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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 2 hours is long enough for drinks with friends?

155 replies

Finallybroody · 24/07/2021 18:13

I am out tonight with 2-3 friends for a couple of drinks. Meeting at 7:30. One of us isn’t drinking at all and I’m not a big drinker either. It’ll be lovely to have a chat and a catch up with a couple of gins but I am absolutely shattered after a long week at work - AIBU to leave at around 9:30? I always feel guilty leaving after such a short amount of time especially if I am first to leave but I am craving my bed Blush I’m only 34!

OP posts:
melj1213 · 24/07/2021 22:33

Depends on the context as to whether two hours is "enough" time - if it is a casual drink with local friends and nobody has had to make an excessive effort to get there, then a couple of hours is fine. If people have had to travel or its friends you haven't seen for a while and people have had to make effort to get there (babysitters, travel etc) then I think it is a bit off to have decided that they are only worth 2 hours of your time.

Personally, when I go out but am tired or not in a massive going out mood I will just be up front when I arrive "Hey guys, lovely to see everyone. I'm warning you early doors that I've had a long week/have to be up early tomorrow so I really can't make tonight a late one so don't even try to persuade me to go out out with you later on, Susan, not after last time! Grin" said in a breezy/jokey way sets out my intention early on but gives me that bit of flexibility so I'm not permanently clock watching.

If I get tired by 9.30/10 I can excuse myself early and if anyone tries tries "Stay for just one more!" thing then I can just remind them I did say I wasn't staying late and I really have to go, but equally, if I get my second wind I can stay out later than my initial plan but still have a contingency to leave when I'm ready. My friends will generally go out to the pub and then 11/11.30 is when they start heading into town. I'm lucky in that I live in my town centre so if I'm not feeling up to going out out then I will just say I'll stay till they go into town, share a taxi and then they can go out and I'll go home.

melj1213 · 24/07/2021 22:42

@BoredZelda

Not unreasonable. Just mention it when you arrive.

Announcing when you are going to leave, as soon as you arrive is really quite rude.

If it is done politely then it is not rude to set boundaries.

Turning up and saying "Hi everyone. Just so you know I'm not staying later than 9.30" is rude.

Turning up and saying "Hi guys, I have had a long week at work so I'm not really up for a late one but I didn't want to miss out on seeing you by not coming at all so we'll see how it goes. Anyway, Linda how was your weekend away?" Is perfectly polite and it's not rude to set up expectations of the evening.

Meadowland · 24/07/2021 23:41

YANBU

Booboosweet · 24/07/2021 23:48

Leaving at half nine is a bit rude. At least leave it til 10.

FizzyPink · 24/07/2021 23:57

I hate when people announce on arrival that they’re tired so won’t be staying long. It puts a real downer on the evening. I have a friend who regularly does this or says she’s not drinking or partaking in a takeaway to be healthy and then just ends up complaining about how much she wants a drink or some of our food Hmm

I’d also be very disappointed if I’d arranged to meet up with friends on a Saturday night and they went home after 2 hours. In a big group it’s not too bad but a bit of a mood killer if there’s only a few of you.

TheFoundations · 24/07/2021 23:59

So everybody should feel obliged to stay even past the time when they'd rather leave? Or should they just not come at all, if they're not willing to stay out until the time you'd prefer?

TheFoundations · 25/07/2021 00:02

Announcing when you are going to leave, as soon as you arrive is really quite rude

No it's not. It's a bit unpleasant, how people seem to think that people they care about ought to be doing and saying things in a particular way. Everybody is perfectly entitled to come and go as they please, and anybody who cares about them will want them to feel that that is the case, and that they are not pressured.

Donationwitheverypack · 25/07/2021 00:03

Turning up for drinks and saying at the start you're not staying long is like those old BT adverts where the son's opening words are "can't talk long"

Original poster
Finallybroody · 25/07/2021 09:59

Update - I was out til nearly midnight in the end, once I was out I enjoyed it more than I thought I would and got a new lease of energy once I had alcohol and music around me Grin

I AM however shattered today Wink

OP posts:
Benjispruce5 · 25/07/2021 10:03

Ha ha sounds like you had fun. Smile

Inastatus · 25/07/2021 10:07

Yay, well done OP 👍

Maggiesfarm · 25/07/2021 10:10

@Finallybroody

Update - I was out til nearly midnight in the end, once I was out I enjoyed it more than I thought I would and got a new lease of energy once I had alcohol and music around me Grin

I AM however shattered today Wink

I knew you would perk up once you were out! Jolly good.

