Am I being unreasonable asking for child maintenance

[Bri102]

First time writing a post and it's a bit long so apologies.

I fell pregnant with my son during lockdown, bit of a surprise as I was on birth control. The father straight away said I should get an abortion due to the fact he was unplanned, im so grateful everyday I didn't as my son is a beautiful funny little 6 month old now. The dad has never met him and had changed his mind a few times about meeting him but this has come to a head and he now says it's impossible for him to meet my son, due to the fact I have asked for child maintenance, my maternity leave is ending soon and it is going to cost £600 a month for nursery fees alone.

Whilst I was pregnant I reached out to the father's mum to ask if she wanted a relationship with my son, she jumped at the chance and we have been seeing each other frequently since I was pregnant. Shortly after my son was born she said if she was me she would go for child maintenance, as her son should take some sort of responsibility for my son. However, she came to see my son yesterday and told me im morally wrong to ask for any maintenance as her son did not wish for me to continue the pregnancy and it was my decision and mine alone, he did not have any choice in the matter. She said I should not have continued the pregnancy if I could not financially support the baby myself. I can support the baby and my other son but after the nursery fees, we will not have much left for food and everyday needs. She asked me if I would drop the case as her son has given her the ultimatum of him and her other 2 grandchildren or my son and she is going to chose her son the babys dad, and she is prepared to walk out of my sons life. I'm devastated for my son not only will he feel abandoned by his father but now by his family also. My sons father has also never met his dad and recently tried to contact him and his dad didn't want to know him and denied having a son, it has apparently really effected him, but he is willing to do it to his own son which I cannot understand. Don't know if it's worth noting he already has two other children who he sees twice a week and pays child maintenance for to his ex.

I just want to know if I am in the wrong and should just drop the child maintenance and basically walk away from the family before my son is old enough to remember his nan and aunties who are willing to walk away if the dad is adamant on the ultimatum.

Thanks for reading and any advice, sorry it was long.

Hi OP, my 2 eldest dad didn’t want children
I was very young when I first had our DS, after I fell pregnant with my DD he asked me to have an abortion - I said no.
He left and for ages I didn’t ask him to pay anything.
As I got older I was like know you know what I am going to make him pay for his children.
I earn 5 x the amount that he does. I have my own house and don’t need his money but I still claim it despite earning much more

Why ?? Because they are his kids and his responsibility as well. I give the month to my kids for their own use.

Claim child maintenance for the fact it might stop this bellend from breeding. He refused to use contraception, he now has 3 kids who he isn’t a good dad to. Please do it to try and prevent him from having more. What a tool.

You can’t really blame her for choosing her own son over yours

Oh yes I can. She is choosing her adult son over her baby grandson. Who does that?

And OP, it doesn't matter what has been said. Your baby is entitled to maintenance from his father, that's the law. CMS will sort it out.

She asked me if I would drop the case as her son has given her the ultimatum of him and her other 2 grandchildren or my son and she is going to chose her son the babys dad, and she is prepared to walk out of my sons life.

Well he's a prize shit isn't he. I just noticed why his mother chose not to see your DC. Threatening to cut his own mother off from her grandchildren to get his own way.

OP your ex is a vicious bully and his mother can't or wont stand up to him. You need to go down the legal route for everything because he will lie to you and bully you otherwise. Do not try to contact him. He could get very nasty when he realises there is no way out of paying.

He is regarding abortion as contraception. It isn't.

He chose not to wear a condom. That was contraception and would have made it unlikely that you conceived even in the event of pill failure.

You are both responsible for the baby - forever. You have accepted this - with love. Your partner has been found wanting in many ways.

His reaction to all this - and that of his mother- suggest that the best thing they can provide your baby is money. They seem short of anything else !

You can’t really blame her for choosing her own son over yours

My MIL would be absolutely furious if her sons behaved like this and would be very vocal. She would try to provide for the child instead without a doubt (not that it would be her responsibility).

However my DH would never do that because he’s not a cunt.