To find it annoying when parents let their children watch tablets in coffee shops with the volume turned up?

[Zippyzoppy]

Sat in a coffee shop just wanting to have a quiet few minutes to myself. Opposite is a Dad with his circa 4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

Really? I call expecting silence in a public cafe wildly unrealistic, myself

Isn’t there a middle ground somewhere there?

@feelingmehtoday I never realised how people just don't consider what it is like to have a high needs child, whether it's temporary baby stuff or a lifelong condition. I am ashamed to say in my childfree days I didn't get why someone couldn't just 'stop' their baby crying.
My baby screamed for around 22 hours a day in the early days. He had a cerebral cry. That's a very higher pitched and more grating than usual. So I didn't go out. Ever. And the first time I did someone made me feel like crap for even coming out. Someone with their own baby who should have been a bit more empathetic.

I don't know what the answer is about my son's noises setting off others. They're noises that hopefully will lead to him talking one day. Not going to feel bad about not effectively 'shutting him up'. Ditto moving around. When your child even walking is a blessing you don't stifle it. And I have to consider what actual harm it does for anyone else if he toddles about a bit and makes a bit of noise.
I assume people who have genuine issues with sound are probably not going to occupy the.child friendly.places he can tolerate.

@UrAWizHarry - Really? I call expecting silence in a public cafe wildly unrealistic, myself.

Nobody is expecting silence in a public cafe. People are expecting consideration. Loud noise from electronics is inconsiderate. Shouting is inconsiderate. It doesn't matter whether it's children/adults playing games, drunken adults shouting, adults speaking on hands free. Consideration of other patrons is not an unreasonable expectation.

@OlympicProcrastinator

Really? I call expecting silence in a public cafe wildly unrealistic, myself

Isn’t there a middle ground somewhere there?

Well yes, obviously, but to suggest such a thing is to be met with a barage of "in my day children knew their place parent's these days I didn't fight a war for this" shite.

The idea that people address things in an adult way is clearly lost on a great deal of people so why bother?

I assume people who have genuine issues with sound are probably not going to occupy the.child friendly.places he can tolerate.

The real problem is that there are very, very few places now that aren’t child-friendly / are designed for peace and quiet. Even libraries are full of noise.

I just ask the parent to use earphones.

Some parents also think this is ok on trains or planes. Beyond belief.

With all due respect, it's not my problem to solve. I do the best I can.

And I have gone on short trips.to the library. You can bet your bottom dollar if I didn't people would be judging me for not exposing my child to books.
If the library has built badly with the children's section next to research or whatever, that's on them. Even nt children make noise.

And there is a massive difference between the noises from iPads and similar and a child with disabilities expressing their happiness via a noisy stim or whatever.

Now DS may still struggle with the latter (just like I’m sure some people struggle with his constant arm flapping!) in no way would I judge that or expect the other person to change their behaviour (not that they could!)

It’s all about give and take especially when it comes to clashing needs of those who are disabled. If DS needs to bounce around when we are in a cafe/restaurant i take him outside because it’s not safe nor is it fair on others. Likewise his current sensory soothing aid of choice is popping bubble wrap but I would never subject people in a public place to that torture so we take different quiet toys instead.

@UrAWizHarry

This thread is literally showing why parents can't win.

Use an ipad? Oh no, children should be engaging with their parents.

Don't use an ipad? Oh no, children can't be shouting or screaming. They need something to keep them occupied.

If you are out in a public place you have to expect that other people are going to be there and potentially making noise. If it's not a phone it's going to be something else.

Obviously there are certain situations where things are expected e.g. headphones on public transport, not using phones etc in cinemas but in general you can't expect strict adherence to some nonsense moral code that you've invented.

Except people aren't saying that. Use an iPad with headphones and don't ruin everyone's else coffee break.

@OneMamaAndHerGirl
Maybe do your shopping another time and interact with your child. Do you really need to be ordering clothes and shoes at that moment?

If the library has built badly with the children's section next to research or whatever, that's on them. Even nt children make noise.

Oh, absolutely that’s on them. It’s just that the last reliable public quiet space seems to have disappeared over the last few years - and as someone autistic and noise-sensitive, that’s meant that I can get out an awful lot less than I could previously.

I do try and find adult-oriented places. But other than noisy pubs, they just don’t exist here any more. And whenever someone tries, they get attacked on social media by the “parent mafia”.

And there is a massive difference between the noises from iPads and similar and a child with disabilities expressing their happiness via a noisy stim or whatever.

Yes @Sirzy and most reasonable people can tell the difference, and be tolerant. That's also the consideration that we can all give as civilised members pf society.

