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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not giving my friend a lift home?

406 replies

Acey68 · 26/07/2021 20:05

My friend and I were at a mutual friends house to watch the WC final. I drove as I don't live too close (30 mins drive or so). My other friend lives a 15 minute bus ride away in the opposite direction to me and caught the bus there. She doesn't drive and planned to get an Uber home back to hers at the end of the night.
When the game finished and she attempted to get a taxi she noticed that the surcharge meant the taxi fare had doubled it's usual price. She asked me if I would mind giving her a lift home due to this, as she didn't want to pay the pricey taxi fare.
I said that I didn't really feel comfortable driving her home as I had 2 small glasses of wine over the course of the evening with a dinner, so was in that grey area where I was likely fine (felt fine) but for me I didn't want to spend longer in the car then I had to, just in case. She lives very centrally in the middle of a main high street with lots of pubs, bars and drunk people inevitably falling out of them and probably a higher police presence and traffic after the game and taking her home would have added 30 mins to my journey time.
I just wanted to get on the road and head back. I told her I would give her a lift to the bus stop and wait with her (once on the bus it takes her to her door in the middle of the high street she lives on, so no long walks) or offered to go halves on the taxi with her which she refused as she said the price was ridiculous and she wouldn't take my money for it.
She's been very off with me since and it came out the other day how disappointed with me, I am a selfish friend, she doesn't buy the excuse I gave, this shows I am only interested in myself and not helping others etc etc
As far as I see a lift is a favour not to be expected, and found myself having to justify why I didn't want to take her home. (She caught the bus in the end and it was fine)
We had a big fight and I'm upset and questioning myself now. AIBU?

OP posts:
LostThings · 26/07/2021 22:18

I'm sorry but you should not be drinking and driving. Most reasonable people arrange a different way to get home if they know they are going to be drinking. You should have got a cab yourself, never mind about your friend. Please think twice about it next time.

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 22:19

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SchadenfreudePersonified · 26/07/2021 22:20

@maxineputyourredshoeson

Honestly for me, regardless of where she lives YWBU to use alcohol as an excuse you were either below the limit and safe to drive or you weren’t, for me no grey area.
This.

If you were fit to drive home yourself, you were fit to give her a lift.

Neondisco · 26/07/2021 22:20

Yabu to use alcohol as an excuse. Unless you're 5 stone you weren't in any grey area.

By wc final do you mean the euro final? Or something else? Just if you mean the euro final really your friend probably should have realised there would be a surge charge and high demand, with many people out watching it.

Ostagazuzulum · 26/07/2021 22:21

Not giving her a lift was bit tight but if you weren't sure whether you should be driving then don't drive.

If you get caught in future (doubt this is one off from your op) then good luck with grey area excise on court.

Your attitude is poor.

sergeilavrov · 26/07/2021 22:22

I’d strongly recommend you read some of the stories of mother’s who lose their children to drink driving. This is regarded as equivalent to attempted murder where I live, because you know the risks and choose to take that action.

I think you should have offered to drop her off given it was dark, late and it’s a dangerous situation for a woman to be in. We pay unfair premiums to travel because men pose risks to us: when we can alleviate that burden for one another, we should. If you were going to drop her at the bus and wait, you could’ve taken her. It doesn’t take a long walk for something to happen.

Coyoacan · 26/07/2021 22:22

YABU. You felt fine driving or you wouldn't have driven at all. She planned on getting an Uber only to find the prices had doubled. She is your friend. Would it have really killed you to do the nice thing and give her a lift?

It doesn't sound like your friend planned on asking you for a lift or makes a habit of it. I'm glad she's figured out how much of a friend you really are.

BackforGood · 26/07/2021 22:24

Y were Both BU.

Friend needed to ensure she was able to get home if she doesn't drive. She either puts her hand in her pocket for a taxi fare or arranges for a loved one to collect her or asks other friend if she can kip there or she doesn't go.

However

YWB VERY U to drive to your house if you were not safe to drive because you had been drinking.
If you are driving, you shouldn't be drinking. If you had had one drink, with food, and were happy you were safe (which, in England would be legal), then you were mean not to take her. If you weren't safe to take her, then you weren't safe to drive yourself home.
Unbelievable that you actually seem to think you were okay to drive in one direction but not another Confused

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 22:27

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Terhou · 26/07/2021 22:29

Two small glasses of wine over an evening where you also had food would not have put you over the limit. That said, your offer to go halves on the taxi fare was generous so I don't particularly think she has anything to complain about.

