Is it ok for people to comment if you’ve put on weight?

[cooperbug]

Would you be offended if family members and other random people had commented that you had put on weight or asked if you were pregnant?

This has happened twice to me this week and I’m so angry and upset by it?

How would you respond?

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Maybe we should stop praising people for graduating too. You know. As a society we put too much value to a degree. Or wait. Maybe we are praising the work behind it, innit.

Anyone with half brain knows to come in with "Have you lost weight?" Not "omg amazeballs weightloss" if you aren't sure about why they lost. Then go with the reaction. Happy? Go with that. Sad? Go with that.

I wish we could be more like guys and just say things🙄

Can you really not see the difference between getting a degree and losing weight? People are not judged for academic qualifications but they are for their weight.

In any event, if you don't know whether a person would appreciate the comment, don't make it. That seems sensible to me.

We don't have to be like 'guys' either, just maybe not blurt out every little thing that crosses a synapse.

My losing weight was harder than my degree

I agree about the positive comments on clothing, I don't think anybody has been offended by, "That's a lovely dress, beautiful cut/colour/etc," because it's not a personal comment.

Making a comment about somebody's body just is. It ought to be off limits unless you are close to that person.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

My losing weight was harder than my degree

Quite. If I knew you in RL, I'd know whether you wanted a comment about your weight loss or not, so I'd know what to say.

I wouldn't know about your degree just by looking at you (as I would about your weight) so, if you mention your degree to me, I'd congratulate you. If you mention your weight loss, I'd assume you want to be congratulated so I would.

I'd be steered by you, no hurt feelings for anybody. That's my point.

The problem is that mentioning own weightloss will look "needy"🙈
Ugh. It's all doomed. Unless you are my DH 😂
He genuinely felt sorry for me so made sure to tell me that it is indeed visible, a lot.

SchrodingersImmigrant, do you think so? I would feel sad that you didn't feel able to mention it for fear of thinking that I'd perceive you as needy. Weightloss - if you're (general, not directed at you) not ill, have done it on purpose and are happy about it - is definitely to be congratulated, and I would.

I think my hang-up about it goes back to my much-loved nan, on excitedly hearing from me that I'd lost a pound, said, "That's good, Lying, better not to have put it on in the first place though, don't you think?". She loved me dearly, it's just how she thought and I think it was generational. Women are generally more sensitive about weight.

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to mention things you’re proud of achieving to your friends/colleagues. Intentional weight loss is something to be proud of!

God I am terrible at showing off about stuff I’ve achieved - even really small stuff! I like to think I do it in an endearing way though but maybe I don’t

😂 I grew up with "Self praise smells bad" saying so😂
We all have our hangups.
I still believe that if people are not nasty, it should be fine to discuss gain/loss.
Not "omg have you like eaten all the pizza of London?". More like "You gained/lost a bit, didn't you? You ok?" Style.

VanGoSunflowers definitely. If you mention it then it's obvious that you want it commented on. My point earlier was that people comment without knowing the reasons or whether a comment is welcome and weight loss can be such a sensitive subject. I've been with people in a conference who congratulated somebody for his astonishing weight loss. He was really ill and it wasn't intentional.

I'm of the 'loose lips sink ships' school.

Someone asked me if I was pregnant, when I started on antidepressants. It made me really self conscious.
But as time gone on, I'm happier with my new weight.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

VanGoSunflowers definitely. If you mention it then it's obvious that you want it commented on. My point earlier was that people comment without knowing the reasons or whether a comment is welcome and weight loss can be such a sensitive subject. I've been with people in a conference who congratulated somebody for his astonishing weight loss. He was really ill and it wasn't intentional.

I'm of the 'loose lips sink ships' school.

I’m exactly the same as you! I’d be mortified if I had offended someone unintentionally. I don’t even comment if someone, say, complains to me about a partner unless they specifically ask for my opinion!

Going off on a tangent here.

I’m also bad with not knowing what to say if someone complains to me that they have put weight on and feel unattractive.

I don’t want to patronise them and tell them they don’t look as thought they have (unless I mean it) as they know it’ll be insincere.

I try with a ‘well I still think you look great’ or words to that effect.

I think that's a greatly supportive comment, VanGoSunflower, "I still think you look great anyway...". Who could mind that? I'm going to pinch it!

Fed up of people pretending that they comment on your weight because they are concerned for your health. That's utter bullshit.

Will your comment change anything? No.

Do you honestly believe the fat person doesn't know they're fat? Not a fucking chance, people like you like to remind them of that fact every single day.

Will your comment make them miserable and probably send them into a depressing mood which they will then attempt to get rid of by eating their feelings and hence making them fatter? Yes, it will in a lot of cases because a lot of overweight people are so because of emotional/mental health reasons just like those with anorexia.