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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In hospital

340 replies

2under2howscary · 22/07/2021 22:25

Okay. So I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not.

I woke up this morning with sudden onset blurry vision, and severe headache.

Went to eye a&e were I was found to have pressure in the back of my eyes, so they decided to send me straight to a&e

I went sent straight to a&e as told. I've had a CT can (awaiting results) where they're querying a blood clot or intercranial hypertension.

My partner works away. Tonight he is 2 hours away in Preston. He's gone out for dinner with his work friends which is fine. Here is where I may be unreasonable.
I asked him not to get drunk in case I needed him tonight, or for whatever reason he had to drive back. He agreed three times.

I've just been texting him and he's drunk as anything. He says I'm having a pop for no reason, and just being argumentative and stopping him having drinks for no reason. He'll no doubt stop talking to me now.

So AIBU for asking him not to drink? Even though he's 2.5 hours away?

OP posts:
IcedSpice · 23/07/2021 10:34

I just have to get to the 31st July so he can send me that, before asking him to leave. I know many of you probably think that's weak and I should leave him now.

You do what you need to do, but dont get seduced by the mr nice guy if he senses you want him out

notalwaysalondoner · 23/07/2021 10:35

Yeah, I’m sorry OP, but the second the hospital decided to do more tests and didn’t send me home saying it was just a headache my DH would be there in hospital with me. I can’t believe he’s prioritised drinking with work mates over making sure you’re ok. Especially when you’ve got a little one at home - if he’s not with you he should be looking after your child, not out on the town while the grandparents deal with it… no point having a go at him now though while he’s out and drunk, but I would be absolutely fuming and considering my options, this really highlights he puts himself ahead of you at all times.

Original poster
2under2howscary · 23/07/2021 10:37

@IcedSpice He has a way of making it seem like it's all my fault he was an arsehole to begin with. That's why I haven't done anything about it, or spoke to anyone before.

I've told his mum how selfish he can be. She calls him a selfish git but then goes on to say how I know what he's like, you've just got to see through that.

OP posts:
IcedSpice · 23/07/2021 10:46

[quote 2under2howscary]@IcedSpice He has a way of making it seem like it's all my fault he was an arsehole to begin with. That's why I haven't done anything about it, or spoke to anyone before.

I've told his mum how selfish he can be. She calls him a selfish git but then goes on to say how I know what he's like, you've just got to see through that.

[/quote]
keep this thread close to you - remember we are only basing our comments on what you say here, but what you have put is pretty crappy

Nsky · 23/07/2021 10:47

Sort of rebelling being a parent, stupid man

Talk2thehand · 23/07/2021 10:48

Wishing you good luck and lots of strength to move on from him. I've been there with an abusive ex and life gets so much better when they aren't around making you feel bad all the time.

In regards to your pregnancy that is 100% your choice and no-one elses so I don't think it's right for people to be making comments on that.

My heart goes out to you I've experienced miscarriages as well and if my partner didn't bother to come to my 12 week scan or to the hospital when I was sick while pregnant after going through all that I'd know he was a complete selfish piece of shit. 🌺🌺🌺

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 23/07/2021 10:53

His bloody parents are enabling his behaviour op which is why he continues to behave like it.

If nobody makes him responsible for his own actions Hel always blame someone else.

Kick him out. Seriously Youl have this for life if not.

What a cock

RestingPandaFace · 23/07/2021 10:54

If you’ve been diagnosed with IH, even though it’s the least worst of what it could ha e been you are still in for a rough time, especially Ecuador you won’t be able to take any medication for it until the third trimester.

You are going to need your strength and resilience, do you really need him dragging you down also?

You are welcome to PM me if you want any more info or resources on IIH.

TrueRefuge · 23/07/2021 10:57

God this is one of the saddest things I've read on mumsnet. Sorry OP Sad

All I'll say is you deserve so much better. His behaviour is deplorable. Get the money from him at the end of the month and then get him out. And change the locks that day.

Even with a new little one on the way, you will do this far better on your own than with him. Gather your support people over the next week so that you can get rid.

I don't say this lightly. The fact he didn't come home when you were in a&e and asked not for an update so he could sleep, is just truly unforgiveable.

