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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men in lingerie shops

805 replies

Woolywolf · 25/07/2021 10:38

I went to bravissimo yesterday with my 15 year old daughter. The fitting rooms are downstairs and there are some sofas where you wait for your fitting. There were 3 men sat on the sofas (husbands/partners waiting for their wives/girlfriends I think). One of them has 2 kids with him. So the women waiting to use the fitting rooms were standing in a queue next to these men.

This was the first time my daughter had been to a bra fitting at this store and I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable telling her size to the staff and holding a handful of bras in front of these men. I may have been being paranoid but I think I caught one of the men looking a bit too hard at what all the women in the queue were trying on, but otherwise they just seemed like normal/harmless dads.

But am I being unreasonable thinking it was a bit inappropriate for men/kids to be waiting outside lingerie changing rooms. If my husband had been there, he probably would have taken himself off to a different shop while we went to a bra shop as he obviously wouldn’t need to be there. If we had younger kids with us, I’d ask him to take them someplace more interesting instead of having them waiting/taking up seats in an underwear shop asking loud questions about bras as one of the kids was.

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing it just seems a bit unnecessary for men to be there. I don’t know if I would have noticed/cared if my teen hadn’t been with me, who was already a bit nervous about having a bra fitting.

OP posts:
calvados · 26/07/2021 18:31

Sorry but I find blokes who hang around ladies changing rooms like wilting spinach a bit pratish… .. go and have a read in WHSmiths like my dad and my husband do!

feelingmehtoday · 26/07/2021 18:33

@Mockolate

We are adding "wilting spinach" to the list now. On top of "dopey", "gormless" and "being dragged". It's the thread that keeps on giving. Grin

Mockolate · 26/07/2021 18:43

Wilting spinach Grin
Love it, missed that one lol

Mockolate · 26/07/2021 18:44

Ah just seen it now lol

BlurtingOutTheInsideVoice · 26/07/2021 18:45

MarieIVanArkleStinks in my head I saw men trying on yfronts!! Didn't go to agp.

I was once chatting with lingerie assistant at my local m & s who said the only person who did come out of the changing room to show a friend was a bloke!

AliceMcK · 26/07/2021 18:46

Not read the whole thread so just responding to initial post.

It’s a catch 22 situation I think. As a mother of girls soon to be entering puberty and who has had body issues her entire life, I hate the thought of men lingering around changing rooms, especially around lingerie.

However, I do like my DHs opinion on clothing sometimes, especially given my confidence, I know he’s honest and trust his opinion. He don’t hang around though, he will wonder off waiting for me to text if I want his opinion. He is also the type of father who would not have a problem taking our DDs shopping for underwear. He’s very supportive and has never shy’d away at what some men would consider a woman’s job when it comes to parenting. But he’s also the type of man who would be conscious of others, especially young girls and would do his best to make himself scarce if need be.

It is hard as there is no right or wrong.

pleasedonttextmyman · 26/07/2021 18:50

People with penises should not be populating women's private areas.

are we still on the area around the changing rooms, or have we moved on to something else? Confused

feelingmehtoday · 26/07/2021 18:51

@pleasedonttextmyman

People with penises should not be populating women's private areas.

are we still on the area around the changing rooms, or have we moved on to something else? Confused

We are still talking about the sofas in the communal area of the shop.

godmum56 · 26/07/2021 18:55

so do blokes not buy lingerie for their partners anymore?

pollymere · 26/07/2021 18:56

Bravissimo also sell dresses. I've had DH on the sofa so I can get his opinion. The changing rooms are behind a corner and have full doors. Your Consultant usually goes in the room with you. You can't hear anything outside of the Changing Rooms. I think you're being unreasonable, sorry. Also just a bra. Don't give your kid hangups.

kowari · 26/07/2021 18:57

@godmum56

so do blokes not buy lingerie for their partners anymore?
How would they know if it fit? May as well buy online as you'd need at least two sizes to try.
Original poster
Woolywolf · 26/07/2021 18:59

@Sadiecow

I may have been being paranoid but I think I caught one of the men looking a bit too hard at what all the women in the queue were trying on, but otherwise they just seemed like normal/harmless dads.

Yeah paranoid you are! Also, normal/harmless dads? They're partners/husbands most likely!

Maybe, but the thing is there is really no way to tell whether they were lovely supportive partners thinking about golf or whether they were someone I don’t know’s pervy new boyfriend who was there to fetishize large breasts. There is no way to tell what they are thinking and that is what makes it a vulnerable and uncomfortable situation. I think one of the men could well have been looking at what people were trying on and I think I did see him have a look at my daughter when she had to announce her bra size is 30G (I think men have no understanding of bra size and one of the main places they hear them referenced is porn videos titled “hot 32DDs” so G seems huge). Judging by the amount of harassment and staring myself and my daughter have faced by men everywhere (many who would have been someone’s husband/partner) I don’t think it’s that unlikely that men would look and have inappropriate thoughts outside a bra fitting room. I’d find it harder to believe that every man who has ever sat there has never even thought about boobs and bras in sexual way. I think that’s naive.
OP posts:
SirenSays · 26/07/2021 18:59

Reasons men may be in the waiting room, off the top of my head -

Single dads
Gay dads
Dad's supporting their daughters who are disabled.
Dad's supporting their daughters when the mother is; working, travelling, living far away, disabled, sick or too busy.
Dad's breaking gender norms in thinking taking their daughters shopping isn't just a woman's job.
Men supporting their wives after mastectomy
Men who care for their wives with disabilities, invisible illnesses, MH issues or anxiety.
Supporting trans people trying bras for the first time.
Couples who enjoy shopping together and want their opinion.

