To find it annoying when parents let their children watch tablets in coffee shops with the volume turned up?

[Zippyzoppy]

Sat in a coffee shop just wanting to have a quiet few minutes to myself. Opposite is a Dad with his circa 4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

@Dogscanteatonions

I will never forget my partner taking me away to a very fancy country house hotel for the weekend, utterly luxurious. We were in the restaurant on the Saturday night for a lovely romantic and expensive dinner accompanied by the 7/8 year old girl with her family on the table next to us playing YouTube at loud volume. We asked them if she could turn it down but it was barely perceptible so we ended up with dessert on the terrace instead. My partner was going to propose but held off as it wasn't the night he'd imagined

This makes me so angry! 😡

Whoever says it's lazy parenting is a tool to be honest.

1. You have no idea of the situation so absolutely no right to judge or make any assumptions

1. Were you a perfect parent yourself?

I agree headphones are much better in these situations. However, I take options like colouring books, activity books or the tablet and to me colouring books are the same as offering the tablet in these scenarios. The aim is to keep your child quiet and engaged?

Are people more upset by the noise or "lazy parenting"?

Curiosity is why I asked the question. Asking a question doesn't mean I have to say "oh yes I completely agree with you" to every single answer though

No of course you don’t. But the outraged response you gave suggested you felt like people expressing a different view wasn’t really what you wanted, more validation of your position. And the anger that you were somehow being forced to do something when in fact, you asked a question twice you don’t really want the answer to.

I let mine use iPads in public (cue gasp)
They're never loud and they do use headphones. They are rarely used inside the house either.
Some parents just want that break too.
I don't see why it's lazy parenting. Times have changed.

Are people more upset by the noise or the lazy parenting

The noise. Definitely the noise.

@OlympicProcrastinator

Curiosity is why I asked the question. Asking a question doesn't mean I have to say "oh yes I completely agree with you" to every single answer though

No of course you don’t. But the outraged response you gave suggested you felt like people expressing a different view wasn’t really what you wanted, more validation of your position. And the anger that you were somehow being forced to do something when in fact, you asked a question twice you don’t really want the answer to.

Outraged?? 😂
Trust me. I don't get "outraged" by random strangers on the internet. My actual life comes with significant enough challenges without adding such extremes of emotion from a pointless online back and forth with strangers.
I also don't need validation from strangers.

I just didn't agree that that suggestion was reasonable, that's all. As well as being delivered quite abruptly (or what I perceived as abrupt).

@OlympicProcrastinator

Are people more upset by the noise or the lazy parenting

The noise. Definitely the noise.

Definitely. I really couldn't care less how people parent unless it's inconsiderate and impacts on others negatively.

[quote Zippyzoppy]@UrAWizHarry I was thinking that maybe you could have a word on my behalf?[/quote]
Brilliant answer; may I use it?

I apologise if you found my post abrupt. Having read it back I really can’t see why suggesting taking her outside to settle was classed as abrupt but hey ho.

Outraged?? 😂
Trust me. I don't get "outraged" by random strangers on the internet. My actual life comes with significant enough challenges without adding such extremes of emotion from a pointless online back and forth with strangers.
I also don't need validation from strangers

Sure. It comes across that way. Totally.

@TheSlayer

We don't use electronic devices out. But that means you have to make your peace with screeching, toddling to your table, touching you and Random toy noises. It'd be much easier to keep Sen baby quiet with an iPad though and no doubt the noise is preferable. Our baby is far too young to 'discipline' and any curving of his exploration results in blood curdling screams. Not ideal for other people. Of it's not an 'adult' focused cafe it's realistic to expect some noise. iPad is sometimes the lesser of two evils.

I don’t see why people should put up with either option.

@Sirzy

I apologise if you found my post abrupt. Having read it back I really can’t see why suggesting taking her outside to settle was classed as abrupt but hey ho.

It was your second one that I felt was a little abrupt - "either that or find a none noisy way to settle her!" As if it's that simple, and as if I haven't tried that.

And when you said "why does it have to be within earshot of everyone else enjoying their meal". Just felt a bit entitled - like - I'm allowed to be here enjoying my meal, but you with the noisy baby, you can go outside if she cries because we don't want to listen to either that, or that lullaby toy. Just go outside 🤷‍♀️

I mean, due to PND these small outings have often taken me hours to build up the courage and confidence to do. The anxiety that she will cry when I'm out can be overwhelming. So yes, it didn't feel great to read that response.

I appreciate your apology and I too apologise if I've inadvertently caused you any offence, too.