Flowers
Dragongirl10 · 23/07/2021 10:58

op l am so sorry you are worth much more than this....
My DH is not the most sympathetic, but when l was admitted to hospital with an ectopic pregnancy he flew back from Australia....... 4 hours after arriving for business.
drop the dead weight he is and plan a future with your lovely dcs without him.

Terhou · 23/07/2021 10:59

I've sat up all night knowing what to do. He pays me half the rent and bills at the end of each month. In my head. I just have to get to the 31st July so he can send me that, before asking him to leave. I know many of you probably think that's weak and I should leave him now. But, I know he would refuse to send across anything if I left him before then, and that would leave me and my LB massively in the hole.

I think that 's a good idea. You need time to get over this scare anyway, and you and your son need security.

Notimeforaname · 23/07/2021 11:04

Hi op. Good luck with your scan today. Smile

I also think it's sensible to wait til you have your rent money. It's not weak.

But also to echo what another poster said....stay strong about this. Because he will probably start to play the overly nice card because you're not answering his calls and playing up to him.

And we all know how that can grab you by the heartstrings and make you forget all the shit DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN !

You know who he is. You know who you are.
You will have a much happier life when you're living just for you and your babies. Flowers

MzHz · 23/07/2021 11:05

My mother didn’t check in on me when I was really sick with tonsillitis and caring for a reception aged child

I’ve never forgotten how that made me feel

For your situation, a and e, little boy AND PG?

No. Game over

It has to be because if you let this slide, what NEXT?

He could literally leave you for dead!

So yeah, wait it out til 2
31st and send him packing

PerciphonePuma · 23/07/2021 11:07

He sounds emotionally abusive

Notimeforaname · 23/07/2021 11:07

And if he doesn't play the overly nice card now...he will go the opposite way and say you're dramatic etc..

..so either way this man will present himself to you as a prick.

There will be no meaningful 'sorry' no realisation of what he did. No empathy,sympathy or regret. Nothing.

Do lnt let your children grow up in that kind of home. Your little boy needs to be taught how to love and respect. He wont get that watching his father treat you like dirt. Stop it now op.Flowers

Notimeforaname · 23/07/2021 11:08

Don't let *

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 23/07/2021 11:10

See through it to what? The even bigger cunt underneath?

Leave him. Wait until he transfers you the money then kick him out. Don't waste your life on him and ffs don't allow him to be a role model to your LB.

LtDansleg · 23/07/2021 11:11

If I were you I’d spend the next week collecting any evidence you may need to help with a child maintenance claim in the future.

Tistheseason17 · 23/07/2021 11:12

I know many of you probably think that's weak and I should leave him now
You are NOT weak. You are sensible. You are still ending it - and ending it on your terms. Stay strong and well.

Original poster
2under2howscary · 23/07/2021 11:13

What evidence is needed for child maintenance?

He isn't even on LB's birth certificate as he decided to go to work instead. He stupidly thought he could get me to sign it for him, even after I said multiple times that isn't the case.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 23/07/2021 11:14

Also..just to say I dont think you are weak at all. Quite the opposite!!!

How strong you must have been to go back and forth all day to different hospitals,getting tests,running around making sure your little boy had all he needed..all whilst having headaches and blurry vision and being pregnant!!

If it were me, I probably would have been found sitting on the ground a crying mess!!

You're clearly a very strong woman. You don't need him Wink

CaptSkippy · 23/07/2021 11:15

Some men only show their true colors when their partner it pregnant. They think she won't leave after that.
You situation sucks, but I am glad you are getting out (or making him leave) and waiting till the 31st seems like a sensible thing to do.

Jaxhog · 23/07/2021 11:18

Very, very unreasonable. My DH would be in the car driving home.

Jaxhog · 23/07/2021 11:21

Sorry, to clarify, HE's being unreasonable. Glad to hear you're chucking him out.

Fernando072020 · 23/07/2021 11:21

Please leave this man, op. He sounds absolutely horrible and nasty. You say he wasn't like this before but it's common for domestic abuse to start during pregnancy.

I understand why you want to wait until the end of the month but after that, please remember how he has treated you and don't brush it off.
A good, decent man would have jumped in the car as soon as you said you had been sent to a and e.