Men in lingerie shops

[Woolywolf]

I went to bravissimo yesterday with my 15 year old daughter. The fitting rooms are downstairs and there are some sofas where you wait for your fitting. There were 3 men sat on the sofas (husbands/partners waiting for their wives/girlfriends I think). One of them has 2 kids with him. So the women waiting to use the fitting rooms were standing in a queue next to these men.

This was the first time my daughter had been to a bra fitting at this store and I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable telling her size to the staff and holding a handful of bras in front of these men. I may have been being paranoid but I think I caught one of the men looking a bit too hard at what all the women in the queue were trying on, but otherwise they just seemed like normal/harmless dads.

But am I being unreasonable thinking it was a bit inappropriate for men/kids to be waiting outside lingerie changing rooms. If my husband had been there, he probably would have taken himself off to a different shop while we went to a bra shop as he obviously wouldn’t need to be there. If we had younger kids with us, I’d ask him to take them someplace more interesting instead of having them waiting/taking up seats in an underwear shop asking loud questions about bras as one of the kids was.

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing it just seems a bit unnecessary for men to be there. I don’t know if I would have noticed/cared if my teen hadn’t been with me, who was already a bit nervous about having a bra fitting.

@Macncheeseballs

Nah, a father taking their daughter bra shopping has a purpose, he's not drooping around after some woman looking a wee bit lost and furtive, my dh wouldn't want to follow me around the bra section

They were just waiting outside of the changing room on the sofa intended for waiting on. Not even in the same room as the actual fitting areas / curtains.

My dad would have waited for me there.

@Sirzy

I remember my dad taking me bra shopping. As I said earlier in the thread I think we are doing a massive disservice to fathers if we put them in an automatic position of not being able to deal with things like this, and that’s without consideration for those where the father is the main/adult parent in the life

The whole ‘Men need to stay away from bra shops’ shit is the same line of thought that leads some new fathers to refuse to change their newborn daughter’s nappies because they feel weird about it. It’s on the same continuum and it’s so, so gross.

Taking your child to buy underwear (bras), hygiene products (tampons) is a normal, everyday part of parenting, for mothers and fathers. This thread is shocking, I had no idea in this day and age a minority of people felt like this!

@pleasedonttextmyman

•not hanging around in underwear shops.

so can't buy underwear
can't give a hand to their wives
can't stay around their daughters

complete and utter nonsense.

If DH goes to the mall with one of our daughters, and dump her with a store assistant to disappear for 30 minutes, I would not be impressed at all. That's terrible and lazy parenting.

Of course it's not lazy parenting to ask a store assistant to help your daughter choose bras.

You'd never guess it from MN, but there are actually loads of fathers with teenage daughters out there, who both love and trust each other and actually enjoy spending time together.

Girls who have been brought up in loving households where their female-specific needs aren't treated as shameful or taboo in any way, where they will freely ask their dads to pick them up some Tampax when he does the supermarket shop or go to buy clothes with them.

@Macncheeseballs

Nah, a father taking their daughter bra shopping has a purpose, he's not drooping around after some woman looking a wee bit lost and furtive, my dh wouldn't want to follow me around the bra section

Why are men described with such odd words as "drooping" and "following" 😂

My partner literally walks beside me when we shop together. He is most definitely not "drooping" anywhere or following me. I'd be having words if he started to randomly walk a few steps behind me like a weirdo 😂

@BlueSurfer

I know there’s no shame in shopping for bras/it shouldn’t be embarrassing

It comes across to me that you are embarrassed by it though and you will pass this on to your DD.

I think that's unfair to OP. When I was a teen I would have been mortified by this situation despite what my mother said or did

Maybe some posters don't realise what Bravissimo is like? It's not like the bras section in M&S, it's a specialist service. So the fitting rooms, you don't usually just go in, try on, come out. You go in with a selection of bras, you normally have the fitter with you, you spend time trying on and discussing the fit and style and detail. It's quite intimate. Not wanting random blokes sat right there in earshot of this discussion is pretty normal, and I would doubt many teenage girls would find this a comfortable situation.

Maybe one or two men would take their teen daughter bra shopping. I think most would enlist a woman to do it, or in Bravissimo, you could simply book a fitting and wait outside the shop/meet up later. No need at all for a man to be there.

I have no problem with father's shopping with daughters, it's the dopey men following their wives around that I don't get, the wife doesn't need chaperoning, some women feel uncomfortable with their presence, so just why not go somewhere else?

LOL

This is absurd. Stop being such a prude.

Now "dopey" too. 😂

HollowTalk

It's unacceptable lazy parenting to dump her and disappear for 30 minutes because you are bored!

