Is it ok for people to comment if you’ve put on weight?

[cooperbug]

Would you be offended if family members and other random people had commented that you had put on weight or asked if you were pregnant?

This has happened twice to me this week and I’m so angry and upset by it?

How would you respond?

Let's face it a huge chunk (see what I did there) of the population are either overweight or obese so I don't see why we can't talk about the elephants in the room

@joystir59

Yes it's fine to tell a friend or family member they've put on weight. Even random strangers felt it fine to tell me I was getting too thin when I lost weight. The reverse is no different. I'm sick of fat people wailing "don't fat shame me!"

Ouch.

The ONLY time it's acceptable to comment on someone else's appearance is to compliment them.

Have some class.

I used to be really thin. (5'7 and 7 stone) so I put on weight and my aunt complimented me!! (Probably needed as I did need to fill out)

I've recently lost half a stone as I ended up feeling (and looking) chunky and am now at a happy weight. (I'm like you and put weight on around my middle)

People just don't think. Sorry they've upset you

You're going to get a range of answers here. Not everyone places value on appearances or weight. If they don't consider it an important or sensitive thing, then they're less likely to remember it in conversation. Maybe there was an awkward gap in conversation and they couldn't think of anything else.
Or they could come from a culture (even if they are in the UK) where it's acceptable.
If you've grown up with everyone being okay with it, how are you going to know, or remember it?

Personally I wouldn't in the UK because I know that a lot of people don't like it - the only time I may would is if it was asked directly or was extremely clear they wanted a direct answer!

There's a list of UK topics you don't mention - age, finances, looks, miscarriage (yes really this is okay in some other places) whether someone has had plastic surgery, many other things.
These may seem obvious to you, but other people will have a different idea of what's sensitive and what's not.

Of course you'll get the odd person doing it on purpose, but that's rarer than people on here think.

@joystir59

Let's face it a huge chunk (see what I did there) of the population are either overweight or obese so I don't see why we can't talk about the elephants in the room

Who shat in your sugar-free muesli this morning?

Rude.

It's only acceptable to comment on another's appearance if it is to be complimentary or point out something the person hasn't noticed eg skirt tucked into tights etc.

Very rude. Tbe pregnant thing has happened to me so I would never ask. They will either tell you or it will at some point become blindingly obvious so what's the need to ask anyway?

It's never OK.
All it does it cause someone else upset. Do the commenters think someone hasn't noticed the weight gain? Believe me, they have.

It's ok from family, close members, not from random strangers.

@joystir59

Let's face it a huge chunk (see what I did there) of the population are either overweight or obese so I don't see why we can't talk about the elephants in the room

And many people aren't overweight, yet we still have rude people.

Well it is rude but is MiL very hopeful for a DGC and getting carried away. At least she apologised.

Being overweight or obese isn't a matter of appearance, it's a state of being which indicates an unhealthy relationship with food. We comment on all sorts of matters of concern regarding people we love. Why is this issue so tabboo?
It's only acceptable to comment on another's appearance if it is to be complimentary or point out something the person hasn't noticed eg skirt tucked into tights etc

I've been offered seats on buses due to "my condition" which was mortifying because I was just very fat.

Weight is a huge topic of conversation in my dad’s side of the family. They’re all vain af, with no reason to be. I’m very LC with them.

I didn't think it was in the least offensive.

It’s not ok to ever say anything negative about anyone’s physical appearance. What does commenting achieve? The phrase ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all’ is really what you need to think.

If the thing you are pointing out can't be changed within a few seconds, dont mention it. For example, telling someone they have sauce on their face is fine as it can we wiped off. They will probably thank you. Pointing out someone has put on weight is pointless (and nasty). You don't know what they are going through, and chances are they already know and don't need anyone pointing it out !!!

What does the person get out of telling someone they look fatter/older/tired?

My dad died last year and mum is struggling. She couldn’t eat for a long time and lost a lot of weight. Last week her SIL told her she’d seen photos of her on Facebook and she looked ‘terrible, really bad.’

What’s the motivation for that? Mum was so upset after that phone call. As she said herself ‘I know I look awful.’

People who have put weight on are rarely unaware. I imagine very few people would go up to someone and say “you’ve got really bad skin, you really should drink more water and use clearasil”

Personal remarks are rude. Personal remarks couched in fake concern for someone’s health are doubly rude

No, never!! It's absolutely disgusting.
If course your body changes whilst pregnant.
I gained 3.5 stone and it was gone literally 10 days after I gave birth. I had HG whilst pregnant and blood pressure problems, with water retention. I was worried and stressed enough without being upset about my weight.

Thankfully my friends /family are sensible to not have made comments, but I often get annoyed at those who make them to others.

@PurpleDaisies

I always put weight on my stomach which can make me look pregnant. I am childless not by choice. Being asked if I am is awful.

Over the years I have perfected the death stare and a cold “you know you’re asking a very personal question that some women could find very upsetting?” That usually shames the questioner into embarrassment and hopefully stops them ever asking anyone else.

It’s never ok to comment like that.

I actually have started calling people out on this behavior! Whether they ask me or another person. It annoys me so much!

Mother is laws are prime for this shit

Why?

Just why?

If your a mil. Dont do it. It just ruins your relationship and you will effect your potential relationship with any grandkids if you carry on with this crap.

People always say we need to talk about things more so they stop being taboo and better help is provided. MH, physical ilnesses, stress, life issues... Anything but weight it always seems.

It’s incredibly rude and never okay to make a comment about someone’s weight - in either direction.

I’ve had it so many times. No one realises it’s due to either steroids (putting on weight) or chemo - losing weight. (For lupus). Hate it. I don’t want to have to explain myself and neither should I have to.

@ridemesideway

What does the person get out of telling someone they look fatter/older/tired?

My dad died last year and mum is struggling. She couldn’t eat for a long time and lost a lot of weight. Last week her SIL told her she’d seen photos of her on Facebook and she looked ‘terrible, really bad.’

What’s the motivation for that? Mum was so upset after that phone call. As she said herself ‘I know I look awful.’

This is a perfect example.

Why do people think they need to voice their negative thoughts about someone's appearance. Think what you like but keep it to yourself.
I genuinely believe people only do it to feel better about themselves when they're feeling crap!
What your mum's SIL should have done is asked your mum 'how she's keeping, does she fancy company, need anything' etc.. Her comments just made her look like a twat