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Original poster

Already given savings, DSS wants more.

520 replies

ScottyandWestie · 25/07/2021 20:09

Posting here for traffic as feeling terribly conflicted and a bit taken for granted.
DSS mid twenties has been round with his girlfriend asking for cash from us toward a house deposit.
Due to covid husband had to take a pay cut and we don't really have anything to give right now.
DSS knows we have a couple of thousand set aside as DSD will be 21 in February and we have approx 5k to give her as we did DSS on his 21st. It's a saving plan we did for each of them since they were young children.
He and his girlfriend were complaining about house prices and I know it's awful, the 5k he had from us seemed to go on holidays and bits for his cycling hobby.
We dont have anything to give and while DSD knows the money is coming to her she has said she will keep it in savings, she has no plans to spend it.
DSS girlfriend was making me feel guilty as her Dad is helping them out, but we don't have the spare cash and we have already given him 5K. It's not our fault he spent it.
I do not want to ask DSD and I feel the money should be protected he shouldn't have any access to it at all but he is pushing my husband, his father to speak to DSD about it.
My husband and myself never had any family financial help, I appreciate getting on the housing ladder was easier years ago but this isn't his money. Also what will happen when DSD needs it?
As I'm not his parent it's awkward but I feel husband should not even entertain the idea of asking DSD to give it to her brother.
Any suggestions?

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 25/07/2021 23:27

@ScottyandWestie

listen.... you asked for advice because you wanted assurances that you weren't being unreasonable... and you got that assurance 100% ... 🌸💕

DSS is appalling ... let him and his GF sob and weep.. they deserve to weep .. pair of twats 😳

FangsForTheMemory · 25/07/2021 23:29

@Thehogfatherstolemycurry if you can’t be bothered to read the whole thread, at least read the OP’s updates.

billy1966 · 25/07/2021 23:30

@PluggingAway

This is absolutely nuts.

I wouldn't even want them in my home again after this, but obviously that decision is with your husband.

Their behaviour is disgusting. Why are you even entertaining this?!

Unbelievably vulgar behaviour.

Move that money into an acvount that will keep it away from them.

Truly shocking behaviour.

Why would you allow that OP?
Your SS is a scut asking.

Wouldn't entertain him or his Jeremy Kyle girlfriend.

Dreadful behaviour.

LittleOwl153 · 25/07/2021 23:31

You need to.hold on to it unless dsd puts it away securely.for 2yrs plus. It's wrong of him to tell her it's available and effectively he won't stop her lending/giving it to her brother. What a horrible position to put her in!!

Ellie56 · 25/07/2021 23:33

Shock so from your update OP they had been banking on getting DSD's money?

Wow what a pair of entitled selfish shits.

Original poster
ScottyandWestie · 25/07/2021 23:33

@LittleOwl153
Husband had told her he does not want her to give or lend the money to DSS.

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 25/07/2021 23:34

Oh op. On the plus side everyone now knows exactly where they stand and have had their eyes opens as to the true nature of peoples character. (it’s a very small plus)
Maybe in a week or so, things will have calmed down. I’m so sorry you appear to have been caught in the middle facing flack from both dh and dss. Hope your husband realise your aren’t the person in the wrong soon.

Original poster
ScottyandWestie · 25/07/2021 23:35

@Ellie56
Yes it seems so. I think they have got wrapped up in fancy brochures and show houses.
The girlfriend is a sadly just like DSS they want something add because they want it feel they should get it.

OP posts:
HR92 · 25/07/2021 23:37

What a cheek! Me and my partner are 29 and have been together 10 years. We have never had any help from our parents. We haven't needed it and wouldn't dream of asking. We have bought our own first cars and paid for our own homes.
He is lucky he got 5 grand. There will be another 'dream house' when they've worked harder and saved harder!

Emmelina · 25/07/2021 23:38

@GetTaeFuck

He can fuck off, he pissed his money up the wall, boo hoo.
Exactly this, well put!
Erwhatno · 25/07/2021 23:39

Does your dh favour his son?

Original poster
ScottyandWestie · 25/07/2021 23:40

Husband has gone to walk the dog and clear his head. It's awful, DSS was very hostile on the phone. His mother has told him she can't give him anything and to ask his Dad.
We never had kids together and I had none before we married so I think they feel we have more disposable income to help as DSS and DSD have three younger siblings from their mum.
DSS lives part time at the girlfriends, we have only met her parents a couple of times but I am honestly embarrassed that he's there tonight and carrying on the way he has on the phone. Goodness knows what they must think.