But not of lazy parenting: tablets etc without headphones, because some lazy Dad is playing on his iPhone a la @Zippyzoppy's OP
4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

But when your child is a young as mine you don't get to reason with them. I would literally never go anywhere, which to be honest I would have quite liked to do as I wanted to lock myself away with depression, but family force me to go out. DS can't 'bounce around' but I'm not going to deny him supervised toddling which he worked so hard to do. And he will not sit down in a high chair without bawling, so I have to bounce him on my knee whilst singing. These are the things I have to do to partake in public life. I wish I didn't have to, but I do. And his disability is not as obvious yet so no, people are not understanding. At all.
And yes, I do use a tinkly toy because I know what 22 hours of crying is like and it's far preferable to a few tinkles and beeps.

Yeah, it is rude. I was on a train to London from W Sussex, journey is about 90 mins. Some young girl gets on, playing music on her phone with no headphones. I sternly, but politely told her to turn it off or get some earphones. Music was swiftly turned off....

Before I had Ds I thought most people were understanding. They're not.
At all.
Like I say, maybe if I get some cards people will stop being so judgemental.
But one thing I have learned is I'm never ever going to default to 'lazy parenting' judgement again.

[quote TheSlayer]@feelingmehtoday I never realised how people just don't consider what it is like to have a high needs child, whether it's temporary baby stuff or a lifelong condition. I am ashamed to say in my childfree days I didn't get why someone couldn't just 'stop' their baby crying.
My baby screamed for around 22 hours a day in the early days. He had a cerebral cry. That's a very higher pitched and more grating than usual. So I didn't go out. Ever. And the first time I did someone made me feel like crap for even coming out. Someone with their own baby who should have been a bit more empathetic.

I don't know what the answer is about my son's noises setting off others. They're noises that hopefully will lead to him talking one day. Not going to feel bad about not effectively 'shutting him up'. Ditto moving around. When your child even walking is a blessing you don't stifle it. And I have to consider what actual harm it does for anyone else if he toddles about a bit and makes a bit of noise.
I assume people who have genuine issues with sound are probably not going to occupy the.child friendly.places he can tolerate.[/quote]
I think most people, while they wouldn't actively seek out children crying etc, have sympathy for parents dealing with it. The only time I get annoyed at kids screaming/shouting is when parents are actively ignoring them. You know the ones - they're on their phone or chatting to a friend, child is going "Mummy, Mummy", child is repeatedly ignored and eventually throws a tantrum as it's one way to get attention. Or the child is tearing around the cafe while the parent is oblivious to the dangers to the child and others. I suspect if your child is moving, you are supervising them, as most responsible parents do.

I think even if it's not obvious a child has additional needs, it's generally obvious when the parents are doing their best.

Thanks Sirzy for the link

I've just played it and DD got upset at all the noises so you can imagine the distress at noise in real life

Are we playing top trump here?

Why should someone's right to make a noise trump her right to enjoy her life without screeching and repetitive electronic noises?

@TheSlayer

But when your child is a young as mine you don't get to reason with them. I would literally never go anywhere, which to be honest I would have quite liked to do as I wanted to lock myself away with depression, but family force me to go out. DS can't 'bounce around' but I'm not going to deny him supervised toddling which he worked so hard to do. And he will not sit down in a high chair without bawling, so I have to bounce him on my knee whilst singing. These are the things I have to do to partake in public life. I wish I didn't have to, but I do. And his disability is not as obvious yet so no, people are not understanding. At all. And yes, I do use a tinkly toy because I know what 22 hours of crying is like and it's far preferable to a few tinkles and beeps.

None of what you're describing sounds inconsiderate of others unless you're singing at the top of your voice . A tinkly toy is not the same as Pippa Pig on full blast.

I'm sorry you are dealing with inconsiderate people when you are obviously already having a tough time.

I've got nothing agaisnt tablets, phones used by dc in restaurants but absolutely not with volume

I honestly don't know what the answer is. But I know what it takes for my child to take part in public life and no, it's not ideal.

Presumably you know yours.
We can only do our best but a little less judgement about using props, or other methods to keep children quiet would not go amiss.

@TheSlayer

I honestly don't know what the answer is. But I know what it takes for my child to take part in public life and no, it's not ideal.

Presumably you know yours.
We can only do our best but a little less judgement about using props, or other methods to keep children quiet would not go amiss.

I entirely agree.

I do have a loud voice it has to be said.
But a lot of people would say quieting my child with pepper pig is less intrusive and I honestly don't know what the answer is.

The main reason I don't use an iPad is a) haven't got one b) want to encourage movement.

I can't pretend it doesn't make it a damn site easier. His nana does when she has him, that's what works for her and I'm just grateful for the respite.

Headphones - use them

@Macncheeseballs

Headphones - use them

Indeed, that way the OP doesn't need to listen to any chatter in the coffe shop at all. Everyone's a winner.

🤣 Haha. Oh that makes me nostalgic for the days when I used to retrieve into my own little world with music and headphones.

The gym. Waitrose. The pool. These are all just mythical.places now!