@OlympicProcrastinator

*Outraged?? 😂 Trust me. I don't get "outraged" by random strangers on the internet. My actual life comes with significant enough challenges without adding such extremes of emotion from a pointless online back and forth with strangers. I also don't need validation from strangers*

Sure. It comes across that way. Totally.

🙄

Ok yes your completely over reacting then.

@redpontipine. Yes I agree times have changed and I don’t see why anyone should care about I pads or ‘lazy parenting’ per say. If the volume is low and headphones are being used why does it even matter?
I think it’s just when it’s loud. I mean..it’s like bringing a telly to a coffee shop or wherever. It’s a bit selfish really.

Agree OP - we use earphones for DS if we are in public

@UrAWizHarry

This thread is literally showing why parents can't win.

Use an ipad? Oh no, children should be engaging with their parents.

Don't use an ipad? Oh no, children can't be shouting or screaming. They need something to keep them occupied.

If you are out in a public place you have to expect that other people are going to be there and potentially making noise. If it's not a phone it's going to be something else.

Obviously there are certain situations where things are expected e.g. headphones on public transport, not using phones etc in cinemas but in general you can't expect strict adherence to some nonsense moral code that you've invented.

'Some nonsense moral code that you've invented'. FFS....it's called consideration..

If I followed all the rules on this thread I would literally never leave the house.
Experiences outside the home are a essential thing for a child with cerebral palsy.
So I think I am going to take the 'advice' with a pinch of salt.
No, me and my screaming baby won't be in adult romantic candle lit restaurants. And yes, if I can and as his movement is limited he will probably have a need for an iPad when he's older: I will get some headphones if appropriate.
But I'm not stopping my child taking part in society because some people don't like the noise he makes etc. And with the best will in the world, he is going to irritate some people. He screams when in pain. He has low emotional processing skills so it won't be as simple as playing I spy or crayons which he doesn't have the motor skills for. So (gasp) a tinkly toy will be used at times.
I'll carry a list of cards explaining his condition perhaps, and be mindful I do things as best I can. But I am not going to beat myself up because he doesn't sit like Princess Charlotte.

Obviously there are certain situations where things are expected e.g. headphones on public transport, not using phones etc in cinemas but in general you can't expect strict adherence to some nonsense moral code that you've invented

I don’t understand why it’s expected you use headphones on public transport but not in say or restaurant or coffee shop in your view? Wouldn’t that fit it with your idea of what is common courtesy as opposed to a strange moral code that’s been invented?

Potted palm because we don't hide people with disabilities away anymore.
Within reason allowances should be made. And that's the problem with this post. We don't know how severe the child's need is. We don't know how loud the game was. We don't know what other people's noise threshold is or how the place was layed out.
But instead of looking at nuance and how we can work together to make it reasonable for everyone,. people lay down expectations that are impossible for the severe Sen parent (severe autism, cerebral palsy etc) to follow. And yes, perhaps screens are overused by people who don't need them.
But the point is that disability is often invisible so we can't tell by looking.
I've had severe pnd and anxiety coping with Ds unexpected disability (a word which the NHS uses to describe my baby's condition). Random judgement for things I can't control do not help. Particularly if you are sleep deprived and already well aware that your family doesn't 'fit'.

@TheSlayer

If I followed all the rules on this thread I would literally never leave the house. Experiences outside the home are a essential thing for a child with cerebral palsy. So I think I am going to take the 'advice' with a pinch of salt. No, me and my screaming baby won't be in adult romantic candle lit restaurants. And yes, if I can and as his movement is limited he will probably have a need for an iPad when he's older: I will get some headphones if appropriate. But I'm not stopping my child taking part in society because some people don't like the noise he makes etc. And with the best will in the world, he is going to irritate some people. He screams when in pain. He has low emotional processing skills so it won't be as simple as playing I spy or crayons which he doesn't have the motor skills for. So (gasp) a tinkly toy will be used at times. I'll carry a list of cards explaining his condition perhaps, and be mindful I do things as best I can. But I am not going to beat myself up because he doesn't sit like Princess Charlotte.

I'm so sorry, this sounds very challenging

One poster has already written about why tablet noise is distressing for her, as an autistic person. She was ignored by all the posters so desperate to stick up for the needs of the neurodiverse

Well, quite.

There are an awful lot of nasty attacks on this thread, under the guise of being offended by the disableism ...

@TheSlayer

Also... as another PND sufferer, I totally get that. Random judgement is just about the worst thing when you've braved going out.

"FFS....it's called consideration.."

Really? I call expecting silence in a public cafe wildly unrealistic, myself.

@AgentProvocateur

I don’t give a shit if your child is on a tablet but if they’re not wearing headphones, I’ll judge you as a rude entitled areshole.

This.