Sadiecow · 26/07/2021 19:04

Maybe, but the thing is there is really no way to tell whether they were lovely supportive partners thinking about golf or whether they were someone I don’t know’s pervy new boyfriend who was there to fetishize large breasts. There is no way to tell what they are thinking and that is what makes it a vulnerable and uncomfortable situation. I think one of the men could well have been looking at what people were trying on and I think I did see him have a look at my daughter when she had to announce her bra size is 30G (I think men have no understanding of bra size and one of the main places they hear them referenced is porn videos titled “hot 32DDs” so G seems huge).
Judging by the amount of harassment and staring myself and my daughter have faced by men everywhere (many who would have been someone’s husband/partner) I don’t think it’s that unlikely that men would look and have inappropriate thoughts outside a bra fitting room. I’d find it harder to believe that every man who has ever sat there has never even thought about boobs and bras in sexual way. I think that’s naive.

I think you need to shop online!

Original poster
Woolywolf · 26/07/2021 19:04

Don’t give your kid hangups*

I don’t think I have, I haven’t mentioned it to her and have made bra shopping as comfortable as possible for her. She is self conscious of her large breasts and buying bras, as many teens are. I don’t think this is due to me, but due to the fact she’s had comments, wolf whistles, stares etc from men since she was a child. I’m hoping she’ll become more comfortable with her body over time as most people do, but in the mean time I get why she was uncomfortable with men being present during an activity where the focus was on her breasts.

OP posts:
Prokupatuscrakedatus · 26/07/2021 19:06

How about 100% percent segregation of all sexes and genders at all times so that nobody gets a chance to look and think inappropriate thouhgts? And nobody has to think that somebody might feel tempted to look and think inappropriate thouhgts?
Wait ... Hmm

feelingmehtoday · 26/07/2021 19:07

@godmum56

so do blokes not buy lingerie for their partners anymore?

Mine does.

godmum56 · 26/07/2021 19:12

feelingmehtoday Mon 26-Jul-21 19:07:13
godmum56
so do blokes not buy lingerie for their partners anymore?

Mine does.

Hallelujah!

feelingmehtoday · 26/07/2021 19:15

@godmum56

feelingmehtoday Mon 26-Jul-21 19:07:13 godmum56 so do blokes not buy lingerie for their partners anymore?

Mine does.

Hallelujah!

I expect someone will come along shortly to say that he should be confined to online purchases only, lest his presence in a lingerie shop upset anyone. Thankfully we live in the real world, however, and shop wherever we like. Smile

Sadiecow · 26/07/2021 19:16

I think one of the men could well have been looking at what people were trying on and I think I did see him have a look at my daughter when she had to announce her bra size is 30G

You "think" you saw one of the men look? You just "think" you did?

Paranoid, totally!

All this you "think"

MummyMayo1988 · 26/07/2021 19:23

I'm 32F and HATE this sort of thing.
Bravissimo is specifically and female underwear shop. There is no reason for men to be waiting in the changing room.
I've got rather large boobs and will never forget a bloke (40's maybe) ogling the size written on the hanger then looking me up and down. God only knows what he was imagining 😬
If I was taking my teenage daughter (never going to actually happen - I have 3 boys) I would ask staff if these men HAD to be in here?!
Shops wouldn't let men in a female changing room to wait. Why is it allowed in a bra shop?

feelingmehtoday · 26/07/2021 19:25

Shops wouldn't let men in a female changing room to wait. Why is it allowed in a bra shop?

I don't think the waiting area is in the changing rooms - it's outside it.

KittenKong · 26/07/2021 19:32

Shops do let people into rooms according to ‘gender’ or ‘whichever room you feel comfortable in’. Bravissimo is one such store!

If you look now, often shops will just say ‘changing room’ or ‘fitting room’ without even a little man or woman icon. The man/woman on the door isn’t going to get into a row with someone who stalks by them onto the ‘wrong’ rooms these days.

There was a hell of a hooha in a M&S in Aberdeen (I think) when a ‘non binary’ shopper was told ‘the ladies changing room is over there’ when they tried to go into the changing rooms in the menswear section. It ended with the ‘I was shaking and crying, it ruined my shopping’ and the store offering them goodies to placate them. Made the press and everything...

unsureofneighbour · 26/07/2021 19:37

@godmum56

so do blokes not buy lingerie for their partners anymore?

Not from the sofa outside the changing room, no.

linsey2581 · 26/07/2021 19:38

Wouldn’t bother me at all. What if it was a dad taking his daughter for a bra?? I was in a John Lewis a few weeks ago and overheard an older male asking an assistant on what type of bra he could buy his wife who had had a mastectomy. I was thinking fair play and what a guy

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