Take it easy today.

2pinkginsplease · 25/07/2021 10:11

I'd be pretty miffed I'd made the effort to get ready for a night out and then other person decided they were leaving 2hs after we arrived!

That's not a night out that's a catch up.

2pinkginsplease · 25/07/2021 10:11

Glad you enjoyed your night out

pilates · 25/07/2021 10:41

Sometimes feeling shattered the day after is worth it for a good night out. You can have an early one tonight. Glad you had a good time, we all deserve to let out hair down now and then.

Oblomov21 · 25/07/2021 10:42

Good.

I too think it's rude. If it's a regular meet up for a quick coffee and you need to go, no problem.

But if it's been arranged for a long time, people arranged babysitters etc, and someone turns up with ..... I've had a shit..... so I'm only staying for a short time....

It puts a total dampener on the whole evening and kills any atmosphere. It's actually really selfish and inconsiderate. It shows a total lack of respect for all the other people in the group, and the effort they put in to making sure that they, even despite their own problems, arrive at the said place on time etc.

And if you are good friends they'd sit you down talk it all through, give advice, a good laugh about it all, a bug hug and try and be supportive.

rantymcrantface66 · 25/07/2021 10:48

Goodness in my 30's i'd be rolling in at sunrise I doubt I'd even be out by 9.30. I'm a bit like that now at the thought of going out in the evening but fine once I'm there. I'd think 10 would be a better option and make it look a bit less like you can't wait to leave

Oblomov21 · 25/07/2021 10:48

Good friends can talk about ..... all sorts .....

Why their manager is a dick, saying no to things and not letting peoples opinions bother you do much, reigning it in, helping people email HoY to get more Support for a possible dyslexic ADHD ASD child. Secondary friendship woes. Why we haven't made that appointment to see your GP, have that smear, get HRT etc.

Good friends will be supportive and commiserate with you, but also give you a good telling off and tell you to get your act together and make that appointment if that's what you need to be told!

theleafandnotthetree · 25/07/2021 11:34

@Finallybroody

Update - I was out til nearly midnight in the end, once I was out I enjoyed it more than I thought I would and got a new lease of energy once I had alcohol and music around me Grin

I AM however shattered today Wink

Great to hear OP, nothing like a second wind which the buzz of being out out can usually reliably deliver. And in my experience, the exhaustion is worth it because it came from something fun and out of the normal routine.
AbsolutelyPatsy · 25/07/2021 14:30

sounds like a good time op

Footballfrenzy2021 · 25/07/2021 15:29

Glad you had a great night out.
I recently went to a friends for drinks on a Friday evening & got home on Sunday morning 😂
Thankfully I’m single & she’s the same size as me so I could borrow some clean undies.
We did book some very expensive concert tickets at some point over the weekend 😩

NiceGerbil · 25/07/2021 16:48

@Finallybroody

Update - I was out til nearly midnight in the end, once I was out I enjoyed it more than I thought I would and got a new lease of energy once I had alcohol and music around me Grin

I AM however shattered today Wink

Yay!

Nice one OP.

It's good for the soul to get out into the world especially after the last 18 months!

I often feel I CBA but try to make the effort and then have s great time once out Smile

Fluffmum · 25/07/2021 17:26

10 is better

Whycantibeapuppy · 25/07/2021 17:57

Can you just see how you feel? If I’m going out with a group of people I get socially anxious so 2 hours would feel like forever, but with my closest friends that flies by and it’s midnight before we know it!

stripedbananas · 25/07/2021 17:57

2 hours is fine but it's likely you'll want to stay longer unless you and your friends just aren't the most interesting bunch to be around.

I'm much older than you and always end up staying out hours longer than I'd planned

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