowance not Additional Needs living allowance I will stick with happily using the word disabled!

I did not mean it to be goading.

I would have thought my subsequent posts made that clear.

You were goading and you know it.
My child's medical condition is a disability. Not others' perception. He's medically classified as such.

YANBU. It's so incredibly rude. Chatting is fine but anything else is so selfish and impolite.

@CandyLeBonBon

Oh dear. I see the 'it's lazy/poor parenting' brigade are out in all their judgemental force today!

The noise thing is annoying granted, so headphones if possible, but my eldest (asd/adhd) wouldn't wear them and sometimes, a screen was a bit of precious respite for me. We always tried to sit in a corner so we didn't annoy too many people. Ditto eating out - I also chose places where he'd be able to get up and run around in some safe outdoor space because sitting down for more than 3 minutes didn't happen. I'm sure lots of people judged me, without knowing my circumstances but I always made an effort to consider others around me.

I'm far from a lazy or poor parent but those who are judging here, I really hope you don't get a crick in your neck from looking down on those of us who choose to use what works to make life bearable for a short time.

Totally this. The judgement on this thread, honestly! If you don't like noises made bye here of the public, don't go to you know, a public place!! Ffs.

*by members of the public, that should be 😂

Haha, the entitled selfish parents on this thread are definitely obvious.

I don’t care if your kid watches an iPad in a cafe- with headphones on. Anything else and you are just being a dick.

If you don't like noises made bye here of the public, don't go to you know, a public place!! Ffs.

If you can't go out without playing TV programmes to your child, don't go to a public place or use readily available headphones so you don't piss people off.

It's not about normal noise. The same goes for people shouting loudly at each other across the table or shouting into their phones.

The people for whom a tablet at volume is going to be the only option are very very limited in numbers.

Lots of people here claiming kids would have a meltdown if parents dared to try and parent them and take the tablet away. So maybe it is the lesser of two evils. Ok, no one likes hearing kids scream. But are all these children fucking deaf? Why does Peppa or Wheels on the bastard bus need to be on volume 11 every bloody time??? It's rude to inflict your phonecalls or TV shows loudly on other people. I find it really strange that some people don't realise how irritating it is.
Stupid to expect silence out in public but reasonable as an adult to expect not to be blasted with nursery rhymes on the train, in a cafe or at the hairdresser's.

A public space doesn't mean you can do whatever you like without considering others.

Electronic noise is processed by the brain differently to 'organic' background noise and people talking in person. It just isn't okay to play phones/tablets/whatever in public. And I don't believe there is ever a binary choice between doing that or leaving your kid to scream.

*No. This thread is showing that some people have a complete lack of consideration for others.

Most people really don't care if you use an iPad or if you engage with your child. However, most people do care if you have the volume on for a video or a game. Equally, they care if your child is shouting or screaming. Both behaviours are unsociable. Nobody expects silence but most people expect some level of consideration for others in a public place.

Options for a considerate person are:
1). Use iPad or other device with the volume turned off if the child is too young for headphones or with headphones if the child is old enough.
2). Deal with a child who is shouting or screaming in whatever way works best for you. That could be reading to them, playing a game with them, chatting with them, giving them a device, colouring etc. Take them outside if necessary.

Consideration for others is not a nonsense moral code that has been randomly invented. It's something that we should all be doing if we are living in a community.*

I completely agree with this, consideration for others seems to be declining rapidly.

@Spanielstail my son does. He doesn’t “manage” to sit quietly at a table at home either. He sits with his tablet so he doesn’t get distressed by the change in surroundings, strangers, loud noises and various conversations.
I get his disability is inconvenient for you, but let’s make his life as easy as possible for him, yeah?!

@Spanielstail my son does. He doesn’t “manage” to sit quietly at a table at home either. He sits with his tablet so he doesn’t get distressed by the change in surroundings, strangers, loud noises and various conversations.

Too right autism is inconvenient for me. I have Asperger's. I am so noise sensitive that beeping of iPads would result in me having to go home.

@Spanielstail

Children don't need iPads in cafes. Children need to be able to sit quietly and calmly and if they sit at a table to eat at home they can manage it in a coffee shop. It's lazy parenting to shove a child on a tablet to keep them quiet rather than interacting with the child.

It's so incredibly poor social etiquette to disturb someone else with the noise of the game.

Absolutely.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves!! I have two DC. My 4yo has only recently got a tablet because we were going on holiday and it was a very long drive so wanted something she could play games on etc that were age appropriate.
Other than that it never ever comes out with us. I am by far a perfect parent and sometimes we all need break but kids on tablets at meal times is really lazy parenting.

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Haha, the entitled selfish parents on this thread are definitely obvious.

I don’t care if your kid watches an iPad in a cafe- with headphones on. Anything else and you are just being a dick.

Or... people just have different opinions and/or aren't judgemental pricks.

I don't let my kids use tablets when we are out, but I don't passively aggressively seethe if another parent in a public place such as a coffee shop decides to. If it was bad enough to be disturbing I would grow a pair and politely ask for it to be turned down or whatever.

Life is so much easier this way.