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Original poster

DS got very drunk - punishment or not?

185 replies

slyfa · 22/07/2021 21:19

Posting here for traffic

My son is 15. In the past, he's had sips of alcohol but never enough for him to get drunk. Today, he went out with a couple friends and they went to a field. Sons friends said that a few boys about 16/17 that go to their school went up to DS and asked him if he wanted to drink with them, DS said yes and left his friends. When he went back to them they said he was acting drunk which they thought was funny but then he told them he didn't feel well and he threw up, he wouldn't let them have his phone to call me or DH so one of them texted DD. When I got there, he was laying on the grass, drooling and he’d also wet himself and his friends were next to him asking him if he was ok etc. They don't know what he drank as he wouldn't tell them.

When we got home, he went to bed and we've been checking on him. DH thinks that tomorrow, when he's sober we should give him a punishment for getting so drunk, but I'm not sure if we should as surely this would be enough to stop him from getting drunk again (well for a while at least!).

Would you give him a punishment this time or just leave it?

OP posts:
EvilPea · 23/07/2021 08:23

I’d have more of an issue with the leaving his friends and going off thing.

EvilPea · 23/07/2021 08:25

Yes young women can be very vulnerable
So can young men Confused

ChainJane · 23/07/2021 08:28

Punish him not for the drinking of alcohol which is perfectly normal but because of the vulnerable state he put himself in, going off with strangers and taking unknown substances - refusing to tell his friends what he'd taken is the main problem here.

I think you need to share part of the blame though, if he's 15 but only had "sips" of alcohol it was bound to get out of hand when he first drank unsupervised. From about 12 he should be having low alcohol stuff eg shandies, by 14 he should be allowed a couple of cans of low strength beer like Foster's or Carlsberg. It's the only way he will be able to build up his tolerance and understand how much he can handle - otherwise he'll be the 18 year old making an ass of himself and getting himself into dangerous situations in a few years.

x2boys · 23/07/2021 08:28

@EvilPea

Yes young women can be very vulnerable So can young men Confused
Im very aware of that @Evilpea i was replying to a previous postould er who thought the Ds should have a moral lesson about how it would be worse for a young women.
JungleBeats · 23/07/2021 08:37

How is he this morning OP?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/07/2021 08:39

A stinking hangover, not to mention wetting himself, will v likely be punishment enough, won’t it? and a lesson for the future.

I was only 14 when I threw up in our snowy front garden after a party, and this was a very very long time ago. IMO my folks were right to think that feeling dreadful was punishment enough. In fact IIRC they found it mildly amusing.

LavenderAskew · 23/07/2021 08:41

What punishment does your DH like it should be?

Personally, Iif it were mine i'd wake him before 12 (to drink water) and to clean up what ever was consequence of his drinking (like wash the pee soaked and puked on clothes) the let him back to bed as a hungover person is annoying and it's pointless trying to resason with them.anyeay

The chances are he'll be feeling mortified if his friends don't think it's funny or cool that he drank. He does seem to have sensible enough friends seeing they made contact because they were concerned, rather than ignore it and not know what to do.

Choconuttolata · 23/07/2021 08:47

In my case at that age my mum telling all her friends who then all asked me how my head was repeatedly was embarrassing enough. I was hungover and mortified.

Think she also grounded me and withdrew allowance, but to be honest the constant adult teasing whilst I still felt so awful did more to put me off.

She also didn't let me sleep it off.

Mind you it was the first time, I had got home by myself and wasn't in such a dangerous state as your DS. Once he is less hungover have a serious conversation about the dangers of alcohol.

Branster · 23/07/2021 09:02

The worst out of all this is DS not wanting his friends to contact you for help. He must have been worried that your DH will want to punish him. He was correct on that assumption.
There's nothing worse than being worried about your parents reactions. As a parent, it's awful to realise your children are afraid of your reactions.
So no, please don't punish him. Use this as an opportunity to reinforce the fact that you, both of you parents, are here to support him when he needs you, when he's in trouble, no matter what.
As regards him starting on a no return path to drunkenness; I'd day he's learnt a harsh lesson and won't be doing it again.
His friends sound really nice and it's good he has that support that he trusts.
Hopefully the way you treat him today will make him realise he can also trust you and DH in extreme situations such as this one and he will do better from now on not to create trouble for himself.
Let the boy sleep it off, he must be feeling physically awful and the embarrassment of what happened would be quite terrible for him. Both of these ate harder punishments than what your DH could possibly impose. Your DH must have been as worried as yourself and wants to fix this with an action (natural reasoning) but building trust for the future is longer lasting and more beneficial.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/07/2021 09:02

I’d say the mother of all hangovers and the embarrassment of “Oh shit. What I did I do and say. Will be more than punishment enough. That’s not to say there shouldn’t be a very long conversation about the dangers of alcohol especially in this heat. Don’t do it while he’s sick though. He’ll wont be any fit state to take a blind bit of notice.

