To not want partner to have a family picture with his ex

[jojobaoil]

Partner has been split up from his ex for 3 years. They have a child together. I've been with him a year.

He has a picture of the three of them when their child was just born, in a cabinet in his front room. He's had the image there for ages - since I've been with him but there was a piece of card in a heart shape covering her up. Today I saw it had slipped down and I could see her face and I said to him semi light hearted that he needs to get rid and why does he still have a picture with her there. He immediately got up and said he will sort it and folded back the bit with her on it. I was happy at the time.....but now I'm thinking about it, why not remove the picture or rip the part with her on it off...? I might be being unreasonable but they were together for 8 years and I don't understand why he would still want that picture around whether or not she is the mother of his child. They are amicable, not over friendly and I don't think he would go back there but I don't get it. I've thrown out every pic of my child's dad - they sees their dad weekly so won't forget what he looks like!

AIBU for wanting him to get rid? Or am I being silly...

Exactly what @NavigationCentral said

Both of the deleted messages just said to be quiet.

I can't stand the father of my kids but still have photos up for their sake

My ex and I split up when our dc was 3, we stayed amicable for a few years but he decided to go no contact when he had another child, I hate having my picture taken so there are few of me but I have one of us as a family when our dc was 2, its a nice picture and no matter how I ended up feeling about him I couldn't destroy it, its there if dc ever wants it, his father died from cancer when dc was a teenager so no way for them to repair relationship.

@PrettyBlunt

Both of the deleted messages just said to be quiet.

Well, technically they said shut up.

@Ohanaa

Some people seem touchy tonight. All these deleted messages I don’t have to have the same opinion as you.

It’s just a picture. Bin it and replace it with a new up to date one.

Yes. I'd love this. A more up to date one of the dad, ex wife and the son. Preferably on a canvas and takes up most of the wall.

😏.

@Ohanaa

Some people seem touchy tonight. All these deleted messages I don’t have to have the same opinion as you.

It’s just a picture. Bin it and replace it with a new up to date one.

Ah, so you want a newer picture of her boyfriends child and mum to be displayed?

Yes they did, Lorry but it got deleted. Hence why I didn't use the same term.

I've thrown out every pic of my child's dad - they sees their dad weekly so won't forget what he looks like!

How unthinkably selfish. So they have no access to these photos now?

You couldn't have put them in a box somewhere or give them to their dad?!

You owe them an apology for that, it's such a spiteful and purely self serving thing to have done to your own kids.

Unreal.

From the title, I thought this was going to be about an adult stepchild wanting a wedding picture with just their biological parents. And I was going to defend that. OP, there's something wrong with you, and I feel very sorry for the child whose mother you'd like to erase from existence. She may not be a good parent or a good person, but she's still his mother. If that situation bothers you, that's 100% on you for getting into a relationship with someone you knew was coparenting with an ex.

Meh op, you sound like a right numpty

@LorryM

I’d throw it in the bin

If you would then you need serious help. Because that would be not only batshit but make it clear you shouldn't be dating someone with children. Because they mean this man has a shared history with someone that will always be present in their lives, at least into their adulthood.

I don't believe an adult would actually throw this kind of photo away when it doesn't belong to them, it belongs to a relatively new partner and includes their kids.

Mental.

Well up to date as in how his family is now… him and his child.

I've kept all our family photos including wedding album in a box for the kids, both of them have family portraits in their rooms at university as we are still their parents even though we aren't together. I don't have any pictures of exh on display nor does dp with his ex

@LorryM

Why would I want to see me partners ex around the house every time I was there? Straight in the bin

It's not a picture of them banging each other.

And you said 'put it in the kids room then' but your instinctive reaction and more recent reactions are still to throw it away.

Unhinged, truly.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I've thrown out every pic of my child's dad - they sees their dad weekly so won't forget what he looks like!

How unthinkably selfish. So they have no access to these photos now?

You couldn't have put them in a box somewhere or give them to their dad?!

You owe them an apology for that, it's such a spiteful and purely self serving thing to have done to your own kids.

Unreal.

In a twisted way, it's sort of refreshing. We see so many threads from women who care a whole lot about their own children's feelings and well-being, and not one jot for the feelings or well-being of their partner's children who live in the same house. At least OP is consistent here: she cares no more about her own child's feelings than she does about anyone else's (except her own, of course).

Yabu, this is his son's mother, he can't erase his past the fact that he was once happily in love with her and had a cherished moment with their newborn captured in a picture I not a bad thing, it does not have any bearing on the present.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I've thrown out every pic of my child's dad - they sees their dad weekly so won't forget what he looks like!

How unthinkably selfish. So they have no access to these photos now?

You couldn't have put them in a box somewhere or give them to their dad?!

You owe them an apology for that, it's such a spiteful and purely self serving thing to have done to your own kids.

Unreal.

I think this is bat shit. The child isn’t entitled to the pictures and most likely will give them a half glance at most once in their life🤣

Who’s to say the dad even wants them either

@NavigationCentral

You want him to rip out the face of the mother of his child from a picture.

Please just think.

Just fucking think.

If you have a child with him, and you guys get a newborn family pic, then you split up - would you want him to resent you enough to rip your face off the pic?

What the actual fuck is wrong with people.

THIS! You sound unhinged. Rip her out of the picture😮😮😮😮

This whole thing is just so sad. I can't believe you got rid of pictures of your child's father! What if your DC wanted them? What if heaven forbid something awful happened and those pictures would be all they had? Have you even stopped to think of the effect this could have? Or are your own feelings the only ones that matter? You can get rid of her photos OP but that won't make her disappear. She's the mother of his child. She will always be there.

Time to grow up.

So you've thrown out all pictures of your ex and not kept them for your child?

This was done to a friend of mine and the mum died and he has very few photos of her because of the shitty actions of his dad.

You sound way, way overinvested in this very short-term relationship. He's your boyfriend at best.

Throwing out pictures of your children with their dad or their dad by himself is petty. Or didn't you do that?

@youvegottenminuteslynn in their room, in the bin… all the same to me.

@SeaShoreGalore

Maybe you could cut your face out of a photo, and stick it over hers?