Who said you couldn't ask for help? You don't dump your kids in a shoe shop because the shop assistant is the one measuring and bringing shoes.

Bloody hell, on one side MN scream about equality but on threads like this fathers are not allowed to be involved with their daughters and wait for them in front of a changing room

I'm mid 50's now and generally couldn't care less, but sometimes whilst bra shopping there is a man there with his partner who is somehow just a bit too interested in it all that sets me on edge, so I do understand where you're coming from OP.

I take an equally dim view of women who go into men’s shops with them.

You seem to have a lot of very dim views.

@Macncheeseballs

I have no problem with father's shopping with daughters, it's the dopey men following their wives around that I don't get, the wife doesn't need chaperoning, some women feel uncomfortable with their presence, so just why not go somewhere else?

according to MN, women are uncomfortable with men in general. So the male population should stick to online shopping?

No one would dare suggesting a male-only shopping area, there would be an outcry about the sexism of banning women 😂

Let's ban men from sports shops shall we. The pervs shouldn't be allowed anywhere near me when I buy and try a new chest guard!

@aspadeaspade I've just bought a lovely maxi dress from Dorothy Perkins (search for roll sleeve maxi on their website) that fits perfectly and I'm a 34K
I like gap modern V neck t shirts, and next have been ok recently for tops
Also here https://fairliecurved.com

@feelingmehtoday

My dad also bought me tampons too, as the only parent in my life. Should he have also been banned from doing this, lest he make someone feel uncomfortable? 🙄

I don’t understand your point. How is a man buying an item for women in a supermarket such as tampons going to make anyone uncomfortable. Other people in the supermarket all have a reason to be there/are all buying things too and it’s not a space geared towards women. That’s a very different situation to a man being in a bra fitting area where he’s not buying anything/getting a fitting. So there is an imbalance as women/girls may feel vulnerable in this situation revealing their bra size and what items they will be trying on to people that aren’t also in the same situation. As all the other women there are also trying on bras, everyone is equal and there is a sense of camaraderie which is a bit spoilt by men being there. A sort of similar situation would be a women’s changing room at a gym-everyone is happy to strip off because everyone there is doing the same thing/is equal whereas you’d be less happy to get naked/changed in a room of fully clothed women where no one else was changing. That said, I don’t think men should be banned and I never said that.

@feelingmehtoday & @SchrodingersImmigrant, perhaps there could be a market for smelling salts again? All these women getting the vapours at the sight of a man shopping I mean, especially if they have to say excuse me so they can see the clothes they want? I thought we had moved on from the sight of a man inducing hysterics, maybe we should all have to stay at home unless we have a chaperone....y'know, to protect our delicate sensibilities

Dolor- so you're telling other women how they should feel around men in certain situations. Should we all be like you?

@Woolywolf I was simply making the point that sometimes your Dad is your only option for such things, as was the case for me growing up.

[quote JustGiveMeGin]**@feelingmehtoday* & @SchrodingersImmigrant*, perhaps there could be a market for smelling salts again? All these women getting the vapours at the sight of a man shopping I mean, especially if they have to say excuse me so they can see the clothes they want? I thought we had moved on from the sight of a man inducing hysterics, maybe we should all have to stay at home unless we have a chaperone....y'know, to protect our delicate sensibilities [/quote]
There can be anything the women build. Including train with no man. Good climate too with it being part of Greece. Apparently good for devwlopment so ...✈️😁

A female shaperone only tho

@JustGiveMeGin

Honestly ... it's just odd isn't it. 🤷‍♀️

Feelingmehtoday, yes I would consider a man to have a touch of the dopey about him if he had to accompany his wife buying grundies

on one side MN scream about equality but on threads like this fathers are not allowed to be involved with their daughters and wait for them in front of a changing room

How is it 'equality' for some poor girl to feel intimidated and uncomfortable because of some bloke hanging around by where she's changing/discussing her bra fitting? Even if it's someone else's dad? Most men would have consideration for this.

Why can't some things be just for women and girls? I don't want a man around when I'm trying on underwear. And in my experience, the only men who WANT to be in those spaces are the ones who really, really shouldn't be there. Most men would feel uncomfortable and worry that they were making women feel uncomfortable. Because most men are great that way.

I see Prude's Law has been wheeled out.

Why can't some things be just for women and girls

It has been repeated on this thread on numerous occasions that some women and girls need support to buy bras, whether it's because they're young and would like someone with them, or whether they have a disability or cognitive impairment that means they need support. If the person who supports them is a man what should happen? Should these people just not buy bras?