EvilPea · 23/07/2021 09:03

@x2boys
Ahhh sorry I misunderstood / misread it!!! And thought, well, it’s clear what I thought.
Sorry!! Flowers

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/07/2021 09:04

Let’s be honest who of us have never been there as teenagers. I’m certainly not going to pretend I haven’t

x2boys · 23/07/2021 09:05

[quote EvilPea]@x2boys
Ahhh sorry I misunderstood / misread it!!! And thought, well, it’s clear what I thought.
Sorry!! Flowers[/quote]
No worries 😊

lastcall · 23/07/2021 09:08

I'd take him in and try to get bloodwork. Sounds like they've spiked his drink(s) for a laugh. That's criminal.

Greenrubber · 23/07/2021 09:08

My brother got into a similar state at about 14

He was ill for days afterwards so he was not punished

I think he learnt his lesson anyway as he is 42 and has never had more than 1 or 2 drinks even at his wedding

I would explain about the consequences of being in that kind of state but I would not punish he won't live it down with his mates for a while

Ponoka7 · 23/07/2021 09:08

If you punish him he'll be even less likely to want you contacted if it ever happens again. He's had his punishment, humiliation and the sore head that he'll have today. This situation could happen until his early twenties and you want him to think whatever the circumstances he can call you for help.

inappropriateraspberry · 23/07/2021 09:13

Hell be punished enough from his friends I should think. They'll tease him for a bit and I'm sure he's certainly learnt his lesson!

Busybee5000 · 23/07/2021 09:16

Punishment enough, it sounds extremely embarrassing for him. Obviously have some good discussions about saying no, pacing yourself etc etc. We were all 15 once!

Original poster
slyfa · 23/07/2021 09:33

He seems ok today, although he is very hungover so he's still in bed. I think I will make him wash his clothes later and ill talk to him about the dangers of alcohol and getting very drunk and I'll ask him if he remembers what they gave him etc.

OP posts:
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 23/07/2021 09:58

Ah that's great news. Please talk to him about drugs too, but in a neutral and non-judgemental way (easier said than done, I know!). He will be offered them, he will almost certainly use them, if he hasn't already. I am afraid that is a fact of life for that generation. He will perceive you as being hypocritical if you drink alcohol yourself, yet lecture him on drugs, because his generation are quite judgemental about alcohol.

But he does need to think about the possible harms of drugs and how to minimise risk. Some strategies for saying no when he wants to can be helpful because the social pressure is intense, and can be empowering. The Frank website is excellent, if you're looking for more info.

Scottishskifun · 23/07/2021 10:01

I would go for the middle ground don't let him stay in bed, make him clean especially if it's something which smells slightly that's usually enough when someone is hungover to teach them a lesson.
Followed by a chat about risks of alcohol but tomorrow it's not going to sink in today!

HeavenHotel · 23/07/2021 10:16

OP, I'd be more concerned as to why he wouldn't give his mates his phone to call you.

We've all been there and most 15 year olds have had a drink in the park with their mates.

My DD will text me if she goes somewhere and there is drink. Just so I know. She also knows no matter how silly her or her mates are, if one of them gets too drunk and doesn't want to phone their parents. She MUST phone me or an ambulance. No matter what.

One of my awful fears for teenagers is them overdosing on drugs or drink and not getting adult help, for fear of being told off. Well done your son's mates.

We've all fucked up as teenagers, what's worrying is he didn't call you. He now knows the dangers of drinking, now he needs to know that no matter what, if it happens again. He must call you.

Twoforthree · 23/07/2021 10:24

Yes, he needs to realise that he can call on you no matter what trouble he’s in.

My niece rang her mum to retrieve her from a dodgy situation. My sister had to also “rescue” her friend who was too scared to ring her own parents. If my niece also hadn’t felt able to ring, the outcome could have been awful.

That trust is more important than punishment. Education is the path forward.

ViewFromHalfway · 23/07/2021 10:27

Given he was so against his friends contacting you, I'd be really worried any punishment would mean he's even less likely to phone you if he gets himself in trouble in the future.

I feel the most important thing here is driving home to him that you will ALWAYS come and get him if he needs you. I'd be going for angry and upset concern over how dangerous his actions were and how much he put himself at risk but no punishment.

CarnationCat · 23/07/2021 10:32

I wouldn't punish him. That's scary for him and you and DH...getting so drunk he's drooling and wet himself. We definitely haven't all been in such a state like that.

Hopefully he never wants to get in a state like that again. Did he take any drugs? I would sit him down and talk to him about how dangerous that was. Excessively drinking and also going off with people he doesn't know. He could have got alcohol poisoning, overdosed, choked on his vomit.

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