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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not giving my friend a lift home?

406 replies

Acey68 · 26/07/2021 20:05

My friend and I were at a mutual friends house to watch the WC final. I drove as I don't live too close (30 mins drive or so). My other friend lives a 15 minute bus ride away in the opposite direction to me and caught the bus there. She doesn't drive and planned to get an Uber home back to hers at the end of the night.
When the game finished and she attempted to get a taxi she noticed that the surcharge meant the taxi fare had doubled it's usual price. She asked me if I would mind giving her a lift home due to this, as she didn't want to pay the pricey taxi fare.
I said that I didn't really feel comfortable driving her home as I had 2 small glasses of wine over the course of the evening with a dinner, so was in that grey area where I was likely fine (felt fine) but for me I didn't want to spend longer in the car then I had to, just in case. She lives very centrally in the middle of a main high street with lots of pubs, bars and drunk people inevitably falling out of them and probably a higher police presence and traffic after the game and taking her home would have added 30 mins to my journey time.
I just wanted to get on the road and head back. I told her I would give her a lift to the bus stop and wait with her (once on the bus it takes her to her door in the middle of the high street she lives on, so no long walks) or offered to go halves on the taxi with her which she refused as she said the price was ridiculous and she wouldn't take my money for it.
She's been very off with me since and it came out the other day how disappointed with me, I am a selfish friend, she doesn't buy the excuse I gave, this shows I am only interested in myself and not helping others etc etc
As far as I see a lift is a favour not to be expected, and found myself having to justify why I didn't want to take her home. (She caught the bus in the end and it was fine)
We had a big fight and I'm upset and questioning myself now. AIBU?

OP posts:
overnightangel · 26/07/2021 21:57

“I didn’t give my friend a lift home to her unsafe area cos I was likely drunk AIBU?”

Yes you’re a fool

Gilly12345 · 26/07/2021 21:58

You are both in the wrong, you for drinking and driving and your friend for not sorting out herself at the end of the evening, if you don’t drive then just accept the alternatives.

gurglebelly · 26/07/2021 21:59

Sorry OP, but your excuse reason was really shit. Yes 'I don't want to because it's out of my way' would have landed with her pissed off at you but at least it's honest.

'I may have had too much to drink, so I'm willing to risk drink driving but only for my own convenience' is awful - regardless of the taxi/bus situation I would judge you massively for willing to be in the 'grey area' at all because I detest drunk drivers

Alpenguin · 26/07/2021 22:00

So you said you’d had too much to drink & were in a grey area and for that reason couldn’t drive her home but drove yourself home anyway? Or have I read that wrong?

Yanbu not to want to give your friend a lift
Home if it was out of your way but yabu if you used alcohol as the excuse and proceeded to drive yourself home anyway.

Planty13 · 26/07/2021 22:00

I woke never want a friend using public transport at that time, especially to a busy town with people around every corner. YABVU to drink and drive.

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 22:01

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Annonymiss123 · 26/07/2021 22:03

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee

You are being unreasonable for drinking 2 glasses of wine and driving.
^^ This! 🤬
AliceMcK · 26/07/2021 22:04

I would never let anyone go home on their own on public transport late at night, especially a single woman walking past bars and pubs full of drunks on any occasion, certainly not after England lost the match that night and there were loads of idiots looking for trouble. Fuck it’s not that long since there were protests in the street about Sarah Everard.

I wouldn’t care how far out of my way I had to go or whether she didn’t think about the surcharge or not. The fact you offered to pay half for a taxi means nothing, a real friend would not have even needed to be asked for a lift.

Your excuse is pathetic. I wouldn’t want you for a friend especially with the drink driving.

KarmaStar · 26/07/2021 22:05

Don't drink and drive,you may feel fine but your judgement will be affected,your reactions slower.believe me,I've picked up the bodies after someone ' felt fine ' after a small drink many times.

Your excuse was weak.You should have been honest with her.You simply didn't want to go out of your way.If you had been honest she wouldn't have been happy but not giving her a lift and making excuses is bad form.

