[quote thepeopleversuswork]@Persephonesgrove
I know what you're getting at in that kids don't get asked if they want to live with their bioparents and obviously its wrong to assume all birth families are happier than all blended families. But the point you're missing is that for all kids the bio family is the default and usually the goal.
The vast majority of kids want their parents to be together -- even if one parent is abusive or neglectful. That doesn't mean that its the right thing to do to soldier on in a bad relationship. But you are fooling yourself if you believe that the kids wouldn't usually prefer that.
This isn't to say that you can't recreate a family with a better set of parents. But the burden of proof is on the parent to demonstrate to the child why, having already separated the initial family (potentially for good reasons) they should be happy to simply accept a brand new family. The parent has to make a bloody case as to why that's going to be better, and at the heart of that is ensuring that the kid can see its going to benefit them. Rather than just saying "right, here's your new dad".
This is why its all about time and sensitivity and consultation.
I don't think its "desperate" or "sad" for a single parent to want to move on and find love. I have to say I do think its a bit "desperate" for a single parent to rush a new parent in quickly.
I don't think there has to be a hard and fast timetable to it - its common sense: two years before you introduce a partner seems a bit OTT. But I certainly think anyone who is blending a family based on a relationship of less than a year is not putting their kids interests first.[/quote]
For Many kids the bio family isn't the ideal at all. That's the point.
Except on these threads if you aren't with the other bio parent, it's assumed that your kids is definitely unhappy.
But if you are with their bio parent its assumed they are happy.
How many people tell someone, still with the other bio parent 'I bet your child isn't happy, they just aren't telling you they are' even though all the evidence points to the being perfectly happy.
It just doesn't happen.
And the parents that just go 'here's your new dad' didn't put their kids first before and have always just done what they wanted. They could be with the bio parent and still be like that.
See you say not desperate or sad. Then use the word desperate. Putting " " doesn't make it any less derogatory. Are there no other words?
You have chosen the emotion that you think they based this decision on and give it a derogatory name which as long been attached to, mainly, female single parents.
Thats the problem. Introducing new partners too quickly isn't a great idea. It's ill advised. But I wonder how many male single parents are called desperate either in general OR when they move from one women to the next.