OP posts:
airforsharon · 25/07/2021 23:41

Please stand firm for your DSD. Her Dad has effectively put the ball in her court, knowing no doubt that's she's very easy going and perhaps a 'soft touch', so if she does give DSS her money he'll be able to say it was her choice Angry Her brother is a leech of the highest order and deserves nothing more than sending away with a flea in his ear.

I'm fuming for your DSD tbh. What a selfish, horrible pair her brother and his gf are.

saraclara · 25/07/2021 23:45

I know your DH started out a bit wimpish, but I have to say I feel a bit sorry for him now. Must have been tough to read this thread (I feel a bit bad that he will have read my post, tbh). And more than tough to have to come to terms with who his son really is.

But he did the right thing in the end, even if it feels that it's blown the family apart. If he hadn't it would have been worse. And it wouldn't have been the end of DSS asking for money.

Howshouldibehave · 25/07/2021 23:45

I wouldn’t feel bad about anything, OP-he’s really shown himself up here.

Well done to your DH for putting his foot down.

JohnStonesMissus · 25/07/2021 23:47

@ScottyandWestie

Husband has gone to walk the dog and clear his head. It's awful, DSS was very hostile on the phone. His mother has told him she can't give him anything and to ask his Dad. We never had kids together and I had none before we married so I think they feel we have more disposable income to help as DSS and DSD have three younger siblings from their mum. DSS lives part time at the girlfriends, we have only met her parents a couple of times but I am honestly embarrassed that he's there tonight and carrying on the way he has on the phone. Goodness knows what they must think.
Of course he's hostile, he's pissed off he's not going to get his grabby hands on the sisters money so he tries another tactic, his nasty manipulative behaviour needs knocking on the head once and for all, I know you've said you won't give the money to him, but I've got a horrible feeling you will just to keep the peace, please say you won't?
GrandmaSteglitszch · 25/07/2021 23:51

Has DH read this thread? I hope so.

CFSon is acting like a giant, nasty toddler.

No-one at all should even think of giving him money.

me4real · 25/07/2021 23:52

No way should DSD's money be broken into. It isn't up for grabs.

Just stand firm and say no. xx

Viviennemary · 25/07/2021 23:56

He's had £5k and dpent it. If you've no more money that's it. No way should your DD be guilt tripped into handing anything over. Theyll have to save up like everyone else.

HerMammy · 25/07/2021 23:57

DSS and his grabby GF need to find a house THEY can afford and not expect everyone else to buy it for them.
Completely and utter CFs

Original poster
ScottyandWestie · 25/07/2021 23:59

DSS won't be getting anything.
Not from us and not from DSD.
I'm hoping the dust settles and we can get over this. Right now is just so awful I cannot imagine being in the same room altogether and it being ok. It won't be.

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 25/07/2021 23:59

I wonder how on earth DSS/grabby CF girlfriend are possibly spinning this to anyone who’ll listen that you (well, DH) are being in any way unreasonable here?!

LemonSwan · 25/07/2021 23:59

The more I think about this, the more I think this isn't about 5k.

They could easily have saved 5k in 12 weeks (the time conveyancing takes) if both living at home with no outgoings (even on minimum wage) with petrol money spare. They would know this is they had been saving as much as possible the last year or so.

So it wasn't 5k they were after.

It was 5k when they have tried very little to save + extra for solicitors + extra when they miss the last stamp duty deadline.

Missed a bullet here OP

RedToothBrush · 26/07/2021 00:05

@ScottyandWestie

Yes the girlfriends father is giving them money and lending them money too. They have their eyes on an expensive new build.
And?

DSS girlfriend was making me feel guilty as her Dad is helping them out, but we don't have the spare cash and we have already given him 5K. It's not our fault he spent it.

Repeat to her. If you can't afford it blame DSS as he blew the £5k we gave him. We don't have more. The £5000 is for DSD 21 birthday. You are being rude for even asking - learn to live within your means.

QueenBee52 · 26/07/2021 00:10

@ScottyandWestie

Are you ok OP... ?

you sound like a fantastic StepMum and a great person..

I hope you are able to get a calm atmosphere back in your home 🌸💕