You should have stayed overnight rather than drive anyway.

therocinante · 26/07/2021 22:07

You either actually shouldn't have been driving in which case you're a MASSIVE selfish dick or you were below the limit in which case I personally would have given her a lift or not made up a shit excuse.

If my friend said no that request cos they were tired and wanted to get home: fine. If they said no because they were too drunk to drive (there is no 'grey area') and then got in their car anyway, I'd never speak to them again for being a drink driver.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 26/07/2021 22:08

I think you should have given her a lift, I would have. But also YABVU to drive when you don't KNOW you are safe to drive. Very unreasonable and the risk of driving while under the influence isn't getting caught its killing someone. Don't drink and drive. I can't believe it needs to be said.

jacks11 · 26/07/2021 22:09

I agree that if you thought there was a possibility that you were over the limit, that you should not have driven.

However, I disagree that the only reasonable response to your friends request (assuming you were fit to drive) was to agree. I think if it’s late and you were tired, adding 30 minutes to your journey could also be dangerous- tired drivers are also more likely to have accidents. Your friend had planned to take an Uber, she should have got the Uber. You were generous to offer to pay the difference. You’d have had to pay for the extra fuel cost of your half hour diversion- woukd your friend have offered to contribute? In my experience, my non-driving friends often don’t think of the fuel cost or the time- like I said if you are both tired, you both just want to get home- they sometimes forget the extra time you’ve added on and that can make you even more tired (and therefore increases risk of having an accident).

If my friend could not get a taxi- e.g. if none available- I would give them a lift. If they could get, but just didn’t want to pay for it then I think I would do it if it wasn’t too inconvenient or if I wasn’t tired. But if it was either of those two, I might well decline too.

Tinpotspectator · 26/07/2021 22:10

I don't see why it's unreasonable to not want to turn a 30 minute journey into a 60 minute one, simply because she wanted to save her money (whilst spending yours, on petrol).

Everyone else has dealt with the other issue, which is separate.

StrawberrySquash · 26/07/2021 22:10

Of course there is a grey area with drink driving. The limit in England you can be moderately impaired but still legal to drive. Lots of people, quite reasonably, choose not to at that point, but it's still legal. It's not as if it there is a single sip where you flip from perfectly safe to dangerous.

Coffeepot72 · 26/07/2021 22:10

I think you were both unreasonable - there’s every chance you were over the limit, and your friend shouldn’t be presumptuous about getting a lift. No winners here

vegas888 · 26/07/2021 22:12

If you were unsure whether or not you were over the drink drive limit then you should NOT of been driving. No excuses!!!!!

katieg03 · 26/07/2021 22:12

I very very rarely drink so if I drank 2 glasses of wine I'd be feeling pretty drunk. No way would I get behind a wheel even if I had had one glass. I live in Scotland and I think our laws are different. I am one of those people that think that there should be a zero limit though. I think friends should always have a safe way of getting home. I am always the designated driver and I've seen me go back and forth for people. I think you should have not driven at all.

Backwaterjunction · 26/07/2021 22:12

You are a massive dickhead for drinking and driving full stop, if you used the excuse of wine for not giving her a life then you should not have a license you are disgusting

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 22:12

Acey68 (OP) doesn't really seem that arsed to be fair.

Coffeepot72 · 26/07/2021 22:13

And I agree there is a grey area with drink driving, it’s when you’re just under the limit. It’s not great though.

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 22:14

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Hyppogriff · 26/07/2021 22:15

Yabu for driving after drinking

ChittyChittyBangBangChicken · 26/07/2021 22:16

Not interested in helping others? Putting a friend on the spot to drive an extra 30 minutes just so you can save a little money is rude, selfish, and not exactly helpful.

(And also, you shouldn't drive if you're not completely sober.)

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 22:17

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Qwerty789 · 26/07/2021 22:17

I said that I didn't really feel comfortable driving her home as I had 2 small glasses of wine over the course of the evening with a dinner, so was in that grey area where I was likely fine (felt fine) but for me I didn't want to spend longer in the car then I had to, just in case

What a load of bollocks. You were either safe to drive or you weren't, there is no grey area. You didn't want to and you gave a very stupid excuse, I'd be pretty pissed off with you.

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