Saggybaggyaggy · 26/07/2021 22:29

Putting the wine issue aside - yabu to not give your friend a lift. A 15 minute bus ride is five minutes in the car! You're a shitty friend

Mockolate · 26/07/2021 22:29

Drink drive for your friend, plus yourself for the extra miles = good stuff"

Where has anyone actually said that though?
All I can see is people saying if you're not fit to be driving through drink, you're not fit to drive yourself home, or your friend either.

Ivyiris · 26/07/2021 22:30

Yabvu how selfish getting in the car after a drink

AliceSprings123 · 26/07/2021 22:30

@SteveArnottsWaistcoat

Shittest excuse I’ve ever heard.

“I’m not giving you a lift home because I might be drink driving if I do, but I’m ok drink driving to my house.”

Exactly this.
Fairunibutterfly · 26/07/2021 22:31

Putting the drink aside as that’s been dealt with by pp.

You offered to pay half your friend’s Uber which would have worked out what she expected to pay initially. She didn’t want to take your money for the Uber but was ok taking petrol costs and your time. You’re not then responsible for putting her on public transport.

I agree with earlier comments, doubling your journey late at night when I’m tired can also be dangerous and unfair to you when it’s late and you just want to get home. It would be a different situation if you’d pre-arranged to take her home at the end of the night.

So I don’t think yabu for not giving her a lift. You gave her safe alternatives (Uber) and it was unfair for her to put you on the spot like that late at night but maybe you should have said you’re too tired instead of the drink comment.

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 22:31

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happygertie · 26/07/2021 22:33

Of course friends give friends lifts home. I wouldn't want my girlfriends getting taxi's or public transport at night if I was driving.
Rubbish excuse re the small glasses of wine, if you are avoiding an area with higher police presence then you shouldn't be driving

Babyjune21 · 26/07/2021 22:37

Your a drunk driver and a crap friend sorry to tell you

WingingItSince1973 · 26/07/2021 22:37

@Fairunibutterfly

Putting the drink aside as that’s been dealt with by pp.

You offered to pay half your friend’s Uber which would have worked out what she expected to pay initially. She didn’t want to take your money for the Uber but was ok taking petrol costs and your time. You’re not then responsible for putting her on public transport.

I agree with earlier comments, doubling your journey late at night when I’m tired can also be dangerous and unfair to you when it’s late and you just want to get home. It would be a different situation if you’d pre-arranged to take her home at the end of the night.

So I don’t think yabu for not giving her a lift. You gave her safe alternatives (Uber) and it was unfair for her to put you on the spot like that late at night but maybe you should have said you’re too tired instead of the drink comment.

Agree with this. I have taken friends home out of my way a few times before as I don't drink so don't mind being the designated driver, this is all preplanned though. The friend here was offered half the fair for an uber and didn't want that, so I think the friend being off with you is a bit cheeky.
Taliskerskye · 26/07/2021 22:39

I don’t actually believe the half a cost for an Uber
And if a bus ride is 15 mins
Then it’s 5 in a car -
Op didn’t want to go to busy area with police.

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 22:40

Aaaaaaand the back peddling.....

OP and Co. not back?

However: Good post by Fair.

Elsch · 26/07/2021 22:45

Did others fine that their marriage/relationship went to sh*t after having a child? Our dd is now a year old and we both adore her. But since her birth, dh and I just haven't been getting along. We've always been a happy couple (together 9 years) but the last year has been extremely tough. Did anyone else find this after having a baby? If so, any tips for improving? I really hoped that it was just an initial adjustment period to being a family of 3, but things just seem to be getting worse and worse.

I've tried talking to him about it and not. I'm still on mat leave but my dh expects me to do 100% of the childcare- including evenings and weekends. I'm worried we're not going to make it Sad

BobbidyBob · 26/07/2021 22:47

@PurpleHoodie

Interesting.

Very interesting.

Why do you keep commenting the same thing over and over? Genuine question. You obviously think this is a troll thread but by commenting 10 times, all you’re doing is keeping it in the “highlights” bar.
Macncheeseballs · 26/07/2021 22:48

She's cheeky

MyLifeNow20 · 26/07/2021 22:48

Wow! Well out of order