Already given savings, DSS wants more.

[ScottyandWestie]

Posting here for traffic as feeling terribly conflicted and a bit taken for granted.
DSS mid twenties has been round with his girlfriend asking for cash from us toward a house deposit.
Due to covid husband had to take a pay cut and we don't really have anything to give right now.
DSS knows we have a couple of thousand set aside as DSD will be 21 in February and we have approx 5k to give her as we did DSS on his 21st. It's a saving plan we did for each of them since they were young children.
He and his girlfriend were complaining about house prices and I know it's awful, the 5k he had from us seemed to go on holidays and bits for his cycling hobby.
We dont have anything to give and while DSD knows the money is coming to her she has said she will keep it in savings, she has no plans to spend it.
DSS girlfriend was making me feel guilty as her Dad is helping them out, but we don't have the spare cash and we have already given him 5K. It's not our fault he spent it.
I do not want to ask DSD and I feel the money should be protected he shouldn't have any access to it at all but he is pushing my husband, his father to speak to DSD about it.
My husband and myself never had any family financial help, I appreciate getting on the housing ladder was easier years ago but this isn't his money. Also what will happen when DSD needs it?
As I'm not his parent it's awkward but I feel husband should not even entertain the idea of asking DSD to give it to her brother.
Any suggestions?

Wow - you DH has to be firm. He got his money and spent it. There is no more. So he has to cut his cloth accordingly. He will have to cut back, sell stuff and save to get what he wants.

I think fuck off would be appropriate. How entitled is he?

Financial abuse and he’s a master manipulator…
Firm NO from me as well.

You say you've both saved that money but seem to feel you can't say too much because you're not their mum. You have absolutely every right to speak up and shut this down before it goes any further as one of the equal contributors. This is just a typical attitude towards a stepmum, its nothing to do with her, but she's expected contribute equally. Sod that.

This is absolutely nuts.

I wouldn't even want them in my home again after this, but obviously that decision is with your husband.

Their behaviour is disgusting. Why are you even entertaining this?!

No way. Cheeky sods.

The reason he didn’t mention repayments is because he knows you can’t borrow a deposit. Well you can, but if you do the bank reduces the amount they will lend you. You would have had to sign a gifted deposit declaration stating that the money was a gift and you wp had no right to repayment or any stake in the house.

Is he not working? Is she not?

I really don't understand why youngsters today think they HAVE to buy a house before they're 30!

Indeed I don't understand the HAVING to own at all!

He's literally gonna be taking his sisters money. NO!

He had his money from you. If he's pissed it away that's his problem

Don't give him a penny extra!

They have their eyes on an expensive new build.

They need to grow the fuck up and learn to live within THEIR means

In fact I think you need to think of a way to give dsd her money in such a way as dss cannot get a hold of it!

Greedy, selfish little shit!

Fuck me he’s cheeky, asking for his sisters 21st gift! Please help your DH say a big fat no. That will destroy their sibling relationship for ever.

This is such a non event. Each child gets £5k on their 21st (lucky them). DSS blew his. Now wants a swanky house. Welcome to real life. Wait a few years and save up £5k. DSD gets hers when she turns 21. It's very simple.

@Stickyjamhands

You may need to warn your dsd as he may try to get the money off her like a grabby cf

She knows... DSS and his entitled GF phoned DSS when they left OP .. going as far as sending DSS photos of their new home 😳

pair of wankers

I haven't RTFT but I would not give the cheeky little prick a penny!!! I was in my mid-30s before I could buy property. And if there's any danger of DSD giving him the money I would be very tempted to withhold hers for her own protection until she actually needs it.

@Stickyjamhands

You may need to warn your dsd as he may try to get the money off her like a grabby cf

FFS

RDFT. Or at least OP's updates

Jesus - no no and no.

DSS had his money. This is DSDs money and no he doesn't get to steal it.

He is a real chancer and cares nothing about his sister clearly. I'd be so cross about this . He SPENT his 21st money, don't care what he thinks he wants to buy else a house or a frigging cure for Alzheimer's, he wants to steal his sisters 21st birthday money so she doesn't have same choice and can't save up.

If you say anything but no to him OP, or your DH, then it will be so wrong

Flat no. Tell dh if he wants to borrow his sisters money then he asks his sister. He doesn't get daddy to do it for him. If he does ask his sister you protect her interest by making sure a legal agreement is drawn up with a payment plan. As far as I'm concerned he had his money and blew it. That money is not his and he should look at a property he can afford or start saving a deposit.

You need to take that £5k and tell DSD you're putting it into an account to hold in to for her until she needs it. Your DH sounds like he could be bullied into giving his DD's money to his DS, who sounds like a master manipulator. Your DH won't be able to give away what he hasn't got in his possession.

Your DSS is a cheeky git and your DH has to tell him that you don't have any spare money. He had his £5k and he chose to spend it.

Your poor DSD.

What a pair of entitled gits!

How is he proposing DSD ever gets her £5k present if he’s taking it?

I can’t imagine she and the money grabbing girlfriend will ‘get on well’ for much longer.

Your DH needs to grow a pair and tell his horrible son to fuck off.

No. No. No.

DH wants to keep them happy?
Well DSD won't be happy if he takes her money and gives it away, will she?

Do Not Do It.

It's been a long night emotions running high. Husband has had DSS actions bought into clear sharp focus with regard to laying ground work with DSD.
DSS has behaved terribly and told husband they will lose their dream house, girlfriend was crying in the back ground when husband called. I've shown him
This thread he's embarrassed and cross I would share the situation but it's misdirected, easier for him to be pissed off at me as I'm
In front of him than DSS who is firemen mins drive away.
DSD poor thing is upset and wishes she hadn't mentioned photos of the dream house being sent to her.
I am sat here in shock that this has happened so quickly tonight from DSS "droppping in" to all the upset we are in now.
Husband has told DSS no way he's getting anything and told DSD the money is available
To her whenever she wants it but would prefer it not to be leant or given to DSS.
What a night I feel like my family has imploded somewhat. I'm speechless and shocked and feel emotionally bruised. Thanks for the comments.

Tell dsd the next time she speaks to them to mention she found a savings account with an excellent interest rate so had asked for the money to be transfered into that which it was. Its locked in for the next 5 years which is fine as that's about when she will be looking at houses. Cut them off in their tracks.

So basically the son gets ten grand and the daughter gets nothing!
Surely you can both see that this is massively unfair.
If your partner can't see this and gives in to his son then I think that would completely alter his relationship with his daughter.

I'm shocked you were even contemplating it!

DSS knows he would be stealing his sister's money.
Disgusting.

And DH would be disgusting to go along with it, or to pressure DSD to give in.

Say NO, and watch the CFs vanish into the distance.