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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not giving my friend a lift home?

406 replies

Acey68 · 26/07/2021 20:05

My friend and I were at a mutual friends house to watch the WC final. I drove as I don't live too close (30 mins drive or so). My other friend lives a 15 minute bus ride away in the opposite direction to me and caught the bus there. She doesn't drive and planned to get an Uber home back to hers at the end of the night.
When the game finished and she attempted to get a taxi she noticed that the surcharge meant the taxi fare had doubled it's usual price. She asked me if I would mind giving her a lift home due to this, as she didn't want to pay the pricey taxi fare.
I said that I didn't really feel comfortable driving her home as I had 2 small glasses of wine over the course of the evening with a dinner, so was in that grey area where I was likely fine (felt fine) but for me I didn't want to spend longer in the car then I had to, just in case. She lives very centrally in the middle of a main high street with lots of pubs, bars and drunk people inevitably falling out of them and probably a higher police presence and traffic after the game and taking her home would have added 30 mins to my journey time.
I just wanted to get on the road and head back. I told her I would give her a lift to the bus stop and wait with her (once on the bus it takes her to her door in the middle of the high street she lives on, so no long walks) or offered to go halves on the taxi with her which she refused as she said the price was ridiculous and she wouldn't take my money for it.
She's been very off with me since and it came out the other day how disappointed with me, I am a selfish friend, she doesn't buy the excuse I gave, this shows I am only interested in myself and not helping others etc etc
As far as I see a lift is a favour not to be expected, and found myself having to justify why I didn't want to take her home. (She caught the bus in the end and it was fine)
We had a big fight and I'm upset and questioning myself now. AIBU?

OP posts:
LordOfTheThings · 26/07/2021 21:31

So you thought you might have had too much to drink to drive her home but not too much to drive anyway? Fucks sake, I can't even believe you would ask this.

No you should not drive if you have been drinking and suspect you may be over the limit - there is no 'grey' area, that's absolute bollocks. And no, you're not a great friend either.

sloutside · 26/07/2021 21:31

You were either fine to drive or not. There is no grey area. You are either over the limit or not.
YABU for driving yourself home if you were not sure you were safe to drive. If you knew you were going to drive you shouldn't have drunk anything at all.

It sounds like even if you were sure you were safe to drive you wouldn't have given her a lift home anyway. You would have been unreasonable for that too - she lives a 15 min bus ride away, you could have easily taken her home - yes it would have added a bit onto your journey time but so what? That's what friends do for each other - they go out of their way to help each other.

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 21:31

This reply has been deleted

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Zhampagne · 26/07/2021 21:32

Assuming that a small glass of wine means 125ml of 12% wine (and obviously home measures are not exact) then you had a total of three units. As a very rough rule of thumb your body can process one unit per hour so if you had four hours totally clear of any alcohol before driving home I can understand why your friend thought your excuse was nonsense tbh.

CakeandGo · 26/07/2021 21:34

@Overthebow

YABU. you're drinking excuse is rubbish, you were either fine to drive or not. You just didn't want to give your friend a lift, which considering it wasn't really that far seems pretty awful really.
👆
Clangerschick1 · 26/07/2021 21:34

Agreed. Either you are under the limit and fine to drive in which case I’d have offered her a lift (not even waited to be asked) or you have had too much alcohol and should not be going anywhere at all in your car at all.
You have an attitude to potentially killing someone and are an awful ‘friend’ aswell. She’s better off without you

Namechangeforthisquestion7 · 26/07/2021 21:35

YABVU. You were either fine to drive or not. If you were not then you shouldn't have driven yourself home, you put others at risk. If you were fine then you were a miserable friend for not going a short way extra for your friend.
Don't drink and drive!

TheSkatesOfCoachBombay · 26/07/2021 21:39

After 2 glasses of home poured measures which wouldn't have been 125ml you shouldn't be driving.

I'd have given the friend a lift, I've driven 40minutes out of my way before to make sure a friend got home safe, I'd have never forgiven myself if something had happened to them and I had the means to get them home safely. The guilt would eat me up.

Isthisit22 · 26/07/2021 21:39

You should absolutely not drive if there's any doubt in your mind that you're over the limit.

Hadjab · 26/07/2021 21:41

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

I would always give a friend a lift home. Driving isn't really a chore, the car does the work for you. I wouldn't like to think of my friend on the bus late at night when i could give her a lift

The wine is such a rubbish excuse.

This! I would never leave a friend to fend for themselves, bus or no bus.
Dontwatchfootball · 26/07/2021 21:43

Torn on this one, the excuse of the wine and not wanting to be in the car is BS really, but then I saw you offered to pay half to uber and she refused which is very unreasonable of her. So it is wash I think.

HaveringWavering · 26/07/2021 21:44

Kind of weird though that the friend is pissed off that she was denied the opportunity to be driven home by a drink driver…

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/07/2021 21:44

There's no grey area with drink driving.

Take it someone who had life changing injuries due to someone else being in that 'grey area' aka 'I'll probably fine and I can't be arsed to sort another way home even though I shouldn't be driving'.

They ruined my mental health, physical wellbeing (brain damage) and halted the growth of my business for a good few years. Ironically the injuries mean I now can't drive myself...

To anyone, for future reference - If you think you're in a grey area, you shouldn't be driving.

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 21:45

Entitled taker meets valid excuse.

OP which Country are you posting from? Where did this incident take place?

CrystalMaisie · 26/07/2021 21:45

Yabu for drinking and driving.

Tallisimo · 26/07/2021 21:47

She must have known the Uber fare would be more expensive and was a bit cheeky asking you for a lift.
But frankly, you shouldn’t have been driving, and using alcohol as an excuse not to take her lost any validity as soon as you got behind the wheel to dive yourself home.

PurpleHoodie · 26/07/2021 21:47

OP.

Are you in the UK?

cookiesandcreamm · 26/07/2021 21:48

YABU

SmallPrawnEnergy · 26/07/2021 21:48

I think she was probably more annoyed that you used a naff excuse and lied to her about drink being the reason rather than you saying, “actually I can’t be fucked to drive you home”
Cowardly tbh.

HaveringWavering · 26/07/2021 21:49

“will you drive me home” “No sorry you see I had two glasses of wine earlier and yadda yadda grey area…”
“Let me stop you right there. Give me your car keys and I will call us both taxis”

is how it should have gone. Not “oooh pleasee pretty please put my life at risk on the road. I’m so depressed already about England losing, I need a good old bit of risk taking to cheer me up”.

Fetasalad · 26/07/2021 21:49

YABU. You felt fine driving or you wouldn't have driven at all. She planned on getting an Uber only to find the prices had doubled. She is your friend. Would it have really killed you to do the nice thing and give her a lift? There is no grey area for drink driving. If you felt you were 'in the grey' area that means you know you may have had slightly too much. That's all on you risking killing people. You could have hit someone whichever direction you drove in.

earthyfire · 26/07/2021 21:52

I would never drink and drive so I would be fine to always always give a friend a lift home should they need a favour.

Motnight · 26/07/2021 21:53
  1. Has served me well for 40 years. 59 also.
Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 26/07/2021 21:54

I’d have taken your keys. You are a shit friend if you’ll drink drive and still use it as an excuse.

FedNlanders · 26/07/2021 21:56

@maxineputyourredshoeson

Honestly for me, regardless of where she lives YWBU to use alcohol as an excuse you were either below the limit and safe to drive or you weren’t, for me no grey area.
Agree
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