To find it annoying when parents let their children watch tablets in coffee shops with the volume turned up?

[Zippyzoppy]

Sat in a coffee shop just wanting to have a quiet few minutes to myself. Opposite is a Dad with his circa 4 year old who is playing games on a tablet which I can hear and is really distracting and spoiling my enjoyment of my coffee. Dad is on his iPhone.

Am I a miserable cow for finding this irritating?!

@Sirzy
Nobody should have to leave because of it I agree but having a quick word with either the person or a member of staff would easily sort it out. Not sure why you felt the need to leave before asking if someone would turn it down? Most people are reasonable and may not even realise they are bothering someone and would probably be apologetic problem sorted end off.

Because for an autistic child who is noise sensitive the time it took for those discussions to take place would often be enough to send him over the edge into not being able to cope anyway!

Most people are reasonable and may not even realise they are bothering someone and would probably be apologetic problem sorted end off.

Exactly.

Why have you taken one paragraph of my comment to someone else, out of context and quoted it whilst telling me not to be "ridiculous"?

Why are you making ridiculous comments that you can't defend, and so resorting to even more ridiculous replies?

"Would you rather the offending child have a meltdown and scream the place down."

The noise from the screen may well cause someone else with a disability to have a meltdown and scream the place down or worse. Not necessarily a small child either but an adult sized teenager.

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

Why have you taken one paragraph of my comment to someone else, out of context and quoted it whilst telling me not to be "ridiculous"?

Why are you making ridiculous comments that you can't defend, and so resorting to even more ridiculous replies?

Wtf? Did you actually read my comment in it's original context, or are you just being goady?

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

You have literally taken one paragraph of a reply to another poster. Without the other part of that reply to that poster, that paragraph makes no sense. What's ridiculous about that?

How on earth did parents cope before tablets and phones?

Perfectly well, as I remember. But then parents weren't sitting glued to their own phones as well, so they were better placed to keep things under control.

When you are with someone with this level of need you haven't got the opportunity or time to be talking to others. You are too busy physically managing them.

@OchonAgusOchonOh sorry crossed post

[quote Jakie7700]@OchonAgusOchonOh Another poster has already pointed out where you stated either go to the park or stay home.
I have already agreed with others posters the volume should be at a reasonable level.[/quote]
No they didn't. I never said anything of the kind. And the post you are referring to did not say I said that either.

I responded to their post which had no reference to the post they were responding to. They then clarified why they had written what they did - they were responding to a post someone else had posted.

Maybe try getting your facts right before making accusations.

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

I mean, the fact that you lifted a part of my post that begins with the word "which", suggests that it links to the previous paragraph and follows on from it....?

[quote Jakie7700]@Sirzy
Nobody should have to leave because of it I agree but having a quick word with either the person or a member of staff would easily sort it out. Not sure why you felt the need to leave before asking if someone would turn it down? Most people are reasonable and may not even realise they are bothering someone and would probably be apologetic problem sorted end off.[/quote]
My general experience of asking politely ends up like this thread - i.e. being told that it's the noise of the tablet or the noise of the child screaming, my choice.

I could've just had bad experiences, but I've learned that it's just easier to leave and go somewhere else.

@Underhisi

When you are with someone with this level of need you haven't got the opportunity or time to be talking to others. You are too busy physically managing them.

Exactly. I love the idea that there is time to go and ask someone to stop being rude because their disturbing others. It’s sad the adults need asking anyway.

Taking DS out anywhere takes planning to perfection. One incident like the OP mentioned could mean we have to leave, or even worse if we can’t get to somewhere safe quick enough that he can never go back and we lose yet another safe place.

But it all has to be about considering the needs of those who need To have noise on loud enough others can hear it.

@Zippyzoppy

To all those saying it might be that the child has additional needs/ dad is at end of tether and forgot headphones etc etc, does this then exonerate him from using his phone on speaker so the entire cafe got to hear that too? Or does it not just build a picture of a lazy Dad?

No absolutely not. No need for him to behave like that at all.

[quote Jakie7700]@Sirzy
Nobody should have to leave because of it I agree but having a quick word with either the person or a member of staff would easily sort it out. Not sure why you felt the need to leave before asking if someone would turn it down? Most people are reasonable and may not even realise they are bothering someone and would probably be apologetic problem sorted end off.[/quote]
By blaring sound out of their devices, they have already indicated they are not reasonable.

We all have to share public spaces. Thinking about how our actions affect others is a reasonable expectation .

I might just have to make a stack of these.
We don't use screens but I'm sure everything else we have to do (like using toys that beep) is intolerable.
www.zazzle.co.uk/this_is_autism_handout_cards-240150293753997396

What about a sensory toy that plays lullabies and stops my baby from crying? She loves it - she just stares at it intently and it sends her back to sleep. I clearly can't use headphones with my 4 month old (not that the toy is even compatible with headphones). Is this acceptable to people or should I leave the cafe? 🤔

This has been a hard thread to read. I think something about the OP really struck a lot of posters who are mums just trying to do their best, especially those with children who have disabilities or additional needs, whichever term they choose ( @TheSlayer, @TowandaForever, @Carrotinthesky, @LizzieAnt, and many others who have shared their stories). I think when you have a child that “stands out,” there’s such a fear, maybe based on past experiences, of being judged as a bad parent, when you’re trying to do it all correctly and trying to hold it all together. I know that I, and the other mums I know, are going to be understanding of a struggling mum with a child (or a normal mum with a struggling child!) on an iPad, or a child who gives out a shout, or even a child whose mum just looks at the end of her tether; maybe some people in the world won’t be but… those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter. I am willing to bet OP would not have been annoyed at a café by any of you.

The responsibility for the little girl in the OP was ultimately on her father who was with her. I would likely have accepted the situation if only the little girl were involved (noise-wise), until he started yelling into his phone, on speaker. That’s the point at which it seems less likely that this is a parent caring for their child (she might have additional needs, might be disabled, might not be), and just someone who doesn’t care about the noise they’re making. That’s when I would have been upset at the father, but still not the child.

It is so selfish. You would expect chatter between them but not the noise from a tablet.

I would have told him to turn it down. My days of even being polite when asking are over. They dont respect us so why should we respect them?

But it's not the children making noise. The children are silent. It's the tablet that is making the noise. It's exactly the same as someone's a public place playing music on their phone that everyone else can hear. It's bad mannered and ignorant.

You could argue either side all day. But I stand by I do not think a reasonable level of tablet noise even if you can hear it as long as it is reasonable level it is not unacceptable to me. A neurotypical adult posting about the noise saying it annoys them annoys me as many children with additional needs are calmed by screens it's a well known fact.

I have vast experience of working with children with asd most that are very sensitive to noise tend to use noise cancelling headphones if they are able too as most daily noises are a trigger in public for them tannoy or music in a shop, hand driers in toilets screen noise etc people talking loudly on a phone etc. While I am in no way saying they should have to do this they want to do it as the noise distresses them.

Yanbu. Even more annoying on trains. Some people are totally oblivious to their surroundings and have no consideration for others.

I find it interesting that none of the "MY precious child MUST have high-volume activities for their SN" parents have addressed the issue of the OTHER kids with SN that might be out and about, for whom unexpected, loud "toys that beep" or bleeping blooping games on tablets or anything else could be the thing that triggers their meltdown.

I guess those kids should just deal, because whoever needs the loudest accommodation wins!

I hate seeing a baby in a pushchair glued already to a smartphone

Facing its parents who are glued to theirs.